I just read the following in Max Lucado's book, GRACE:
Find a congregation that believes in confession. Avoid a fellowship of perfect people (you won't fit in), but seek one where members confess their sins and show humility, where the price of admission is simply an admission of guilt. Healing happens in a church like this. Followers of Christ have been given authority to hear confession and proclaim grace. "If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained" (John 20:23). [pp.88-9]
While I was growing up, after prayer meeting on Wednesday nights, everyone went to their smaller 'class meeting'. These groups were arranged by geographical areas. I was part of the 'Mercer Road Class'. My father was the 'class leader'. I was the only kid that attended prayer meeting, so I was also the only kid to attend a class meeting.
We went into a smaller room where we sat much closer together. My dad would read a scripture and then ask questions. I noticed pretty quickly that most people were fairly willing to give a testimony of praise; however, there were far fewer respondents when dad asked if anyone had any sin to confess. The room usually fell into dead silence with little or no eye contact.
When the meeting was over, we'd head home. Along the way, dad would stop at a few homes to check on people who had missed the class meeting. I sat in the car during those brief visits, so I don't know exactly the nature of what took place in those visits.
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As a lifelong observer of human behavior, a pastor for many years and working with many people as a counselor, I can state the obvious: people don't feel comfortable confessing shortcomings, failures or sins! It's humbling, even in some cases humiliating. Saying things like the following is hard:
- I screwed up
- I fell off the wagon
- I relapsed
- I lost my job
- I binged on pornography
- I lost my temper
- I had an affair
- I cheated
- I've been struggling with depression
- My marriage is falling apart
I really can't imagine standing up some Sunday in my current church and saying any of the above! There are about two hundred people in the room and I only know fifteen to thirty by name. Most of the people are little more than strangers to me! I think they're nice folks! I enjoy worshipping with them. But I'm not ready to stand up and confess my sins and failures to them in a public forum!
I just checked the internet and found that Max continues to share preaching responsibilities at Oak Hill Church in San Antonio, Texas. I also found that it is a church attended by about five thousand people! I wonder if it meets the criteria that he mentions in the quote above?
Something is drastically wrong here! As a counselor for many years, I can attest to the healing and unburdening that can result from confession. I have gone to counselors repeatedly over the years to seek help and gain support in my personal journey. Gaining the trust of a capable and compassionate counselor can be a healing salve! I have also spent time with many who needed consolation, comfort and reassurance. I have shared deep, intimate moments with scores of individuals and families who have found an opportunity for release and healing! These sensitive moments are among some of my most precious memories from my years of ministry! They are a sacred trust!
I have also been part of a number of small groups that have had a transformational impact on my life! Some of these were a result of my many years of educational pursuits. I found friendship, trust and a supportive environment in these groups! On one occasion, I participated in a Roman Catholic group that met weekly in Pittsburgh for an extended time. The worship, meditation, reflection and confession involved strengthened me and birthed new and meaningful friendships!
During those younger years I helped form Pastoral Support Teams for my conference within the Free Methodist Church. As part of this program, I led a group of pastors in my local area for several years. We were a diverse group in age, personality and experience. Yet, I remember these meetings fondly and have no recollection of dreading them. Some of the stories shared in that group still ruminate in my mind with great affection!
There's a thread here for those willing to see it. The thread is intimacy. Most of us have heard the transliteration of this word: 'into-me-see'. It's true! Baring one's soul to strangers is unspeakable! However, unburdening oneself in a warm, trusting, caring environment is healing! Assurances of confidentiality are ESSENTIAL! No one wants their treasured words to be trumpeted on the prayer hot-line for the next week! Breaches of confidentiality destroy community and trust! A leader of a group must safeguard the intimacy of the group and deal immediately and sternly with those who break the bond of trust!
I hope you see that these types of groups are EXTREMELY RARE! Notice that I pursued most of these these group experiences outside of my tradition!
I have been without such a connection for the last nine years. I find that retirement and the exacerbation of my hearing loss have magnified my isolation! I socialize far less now than at any other time in my lifespan. I have become a loner.
The last group that I had some measure of intimacy with was our Changchun Team in the People's Republic of China [2012-2015]. We shared a love for Christ, a mission for our work and geographical proximity. Typically, our meetings took place on Sundays in one of our apartments. We spent hours in conversation, study, and worship; and then, we almost always enjoyed a meal together! The intimacy was high! The love and caring was genuine! If you want to speak negatively about any of the seven regularly involved in that group - don't do it around me! 😉
True intimacy creates a bond that doesn't quickly dispel.
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During my active pastoral years, I was continually seeking the best ways to grow the kingdom of God! On one occasion, I flew to Los Angeles to participate in two weeks of training with Pastor Rick Warren at the Saddleback Church. It was a phenomenal experience - especially since I was in southern California while Ohio was experiencing extremely frigid temperatures with an abundance of snow [I called Deb every day to rub it in 😁].
One of the principles that Rick taught was that we needed to be growing the church both 'large' and 'small' at the same time! He drove this into our heads! Yes, we want to expand the kingdom of God! However, in doing so, we must preserve the nature and integrity of small groups that facilitate the intimacy required for spiritual growth!
I went home and put what I'd learned into practice! The church I was leading at that time was growing larger - having broken the 200-barrier and starting a second service. To accompany this, we initiated seven 'Connection Groups' that met weekly [or bi-weekly] in homes to facilitate the need for personal accountability and intimacy!
Recruiting and training leaders is hard work! Convincing people of the value of participation in these groups is challenging! But the benefits are remarkable and rewarding!
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My last novel - NEVER UNREACHABLE - involves key characters who had fallen away from the church after raising their family. However, when invited to a church that met largely in small groups they became revitalized and used mightily by God to impact the lives of lost and hurting people! [Contact me for a copy or buy it on Amazon using 'Hal Haire - books']. 😊
Also feel free to contact me if you're interested in being a part of a group that has these qualities. I have been contemplating beginning such a group for several years and still have the passion, need and interest in seeing it become a reality!
