YOU READ MY JOURNAL? 😱

It occurred to me this morning as I read one of David’s psalms, that it would be very similar to someone finding our personal journal and reading it. 

The concept of keeping a diary is embedded in many cultures. What an amazing treasure are the endearing words of Anne Frank!  This image of a young girl [they seem more prone to diary-keeping than boys] confiding her deepest thoughts and observations into a diary and then keeping it hidden for fear of discovery is commonplace. 

But many have practiced this art form through the centuries, and continue to do so to this day. 

There is something that resides within many of us that yearns for expression.  To think the thoughts or hold the moments in our memories is not enough.  There is a compulsion to write it down, perhaps for future reflection or just for memory’s sake. 

Certainly David never dreamed that people would be reading his deepest thoughts and prayers three thousand years later!!!! 

Clearly, some of his writings came from younger years when his occupation was guarding his father’s sheep.  We also know that he was skilled to play various stringed instruments, so it isn’t difficult to imagine him playing and singing his songs for an audience of One!  It’s likely that Psalms 1 and 23 were created during this early period. 

Take a minute to think about the dynamic impact that Psalm 23 has had on multiple millions of readers over the centuries.  Its words offer us instruction, assurance, comfort and hope!  Many have committed it to memory because of its impact on their lives!

Later – as a young man – David was recommended to King Saul as a source of peaceful reflection to minister to his episodes of depression and rage.  This demonstration of music therapy clearly had an extremely positive impact on Saul – so much so that he kept David close as an available resource! 

Many have declared the benefits of having these many psalms of David.  In these writings, he expressed a massive variety of emotions before God.  He praises, honors, expresses joy, celebrates and worships.  However, we also find him:

• Crying out for help
• Raging against his enemies
• Manifesting despair
• Emoting anger
• Mourning his sinfulness
• Creatively expressing his devotion to God
• Calling down God’s justice on those who do evil

So many have found comfort and courage in David’s psalms!  The Holy Spirit conveniently located them in the very middle of our Bibles so that if we open it halfway, we are likely to be in the middle of the psalms! 

This is the book from which pastors and liturgists draw most of their ‘Calls to Worship’ and ‘Responsive Readings’. 

We admire David’s wisdom in expressing himself so openly and candidly throughout his life! He has given us a literary treasure of untold wealth! 

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Have you discovered the value of writing or recording your thoughts, concerns, joys, sorrows, prayers and feelings? 

Word processing and storage systems have taken this practice to new levels. Although some may still utilize books and journals for these purposes, many have opted for more contemporary methods.

I recently was privileged to teach – for a series of weeks – a women’s Bible study group. In one of the lessons, I shared a very personal practice that I have adapted over the years.

I frequently type out prayers in the early morning hours of my day. These are VERY PRIVATE prayers that are only between me and God! I confess my sins and call on Him for help in reforming me. I spare no details. It’s raw. I am painfully open and honest with Him. Remarkably, it’s a healing process for me. It helps me to remember how corrupt and dependent on His grace I am!

----------------------------- And when my devotional time is over, I delete the document!

 

You see, I’m not much different from the young girl who hides her diary so that no one will discover her secret thoughts and desires. 

I am not proud of the ways that I fail my Savior. I had such high spiritual expectations as a young man entering the ministry. Back in that day, we held our ministers in high esteem. I was one of the youngest pastors in the Pittsburgh Conference. I tried to be fully supportive. I attended all the prescribed conference meetings.  At one of those meetings, an older, mature pastor gave a presentation on the topic of ‘eradication’.  It was a belief that existed in Free Methodism [and other ‘holiness’ groups] that taught that there were two works of grace for the believer.

The first work of grace was salvation. This was accepting Christ as our Savior!

The second work of grace was called sanctification. [Some would later define this in charismatic terms as being a result of being filled with the Holy Spirit.]  At the time of this teaching, we were taught that after one walked with God for a period of time, He simply eradicates [deletes] our sinful nature. 

I recall a very popular evangelist who held a revival in my home church.  While preaching on this theme, he declared publicly that he had not sinned in over ten years! I was a young teen at this time and remember thinking that he was teaching something untrue. I felt the same way as a young pastor sitting under the tutelage of one of our senior leaders. 

You see, my experience parallels that of David’s. I cleanse myself daily, yet find it difficult to remain clean all day.  Just as I wash my hands before supper, I find that I must repeatedly wash my mind and soul before God! 

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Well, this has gone on long enough.  Let me close with an observation that I’ve referenced before.  It comes from the life of the great Apostle Paul.

As a younger leader trying to establish himself as an apostle of equal standing with Peter James, John and the others, Paul repeatedly identified himself in letter after letter as an apostle. He was clearly attempting to gain acceptance and authority by repeating this claim. He was indirectly emphasizing the fact that he was God’s choice as the twelfth apostle!

 

“I, Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ…”            [Romans 1:1, I Corinthians 1:1, II Corinthians 1:1, Galatians 1:1, Ephesians 1:1, Philippians 1:1, Colossians 1:1, I Thessalonians 2:6,         I Timothy 1:1, II Timothy 1:1, Titus 1:1]

 

 

However, as Paul matured in his faith and as a leader, his proclamation exhibited a tone of significant humility:

 

I Corinthians 15:9

For I am the least of the apostles and am unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.

 

 

Toward the end of his life, Paul focused on maturing younger leaders in the realization that Christ may not return during his lifetime. In writing to his young protégé, Timothy, he made a remarkable confession

 

I Timothy 2:15

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst.”:

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God our Father,

Jesus our Savior, and

Holy Spirit our Helper,

Thank You for Your marvelous grace!

Thank You for being SO WILLING to forgive us repeatedly!

Help us to avoid the sin of presumption and spiritual pride.

Remind us persistently that pride goes before a great fall.

Give us wisdom to see You more clearly,

To love You more dearly!

And to follow You more nearly!

AMEN

DAVID'S JOURNALS

Maybe its a stretch to say that the psalms are from David's journal, but of the 150 psalms in our Bible, 75 of them are attributed to David.  They tell the story of David's life!  Surely, Psalm 23 was written during his young years when he was spending much of his time watching his father's sheep!  The leisure of this role may have allowed him to develop skills on simple stringed instruments.  He had plenty of time to reflect on God and His goodness!  From the rest of his psalms we find reflections on various times - good and bad - throughout his remarkable career.  

What an amazing archive of resources for us to turn to 3,000 years later!  Psalms of comfort, joy, conflict, urgency, and praise that speak to our lives and situations with cutting edge accuracy!  They are indeed a treasure; although originally they were just the musings of a man's heart and mind.  

For David, most of these private thoughts must have simply been memorized and repeated periodically as part of his private worship.  Yet somewhere along the way, someone wrote them down and they became a written treasure that would nourish the children of Israel [and us] many years later!

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There is value in recording our thoughts.  I often just open a new document and start writing a prayer to God.  I just re-read one that's been open since I wrote it probably two months ago [I should have dated it].  It reflects on the changes that had taken place in my life as a result of accepting the role of 'Interim Pastor' at The Foundery.  

This process has a release to it!  Somehow, I feel better about my life and my situations after I have written/prayed.  

The adjective therapeutic can be traced all the way back to the Greek word therapeutikos (from therapeuein, meaning “to attend” or “to treat”). Although the word relates to healing or soothing, therapeutic isn’t reserved only for drugs or medical treatments.   [vocabulary.com]

Some of us are wired to find relief through writing.  Our thoughts and feelings flow out through our fingers.  On some occasions, these collections find their way to a larger audience.  Consequently, others receive help because someone initially expressed their thoughts and they became published for others to read.  We benefit vicariously from the disciplines and reflections of others.  This is a good thing!  

Can you imagine the comfort that has been gained over the centuries by people who have reflected on the meaning behind David's 'Twenty-Third-Psalm'?  In the King James Version it includes 118 words.  The most significant are:  Lord, want, still waters, restores, righteousness, staff, rod, comfort, overflows, forever.  These words ministered to David first; then, through the years they have brought comfort, encouragement and strength to countless others!  

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I must confess that I have some reservations about this.  Occasionally [okay, more than occasionally] my journal became a place to vent my thoughts and feelings.  I've made no secret of the fact that I've wrestled with periods of depression that began when I was about forty.  My entries painfully reflect the anger, despair and desperation I was experiencing.  

I have a 'to-do list' of projects that I hope to accomplish before I move on to Heaven - which is, of course, my hope!  One of those projects is to go through those journals and rip some pages out!  I may or may not fulfill this plan.

David's psalms reflect his deepest and darkest experiences.  An example would be Psalm 51, where he confesses following his indiscretions with Bathsheba!  The great Apostle Paul responds to the posers of his day with a kind of tirade reflecting on the many inconveniences and painful experiences that he had endured while serving his Lord [II Corinthians 11:21-33]!

On a more secular note, consider the revelations we benefitted from of a young girl who faithfully recorded her personal experiences of the tragedies in Germany during Hitler's tyrannical leadership in THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANK!  

During my lifetime, we were graced by the presence of a tried and true believer.  We simply came to know her as 'Mother Teresa'.  Her servanthood was internationally known, respected and adored!  She modeled a humility that we admired.  Most of us came to think of her as a living saint!  

From the fly-leaf of MOTHER TERESA: The Private Writings of the "Saint of Calcutta":

A moving chronicle of her spiritual journey - including moments, indeed years, of utter desolation - these letters reveal the secrets she shared only with her closest confidants.  She emerges as a classic mystic whose inner life burned with the fire of charity and whose heart was tested and purified by an intense trial of faith, a true dark night of the soul.  

Who would have imagined?  With intentional humility, I wonder if she did us a disservice by hiding these struggles.  Might her spiritual impact have been even more significant if she had been transparent about these struggles of the soul?  

But the writings of a soul bent toward God will inevitably include reflections of pain and suffering!  Our walk with Him is not protected from troubles and stresses!  Jesus is the one who said: [John 16:33]

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

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I fully recognize that most people will not take the time to journal their thoughts, feelings and experiences.  It is a practice of a minority.  But thanks be to God for those who have recorded these experiences - the heights and depths of their walk with God!  

Special thanks to those whose diaries have become part of the Holy Scriptures!  But thanks also to those who have lived less significant lives, yet have given us penetrating exposés of their journey!