SUBTERRANEAN SADNESS

I have a faint memory of slipping into my bedroom during the Christmas season when I was a young boy, where I would lay on my bed in the darkness and brood.  It didn’t happen regularly, but I seem to recall it happening several times.  What was this about?

I lived in a healthy, happy home where I was loved and cared for. My needs were met and I had no real problems in my young life.  Why do I associate these few random times with Christmas? 

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I am proud of the churches that offer a ‘Blue Christmas’ service.  It provides an opportunity and gives permission for people to have trouble while processing through the Christmas season.  I wish that I had thought of this idea when I was leading the church. 

As a counselor who has worked with hundreds of couples and individuals over the years, I think this is a worthy topic to address.

Why do some of us have periodic bouts with depression?  Why do they occur when they do?  Are there any tools we can employ to help process these times?  Is there knowledge that can help us understand and cope with these times?

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There is no way to address this topic comprehensively in a single blog post – but let’s at least introduce the topic. 

Many draught-ridden areas around our globe have learned to benefit by tapping into underground rivers and reservoirs.  That’s a positive thing!

Similarly, I have come to understand that some of us have rivers of ‘subterranean sadness’ that periodically find their way to the surface and cause us problems.

What provokes these eruptions of sadness? 

Sometimes – like the Christmas season – it could simply be the emphasis on joy and celebration!  The simple expectation that we should be happy may – in and of itself – trigger sadness.  We’re speaking of the emotional realm here where things are not always governed by laws and principles!  Our emotional make-up is integral to who we are and how we experience life. 

Some psychologists suggest that our minds log everything!  Everything?  That’s a lot to process and keep organized [or suppressed].  Everything includes bad experiences and sad moments that marked us significantly.  It’s easy to understand how memories that we’ve repressed tend to gravitate to the surface and become a problem for us again.

REPRESSED is a term used by counselors that implies pushing down uncomfortable feelings, experiences and memories into our subconscious without fully dealing with or understanding  their ramifications. 

Counselors believe that these memories percolate on a deep-memory-level.  Consider this a dormant stage.  However, when circumstances in our life provoke these memories, they are believed to migrate back into our consciousness along with their recollections of pain, sorrow, anger, hurt, etc., etc..

So, we’re rolling along, doing pretty well, when suddenly – through life’s normal interplay of people and events – we find ourselves feeling vulnerable and distracted.  We don’t understand what’s going on.  Emotions are POWERFUL!  They handicap us!  They have the power to distract us and distort our normal way-of-being. 

The result – DEPRESSION! 

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Most of us need help, instruction, comfort, and trust to navigate our way through these complex, emotional sand traps. 

The best place to turn is to a trained and qualified counselor!  By doing so, we gain:

·         Their objectivity

·         Anonymity [We see them for a period and then move on…]

·         Their expertise.

Many turn to friends and/or family, but this incorporates risks.  Sharing secret hurts and past experiences with those from our closest circles runs the risk of changing the dynamics of those relationships  -  something that we may not anticipate, but may regret.

Some pastors have training and gift packages that allow them to be effective interventionists for these life-interruptions.  Others, however, have no interest and no skills that are appropriate to this challenge. 

Before closing this article, I’d like to mention three observations that I have made through the years that have helped me cope with and learn from my depressive dips.

1.    Having served as a spiritual guide through the years, I have observed that there is always a satanic factor involved in these depressive episodes and that it usually has most to do with their timing!

It might be helpful to sit down with a journal and ask yourself some questions:

·         Why am I experiencing this depressive episode right now?

·         What is going on in my life that has triggered this sadness?

·         Is there a particular memory that is pervasive right now?

·         When have I felt this way before?

     This is an excellent opportunity to exercise the ancient, spiritual practice of meditation!  Sit quietly and uninterrupted and talk with God about your present experience.  Ask God to shed light on this unwelcome experience.  Write down whatever thoughts that may come to your mind – however unrelated they may seem.  At a later time, these observations may make sense! 

2.    I have to talk if I want to grow through this experience!

So many have protested through the years: “What good does talking about it do?” 

Well, the science is now in!  The evidence reveals that the process of talking changes the chemical make-up in our brain! 

Talking – especially with a properly trained person – can indeed help!  We gain perspective from a guide who has our best interests at heart.  We have truths and observations reflected to us that allows us to look at a situation in a new way.  We gain insights!  These insights will help us with future eruptions. 

3.    There is usually a spiritual factor that I need to recognize, work through or confess.

Here is where speaking with a pastor might truly be helpful. 

It is also a point where an increased exposure to scripture might open doors of understanding. 

There are books that might be helpful.  Two that I would recommend are both by the late David A. Seamands:  HEALING OF MEMORIES and HEALING FOR DAMAGED EMOTIONS [both currently available on Amazon for very low prices]. 

When I deal with a persistent depression, I turn to D. Martyn Lloyd Jones’ book, SPIRITUAL DEPRESSION: It’s Causes and It’s Cures.  It’s heavy reading that most would not respond to.  I don’t believe I’ve ever finished reading it!  Usually after the first five chapters, I have gained insight and perspective and have made adjustments to my spiritual life. 

Do an honest self-search!  What does God want you to learn from this experience?  How is He working to create in you a greater dependence on Him? 

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I hope these ruminations have provoked some hope in you as you address the ‘subterranean sadness’ that is rattling your life currently.  There is hope!  You can grow as a result of this depressive experience.  You can gain understanding that will equip you to be more effective in dealing with these interruptions in the future!  GOD BLESS AND HELP YOU!

DEPRESSION

I’m just emerging from a fairly extended time of suffering from depression.  

I’m writing about it in hopes that my musings might be helpful to someone else whose experiences parallel mine. 

For the record, I have not always dealt with this problem.  It began when I succumbed to a major episode of burn-out much earlier in my ministry.  I stepped out of my role for several months.  It’s a story of its own, but God played a major part in my recovery and re-entry to ministry.  Alma Kelly, a lay leader at the church I served also played a significant role in salvaging me for future ministry! 

My next interruptive experience was when I was about forty.  There is little doubt in my mind that it was a direct result of stress.  At the time, I was pastoring a church that had doubled in size.  In addition, I was attending seminary in Pittsburgh four days-a-week.  Then, of course, I was trying to fulfill my goal of being a great husband and dad.  During this period, we owned our own home for seven years;  it entailed a fairly large amount of time for maintenance and upkeep!  Poor money management combined with high educational expenses along with a chronically low salary created financial distress that became a frequent trigger for my depression.  These factors eventually brought me to a place of emotional and social shut-down.

I didn’t see it coming.  It scared me.  I was emotionally frozen.  I desperately wanted to withdraw.  I knew I needed help, but didn’t know where to turn. 

Describing the experience of depression would likely be different for each individual who deals with it.  For me, it commonly manifests with the following symptoms:

• Verbal shut-down
• Inability to think positive thoughts
• A sense of lostness – not knowing where to turn
• A general sense of anger
• Social withdrawal

I have functioned in this state for extended periods of time, but doing so takes exceptional energy and exhausts me.  I can only say that it is an awful experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone!  I eventually realized that my cycle was about three weeks in duration.  Gradually, I would emerge from the darkness.  Incrementally, I would regain my balance and begin to find joy in life again.

You can imagine the impact this had on Debbie and my family. 

I turned to counselors and other pastors during these times.  I believe these interventions were helpful.  As a counselor, I know the value of talking about our problems in a trusting environment.  Although I never really experienced a catharsis, I am certain that these caring interventions cleansed me somewhat and directed me as well. 

I am happy to say that in time, my condition improved and these episodes became less frequent.  I seemed to find a balance.  I learned to manage my stress levels better.  After eleven years of focus and commitment, we became debt-free!  This removed one of my enemy's most used triggers against me!  The woods became my cathedral.  I used my day off (Mondays) to get into nature to hike and talk with God!  A week or more of backpacking every year had a retreat-like effect.  Actually, the one miracle that I've experienced took place on an extended backpacking trip!  Incredible story!  

As I grew older, I came to a point when I thought that depression was a thing of the past.  I was wrong.  Depression is not a common companion anymore;  for that I am grateful.  However, it does visit me from time-to-time, and I seem unable to predict when those times may occur. 

I have not yet fully unpacked the causes of my latest episode.  I am just now beginning to be able to think clearly and objectively.  I know that Debbie prays for me!  That’s huge!  I suspect, at times, that she may mention my need to others among our family and friends.  Recently, I’ve noticed an unusual number of people asking me – very deliberately – “How are you doing, Hal?”  I highly value the prayers of those who love me – although I rarely seek the prayer support of those same people.  I can’t explain that…

So, throughout this learning experience, I have discovered value in:

• diet
• exercise
• journaling
• counseling
• reflection
• proper sleep routines

But the thing that is most helpful is connecting with God!  I am not always willing or able to do this right away.  I can’t explain this fully.  I can tell you this:  one of my last resources is a book.  I bought it years ago and found that it helped me during times of depression.  No surprise that it is a book of sermons:  SPIRITUAL DEPRESSION – Its Causes and Its Cure, by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones. 

I’m not sure that I’ve ever read the whole book.  By the time I get several chapters into it, I find myself thinking more clearly – more biblically.  When I get my thinking straight – my emotions tend to follow!  ;-)

Two weeks ago, I mentioned to my pastor that I was experiencing a period of rather extreme depression.  He assured me that he would be praying for me.  He also mentioned the above book.  I told him what a life-saver it had been to me through the years.  Then, he suggested two other books and offered to buy them for me.  Last night he presented me with them.  I have already consumed one about the great preacher, Charles Haddon Spurgeon  [SPURGEON’S SORROWS – Realistic Hope for those who Suffer from Depression].  It has been an enormous help and blessing to me!  I will read the other today [CHRISTIANS GET DEPRESSED TOO, by David Murray]! 

If you struggle with depression, take hope in the fact that you are not alone.  The scriptures address this issue with abundance [for instance:  Psalm 42:5,11].  Read a good book!  Recruit prayer from your pastor, family and closest friends!  Talk to someone who will be patient with you and will listen and respond gracefully.  Make an appointment with a counselor. 

And, if you’d like to talk with me – I am available.  I have a counseling degree, but that’s not as valuable as the fact that I’ve been in a similar place as you!  [To call/text:  (724) 944-3881]  If nothing else, I would be happy to add you to my prayer list! 

May God break through and shine His light on you TODAY! 

PS - review the above words in bold print - they're EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!