ARE YOU A DREAMER?

The fable of Perette and her milkpail is one of the oldest fables in the world.  You will even find it in The Arabian Nights. 

Perette was a girl who worked on a farm, and one day the farmer’s wife gave her a whole pail of milk for herself.  So Perette put the pail of milk on her head, for that is where they carried things in those days, and she set off to the market to sell it; and as Perette went she was dreaming her dreams.

Her dreams went something like this:

“I’ll sell this pail of milk, and with the money I get for it I’ll buy some eggs, and I’ll soon have some chicks, and I’ll keep them and I’ll fatten them, and when they are grown into hens, I’ll sell them.  And with the money I get for the hens, I’ll buy a little pig, and I’ll keep him and I’ll fatten him and I’ll sell him.”

And then she began to smile with anticipation. “And with the money I get for the pig, I’ll buy a real silk dress; and I’ll put on my dress, and I’ll go to the dance, and Robin will be there, and when he sees me all dressed in silk, he’ll ask me to marry, but I’ll show him how particular I am; I’ll toss my head and-“

And there and then, in her dream, she tossed her head, as she would do at Robin, and when she tossed her head, off fell the pail, and the milk all spilled, and all Perette’s dreams were gone.  Her castle in the air had come tumbling down. 

[copied from William Barclay’s DAILY CELEBRATION Volume 2, pp.249-250]

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Oh Hal! Why would you share such a disappointing story with us?

Are you saying that it’s wrong to dream?

Of course not!  Dreaming is a valuable means of picturing our future.  Dreams motivate us and help us to establish goals for our lives.  God has even used dreams to foretell the future in the Bible! 

Yet, to be described as a ‘dreamer’ is not typically thought of as a compliment.  Rather, it implies that a person has their head in the clouds and lives in a fantasy rather than reality.  Apparently their goals and aspirations are unrealistic. 

I’ve always been perplexed by the scripture from Joel 2:28 that is repeated by Peter on the day of Pentecost [Acts 2:17]:

‘And it shall be in the last days,’ God says, ‘That I will pour out My Spirit on all mankind; And your sons and your daughters will prophesy, And your young men will see visions, And your old men will have dreams;  [NASB]

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This passage captivated me as a young man, and now it sort of frustrates me.  I guess I’d rather see visions than dream dreams!  Yet, I readily confess that I’ve attained a season of life when I do more reflecting than envisioning. 

During a recent season when I was called back into the service of day-to-day ministry, I observed several times: “I have the passion for ministry, but not the energy.” 

I’ve not fully examined this realization, but I do recognize that it was deeply affected by Travis’ death in 2015.  Our lives were indelibly changed by this loss!  Debbie retired within two months; I retired a year-and-a-half later. 

In actuality I don’t remember many of my night dreams.  When I do, they are often ridiculous or occasionally involve someone from much earlier in my life! 

I also don’t daydream much.  To be honest, I did a lot more daydreaming when I was younger! 

I do know that I laughed a little too hard at a Facebook post this morning by my friend, Barbra Beatty:

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Perette’s dream was not evil.  It was the dream of a young girl!  It was a bit self-focused and simplistic, but it was innocent enough; the natural fantasies of a poor girl with grand visions.

If she made a mistake, we all know that it was in getting too caught up in her dream and forgetting what she was doing in the present.  In playing out her imagination, she tossed her head and the milk was gone! 

I suppose there’s a time for dreaming, but it’s definitely not while carrying a bucket of milk on one’s head!

FELLOWSHIP OF THE REDEEMED

I just read the following in Max Lucado's book, GRACE:

Find a congregation that believes in confession.  Avoid a fellowship of perfect people (you won't fit in), but seek one where members confess their sins and show humility, where the price of admission is simply an admission of guilt.  Healing happens in a church like this.  Followers of Christ have been given authority to hear confession and proclaim grace. "If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained" (John 20:23).   [pp.88-9]

While I was growing up, after prayer meeting on Wednesday nights, everyone went to their smaller 'class meeting'.  These groups were arranged by geographical areas.  I was part of the 'Mercer Road Class'.  My father was the 'class leader'.  I was the only kid that attended prayer meeting, so I was also the only kid to attend a class meeting.  

We went into a smaller room where we sat much closer together.  My dad would read a scripture and then ask questions.  I noticed pretty quickly that most people were fairly willing to give a testimony of praise; however, there were far fewer respondents when dad asked if anyone had any sin to confess.  The room usually fell into dead silence with little or no eye contact.  

When the meeting was over, we'd head home.  Along the way, dad would stop at a few homes to check on people who had missed the class meeting.  I sat in the car during those brief visits, so I don't know exactly the nature of what took place in those visits.  

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As a lifelong observer of human behavior, a pastor for many years and working with many people as a counselor, I can state the obvious: people don't feel comfortable confessing shortcomings, failures or sins!  It's humbling, even in some cases humiliating.  Saying things like the following is hard:

• I screwed up
• I fell off the wagon
• I relapsed
• I lost my job
• I binged on pornography
• I lost my temper
• I had an affair
• I cheated
• I've been struggling with depression
• My marriage is falling apart

I really can't imagine standing up some Sunday in my current church and saying any of the above!  There are about two hundred people in the room and I only know fifteen to thirty by name.  Most of the people are little more than strangers to me!  I think they're nice folks!  I enjoy worshipping with them.  But I'm not ready to stand up and confess my sins and failures to them in a public forum!  

I just checked the internet and found that Max continues to share preaching responsibilities at Oak Hill Church in San Antonio, Texas.  I also found that it is a church attended by about five thousand people!  I wonder if it meets the criteria that he mentions in the quote above?

Something is drastically wrong here!  As a counselor for many years, I can attest to the healing and unburdening that can result from confession.  I have gone to counselors repeatedly over the years to seek help and gain support in my personal journey.  Gaining the trust of a capable and compassionate counselor can be a healing salve!  I have also spent time with many who needed consolation, comfort and reassurance.  I have shared deep, intimate moments with scores of individuals and families who have found an opportunity for release and healing!  These sensitive moments are among some of my most precious memories from my years of ministry!  They are a sacred trust!

I have also been part of a number of small groups that have had a transformational impact on my life!  Some of these were a result of my many years of educational pursuits.  I found friendship, trust and a supportive environment in these groups!  On one occasion, I participated in a Roman Catholic group that met weekly in Pittsburgh for an extended time.  The worship, meditation, reflection and confession involved strengthened me and birthed new and meaningful friendships!

During those younger years I helped form Pastoral Support Teams for my conference within the Free Methodist Church.  As part of this program, I led a group of pastors in my local area for several years.  We were a diverse group in age, personality and experience.  Yet, I remember these meetings fondly and have no recollection of dreading them.  Some of the stories shared in that group still ruminate in my mind with great affection!

There's a thread here for those willing to see it.  The thread is intimacy.  Most of us have heard the transliteration of this word: 'into-me-see'.  It's true!  Baring one's soul to strangers is unspeakable!  However, unburdening oneself in a warm, trusting, caring environment is healing!  Assurances of confidentiality are ESSENTIAL!  No one wants their treasured words to be trumpeted on the prayer hot-line for the next week!  Breaches of confidentiality destroy community and trust!  A leader of a group must safeguard the intimacy of the group and deal immediately and sternly with those who break the bond of trust!  

I hope you see that these types of groups are EXTREMELY RARE!  Notice that I pursued most of these these group experiences outside of my tradition!  

I have been without such a connection for the last nine years.  I find that retirement and the exacerbation of my hearing loss have magnified my isolation!  I socialize far less now than at any other time in my lifespan.  I have become a loner.  

The last group that I had some measure of intimacy with was our Changchun Team in the People's Republic of China [2012-2015].  We shared a love for Christ, a mission for our work and geographical proximity.  Typically, our meetings took place on Sundays in one of our apartments.  We spent hours in conversation, study, and worship; and then, we almost always enjoyed a meal together!  The intimacy was high!  The love and caring was genuine!  If you want to speak negatively about any of the seven regularly involved in that group - don't do it around me!  😉

True intimacy creates a bond that doesn't quickly dispel.  

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During my active pastoral years, I was continually seeking the best ways to grow the kingdom of God!  On one occasion, I flew to Los Angeles to participate in two weeks of training with Pastor Rick Warren at the Saddleback Church.  It was a phenomenal experience - especially since I was in southern California while Ohio was experiencing extremely frigid temperatures with an abundance of snow [I called Deb every day to rub it in 😁].  

One of the principles that Rick taught was that we needed to be growing the church both 'large' and 'small' at the same time!  He drove this into our heads!  Yes, we want to expand the kingdom of God!  However, in doing so, we must preserve the nature and integrity of small groups that facilitate the intimacy required for spiritual growth!  

I went home and put what I'd learned into practice!  The church I was leading at that time was growing larger - having broken the 200-barrier and starting a second service.  To accompany this, we initiated seven 'Connection Groups' that met weekly [or bi-weekly] in homes to facilitate the need for personal accountability and intimacy!  

Recruiting and training leaders is hard work!  Convincing people of the value of participation in these groups is challenging!  But the benefits are remarkable and rewarding!  

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My last novel - NEVER UNREACHABLE - involves key characters who had fallen away from the church after raising their family.  However, when invited to a church that met largely in small groups they became revitalized and used mightily by God to impact the lives of lost and hurting people!  [Contact me for a copy or buy it on Amazon using 'Hal Haire - books'].  😊

Also feel free to contact me if you're interested in being a part of a group that has these qualities.  I have been contemplating beginning such a group for several years and still have the passion, need and interest in seeing it become a reality!  

SHAKING HANDS

I'm not a politician, but as a pastor I've shaken hands with lots of people over forty+ years in the ministry!  It's an automatic response in our American culture upon meeting or greeting people.  We begin this ritual when we're young and then continue it throughout our lives.  

Other customs exist in different cultures.  The French exchange a light kiss on each cheek.  Some Africans say: "I see you." with the response, "I see you, too!"  That may be the wisest since no bacteria is exchanged! 

Being a guy, I tend to prefer a masculine handshake: firm grip and a prolonged grasp that almost seems to say, "Who can squeeze the hardest."  It's kind of a 'thump your chest' exercise that we both walk away from feeling good.

I always made it a point to visit my siblings at least once a year.  For many years, my brother, Ira, lived in northcentral Pennsylvania.  It was farm country and particularly dairy farms.  When I would attend church with him, I met men who had been dairy farmers all their lives.  As much as I loved a firm handshake, some of these guys about brought me to my knees just by the power of their grip!  😆

Of course the hand shake is usually accompanied with words and eye contact.  If the words and/or eye contact are missing, what is the purpose of this activity.  Typically the words are:

• "Good morning"
• "Hello"
• "Long time - no see!"
• "How are you?"  [We don't really want to know, it's just a greeting.]
• For a while there younger people said:  "What's up?" or Wazzup?"

My late friend, Pastor Charlie Young, always gave the same greeting: "Nice to see ya!".  It never changed.  But when he said it, he sold it with this full-face smile and a noticeable twinkle in his eyes!  Something in me always wanted him to do it again!  When I run into him in Heaven I’ll look forward to getting that smile and greeting again!  😊

But there are some handshakes that are weak and annoying.  I've had people who just seem to give you their hand.  They don't grab yours in the way we might expect; they just give you their hand.  It sort of just hangs in your grip.  There's no squeeze, usually no eye contact and it ends when you get tired of holding their limp hand.   I suppose a counselor could make some guesses about this behavior.  Oh! I'm a counselor!  I think we'll save that discussion for a day when I'm feeling a bit more serious...

I got a reprieve from handshaking from 2012-2015.  We moved to northeast China to teach English for three years.  Handshaking in China is reserved for business meetings and those in the upper levels of the corporate and government worlds.  Instead, I learned to simply say 'ni hao' in exchanging greetings with the Chinese.  According the the Chinese/English Pinyin Dictionary, it means: "Hi", "Hello" or "How are you?"  

On one occasion - while in China - I was shopping with my friend Randy [who had lived in China many years and spoke Chinese quite well].  With my VERY LIMITED Chinese, I negotiated a purchase while he was accompanying me.  As the money was exchanged, I noticed that Randy spoke to the gentlemen.  Suddenly, they all began to laugh.  As we walked away, I asked Randy why the men were laughing.  He explained that he had told them that xia xia [Thank you!] was the only Chinese word I knew.  They seemed to get a kick out of that!  

After a lifetime of shaking hands, however, I may sadly have to begin refusing this cultural tradition.  I remember my father having arthritis in his hands during his later years.  He began his day dipping his hands in hot wax as a treatment.  I escaped the pain of this dreaded affliction for sixty-nine years, however, it has finally arrived and it seems to have packed its bags to stay!  

Like my father, it has settled in my hands - particularly my right hand.  I can no longer make a fist and my writing is almost illegible.  My grip is much weaker than it used to be.  The joints ache pretty much all the time.  

Now, Sunday is a dreaded day for me.  Those firm, 'tight-squeeze' handshakes now cause me excruciating pain.  It's difficult not to wince while this ritual takes place.  That testosterone-laced, extended tight-squeeze handshake that I used to enjoy so much?  Now, it humbles me!  

I'm thinking about getting a 'Sunday-go-to-meeting' shirt that says:  CAN WE SKIP THE HANDSHAKE AND JUST DO A SHOULDER BUMP?

So, if you see me heading for the door rather quickly, don't be offended.  It's a self-protection, pain-prevention escape!  

NO FAVORITES

Let's follow an Old Testament parenting thread.

Abraham had Ishmael as a result of his own scheme aimed at fulfilling God's promise of a son.  That didn't go well.  Eventually, he enriched Ismael and sent him away to begin his own mirror progeny.

Then, as an old couple well beyond child-bearing - let alone child-rearing age - Isaac was born to Abraham and Sarah.  An only child.  A miraculous child.  Elderly parents.  Surely he must have grown up as the center of favor from these two doting parents.

Eventually, Isaac married Rebekah.  They had two sons - Esau and Jacob - who were apparently competitors even while in the womb. These two sons were very different from one another.  Rebekah developed a special relationship with Jacob [the second-born], while Isaac took Esau - the firstborn and an outdoorsman - as his favorite!  

As these boys matured, Jacob ended up with the birth rite and blessing of his older brother through shrewdness and deceit.  Consequently, he had to flee the land for his own safety!  Only much later in life were they able to reconcile.

Jacob's story is long and complicated.  He married two sisters: Leah - who was given to him deceitfully - and Rachel, who was his true love.  The two sisters had a bitter and competitive relationship that eventually caused them to also give their servant girls to Jacob as a means of having more children.  Altogether, Jacob had twelve sons to these four women.  But he gave special love and attention to the eleventh-born, Joseph!  Joseph was Rachel's firstborn son!  Eventually, Rachel birthed another son, Benjamin, but then died as a result of a difficult birth.  

Jacob loved Joseph dearly - even making for him a special robe that was very colorful!  While his brothers worked with the flocks, Jacob gave Joseph the easy job of visiting them and carrying messages.  The ten older brothers grew to hate Joseph and eventually conspired to sell him into slavery.  

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There is much we can learn about parenting from these early, foundational stories.  Of course, the main thing we see clearly is that having a favorite child is a gross injustice to the other children.  It can foster all kinds of responses in our children.  

• children of favor may lord it over the other children
• those without the blessing are likely to develop jealousy and rivalry
• the embedded anger of not having received the blessing may initiate rebellion
• sibling relationships are fractured by bitterness and neglect
• children who don't gain favor are clearly aware of it and will try desperately to gain it
• sibling rivalries can be damaged for life because of the inequity of parents

It is natural for a parent to recognize that one of their children may be similar in nature to themselves.  However, acting on that observation by heaping special favors on that child is crossing a line that will inevitably damage the other child(ren).  

We must strive to maintain an effort of equity and genuine love with each of our children!  They are precious gifts from God and initially value our opinion and attention more than anyone else.  Our kids thrive on any attention we give them.  If they feel unjustly treated, they may even act out their anger.  In doing so, they will likely get negative attention from us - but in their immature way of thinking, at least negative attention IS ATTENTION!  

As parents, we must strive to keep the Golden Rule before us as we raise our children: "In everything [even parenting], in every circumstance, do to others as you would have them do to you."  [The Voice Bible - Matthew 7:12].  

We must love all of our children and seek to distribute that love AND ATTENTION to all of them equally!  They must never have a sense that we favor one over another!  To do so can cause irreparable damage!  

Parenting is a massive responsibility!  We are shaping lives and overseeing their development in hopes of forming in them loving, compassionate, creative and capable adults who can and will make meaningful contributions through their gifts, talents, passions and skills!  Something that we will eventually be so proud of!  

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Kind, loving and gracious God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

Bless and help those who are still actively involved in the parenting role.  With multiple children, it can be exhausting and exasperating.  

But this role is so worth it!  You have enabled us to birth children as a result of our love for one another as husband and wife! It is miraculous!  It brings us so much joy and pride!  We are so grateful to You for allowing us this wonderful privilege of raIsing our children!

But, we're not always well-equipped for this role.  Some may not have been raised by loving parents.  Some may not have had both parents available to them while growing up.  Some will have matured in unhealthy environments where they were frequently left to make their own way.  Our culture has deteriorated and, unfortunately, the family system has suffered greatly.  

But You are a ready resource and You are ever available to teach us, comfort and equip us for this blessed responsibility.   Your Word has tons of instruction and models for us to examine and learn from!  Your Spirit lives within us and is an ever-present source of peace and inspiration!  We need it regularly and depend on You to be our divine Helper!  

Help us today and every day to raise our children to love You, serve You and please You!  

For the Kingdom's sake.  Amen.

GOD ALWAYS HAS A PLAN!

 I've been mulling over the part of Joseph's story as recorded in Genesis 39.  If you need reminded and don't want to take the time to read it:

• Joseph's jealous brothers sold him to a passing caravan of traders.
• They took him to Egypt where he was sold as a slave.
• Pharaoh's captain of the guard bought him as a personal servant.
• Joseph proved himself to be quite helpful in the running of this home.
• Potiphar gave him complete authority having noticed that "the Eternal One was with Joseph and caused everything Joseph did to prosper." [v.3]
• Being a handsome and fit man, Potiphar's wife sought out a sexual relationship with Joseph. 
• Joseph explained his need to honor Potiphar and the role he had given Joseph in the household.
• However, one day she grabbled him by his coat and tried again to seduce him.
• He left his coat in her hand and ran from the house.
• She used the coat to her advantage and claimed that Joseph had tried to force himself upon her.
• When he heard her report, Potiphar was angry and placed Joseph in prison.

What a devastating set of circumstances!  Joseph does the right thing, but ends up being punished for it!  Life can seem so unfair at times!  What is a person to do in unjust situations like this?

Well, Joseph just kept on using the organizational gifts that God had given him!  He persevered in his hardship!

Lo and behold, the jailer soon saw the skill and loyalty of Joseph and put him in charge of all the king's prisoners.  "Whatever needed to be done, Joseph was the one to do it." [v.22]

"The chief jailer, like Potiphar, didn't need to worry about anything that was in Joseph's care because the Eternal One was with him.  And whatever Joseph did worked out well because the Eternal made it so."  [v.23]

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So many of us are wired similarly: when bad things happen we are easily discouraged and blame God for our situation.

The reality is that sometimes bad things just happen.  Corrupt people set traps for us and we get caught in them.  Potiphar's wife has lots of company in our world today!  There is a bounty of evil-minded people who think nothing of destroying others.  

How wrong we are to blame God for every bad thing that happens to us!  We make two primary mistakes:

FIRST,

We blame God when He is also grieving over the devastating circumstances we find ourselves in!

How must God feel when we shut Him out or turn against Him when He loves us so much?  He always sees the bigger picture and knows the real reasons for our unfortunate situation.  He mourns with us that things have gone badly and we're suffering!  

SECOND,

We are so distracted by anger and feelings of injustice that we fail to turn to Him for deliverance!

We MUST REMEMBER WHO WE SERVE!  This great God can do anything!  His resources and connections are unlimited, yet we block His ability to help by our anger and withdrawal.

Joseph didn't get angry with God!  He just kept on using the gifts that God had given him and trusted that the Eternal One would work on his behalf!

Why can't we take this posture?  Why do we so consistently take the anger route?  Why do we attempt to close God off from our lives instead of turning TO HIM?

We shoot ourselves in the foot, and many of us do this over and over again!  when will we ever learn?

God loves us and is always working on our behalf!  We need to trust Him and give Him time to work out His plan!

Maybe some of us need to print this page out, fold it up, and carry it in our wallet or pocketbook?  Let's change our way of thinking!  Let's trust the One who is in all, above all, and over all!  Praise His Name forever!  Amen!  

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If you have 4 1/2 minutes to be blessed, listen to this song by Don Moen: 

CONFESSION OF A SEAT-STEALER

It's true!  I steal seats.  I rarely get called on it, but yesterday in church, Cheri Ponziani sat in the seat behind me before church began.  She tapped me on the shoulder and told me that where I was sitting was her favorite seat in the whole sanctuary.  She explained that she loved it because of the sun shining in on her!  I began to offer to surrender her spot, but she insisted that I stay and enjoy it.  I did!

It's not an evil thing that I do.  I guess I'm just sort of an iconoclast.  I like to take different perspectives.  As a hearing-disabled person, I have also discovered that I hear better in certain areas of the sanctuary.  

I'm not prejudiced about the seats I steal.  Sometimes I know that I'm sitting where someone else usually sits - call me mischievous.  😉  However, most of the time I just saunter in and head in the opposite direction from last Sunday!  

And yes, by-the-way, if you're wondering - I did this in college and seminary classes too!  It's remarkable to me what creatures of habit we are!  Why do we tend to claim the same spot so persistently?  

I was raised in the Free Methodist Church and worked in that environment for forty-four years.  We often get asked what we're free from - usually accompanied by a silly smirk.  I'll spare you the lesson in the history of the Free Methodist Church, but I will enlighten you enough to know that part of the reason for our departure from the Methodist Episcopal Church around 1860, was because they sold/rented their pews.  The original founders of the FMC felt that this was unjust to the poor and cited it as one of the reasons for separating from the Episcopals.

So, perhaps my penchant for stealing seats is embedded in me as a result of my denominational heirs [or Haire's].  

Notice that through the years this has not been much of a problem for my wife and family.  For most of those years I had a reserved seat on the platform.  Hmmm...maybe that's partly why I so thoroughly enjoy stealing seats at this stage of my life?  I've finally attained the satisfaction of 'seat-selecting-freedom'!  

But, in my post-retirement years, Debbie has struggled with my penchant for stealing seats.  Since I drop her off at the door, she often goes in and gets settled ahead of me.  When I do enter, I have no idea where she's sitting because she's so friendly that she's moving around talking with people.  So, I plop down in my selection of the morning.  Eventually, she sees me [or is told about my location by someone] and gathers up her stuff to join me.  She's a very patient woman and I love her to pieces!  She puts up with a lot of my specific idiosyncrasies!

So, anyway, I feel better for airing my confession!

By the way, if I happen to sit in your seat some Sunday, please don't be offended.  Perhaps you could consider it a nudge to observe worship that week from a different perspective.  Besides, I am not a trouble-maker.  if you ask nicely - and slip me $10 - I will gladly steal someone else's seat!  😊  

A COMMON TEMPTATION!

In Genesis 39, we read the story of how Joseph was brought as a slave to Egypt.  There, he was sold to Potiphar "an officer of Pharaoh himself and captain of the guard, himself an Egyptian..." [v1 All quotes from The Voice Bible unless otherwise noted.  The Voice Bible prints words that are not in the original text in italics/]

God favors Joseph in his new role and causes the household of Potiphar to prosper remarkably.  So much so, that Potiphar puts Joseph in charge of his entire household!  

Now Joseph was a well-built, good-looking young man.  After a while, his master's wife began watching him, and she tried to seduce him.  

[She said:] "Come. Sleep with me."

But Joseph refused.

When she kept pursuing and pressuring him, David responded very directly:

Look, please don't take offense, but with me in charge, my master has no concern for anything that goes on in his house.  He has trusted me with everything he has.  He hasn't treated me like I am anything less than he is, and he hasn't kept anything from me - except, of course, for  you because you are his wife.  Why would I do something so clearly wrong and sin so blatantly against God?

 Although she pursued him day after day, Joseph would not consent to sleep with her and refused to be alone with her.

One day, however, when he went into the house to do his work while no one else was in the house, she grabbed him by his clothes and tried again to seduce him.

[vs.8-12]

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THE DILEMMA

• Joseph is a slave who has gained the trust of his master.
• Joseph is a handsome man.
• He is also a godly man who recognizes that he has received God's favor.
• Potiphar's wife desires to have a sexual relationship with Joseph.
• He rebukes her invitations and attempts to help her to understand that he can't break his trust with Potiphar and he refuses to sin against God!
• She sets a trap for him and then accuses him of attempting to rape her when he avoids her trap!
• Potiphar believes the report of his wife and places Joseph into jail.

SEX IS A POWERFUL TEMPTATION

As a male writer, I can speak best to the masculine experience.  Sex is an unrelenting and persistent source of temptation.

While serving as the lead associate pastor at a fast-growing, highly effective church, my ministry was largely focused on men.  We were running three packed-out services every Sunday morning.  There were a lot of beautiful women who attended the church!  I knew that the men were struggling with this reality because some of them began asking me how to handle the sexual temptation and thoughts that were aroused in them - JUST BY ATTENDING CHURCH!  

I came up with an idea and began suggesting to the men that they sit in the front row of the church.  By doing so, they would protect themselves against trying to peer at beautiful women while they were in worship.  A few of the men gently persuaded their wives to join them in the front row.  Then, the word caught on!  More and more men began escorting their wives to sit at the front of the church!  Before long, the first three or four rows were packed - from side-to-side - with these men and their wives!

That's when the lead pastor - who happened to be a woman - walked into my office and asked what was going on!  😂

IS THERE ANY HELP? 

Many men struggle with the desire to remain faithful to God but are subjected to billboards, television, attractive women they encounter or see during their day, and the fact that they likely carry a porn shop in their pocket!  

For many Christian men, it is simply an exhausting enterprise.  

Unfortunately, their churches offer little or no help with this struggle!  The subject of sex is rarely addressed and when it is, the subject is often handled poorly with little practical advice.  

Like so many other addictions, accountability is what is needed.  Men need to be part of a band of brothers with common goals and an opportunity to talk openly and confidentially.  They need to be able to identify with other men who are also struggling to maintain sexual integrity.  They need an environment that is forgiving, encouraging, persistent, faithful and tough!  

They need to be able to say, "I blew it this week and binged."  They need a group who will help them dissect the experience and figure out what the triggers were that caused the lapse.  They need to be helped to grow from the experience and put protocol in place to prevent it from happening again!  They need a core group who will hold their feet to the fire and contact them between meetings with prayers, advice, check-ins, and even shared lunches to keep one another on track!  

Imagine what a great resource a group of men like this could be to a youth pastor who is trying to train youthful boys to walk in integrity in their sexual lives?  

Imagine the marriages that could be strengthened and preserved by a ministry that offered this kind of support to men who are struggling to be faithful - like Joseph - in the 21st century.

Imagine the support that could be available to men who have just lost their wives and are adjusting to life as a widower.

Older men should not be excluded from these support systems.  The difference between sexual drives of men and women are significant.  Older men still deal with the same temptations and often feel frustrated and guilty because of these unwanted desires.  

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WHAT ABOUT WOMEN?

I'll leave the addressing of the female needs, responses and temptations to another writer.  

As a long-term pastor, I can say that there needs to be dialogue between women of all ages on the topic of sex and sexual sin.  Younger women need guidance and courageous female leaders who will speak out and give them suggestions for how to navigate the complexities of sex in our age.  

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God made us as sexual beings!  He set limits on the use of this wonderful part of our male/female relationship!  He honors those who revere those guidelines!  God deals graciously with those who violate His purposes - but return through repentance!  God certainly intended this part of our marriage relationship to be fulfilling, enjoyable and an expression of our love for one another throughout our married lives!