THE PENDULUM THEORY REGARDING PARENTING

Most are aware of the pendulum theory.

In 1656 the Dutch scientist Christiaan Huygens built the first pendulum clock. This was a great improvement over existing mechanical clocks; their best accuracy was improved from around 15 minutes deviation a day to around 15 seconds a day. Pendulums spread over Europe as existing clocks were retrofitted with them.  [Wikipedia]

The pendulum is most commonly seen in old ‘Grandfather Clocks’.  The pendulum swings consistently back-and-forth, counting off the seconds.

This image has been borrowed to visualize the extreme swing of change that often occurs in other observable areas.  Today, we’ll apply it to parenting.

Most of these observations within parenting styles are actually quite obvious. 

·         If a person is raised in a very strict environment, then they may have a tendency to raise their own children in a more libertarian one. 

·         If a child is raised in an extreme religious environment, they may deliberately raise their own kids in a freer, less religious one. 

·         If a child is brought up in the midst of poverty, they may become a workaholic devoted to establishing a home that is more capable of providing for any children that might come along. 

We could add to this list ad infinitum.

It must be noted – in addition – that these tendencies are almost always absent of conscious intent or planning.  A person is not aware of this radical change that they’ve adopted in their parenting style.  They are simply responding to the impact their own upbringing had on them and subconsciously trying to create change for their own children. 

It is at least possible that these unconscious yet intended improvements may actually also have a negative impact on their children. 

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If you think about it, there is no attempt in our culture [or likely others] to train couples for the parenting task.  We step into this role with nothing but our own experience and observations – added, of course to the resident wisdom of our spouse.  Plus, it’s a rare couple that sits down to talk or plan how they intend to raise their family. 

As a pastor, I required couples to sit down with me for ten hours to discuss areas that I knew were vital to the health and survival of their marriage.  Most cooperated willingly and found it to be a rewarding experience.  Some just put in the time to meet my requirement.  Some of the areas we discussed were:

o   Do you intend to have children?

o   If so, when do you plan to start this process?

o   How many children do you hope to have?

o   How will you share responsibility when children come along?

o   If you find – down the road – that for some reason you can’t have children, would you consider adoption?

After that we might explore how each was raised and how they can incorporate those different family styles into their own unique plan.  Remember: A marriage is a merging of two distinct family systems!  

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Swinging the pendulum is not necessarily wrong; however, it is best to do it with some knowledge and understanding. 

Wise parents [and parents to be] will:

Ø  Have a discussion about how they were raised and how it might impact their children.

Ø  Talk [hopefully ahead of time] about how roles will be changed and how responsibilities will need to be adapted.

Ø  Set goals for their parenting.

When Debbie and I were dating [back in the 1960’s], we made two primary observations:

1.    We noticed a lot of siblings who seemed to hate each other.  This was characterized by fighting, hateful words and vindictive behavior.

We talked and prayed about it together.  We decided that we wanted any children we had to love each other and treat each other respectfully.  Creating that kind of an environment became primary for us. 

     2.    We noticed that a lot of ‘preacher’s kids’ (PK's) [from our age-group] turned away from Christ after leaving their home!

This became an alarming concern to us since we knew that I was heading into pastoral ministry.  We spent a lot of time talking about how we could raise our kids without having them become bitter against the church.

 We set some guidelines in place that included not talking about church problems in front of the kids.  We also made sure that our comments - made in front of our kids - about church people were positive and affirming. 

 We determined to protect our kids from the effects that evil words and actions had on us. 

     Ø  Pray together about their parenting and pray over and with their kids regularly until they leave home!  This is vitally important for both husband and wife!

Ø  Be involved in a church with an effective children’s and youth ministry. 

There were times that I – unfortunately – had to advise parents to find another church that was doing a better job with youth.  A youth director/pastor can be a dynamic influencer on our adolescents! 

Also, keep in mind that as young teens, our children will be on the look-out for role models!  We prefer that they choose godly examples.  That is more likely to happen if we are actively involved in the life of a vibrant church. 

[AGAIN – If this means changing churches for a season, don’t hesitate to do so.  The life and spiritual health of your children calls for it.  Keep in mind that most American churches are plateaued or in decline.  Find a growing church and become part of it for your children’s sake!]

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KING OF THE UNIVERSE: Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

Rush to the sides of those who are still actively parenting young, developing children!

Grant them wisdom as they fulfill the challenging responsibility of raising kids in the 21^st century!

Glue husbands and wives of these precious children together with Your Holy Spirit!

Help fathers to raise godly sons of courage and balance to eventually assume a responsible role in adulthood!

Help these same fathers to be an example of godly manhood to their daughters.  Remind them that they are the ‘guide-from-the-other-side’ to help their daughters better understand the male gender!

 

Help mothers as they enfold and comfort their children through the various stages of growth!  May their arms always be open and their words always lovingly instructive! 

Bless these moms as they raise godly sons!  Even when they don’t always understand what their boys are doing and why, enable them to be persistent and persuasive in guiding them.

Also, help these moms as they influence their daughters!  Give them the courage to gradually release these precious lives to experiment and grow.

 

Be the LORD of these couples and the honored Guest in each of their homes!

Love them – ALL OF THEM – into Your eternal Kingdom!

AMEN!  AMEN!

HOLY BOLDNESS REQUIRED

The prophet, Elijah, just pops up in the book of I Kings (chapter 17).  We are informed that he is from a village named Gilead [which was located just south of the Sea of Galilee on the eastern side of the Jordan River].

With no previous background provided, we are simply told that this prophet went directly to Ahab [king of Israel – the northern kingdom].

Essentially, Elijah delivered a threat to Ahab: “As surely as the LORD lives, no rain or dew will fall during the next few years unless I command it” (v.1).

Elijah is immediately told by the LORD: “Leave this place and go east and hide near the Kerith Ravine east of the Jordan River [Elijah would have been familiar with this place] (v.3).

Although this was a desolate place, it did have a water supply from a small stream.  This trip was apparently sudden because the LORD promised Elijah that there was water there and that He would cause the ravens to bring him food!  Yep! You read that right!  Verse 6 reports: “The birds brought Elijah bread and meat every morning and evening, and he drank water from the stream.”

Now the rest of the story is awesome, but we dare not move on without observing what has just taken place.

A relatively unknown prophet from a desolate region is instructed by God to go to the king of Israel and tell him that there will be no rain or dew in Israel without the command of the prophet. 

Now, verse 7 reports that eventually – while Elijah was in hiding – the stream dried up.  This was clearly a sign of the drought that God was imposing on the land of Israel!  Consequently, God sent Elijah to the village of Zeraphath to live with a widow who was facing her own personal crisis.  [More on that another time]. 

Israel has had a line of evil kings that sprung from the poor decisions of Jeroboam [whom God had hoped would be a strong and godly leader]. 

·         Jeroboam

·         Ahijah

·         Nadab

·         Baasha

·         Elah

·         Zimri

·         Omri

·         and finally Ahab

God is ready to rock the boat of this evil empire!  He apparently wants to get Ahab’s [and the Israelites’] attention!  He decided to use his prophet, Elijah, to accomplish this mission.  We know from the following chapters – as well as from James 5:17-18 – that it did not rain in Israel for over three years!

We can only imagine the suffering that this brought to the land!  It is likely that King Ahab sent out many soldiers to locate this flagrant prophet and bring him in for examination!  But, they couldn’t find him because God had hidden him!

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Now you can justify this away by saying that Elijah was a prophet.  But, in his age, a prophet was just a common person that God called for extraordinary purposes. 

But doesn’t that fit all of us? 

Last night, while waiting for the Cece Winan concert to begin, we sat eating and observing as the crowd slowly gathered around us. 

Suddenly, I turned to Debbie, but she wasn’t there.  That’s when I noticed her a few feet away talking to a man in front of us who was wearing a hoodie with the following words on the back of it: “My son is my Guardian Angel!”

Because of our own personal sensitivities regarding losing a son, my wife had gone to this man to inquire about his shirt.  He told her that he had lost his oldest son a while back.  And then he went on to report that they had also lost their youngest son a while ago. 

I watched as my wife had this man – with a long, straggly goatee (that I had joked about a few minutes earlier) - stand up.  She leaned over the chairs and enfolded him into her arms and prayed over him! 

Do you see why I love this woman so much? 

She’s obedient!  She’s responsive to God.

She recently learned of a man in Portugal who has faced a terrible trauma and is dealing with significant financial distress.  She talked to me about it expressing her desire to help him in a significant way.  She told me that she felt the Spirit leading her to do something beyond the way we might typically respond. 

Within days, she told me that she had manipulated things to acquire four hundred dollars to send to this man so that he would know that an American loved him enough to pray for him and send him some money! 

That’s HOLY BOLDNESS!  It’s also obedience! 

AND IT PLEASES GOD!  OH, HOW IT PLEASES GOD!

Lord of the Universe: Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

Many of us repent for not being obedient to Your leadings.

We have been stubborn children!

We think we can get along without obeying You – without responding to You.

Shame on us!

On some level, we know better. 

 

We have settled for comfortable Christianity!

We have come to believe that You don’t really expect much of us.

We have shaken off the command to “Go into all the world and make disciples.”

We are in and we’ve quit caring about those who aren’t!

 

Fortunately for us, You are willing to forgive us and give us a fresh slate!

We want to be effective followers!

We want to be courageous witnesses!

We want to be responsive listeners!

We want to be difference makers!

 

Only YOU can get us there!

We deliberately make ourselves soft in Your hands!

Take us and use us – FOR YOUR GLORY

And for the expansion of Your Kingdom!

Amen!

HOW DID I MISS THIS?

There was a plot to kill Jeremiah, the great prophet of God!  I’m not kidding!  I never noticed this before. Some men were making plans against him. Jeremiah knew nothing of it until the LORD showed him their plan [Jeremiah 11:18 – All quotes from the NCV].

Ultimately, these men threatened Jeremiah: “Don’t prophesy in the name of the LORD, or we will kill you!” [v.21]

After informing Jeremiah of this secret plan, God spoke directly about the evil men who were planning to kill Jeremiah, promising to punish them and their city – Anathoth.

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Being an Old Testament prophet was not an easy or pleasant role.  Jesus’ anger was ignited when he publicly acknowledged that the Pharisees were the “…children of those who murdered the prophets.” [Matthew 23:31]  These prophets were instructed by God to do hard, inconvenient, and embarrassing things:

·         Hosea was instructed to marry a prostitute who would commit adultery. Then he was told to get her back from the man she had gone with.  [Hosea 1:2; 3:1-5]

·         Ezekiel was told not to mourn upon the death of his wife!  [Ezekiel 24:14-18]

·         Isaiah was told to walk naked for three years.  [Isaiah 20:3]

·         Jeremiah was forbidden to marry. He was also beaten and imprisoned. [Jeremiah 16:2; 37:15-16]

·         Jonah was cast into a raging sea, swallowed by a great fish, and forced to live inside of the fish for 3 days and nights for failing to obey God.  [Jonah 1-2]

·         Elijah - Queen Jezebel sought to kill him. He became so upset, he asked God to take his life. [I Kings 19:1-14]

·         Daniel was thrown into a den of lions for failing to pray to the king only. [Daniel 6]

You get the picture! 

Read the words of the writer of Hebrews: [11:32-38]

Do I need to give more examples? I do not have time to tell you about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, and the prophets. Through their faith they defeated kingdoms. They did what was right, received God’s promises, and shut the mouths of lions. They stopped great fires and were saved from being killed with swords. They were weak, and yet were made strong. They were powerful in battle and defeated other armies. Women received their dead relatives raised back to life. Others were tortured and refused to accept their freedom so they could be raised from the dead to a better life. Some were laughed at and beaten. Others were put in chains and thrown into prison. They were stoned to death, they were cut in half, and they were killed with swords. Some wore the skins of sheep and goats. They were poor, abused, and treated badly. The world was not good enough for them! They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and holes in the earth.

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The persecution we face in the United States is mild and minimal.  However, there are many in other nations who are suffering greatly because of their faith in Christ.  A great way to learn about this is by following THE VOICE OF THE MARTYRS at https://www.persecution.com/.

Living and standing for Christ and Christian principles will always be opposed – sometimes harshly.  We must be prepared for this opposition by:

•       Staying close to Jesus on a daily basis.
•       Reading His Word faithfully to keep informed and encouraged.
•       Being part of a fellowship of believers where you will be strengthened and supported.
•       Listening to God constantly and obeying His leadings!

Jesus spoke clearly and bluntly about this in Mark 10:29-31.

Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, all those who have left houses, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, or farms for me and for the Good News will get more than they left. Here in this world they will have a hundred times more homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and fields. And with those things, they will also suffer for their belief. But in this age they will have life forever. Many who are first now will be last in the future. And many who are last now will be first in the future.”

 Most of us – me certainly included – have a LOT TO LEARN from James 1:2-4.

My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need. 

WOW! You might want to read that again! 

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Lord,

Living in one of the wealthiest countries in the world has softened us and weakened us.  We think we know what hard times are, but – compared to the world – we live on ‘easy street’! 

Help us to be counter-cultural!  Help us to avoid the inclination to satisfy all of our wants – simply because we can.  Constantly remind us of Your admonitions to care for those who are truly suffering.  Help us to open our hearts and our hands to those who are experiencing real persecution! 

Be a continuing source of strength and help to those who are losing their hope and running low on inspiration!  These are the ones who truly need Your miraculous interventions, O Lord!  Deliver them! Rescue them! Heal them! Provide for them! Reward them for their faithfulness! 

Encourage genuine, American Christians to be a resource to these suffering servants.  Remind us to pray and give and unite our hands to strengthen those with weak hands and feeble knees!  Challenge us to use our vast resources to supply their needs! 

Awaken us to the reality that You are watching and You know the extent to which we really care!  You know our works as well as our hearts.  We want to honor and please You, Lord!  Awaken us from our sleep and rouse us to be a mighty force for You in our broken world!

For the Kingdom’s sake!  Amen.

UNREALIZED POTENTIAL

 Have you ever heard of Jeroboam?

His story is one of the saddest in the entire Old Testament, and yet he had SO MUCH POTENTIAL!  His main problem? 

At a critical moment when God directly intervened in his life, he did not listen carefully and believe God!

[To read his whole story, see I Kings 11:26 - 14:20.  All quotes from the NCV]]

The following is a summary of what happened:

·         Jeroboam was an officer in Solomon’s army.  He was an Ephraimite [one of the twelve tribes of Israel]. Solomon observed that he was a good worker and promoted him to be over all the workers from the tribes of Ephraim and Manesseh. 

·         One day Ahijah the prophet approached Jeroboam on a country road.  Ahijah took off his new coat and tore it into twelve pieces [representing the twelve tribes of Israel].  He told Jeroboam to take ten of the pieces, then explained that God was about to take the kingdom away from Solomon because:

(he) has stopped following me and has worshipped the Sidonian god Ashtoreth, the Moabite god Chemosh, and the Ammonite god Molech. Solomon has not obeyed me by doing what I said is right and by obeying my laws and commands, as his father David did.”  [11:33]

·         The prophet then proceeded to explain that Solomon’s son would rule over two tribes [Judah and part of Ephraim] to honor David and his faithfulness.  However, Jeroboam would rule over all of Israel [the northern kingdom’s ten-and-a-half tribes]. 

·         Then came the part of the message that Jeroboam didn’t listen to carefully enough:

[God speaking through the prophet] I will always be with you if you do what I say is right.  You must obey all my commands. If you obey my laws and commands as David did, I will be with you. I will make your family a lasting family of kings, as I did for David, and give Israel to you.

·         Shortly after this, Solomon realized that Jeroboam was a threat and sought to kill him, but he escaped to Egypt where he stayed until Solomon died.

·         He returned when Solomon’s son, Rehoboam, became king.  Rehoboam made some foolish decisions [an interesting story: 12:1-24] and the ten northern tribes walked away from him – refusing him as their king!

·         The northern tribes made Jeroboam their king – as predicted by the prophet!

·         When Jeroboam realized that his people would still faithfully return to Jerusalem for celebrations and to make sacrifices, he made two golden calves and declared them to be the people’s gods!  He set up worship sites in Bethel and Dan, started new festivals, selected priests to serve in these cities and set new festivals.

·         God sent a prophet to warn Jeroboam about his evil ways [chapter 13], but Jeroboam continued to sin and failed to correct his ways.  As a result, God sent him a prophet who declared:

[Speaking for God] Jeroboam, I chose you from among all the people and made you the leader of my people Israel. I tore the kingdom away from David’s family, and I gave it to you. But you are not like my servant David, who always obeyed my commands and followed me with all his heart. He only did what I said was right. But you have done more evil than anyone who ruled before you. You have quit following me and have made other gods and idols of metal. This has made me very angry so I will soon bring disaster to your family.  [14:7-10]

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FACTS:

Ø  Jeroboam was king of Israel for twenty-two years.

Ø  God pronounced every king of Israel who followed Jeroboam as evil!

Ø  In comparison, God announced that some of the kings of Judah [the southern kingdom] were pleasing to him – such as: Asa, Jehosaphat, Joash, Amaziah, Uzziah, Jotham, Micah, and Josiah.

Ø  In the same way that David is praised throughout the Old Testament because of his faithfulness, Jeroboam is persistently remembered as a model of disobedience and rebellion throughout the biblical record:

o   I Kings 14:16

o   I Kings 15:30

o   I Kings 15:34

o   I Kings 16:2

o   I Kings 16:7

o   I Kings 16:19

o   I Kings 16:26

o   I Kings 16:31

o   I Kings 22:52

o   II Kings 3:3

o   II Kings 10:31

o   II Kings 13:2

o   II Kings 13:5-6

o   II Kings 14:23-24

o   II Kings 15:18

o   II Kings 15:24

o   II Kings 15:28

o   II Kings 17:21-23

o   II Kings 23:15

WHAT DO WE LEARN FROM THIS?

1.    When God speaks, we should listen carefully!

2.    Obeying God brings rewards here and in Heaven!

3.    Disobeying or disregarding God brings punishment here and for all eternity!

MAKE YOUR CHOICES…

WHOA! THAT'S ENOUGH! THAT'S ENOUGH!

Exodus 36 records an incident that is every pastor's dream!

The children of Israel were being led by the Lord through the wilderness under Moses' direction. When they arrived at the Mountain of God, Moses spent a great deal of time on the mountain receiving instructions from the Lord.

After delivering the laws that God had declared, God proceeded to show Moses how to have the vestments made for the priests along with their clothing, the altar, the lampstand and the table. All of this was intricate work that demanded great attention to detail and immense knowledge and skill!

God designated two men - Bezalel and Oholiab - to oversee all of the workers. God had gifted these men with a vast array of knowledge and ability to accomplish all of the tasks related to these multiple projects!

These projects also required massive amounts of gold, silver, precious stones, and many other resources. So, Moses challenged the people to give! And they did! The gave not only on the Sabbath, but every day! Exodus 36 records an incident that is every pastor's dream!

        “The people continued to bring gifts each morning because they wanted to.”

And so the work advanced.  However, there came a point where the continually growing stockpile of gifts became an obstruction to the workers.  They approached Moses with a request:  “The people are bringing more than we need to do the work the LORD commanded.” [v.5]

So, “Moses sent this command throughout the camp:

‘No man or woman should make anything else as a gift for the Holy Tent.’ 

So the people were kept from giving more, because what they had was already more than enough to do all the work.” [vs.6-7]

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Imagine yourself in church this Sunday and when it comes time for the offering, your leader announces that no offering will be received because all of the needs have been met and the church is overwhelmed with resources to continue its ministry! 

Does that put a smile on your face? 

Can you imagine a situation where you and your fellow worshippers became so enthused about the ministries of your church that you brought gifts every day and dropped them off at the church?  The mission of the church was being so effective that you just WANTED TO GIVE!  You gave bountifully!  You gave joyfully!  You gave persistently!  No guilt!  No pleading, No faith-promises!  No pledge cards!  Just jubilant, free-spirited generosity!  [For further reading on this subject:  https://hal-lelujah.blogspot.com/2023/09/generous-churches-grow.html]

STORIES FROM 43 YEARS IN PASTORAL MINISTRY - MOVING THE CROSS!

When I was appointed to serve the Free Methodist Community Church in New Middletown, Ohio, it was the summer of 2003.  I had been serving as an associate in a large church in Akron, Ohio for the previous six years.  I had apprehensions about resuming the role of ‘Lead Pastor’. 

I decided to begin by not provoking suggestions of change since there was already a great deal of turbulence in this congregation, and I didn’t want to add to it. 

However, one need for change became apparent immediately.  

The use of video projectors was exploding during this time period.  The church was – at that time – using a projector that was set up on a board across two pews at the front-right of the sanctuary.  They were projecting on a standard-size three-legged projection screen that was set up on the same level as the pews. 

I suggested that it would be helpful if we could mount the projector from the ceiling and project on the large front wall above the pulpit.  However, there was currently an eight foot cross hanging in that spot.  But there was a large room on the side of the platform with a wall facing the congregation that could become an equally prominent place for the cross.

However, I failed to predict how controversial the idea of moving the cross might be.  Moving it from its central position ended up turning into a much-discussed issue.  Rumors were cast about that the new pastor wanted to remove the cross from the sanctuary [which, of course, was not accurate]!  The congregation quickly polarized over this issue – the very thing I had not wanted to happen!

Some threatened to leave the church if we moved the cross!

I was so disappointed to be the cause of so much disturbance when I really wanted to be a stabilizing presence!  I began to wish that I had not made the suggestion.  Making this needed change was certainly not worth further  dividing this congregation!

That’s when Bob Persing approached me.

Bob was a member of the founding family of this church many years earlier.  He was a highly respected leader in the church and community!  He gave no explanation, but simply asked if he could address the congregation the next Sunday.

Already knowing him to be a responsible leader and man of integrity, I told him that he could address our people following the offering on Sunday.  I admit to having some apprehension about his request, but felt confident that he had a good heart and trusted that whatever he needed to say would be received by the congregation.

At the appointed time on Sunday I simply stated that Bob had requested the privilege of speaking to the congregation.

He came forward to the pulpit accompanied by his wife, Marilyn.  His comments were brief and went something like this:

Good morning. My name is Bob Persing and this is my wife, Marilyn.  We represent the Persing family that helped to found this church many years ago.

 

We heard our new pastor’s request to move the cross to the smaller wall to my left.  We’ve become aware of the fact that this seems to have become a controversial issue among some of our members.

 

I am here this morning to give you some information.  First of all, it was the Persing family that purchased the cross!  It was also the Persing family that installed the cross.  I’ve discussed it with our family and we simply want you to know that the Persing family has no problem with our pastor’s request!  As a matter of fact, if the church Council agrees to move the cross, we will help with that project!  I just wanted you to have that information!  Thank you very much!

Within a few weeks, the cross was moved and remained there until a later time [after my tenure] when that room was removed.