ALL THIS FROM WATCHING A MOVIE?

Okay, I’m about to divulge a few of my secrets. Deb and I enjoy watching TV together almost every evening. We seek out clean, wholesome programming that doesn’t offend us and then tend to binge-watch until we’re caught up to current programming.

We also watch old movies that have proven the test of time.

We watch newer movies also, but select them very carefully. We’re not drawn to the improbable, unrealistic action movies that tend to mark this period.

One technique for finding good movies is to follow the career of an actor or actress that we have enjoyed in a movie. The hope is that if they made one good movie, perhaps they’ve made others.

I used this approach after watching a Christmas movie that we really enjoyed the other night [by the way, it’s early for us to be watching Christmas movies]. The movie that we watched and enjoyed was “A Kindhearted Christmas” [2021] starring Jennie Garth and Cameron Mathison. The plot was very low-key and believable. We were entranced as we watched. Both actors were admirable. It was a genuinely realistic ‘feel-good’ plot.

So – I looked to see other movies that Jennie had made. Lo and behold, there was an earlier movie [2013] that featured both Garth and Mathison: “Holidaze”. With high expectations, we started watching the movie full of hope. Within minutes she was in bed with a man and we faced our disappointment by quickly switching to something else!

But last night, I decided to try again and found another movie featuring Garth that was not a Christmas movie: “A Time To Dance” [2016]. What a powerful movie! I won’t divulge details – in case you want to view it – but it was an effective portrayal of a dynamic love story that had lost its glitter after twenty years. A couple that had made a lifelong commitment to each other finds themselves totally distracted and on the verge of a divorce that will shock everyone who knows them – including their two young adult kids!

Their pathway is painfully detailed as they try to protect their family from the awful reality of their failure in love! An extended period of pretending and the faithfulness of her father and a couple of trusted friends gives them the incentive to explore just what has happened to bring them to this point.

The answers are not easily found or faced! Pain is experienced – gut-wrenching pain! Disappointment and embarrassment are dealt with. Depression and disillusionment are experienced! Memories are explored. Confessions are made.  

This movie is believable! Untold couples have faced what is portrayed in this cinematic story! It is hope-restoring and offers excellent counsel while mapping a pathway to healing. I give this movie five Hal-‘stars’.

I made some personal determinations as a result of watching it that I will apply to my own marriage. Debbie and I have passed through a challenging four or five months due to her hip problems [and surgery]. Caring for her since mid-July has challenged each of us in different ways.

For example: every day I have to get down on my knees in front of her to put her socks on! A simple task that she cannot currently fulfill on her own! God is showing me that after a lifetime of serving me, it’s long overdue for me to serve her!

I’m also learning that I need to weigh my words before speaking them. I have resigned to an inactive period of my life, but she is deeply invested in the life of the church we attend. She is respected and appreciated there for her leadership and courage in a challenging season for the church. I could do more to facilitate her investment there.

All this – from watching a movie? Yep! If you keep your eyes and ears open, God will find a way to speak to you. He’s done it with me; He’ll do it with you, too! 

FELLOWSHIP OF THE REDEEMED

I just read the following in Max Lucado's book, GRACE:

Find a congregation that believes in confession.  Avoid a fellowship of perfect people (you won't fit in), but seek one where members confess their sins and show humility, where the price of admission is simply an admission of guilt.  Healing happens in a church like this.  Followers of Christ have been given authority to hear confession and proclaim grace. "If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained" (John 20:23).   [pp.88-9]

While I was growing up, after prayer meeting on Wednesday nights, everyone went to their smaller 'class meeting'.  These groups were arranged by geographical areas.  I was part of the 'Mercer Road Class'.  My father was the 'class leader'.  I was the only kid that attended prayer meeting, so I was also the only kid to attend a class meeting.  

We went into a smaller room where we sat much closer together.  My dad would read a scripture and then ask questions.  I noticed pretty quickly that most people were fairly willing to give a testimony of praise; however, there were far fewer respondents when dad asked if anyone had any sin to confess.  The room usually fell into dead silence with little or no eye contact.  

When the meeting was over, we'd head home.  Along the way, dad would stop at a few homes to check on people who had missed the class meeting.  I sat in the car during those brief visits, so I don't know exactly the nature of what took place in those visits.  

__________________________

As a lifelong observer of human behavior, a pastor for many years and working with many people as a counselor, I can state the obvious: people don't feel comfortable confessing shortcomings, failures or sins!  It's humbling, even in some cases humiliating.  Saying things like the following is hard:

• I screwed up
• I fell off the wagon
• I relapsed
• I lost my job
• I binged on pornography
• I lost my temper
• I had an affair
• I cheated
• I've been struggling with depression
• My marriage is falling apart

I really can't imagine standing up some Sunday in my current church and saying any of the above!  There are about two hundred people in the room and I only know fifteen to thirty by name.  Most of the people are little more than strangers to me!  I think they're nice folks!  I enjoy worshipping with them.  But I'm not ready to stand up and confess my sins and failures to them in a public forum!  

I just checked the internet and found that Max continues to share preaching responsibilities at Oak Hill Church in San Antonio, Texas.  I also found that it is a church attended by about five thousand people!  I wonder if it meets the criteria that he mentions in the quote above?

Something is drastically wrong here!  As a counselor for many years, I can attest to the healing and unburdening that can result from confession.  I have gone to counselors repeatedly over the years to seek help and gain support in my personal journey.  Gaining the trust of a capable and compassionate counselor can be a healing salve!  I have also spent time with many who needed consolation, comfort and reassurance.  I have shared deep, intimate moments with scores of individuals and families who have found an opportunity for release and healing!  These sensitive moments are among some of my most precious memories from my years of ministry!  They are a sacred trust!

I have also been part of a number of small groups that have had a transformational impact on my life!  Some of these were a result of my many years of educational pursuits.  I found friendship, trust and a supportive environment in these groups!  On one occasion, I participated in a Roman Catholic group that met weekly in Pittsburgh for an extended time.  The worship, meditation, reflection and confession involved strengthened me and birthed new and meaningful friendships!

During those younger years I helped form Pastoral Support Teams for my conference within the Free Methodist Church.  As part of this program, I led a group of pastors in my local area for several years.  We were a diverse group in age, personality and experience.  Yet, I remember these meetings fondly and have no recollection of dreading them.  Some of the stories shared in that group still ruminate in my mind with great affection!

There's a thread here for those willing to see it.  The thread is intimacy.  Most of us have heard the transliteration of this word: 'into-me-see'.  It's true!  Baring one's soul to strangers is unspeakable!  However, unburdening oneself in a warm, trusting, caring environment is healing!  Assurances of confidentiality are ESSENTIAL!  No one wants their treasured words to be trumpeted on the prayer hot-line for the next week!  Breaches of confidentiality destroy community and trust!  A leader of a group must safeguard the intimacy of the group and deal immediately and sternly with those who break the bond of trust!  

I hope you see that these types of groups are EXTREMELY RARE!  Notice that I pursued most of these these group experiences outside of my tradition!  

I have been without such a connection for the last nine years.  I find that retirement and the exacerbation of my hearing loss have magnified my isolation!  I socialize far less now than at any other time in my lifespan.  I have become a loner.  

The last group that I had some measure of intimacy with was our Changchun Team in the People's Republic of China [2012-2015].  We shared a love for Christ, a mission for our work and geographical proximity.  Typically, our meetings took place on Sundays in one of our apartments.  We spent hours in conversation, study, and worship; and then, we almost always enjoyed a meal together!  The intimacy was high!  The love and caring was genuine!  If you want to speak negatively about any of the seven regularly involved in that group - don't do it around me!  😉

True intimacy creates a bond that doesn't quickly dispel.  

_____________________________

During my active pastoral years, I was continually seeking the best ways to grow the kingdom of God!  On one occasion, I flew to Los Angeles to participate in two weeks of training with Pastor Rick Warren at the Saddleback Church.  It was a phenomenal experience - especially since I was in southern California while Ohio was experiencing extremely frigid temperatures with an abundance of snow [I called Deb every day to rub it in 😁].  

One of the principles that Rick taught was that we needed to be growing the church both 'large' and 'small' at the same time!  He drove this into our heads!  Yes, we want to expand the kingdom of God!  However, in doing so, we must preserve the nature and integrity of small groups that facilitate the intimacy required for spiritual growth!  

I went home and put what I'd learned into practice!  The church I was leading at that time was growing larger - having broken the 200-barrier and starting a second service.  To accompany this, we initiated seven 'Connection Groups' that met weekly [or bi-weekly] in homes to facilitate the need for personal accountability and intimacy!  

Recruiting and training leaders is hard work!  Convincing people of the value of participation in these groups is challenging!  But the benefits are remarkable and rewarding!  

____________________________

My last novel - NEVER UNREACHABLE - involves key characters who had fallen away from the church after raising their family.  However, when invited to a church that met largely in small groups they became revitalized and used mightily by God to impact the lives of lost and hurting people!  [Contact me for a copy or buy it on Amazon using 'Hal Haire - books'].  😊

Also feel free to contact me if you're interested in being a part of a group that has these qualities.  I have been contemplating beginning such a group for several years and still have the passion, need and interest in seeing it become a reality!  

PSALM 19 - DAVID'S REFLECTIVE MODE

Psalm 19 is a curious and noteworthy contribution to this body of poetry.  As is so often the case, David is the author of these potent words and thoughts.  

There is a fairly discernable outline to these somewhat disconnected thoughts:

• Verses 1-6 

We have these words seemingly as a result of David's reflective mind especially during his early years of watching his father's flocks.  Night after night and day after day, he spent time alone with his sheep observing the heavens and the movement and marvel of the heavenly bodies.  Needless to say, he was impressed!  Each observation seemed to move him toward greater wonder toward God!  

It makes you wonder how impoverished we are in the 21st century as we live out the majority of our days inside buildings and removed the the wonder of God's creation?

"The celestial realms announce God's glory; the skies testify of His hands' great work. Each day pours out more of their sayings; each night, more to hear and more to learn. Inaudible words are their manner of speech, and silence, their means to convey."  [vs.1-3]

[All quotes from The Voice Bible unless otherwise noted]

•  Verses 7-10

We can only imagine that contemplating God's immensity and design for such a massive and intricate creation moves David to reflect on the order that God has provided humanity and the guidelines He has set for them to heed.

The poet in David leaps to the foreground as he marvels at the clarity of God's laws and guidance! With repetitious yet ever illustrative language, he grows in the reader's heart a desire to know God better and love Him more!

God's words, directions, commandments and decisions "are worth more than gold...They are sweeter to the tongue than honey or the drippings of the honeycomb."  [v.10]

• Verses 11-13

Having meditated on the beauty and immensity of God's creation, and having reflected on the clarity of God's desire for His children to live in accord with His guidelines, David suddenly becomes aware of his own sinfulness.

Out of a desire to be totally acceptable to God, David seems to be concerned about sins that may be hidden deep in his subconscious - sins that he is unaware of.

"Who could possibly know all that he has done wrong?  Forgive my hidden and unknown faults...protect me from my bent toward pride, and keep sin from ruling my life." [vs.12-13]

•  Verse 14

Finally, David ends his poem in a plea that has been memorized by many sympathetic followers of David's God.  

After all that has gone before, one senses the depth of meaning and imploring that characterizes these final words!

"May the words that come out of my mouth and the musings of my heart meet with Your gracious approval, O Eternal, my Rock, O Eternal, my Redeemer."  [v.14]

____________________________________ 

I'm writing this in March while living in western Pennsylvania.  The earliest hints of spring are in the air.  It won't be long and we'll be moving outdoors to enjoy the beauty of our world and its many fascinations!  

I look forward to camping and sitting around the campfire.  I'll observe the skies and reflect on my life.  Deb will go to bed and I'll sit in the quiet and whisper to my Lord.  I can't wait!  How about you?

A TIMID WOMAN

There was often a crowd of people around Jesus.  They wanted to be near Him, to hear Him, to see Him, to be right there if something significant happened.  That was not her reason. 

She was timid.  She didn’t want to be the center of attention.  She’d had a chronic problem with hemorrhaging for many years; it was embarrassing.  “She had spent every penny she had on doctors but not one had been able to help her.”  Somewhere, she had learned that if she could just touch the hem of the Messiah’s garment, she would be healed.  That’s all she wanted to do - just slip in, touch the edge of His robe, and then slip away;  hopefully unnoticed!    

In the 21^st century, we are not familiar with the significance of hems and tassels at the time of Christ.  We do know that in Matthew 23, Jesus condemns the Pharisees because “they do all their deeds to be noticed by men;  for they broaden their phylacteries [a small case containing scripture texts worn on the forehead for religious purposes] and lengthen the tassels of their garments.”  [v.5]  Extra-biblical references indicate that the hem of a man’s garment was somewhat equal to his signature.

We don’t have the video – but somehow, she got close enough and was able to touch the hem of His garment.  Did He pause long enough for her to kneel and do so?  We know the scene was full of people crowding around Jesus.  She was discreet.  No one noticed what she did – not even Jesus. 

But, He felt power being drawn from Him!  This is remarkable to us!  Somehow, Jesus knew that someone had drawn on His healing power!  How AMAZING!!!!!  His immediate response was to say, “Who touched me?”  His disciples were incredulous.  Finally, Peter spoke up, “Master, we’ve got crowds of people on our hands.  Dozens have touched You.”  [v.45]

The woman tried to be invisible until she realized that she couldn’t remain hidden.  Ultimately, she fell to her knees and confessed that she was the one who had touched Him.  She was terrified.  “In front of all the people, she blurted out her story – why she had touched Him and how at that same moment she was healed.”  [v.47]

Jesus – always full of compassion – spoke to her, “Daughter, you took a risk trusting me, and now you’re healed and whole.  Live well, live blessed!”  [v.48]

And in that instant, Jesus was pulled away from her to attend to another need.  She was left standing alone on the dusty road – HEALED AND WHOLE!  Her faith had been acknowledged and rewarded! 

_____________________________________________

In that moment, surrounded by people she didn't know, this woman felt the need to confess publicly her dilemma and need.  She admitted that she was the one who had touched Jesus and drawn healing power from Him!  She blurted out this embarrassing medical condition that had caused her so much discomfort and shame for so long!  

I wasn't there, but somehow, I know that her eyes were not on the crowd - they were on Jesus.  His compassion captivated her!  He cared!  He genuinely cared about her!  She could see it in His eyes.  He loved her - even though this was the first time He'd met her!  She felt His warmth and acceptance.  No shame, no guilt - only peace and joy!  And then - He was gone!

We don't hear much public confession these days - not even in the church.  Perhaps we're too proud;  or too fearful.  

It's interesting how we elevate certain scriptures and seem to ignore others.  

James 5:13-20 is one of those passages that seems to be largely ignored in many churches today.  

At Monacrest this past Sunday, Pastor Raeanne singled out a person with a physical need for prayer.  She invited anyone who cared to come and 'lay hands on her'.  It was a beautiful response as people from all around the congregation moved immediately to her seat and physically participated in this focused prayer time!  I was moved by the caring!  

Her need was made public.  There was no judgment or shame.  Only caring and concern.  It was what one would expect to see in a church setting where we claim to love one another!  

This passage clearly exhorts us:

"Make this your common practice:  Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed."  [v.16]

Not many study the history of the great revivals, but the record clearly indicates that they ALL began with public confession of sin!  

Hmmm...maybe we should take a second look at this passage?  

CALL OUT TO GOD

Reading the psalms can be shocking!  This book, in the center of our Bibles, shows us – with no uncertainty – that we can bring all our thoughts and emotions to God without hesitation.  We find in this book rants, complaints against God, appeals for God to destroy the enemy, laments of deep sadness and sorrow, jubilant and zealous expressions of joy and praise, historical reflections, acrostic meditations, and nearly defiant demands.  

The one-hundred-fifty psalms were the hymnbook for the Israelites.  In quite a few cases instrumental instructions are included for choirs and orchestras.  Because it was a liturgy for worship, it includes all the various circumstances that God-followers face. 

Some years ago, Crystal Lewis gave us a worship chorus that clarifies the message deduced from the psalms:

Come just as you are
Hear the spirit call
Come just as you are
Come and see
Come receive
Come and live forever 

Life Everlasting
Strength for today
Taste the living water
And never thirst again

Come just as you are
Don't you hear the spirit call?
Come just as you are
Come and see
Christ My King
Come and live forever more

The psalms teach us that we may feel free to come to God in any and all circumstances!  Our mood does not prohibit us from coming to the throne of grace!  We may feel free to come when we are desperate and seem incapable of using the right kind of language.  We are welcome, even if we are:

• angry
• depressed
• vengeful
• frustrated
• disappointed
• subject to bullying
• overwhelmed
• nervous
• anxious
• feeling like a loser
• exhausted
• feeling suicidal
• feeling hopeless
• rejected
• in deep grief

[You realize, of course, that this list could go on and on…]

Actually, these are GREAT times to turn to God and empty our hearts!  God can take our honesty;  God prefers it!  He does NOT want us to put on airs, to say what we think He wants us to say, to pretend all is well!  The psalms show us that God is open to our deepest and most extreme experiences!  He simply waits for us to BRING IT to Him and leave it with Him! 

There’s an old hymn:  [written by Charles A. Tindley]

If the world from you withhold of its silver and its gold,
And you have to get along with meager fare,
Just remember, in His Word, how He feeds the little bird—
Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.

Refrain:
Leave it there, leave it there,
Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there;
If you trust and never doubt, He will surely bring you out—
Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.

If your body suffers pain and your health you can’t regain,
And your soul is almost sinking in despair,
Jesus knows the pain you feel, He can save and He can heal—
Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.

When your enemies assail and your heart begins to fail,
Don’t forget that God in Heaven answers prayer;
He will make a way for you and will lead you safely through—
Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.

When your youthful days are gone and old age is stealing on,
And your body bends beneath the weight of care;
He will never leave you then, He’ll go with you to the end—
Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.

I don’t know what you may be facing or experiencing today, but I know you’d feel a lot better if you’d lay it out before Almighty God!  Regardless of how ugly – even repulsive – your thoughts may be, God can bear it.  You may not be up to it, but He is!  Bare your soul!  Unload your burden!  Speak the truth!  Feel free to rant! 

Then listen…

God will dip into His limitless resources and He will begin a process that will eventually lead you to a better place! 

NEED WISDOM?

 In Job 28, he explains to his friends that Wisdom cannot be found in the depths of the earth where gold, copper, sapphires and gems are found.  He declares that mortals don’t have a clue where to find Wisdom.  It can’t be bought.  It can’t be traded for.  In verse 19 ™, he says, “Pile gold and African diamonds as high as you will, they can’t hold a candle to Wisdom.”

He queries:  (v.20  TM)  “So where does Wisdom come from?  And where does Insight live?”  The answer is given in verse 23 ™ “God alone knows the way to Wisdom;  He knows the exact places to find it.”  Job repeats the source of wisdom in the last verse of the chapter:   “Then (God) addressed the human race – Here it is!  Fear-of-the-Lord – that’s Wisdom, and Insight means shunning evil.”  

I’ve been feeling pretty low lately.  Yesterday, while driving for Door Dash (my new job), things weren’t going well.  Eventually, I texted Debbie and told her I was having an awful morning.  I asked her to pray for me.  I then received the following text: 

I AM PRAYING THAT GOD WILL RUSH TO YOUR SIDE AND MAKE YOU WHOLE.  HE IS THE LIFTER OF YOUR HEAD!  YOUR REFUGE AND STRENGTH!  HE LOVES YOU AND HE IS NOT ASHAMED OF YOU! 

 

I love you, too.  You are my man, the love of my life.  

 

A PRAYER FOR THOSE WHO NEED WISDOM:

O Lord!

I certainly don’t seek wisdom often enough!  I seem convinced that I have enough wisdom resulting from my studies and my life experiences.  How wrong!  How ignorant!  How presumptuous!  How ARROGANT!  The wisdom I have gained over the years is puny compared to Your Wisdom! 

By relying only on my own wisdom, I condemn myself to a life that is far short of what You may desire for me – and have planned for me.  How sad this must make You!  How often You must call my name:  “Hal!”  “Hal!”  “Come aside!  Seek Me!  Let Me guide you!”  God, how often You must feel neglected, disappointed, and rejected because I spurn that which You offer so willingly and freely!

Help me to wake up, Lord!  Remind me of how available You are and how willing to guide, provide, and protect me.  There are endless stories of my shortcomings, my humiliations and my failures.  Whatever achievements I have accomplished surely came during times when I was leaning heavy on You!  Why can’t I learn from this?

Let me say it clear and plain:  I need wisdom!  I need it daily!  Without Your wisdom, guidance, provision and protection – I am destined to suffer and falter.  Help me to hit my knees daily and cry out for Your help!  Anchor this desperate need in the core of my being.    AMEN.

PS – Lord:  Thank You for giving me Debbie – she’s my greatest treasure!

WALKING WITH A LIMP!

I'm captivated by the story of Jacob wrestling with God in Genesis 32.  It's a critical juncture of Jacob's life.  He now has wives and twelve sons and is setting out for his homeland to test his metal.  Up till this point, God has been the God of his father and grandfather.  But this day, God becomes real to Jacob in a very personal way.  

I've said before that we don't know for sure if this was a personal representation of God in a real physical wrestling match with Jacob or a spiritual wrestling that had a life-changing impact on Jacob's life.  But either way, Jacob walks away with a permanent limp.  His life will never be the same.  

Now, let's deal with this reality in Jacob's life.  Was he perfect after this encounter?  

No.  He still seeks to placate his brother before encountering Esau face-to-face.  He's still a conniver and a strategist.

We do wrong to expect perfection quickly from new believers.  During my Cornerstone years, because of the population we worked with, we had to repeatedly remind our congregation that drug abusers relapse.  We should anticipate that they will struggle to maintain sobriety.  We need to be a forgiving environment that continually loves and pursues them with the patience of God!  

Those of us who have walked with God for a lifetime expect too much growth and maturity too fast from people who have just made a commitment to Christ.  It took us a while to figure this new lifestyle out;  it will take others a while too.  

We shouldn't expect them to turn out like us!  The goal is not to reproduce us in them - the goal is to reproduce Christ in them!  Our God will work uniquely in every person's life to bring about a maturity that honors Him!  God's creativity is boundless.  

Here's the joke of it all:  We who consider ourselves mature still walk with a limp!  No one has it all mastered!  No one has all the answers.  No one is living the perfect Christian life.  That's why the Holy Spirit inspired John to write:  If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness  [I John 1:8-9].  

When I was leading the church at Jeannette, PA, I led a young woman to faith in Christ.  I knew it was unwise for me to try to disciple her, so I recruited Goldie to do so.  I had them meet me at the church where I introduced them.  Goldie was 78 and saintly.  Shirley immediately took to her with great admiration.  

During the meeting, Shirley praised Goldie by saying, "Goldie, I don't think I could ever live the kind of life you live."  Goldie stopped her and gently explained that they were in  very different places.  Goldie then explained that at her stage of the game, the sins change.  She said, "I don't wrestle with lying, stealing, using drugs, or drinking alcohol.  But I do struggle with pride and evil thoughts toward others."  

I never forgot that!  The sins change, but the sin remains.  The limp is real and persistent.

 Listen to how Anne Lamott describes her pilgrimage:

"My coming to faith did not start with a leap but rather a series of staggers from what seemed like one safe place to another.  Like lily pads, round and green, these places summoned and then held me up while I grew. . . .Yet each step brought me closer to the verdant pad of faith on which I somehow stay afloat today."  [Travelling Mercies, 3]

What I love most about this quote are the last seven words, "on which I somehow stay afloat today".  

I'm not saying that we don't develop greater confidence over time.  I think we do.  But perfection comes with glorification;  and glorification comes after death!  

I know people who exude deep confidence and near perfection.  They are admired by hoards of people!  I even admire them!  But somehow, I expect that there's a façade present that I know little of.  They may have mastered the disciplines of the Christian life, but mastering the wanderings of the mind and the lust for influence and power are a bigger force to reckon with.  

Some may disagree.  Perhaps they'll respond to this blog and enlighten us.   

I have lived with a fair degree of transparency.  I've messed up - A LOT!  I've had to apologize a lot!  I've found the way to be rocky and steep.  My walk is a daily walk in which I somehow - by God's grace - stay afloat.  

I'll close with a biblical picture of the Apostle Paul that is near and dear to my heart:

In the beginning of his ministry, this great man fought hard for recognition as an apostle.  He can be found repeatedly describing himself as "Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ."

Later in his ministry, he had mellowed.  Now, he describes himself as "...the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God."       [I Corinthians 15:9]

Then, finally, in his old age he provides an even newer description of himself:  "the worst of sinners".      [I Timothy 1:15-16]  

This model of downward mobility is a precious reminder of how we ought to view ourselves and how we need to give grace to those around us who are struggling to maintain sobriety and faith.    

I had a seminary professor, Dr. Donald Joy, who gave a significant message while I was attending.  It was titled, "Confessions of a Hypocrite"  and shook the foundations of the seminary and students when he presented it.  

In true Covid form, perhaps we need to drop our masks and lead by confession rather than trying to lead by instruction and perfection?  

As for me, I'm limping my way toward Heaven.  Care to join me?

 

Culling Through Books

Back in 2008, I preached myself under conviction regarding the abundance of my possessions.  It was a Lenten series that did me in.  My response was to determine to reduce everything that I (personally) owned by one-half!  [I didn't try to mess with things that Deb and I owned together - I know my limits!]

I started with pants, shirts, socks, shoes, belts and other clothing items.  This area wasn't too hard for me. Then I went to the garage.  That was another story.  I felt the pain of parting with tools that I might someday need!  I legalistically proceeded through every category of my life and strictly enforced my 50% rule!

My greatest struggles came with books!  They're the tools of my trade.  But, I was persistent.  Some folks from New Middletown may remember that I set up long tables in the fellowship hall and gave them an opportunity to grab books before I hauled them to the Goodwill Store.  I ran into another wall of opposition when I came across a couple of boxes of old record albums.  I was tempted to fudge, but resisted the temptation!

Then, in 2012, the Spirit opened doors for us to go to China - much to our surprise!  Here we go again!  We rented a 10' by 20' storage unit and decided that it would have to hold our precious items until our return. This meant a massive reduction of 'stuff'!  At the time, we lived in a four-bedroom, tri-level parsonage;  and we had it packed.  So many things had to go:  pool table, table saw, lawn mower, living room furniture, Haire-loom dining room set, antiques, Christmas decorations, old files, etc., etc..  It took weeks for us to go through everything and kept us busy until the day we left town!

All this is a prelude to my culling through my books again.  Kittanning Free Methodist is having its bi-annual yard sale and I figured it was a good way to dispose of a lot of my books.  Other pastors will understand how challenging this is.  When people see the extensiveness of my library (which is half what it was before 2008), they often ask, "Have you read all of these books?"  The answer:  "Most of them!"  And most of them bear evidence that they've been read;  underlined passages, marginal comments and final page notes.

As I browse through books today, I'm creating two piles:  one to share with fellow pastors at an upcoming meeting, and another to give to the yard sale.

It's those final note pages that have me concerned!  It has been my custom through the years to write my personal opinions on the final page.  I will reveal how much I liked (disliked) or benefitted from the book.  I will indicate how it impacted me and if I made any changes as a result of reading it.  I'm tempted to tear some of these out before I release them into someone else's hands...

Here's an example:   [From the last page of Breaking the Discipleship Code]

Finished 5/21/08.  Read it in three days.  Pretty much straight through.

Good but not great.  It was a fast read.

The essentials were valuable to grasp.  I definitely need to be a missional follower of Christ.

At present I am not - nor have I ever been.  The church has spoiled me.

I literally wonder if the church can be redeemed.  

It feels, to me, that it is desperately entrenched in institutionalization and traditionalism.

I feel like the only way to be a missional follower of  Christ would be to leave the church as I know it!

Other final page notes have even stronger confessional elements.  Do I really want my private evaluations and thoughts to be read by others?  Maybe even printed in their blogs?  

Anyway, if you pick up a used book someday and find the last page ripped out, there's a strong possibility that it used to belong to me!  :-)

Disconnecting

I'm on retreat at Mt. Zion Retreat Center in Roaring Branch, Pennsylvania. I've been coming here for years to be alone with God and allow Him to attempt to recalibrate my soul.  Roaring Branch is near Canton, which is about an hour north of Williamsport on Route 14.

I'm a half-hour drive from my brother, Ira's, home.  I always get a visit in with him (and Joyce) while I'm in the area.

Mt. Zion is a quiet, out-of-the-way place.  I'm usually the only guest here.  In recent years they've given me a room in the lodge, which is a three-floor, fully fledged retreat center.  I'm in room 10 on the second floor this week.  It has a small desk, a double bed, a lamp and stand, and a desk chair. This is the first time I've had a room with a private bathroom.  I'm quite comfortable.  There's a refrigerator and microwave on the first floor for me to use.

This area has changed a lot over the last decade or so.  The gas recovery business has brought jobs and wealth.  Mt. Zion seems to have benefitted from this phenomenon.  I'm noticing much-needed improvements (including my new bathroom).  I also just noticed several massive windmills on the mountain overlooking Mt. Zion!

This is the ideal place to disconnect.  I'm ten miles from Canton and its stores, restaurants and cell service.  I get an occasional bar of service on my phone, which once-in-a-while lets a text message squeeze through.  I never had internet here before, but now am blessed (?) to have wifi in the retreat house.

It's not uncommon for me to spend five days here and not see or talk with anyone (except for the visit to my brother's house).  I read and nap and type and pray and think in a random schedule that suits me perfectly.  I live in the same clothes all week.  I don't shave.  I don't eat.  There's no television. My phone can't ring.  I'm surrounded by mountains.  The place is appropriately named.

I've noticed that I always feel lonely when I arrive (which is usually late on a Sunday).  Entering the silence and solitude is a difficult process to describe. I know I've been privileged as a pastor to have the freedom to practice this discipline.  There've been times when I've done this two (and even three) times a year!

I find that I sleep a lot the first day - usually in frequent naps.  My schedule changes radically.  I may read or write late into the night and then sleep.  I usually take a walk in the woods at least once a day. I play guitar a little and sing and praise the Lord.  I bring about fifty books with me so I have the resources I think I'll need to plan preaching series.  [I'm here this week to pray, plan and prepare for the Tri State Family Camp in July.]

It seems to take a full day to disconnect.  I never expect to get much done the first day.  I know I'll read and nap and think.  I journal a lot while I'm here; it helps to cleanse my thoughts.

Gradually though, I do disconnect.  My mind settles down.  I'm old-school, so I usually start my planning with a yellow pad and pencil.  Eventually, though, my fingers begin to play on the keyboard. At some point I always reflect on how wise I was to take that summer school typing class between my junior and senior years.  :-)

Debbie has never come with me.  She seems to know how precious this 'alone time' is for me.  I did take Travis on retreat with me once for several days.  I got him a private room.  He read constantly. We had some good talks and bonding time.  I remember that trip fondly!

Connecting with God has clear benefits.  I can count on a time when the thoughts begin to flow and my fingers can't move fast enough.  These are often the times when I will work till 3:00 AM without a stop.  When I awaken refreshed, I can step right back into the flow and continue the work. Having no distractions is an amazing blessing!

Getting clear with God is rich!  I've known for some time that I've been letting a distance grow with Him.  The last eight months have been full of disappointments for me.  In my sorrow, my relationship with God has suffered.  I've been needing some face-to-face time with Him.  Here I am, Lord!

I know that some would not enjoy this experience.  I also know that some who would enjoy it can't seem to make it happen for one reason or another. To some extent, I believe our constantly 'plugged-in' culture is detrimental to us in almost every way.  Our spiritual relationships - although occasionally buzzed by something we read or see on Facebook - suffer from a lack of solitude and silence.

Being alone in a room with Him for several days means you're going to eventually have to converse with Him.  I typically find that most of what I have to say takes the form of confession (a rare topic in Christianity these days).  For me, it's like taking roto-rooter to a clogged drain.  Once those channels are flowing again the communion is once again rich!

Day one is ending.  The silence is overwhelming.  I feel like I'm not alone in this room...

Open and Honest

I've received lots of feedback from a recent blog-post:  "Would You Still Love Me?".  Many people have simply indicated that they do still love me in spite of the struggle I'm having with re-entering American culture.  I must confess that I never expected such a response to my scribblings.

Quite a few have affirmed me for my honesty about passing through a tough time and dealing with chronic sadness.  One dear friend captured it best with her words:  "If people don't still love you because you bare your soul, did they really love you in the first place? I am not shocked or dismayed because you are having a hard time. I am glad that you openly shared what you are going through. How can people honestly lift you up in prayer, asking the Father for what you really need if you don't reveal what you really need?"

My greatest help has come from others who have also lived in another culture for an extended period of time.  Their words and assurances have helped me to see that what I'm going through is not unique.  One even reported that after two years of working here, she still wants to be back where she was serving. 

The article I wrote was my first venture into transparency.  I had spent a month in quiet misery.  Since the article I've been pretty candid in conversations and on-line dialogues - even with my students in China. 

Just tonight, I began a more open and honest sharing with Debbie about my feelings.  Although my words are hard to hear, I know she is glad that I've begun to express my feelings. 

It's clear that these ventures into transparency have begun a process of healing.  I'm certainly not there yet, but I have at least made a slight turn in the right direction.  I appreciate the prayers that some have lifted on my behalf.  I also appreciate your kind words.  A few even brought a smile to my face - something rare recently.

We really are in this together.  Remember all the "one another" passages in the New Testament?  We serve a vital role in helping one another stay healthy.  When we struggle alone and suffer quietly, we not only deepen our own pain but we also deprive others who love us of the opportunity to help us.  What a shame! 

In reality, we're all on one side or the other on occasions.  Much of the time I am capable of being a blessing and source of joy and encouragement to others.  However, sometimes I stumble into a pit that paralyzes me and causes me to think only negative thoughts.  [Yes, it's true - hard to believe, huh?]  At these times, I'm not much good to others!

Pride is our big enemy in those troubled times.  I don't want to admit that I'm struggling.  I want you to think that I'm always strong and capable.  But we all know what pride precedes - right?  After writing that first article, my finger hovered over the "Publish" button for several minutes before courage or foolishness got me to push it!

Hey, I'm not where I want to be yet and I'm certainly not where I need to be  -  but I'm also not where I was two weeks ago.  That's hopeful.

So, what's your take-away from this latest purging of my soul?  Drop me a note and let me know... 

Would You Still Love Me?

Confession is good for the soul - right?  James writes: "Get into the habit of confessing your sins to one another."

One of the toughest questions I've had to contend with lately is: "How are you?", or its kissing cousin, "How are things going?"

I know that these questions are only cultural mores. I know that the person expects a perfunctory response such as "Fine".  But to say that I'm fine when I'm not feels like deception. So goes my daily struggle.

Years ago I read a book by John Powell. It was titled, "Why am I afraid to tell you who I really am?"  I know - it's a really long title!  Toward the end of the book a young lady answers this question:  "Because if I tell you who I really am and you don't like me, it's all I have."

Baring one's soul is not socially acceptable - not even in church;  which is kind of a shame (based on the above scripture).

So, if I'm candid here - or painfully honest - will you still love me?

I've told several people lately that the last month wasn't the worst month of my life, but it does rank in the bottom three. Having to move twice in a month is a bummer - not to mention exhausting. But it's not really about the moving. It's mostly about having to leave a job and a city that I genuinely loved!

I knew our time was limited. I know I'm fortunate that Debbie was willing to stay for three years!  I'm grateful for that!  The fact remains that I didn't want to leave. I'll be honest;  the school could not offer me a new contract because of new age rules in our province. To continue in my role, we would have had to move to another province.

Still, I would have welcomed that!

We recently watched a Steve Martin/Goldie Hawn movie, "Out Of Towners".  In this movie, their trip to NYC turns into a nightmare!  Watching this movie seems to have triggered a déjà vu experience for us. Several times we expressed to each other our desire for something to go right!  It rarely did.

I didn't handle this well. I became angry and then depressed.

Too truthful for you?  Maybe you should bail out and go back to Facebook?

I've been in the dark for weeks now. I really want to go back to China to continue teaching - but that's not an option. It may never be - and I have to accept that.

A lot of things haven't gone the way I expected or wanted since July 26th (the day we left Changchun).

But, life goes on. I'm trying to rally. Some days I manage to feel a little hopeful;  other days - I fall back into the rut.

The chaos of our lives has destroyed the disciplines of my life. Much-needed solitude has been quarantined by the manifold daily demands.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel - I hope it's not the headlight of an oncoming train! Boxes are being unpacked. Jobs are getting done in our little trailer.  We have two vehicles now.  Order is slowly but surely returning. Another month and we may even be able to find some of the things we need!  That'll be cool.

In the meantime, I'm trying my best to climb out of the pit and accept my present circumstances. Progress is slow!

Sorry!  I know you want a strong, happy ending - but I just can't give you that today. Give me a couple months- or maybe longer.

So, how about it?  Do you still love me?

BECOME A GOOD REPENTER

I read those words in a book:  Secrets of the Secret Place, by Bob Sorge (recommended to me by Robin McFarren - thank you SO MUCH, Robin). 

Although I've lived immersed in the life of the church for most of my life, I must admit that I've seen very little repentance in the church.  It seems to be something done only at the point of an initial salvation experience. 

But think of it this way:  the closer you get to a holy God, the more you become aware of your imperfections!

If that statement is true (and I believe it is), then the growing believer will find him/herself repenting with ever-increasing frequency. 

Sorge writes: 

"I so very much long to please Him and to know His will, so my spirit diligently searches the recesses of my heart to see if there might be anything in me for which I need to repent."  He adds, "The only way to move forward in God is through repentance."

For those of us who have grown past the blatant, outward sins, we then begin to explore the deeper recesses of our fallen nature.  We move into the realm of thoughts, motives, feelings, responses and desires.  Sins in these areas are far more subtle.  It often takes silence, solitude, and the finger of God to point them out. 

I once heard an evangelist state that he hadn't sinned in seventeen years
...........................................................Liar, liar, pants on fire!

The crafters of the Westminster Confession believed that we sin in thought, word, and deed everyday.  I don't care to debate that here and now, but I do know this:  I am "...prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;  prone to leave the God I love."

I have a sinful nature and I have an enemy of my soul.  These two realities are turning me into A GOOD REPENTER!  How about you?

I'M A BOOK THIEF

As I sort through my books I have found several that belong to someone else!

Yikes! 

I never intended to steal their books!  They loaned the books to me.  They recommended them to me.  In a couple of cases I asked to borrow the book.  Then, they ended up on my bookshelf and blended in with my own books!

Stolen books, incognito on my shelves! 

My heart is clear - I didn't intend to steal them.  I feel guilt and sorrow over my inadvertant sin.

The implication is clear.  I must return the books!  I packaged one up yesterday and mailed it to its rightful owner.  Meanwhile, because the book had impacted me so powerfully, I got on Amazon and ordered my own copy!  :-)  I should have done that a long time ago!

Some will be handed back to the owner.  Others will be sent through the mail.  An apology will accompany each one.  I REALLY AM sorry to have kept their books so long! 

How many other sins lay hidden beneath the surface of my recognition?

Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me;  cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about;  see for Yourself whether I've done anything wrong - then guide me on the road to eternal life.
Psalm 139:23-24  (TM)

ADAM AND EVE

They knew something that none of the rest of us have known - a guilt free life!

We can only imagine what that must have been like.  No sin.  No remorse.  No shame.  No regrets. 

A clear conscience is a valuable thing! 

We don't hear it much these days, but when I was growing up in the church people gave testimonies describing what it was like for them to give their life to Christ. 

Over and over you heard things like: 

• "I feel so clean!"
• "It's like a burden has been lifted!"
• "I feel light as a feather!"
• "I'm free!"

In Pilgrim's Progress, at the point of salvation Pilgrim's napsack is released from his shoulders and rolls away from him.

I believe this is the closest we can come to experiencing what Adam and Eve knew.

Unfortunately for us, living in a sinful world causes us to accumulate more sin and guilt and shame. 

We must train ourselves to come regularly to God for forgiveness.  The prayer He taught His disciples was a model for daily prayer that included the words:  (Luke 11:3-4 - NASB)

Forgive us our sins, for we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.

If we are disciplined in staying close to God, we can enjoy the benefits of living with a clear conscience. 

You ask, "Is this possible?"

In Acts 23:1, the Apostle Paul says,

Brethren, I have lived my life with a perfectly good conscience before God up to this day.

So I would say, "Yes, it is possible!"

God didn't love Paul any more than He loves you! 

My Dad used to spend most of his evenings in his bedroom.  He had a nice radio and comfortable chair there and would spend the time listening to WBVP and reading the newspaper.  I would occasionally slip in to talk with him.  I often caught him on his knees at his bedside.  I never heard what he was saying, but I think he was clearing the slate before he went to bed!  Not a bad idea!

SIN IN THE CHURCH

I think I know why many people avoid church.

Too often, church has become a place for people who pretend that life is merry and good.  Meanwhile, their lives are actually miserable, lonely, falling apart, chaotic, addicted, desperate, confused, etc., etc.

Now, I confess that I don't know and experience the church everywhere.  However, what I've seen has lost the concept of  confession. 

It's interesting that we don't want people to know our weaknesses.  This is a prideful culture!  At all costs, we want people to think things are going great - even when they're tumbling apart. 

It's akin to our daily greetings:  "How are you?"  "Oh, I'm fine, thanks."

"No!  If you really want to know, I'm hurting deeply and need a true friend!"

But that doesn't happen.

When did we begin to feel that we must 'have it all together' so that people will think well of us?

Sometimes, in the church I lead, I feel like I'm the only one who struggles!  I think people take some kind of vicarious satisfaction out of my public sharing.  But I rarely hear someone else admit to weakness, pain, or struggle.

Several years ago one of the men in our church sent me a letter including his confession.  He spoke of indulgence in alcohol, ignoring God's Word and other personal issues.  He welcomed me to share the letter with our congregation.  When I did, there was hardly a dry eye in the sanctuary!

My study of great revivals indicates that almost every major revival began with a confession of personal sin.  Hmmm...

Of all the authors I've read, Brennan Manning speaks most powerfully to this issue.  If you're unfamiliar with him, he's a former Catholic priest and recovering alcoholic.  Here's a sample:

     Any church that will not accept that it consists of sinful men and women, and exists for them, implicitly rejects the gospel of grace.  As Hans Kung says:  “It deserves neither God’s mercy nor men’s trust."  The church must constantly be aware that its faith is weak, its knowledge dim, its profession of faith halting, that there is not a single sin or failing which it has not in one way or another been guilty of.  And though it is true that the church must always dissociate itself from sin, it can never have any excuse for keeping any sinners at a distance.  If the church remains self-righteously aloof from failures, irreligious and immoral people, it cannot enter justified into God’s kingdom.  But if it is constantly aware of its guilt and sin, it can live in joyous awareness of forgiveness.

     …There is a myth flourishing in the church today that has caused incalculable harm – once converted, fully converted.  In other words, once I accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, an irreversible, sinless future beckons.  Discipleship will be an untarnished success story;  life will be an unbroken upward spiral toward holiness.  Tell that to poor Peter who, after three times professing his love for Jesus on the beach and after receiving the fullness of the Spirit at Pentecost, was still jealous of Paul’s apostolic success (Galatians 2:11-21).    [The Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning, pp.30-31]

A GOOD WAY TO END A YEAR

Clear the slate!  Clean up your life!  Re-establish your priorities!  Don't live your life being blown by the winds of culture, others, circumstances, or tradition!  Live your life with purpose! 

Traditions often become traditions because a value is present that contributes to the common good.

The Communion Ritual that has passed down from Catholicism, through Anglicanism, through Methodism, and is still available to the Church - even though most congregations ignore it - contains a prayer that we could all benefit from:

Almighty God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, maker of all things, judge of all men, we confess that we have sinned, and we are deeply grieved as we remember the wickedness of our past lives.  We have sinned against You, Your holiness, and Your love, and we deserve only Your indignation and anger.

We sincerely repent, and we are genuinely sorry for all wrongdoing and every failure to do the things we should.  Our hearts are grieved, and we acknowledge that we are hopeless without Your grace.

Have mercy upon us.

Have mercy upon us, most merciful Father, for the sake of Your Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ, who died for us.

Forgive us.

Cleanse us.

Give us strength to serve and please You in newness of life and to honor and praise Your name, through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

Praying this wonderful prayer with an open heart and with sincerity will clean your heart!

II Corinthians 13:5 (LB)
Check up on yourselves.  Are you really Christians?  Do you pass the test?  Do you feel Christ's presence and power more and more within you?  Or are you just pretending to be Christians when actually you aren't at all?

Our culture and our enemy robs you daily by making you think that you don't have time for the spiritual disciplines that can make you strong and keep you grounded.  It's Satan's lie!  You are the master of your fate! 

Find some time.  Make some time to reflect on this devotional.  It's a good way to end a year!

CORRUPTION

Psalm 53:2-3 (NASB)
God has looked down from heaven upon the sons of men to see if there is anyone who understands, who seeks after God.  Every one of them has turned aside;  together they have become corrupt;  there is no one who does good, not even one.

I read a story this morning about Billy Graham making some anti-Semitic  remarks to President Richard Nixon many years ago.  These remarks were picked up in a recording and reported.  Dr. David McKenna writes:  "One can envision Billy Graham, the North Carolina farm boy, being seduced by the power of the Oval Office and for a moment losing the prophetic voice that would have dared to refute the president of the United States."

However, Graham immediately admitted he was wrong, repented of his words, and asked forgiveness.  In addition, he disciplined himself by limiting the subject of any presidential audience to prayer and spiritual counsel.  A wise decision!

How do you handle the sin that creeps into your life?  We are all sinners.  God struggles to find one of us who is living life His way! 

The real issue seems to be how we handle indiscretions.  Are we quick to repent?  Do we apologize to God and others?  Do we set guards to keep it from happening again? 

These are the actions that lead us to long-term holiness!  That's what I'm seeking - how about you?