TURNING TO A COUNSELOR

While reading I Samuel 1, I noticed an incident of pastoral counseling. 

Hannah is barren.  Her husband, Elkanah, loves her dearly.  However, Elkanah’s other wife, Peninnah, taunts Hannah relentlessly. 

Hannah is distraught.

On a yearly trip to worship God and make sacrifices, Hannah “slipped away quietly and entered the sanctuary."  Eli is on duty at the time. 

“Crushed in soul, Hannah prayed to GOD and cried and cried – inconsolably.  Then she made a vow” that if God answered her prayer for a son, she would dedicate the son to the Lord’s service! 

Now, her praying was silent – only her lips moved.  Eli was watching and assumed that she was drunk.  He began to reprimand her. 

She explained her situation, “Don’t for a minute think that I’m a bad woman.  It’s because I’m so desperately unhappy and in such pain that I’ve stayed here so long.” 

Eli answered her, “Go in peace.  And may the God of Israel give you what you have asked of him.”

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It’s a brief encounter between a suffering woman and a leader who has a pastor’s heart.  

She is hurting deeply and, in desperation, cries out to God. 

The pastor/counselor intervenes – even if out of a misunderstanding of the situation. 

She explains her plight to him.  He listens attentively and sees the depth of her pain. 

She tells him of the vow she’s just made.

He senses her sincerity. 

Having completely bared herself to him, he offers her consolation and the peace of God, adding his own prayer that her cry will be answered by Almighty God! 

Upon returning home, Elkanah sleeps with Hannah and she conceives a son.  Samuel [‘I asked God for him’] is born within the year.  She nurtures him for several years and then takes him to Eli to enter the service of God! 

Samuel becomes the last ‘Judge’ of Israel and a great prophet who anoints the first two kings of Israel:  Saul and David! 

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Over the years, since obtaining my counseling degree, I’ve been privileged to work with hundreds of couples, many families and individuals!  Some of those relationships were brief, others long-lasting.  Some of these relationships were beneficial, producing greater health, satisfaction and new direction. 

I wasn’t always able to connect with people.  I’ve consistently taught that there are many factors involved in connecting with a counselor.  If one isn’t able to help, don’t give up!  Try again with a different counselor!  They vary in skill, personality, approach, experience, and compassion – trying only one is potentially depriving yourself of the help you so desperately need! 

I’ve personally turned to counselors a number of times in my life and have been helped by their intervention. 

It can be very rewarding to gain a new perspective on your situation and be given previously unconsidered options for your problem or dilemma.  

Regaining a sense of understanding and balance in your life is vitally satisfying!  Peace is restored.  Joy is renewed.  Hope is re-ignited.  Prayers are answered.  Thanks be to God! 

DO NOT DECEIVE YOURSELVES

This title is Paul's advice to us from I Corinthians 3:18.  The slope of self-deception is slippery and all of us find ourselves sliding down it from time to time.  It's a human frailty to hold others to a higher standard than we hold ourselves to.  

Henrietta Mears writes:  

"Everyone has four faces - one the world knows, one our friends know, one we know ourselves, one God knows.  Paul describes this in I Corinthians 4.  There are three courts before which we stand:

People - 4:3

Our own conscience - 4:3

Jesus Christ - 4:4" 

There's a regression in these steps:

1. People in the world think I'm ok.
2. My friends think I'm a pretty good guy.
3. I know the truth and am aware of the evil thoughts that can consume me.
4. God knows the truth and whether or not I'm serious about being His man.

In facing this reality, Paul faces squarely what it means to be human and reminds us why we need confession as a part of our daily prayers.  

We have a natural tendency to let ourselves off the hook for those

• inappropriate thoughts
• feelings of jealousy and envy
• times when we simply say 'No' to God's leadings
• lustful imaginations
• longings for vengeance
• hateful attitudes
• etc.

We compare ourselves to others and think, "I'm not so bad."   

But the problem is:  We're not compared to others;  we're held against the standard of God's holiness!  

I know:  it doesn't seem fair!  It's an unattainable goal!  Only God is holy!  How can we be expected to meet such a goal?  I can't help these thoughts and feelings.  They're part of being human.  

I've lost the source for this quote:  "I may not be able to stop a thought from flying through my mind;  but I can prevent it from landing and making a nest."  

Keep in mind that God has made provision for our stubbornness and sinfulness:  it's called forgiveness.  All God requires is that we ask for it.  I John 1:9 begins with the words, If we confess our sin...

Clearing the slate daily is the best course of action!  Our problem - in the cluttered culture of the 21st century - is that this process takes deliberateness and time.  You can't very well do it on-the-run.  

So, we must find a few moments each day to get in His presence and allow Him to clean our conscience.  This may mean:

• eating lunch alone instead of with the crowd
• using the drive-time to work
• rising a few minutes earlier than usual
• pulling away from the television for a few minutes in the evening
• kneeling at our bed before climbing into it
• be creative - you can find your own moments for quiet introspection!

The Apostle Paul enjoyed knowing that God had cleaned his conscience:

Acts 20:26,27,33-34 (NASB)

Therefore, I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all men.  For I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole purpose of God…I have coveted no one’s silver or gold or clothes.  You yourselves know that these hands ministered to my own needs and to the men who were with me.

Samuel also was proud that he had lived a clean life:

I Samuel 12:2-4 (NIV) 

As for me, I am old and gray, and my sons are here with you. I have been your leader from my youth until this day. Here I stand. Testify against me in the presence of the Lord and his anointed. Whose ox have I taken? Whose donkey have I taken? Whom have I cheated? Whom have I oppressed? From whose hand have I accepted a bribe to make me shut my eyes? If I have done any of these things, I will make it right.”

“You have not cheated or oppressed us,” they replied. “You have not taken anything from anyone’s hand.”

Samuel said to them, “The Lord is witness against you, and also his anointed is witness this day, that you have not found anything in my hand.”

“He is witness,” they said.

These were not super-spiritual men;  they were mere human beings!  Just like us!  If they could do it - so can we!  

"Lord, I yield myself to thee, All I am or hope to be - Now and thru eternity, With thy Spirit fill me."  - Oswald J. Smith (1940)

 

SAMUEL'S SONS

I've always been intrigued by the biblical record of Samuel.  From his mother's pleading for a son to his miraculous birth to his strange rise to authority in Israel as the last judge and great prophet.  To read about him, look at the early chapters of I Samuel - a book that bears his name.

Here's a quick review:

• His mother was loved by her husband, but he also had another wife who was bearing him children, while Hannah was barren.
• During an annual trip to Shiloh, she cried out to God asking for a son and promising to give him to the Lord.
• Eli, the high priest, saw her lips moving as she prayed in her heart and accused her of being drunk.  She explained and he offered her hope that her prayer had been heard.
• She quickly became pregnant and was joyful.  
• After weaning the child, she presented him to Eli to serve in the temple explaining to Eli that he was the child she had prayed for.
• Eli's sons - priests under Eli's direction - were evil due to bullying, ritual abuse and sexual immorality.  Eli tried to restrain them, but they ignored him.
• God called young Samuel one night and gave him a judgment concerning Eli's failure to restrain his sons.
• Shortly after, Eli's sons and Eli died on the same day after a major battle with the Philistines.

I Samuel 3:19-21 (NIV) records:

The Lord was with Samuel as he grew up, and he let none of Samuel’s words fall to the ground. And all Israel from Dan to Beersheba recognized that Samuel was attested as a prophet of the Lord. The Lord continued to appear at Shiloh, and there he revealed himself to Samuel through his word.

Samuel went on to anoint Saul as the first king of Israel.  Then, when Saul didn't please the Lord, Samuel followed the Lord's direction and anointed David - the youngest son of Jesse - as the next king of Israel.

As a testimony to his faithfulness, God saw to it that Samuel's 'Farewell Speech' was recorded for us in His Word:  [I Samuel 12:1-5 (NIV)]

Samuel said to all Israel, “I have listened to everything you said to me and have set a king over you. Now you have a king as your leader. As for me, I am old and gray, and my sons are here with you. I have been your leader from my youth until this day. Here I stand. Testify against me in the presence of the Lord and his anointed. Whose ox have I taken? Whose donkey have I taken? Whom have I cheated? Whom have I oppressed? From whose hand have I accepted a bribe to make me shut my eyes? If I have done any of these things, I will make it right.”

"You have not cheated or oppressed us," they replied.  "You have not taken anything from anyone's hand."

 Samuel said to them, "The LORD is witness against you and also his anointed is witness this day;  that you have not found anything in my hand."

 “He is witness,” they said.

This was a highly revered man in the history of Israel, and God used him in signifcant ways to bless the nation of Israel.  Thanks be to God!

However, in chapter 8, we read:  [vs.1-3]

When Samuel grew old, he appointed his sons as Israel’s leaders.  The name of his firstborn was Joel and the name of his second was Abijah, and they served at Beersheba.  But his sons did not follow his ways. They turned aside after dishonest gain and accepted bribes and perverted justice. 

How is it that these two godly men - Eli and Samuel - served the nation faithfully, but lost their sons spiritually?

We already know that Eli was simply too tolerant.  He spoke to his sons about their evil ways, but failed to restrain them.  He was soft when it came to his sons.  He had the authority to remove them as priests, but failed to do so.  He apparently wasn't willing to get in their faces and demand compliance.

But what about Samuel?  Was he just on-the-road too much?  Away from home?  Left their mother (never mentioned) to raise them?  Was he effective in the nation but weak in the family?  Did he fail to kick a ball with them.  Did he miss their activities and achievements?  Did he fail to express his love for them?  Did he bounce them on his knee?  Take them for walks?  Include them in his journeys?  Pray over them?  Pray with them?

We'll never know...

Samuel's legacy was well-established - that's clear!  However, it didn't get carried into the next generation - that's sad!

Fathering is hard work!  It takes diligence and T-I-M-E!  It take focus and focused attention!

Now, my kids are raised and most of my fathering is finished now.  I've entered the 'consultant stage'.  😊  But for those of you who are still on-the-job, regardless the age of your kids, I'd suggest you look for opportunities to use these four phrases with your kids when you can do it honestly:

1. "I love you!"  
2. "I'm proud of you!"
3. "You did a good job!"
4. "You can be anything you want to be!"

One last thing:  remember the value of touch and make sure you maximize its positive impact!  

Pass on your legacy - don't let it end with you!