I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

It's one of the stand-by Christmas songs that raises a feeling of nostalgia for many.  It's had special meaning for a lot of folks who have loved ones serving in the military or who are otherwise located in far flung places around the globe.  

The key word is - of course - HOME!  We all knew it all along; Dorothy was right!  There's no place like home!  Home is where the heart is!  Hopefully for most, it's a place of warm memories and vital relationships.

All of us feel sorrow for those who were raised in a manner that failed to nourish and protect the intimacies, safety and vital connections of a loving, caring family!  It's painful to recognize that this day holds no affection for many - it's just the longest day of the year to get through.  SAD!

The progression of life changes our perspective and our practices as we grow through its various stages.  

When we're young and still believe in Santa, its a time like no other!  We are VERY self-centered and can't wait for Christmas morning to see what he has delivered!

As we grow, we realize that family connections are a priority as we spend the day sharing gifts, special food, and lots of candy!  We may gain a deeper appreciation during these years for the way our parents have protected and guarded us through the years.  We realize that they invested deeply, lovingly and sacrificially to make this season special for us.

Eventually - for many - we enter the phase of making our own home!  We marry and eventually have children of our own!  Now the process begins again but our role has become the one of creating special memories in an environment of security and love!  We marvel at the joy we can create in our little ones and cherish these moments with photos and mental snapshots!

All too soon, a couple of decades slip by and the de-nesting phase is thrust upon us!  There may be a few elastic years where college-age children still return home.  They may also bring a friend or a romantic prospect along for certain elements of our Christmas traditions.  But eventually, they launch into their own adult lives and we find ourselves exchanging gifts quietly with a lot less fanfare in the solitude of our empty home.  Yes, it's sad, but phone calls, the arrival of surprise packages, and even invitations to "come for Christmas" add value to our celebration.

For those of us who sincerely love the Lord, the celebration of His Coming remains central!  We find new ways to express our gratitude to God for giving us such a wonderful and meaningful gift!  We may open our home to others.  We value the meaning gained from our church's programs and special events!

Many of us come to a place of genuinely celebrating the love we have for our spouse who has accompanied us through all these years of experiences and the making of memories!  We come to realize that the sharing of these memories is the glue that holds us together in the midst of so many changes.

In some cases - sadly - a spouse is left alone to face the Christmases that may be left.  They are often enfolded by family and given the opportunity to feel the love and acceptance that they initiated so long ago!  New friendships may also populate their lives adding value and creating new memories and experiences.  

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The Haire household has certainly experienced these transitions!  Having moved over fifteen times, we learned not to associate our memories so strongly to one house or town.  Debbie has been such an effective homemaker that our kids learned to think of wherever we lived as HOME!  Her touch and gift of making every place we lived into a warm, comfortable space allowed our kids to walk in, plop down and enjoy that wonderful feeling associated with being HOME!  

For quite a number of years we learned to flex our date for Christmas from early December to late January to suit Travis' military schedule.  It didn't bother us a bit!  While others were working and otherwise deployed, we were celebrating the depth of our love and the fun of being together!  

Our traditions have changed.  We've learned to enjoy the season of focusing on each other and acknowledging the joy that we've experienced in our fifty-one years of marriage!  In case you're wondering: love gets deeper with added years!  Debbie's beauty magnifies as she ages!  How I rejoice at the wisdom God gave me to seek her out and pursue her when I was just a sixteen-year-old boy!  😉

This year, we'll slip into Tracie and Jon's home for a few days right after Christmas!  We'll share good food and fun memories.  We'll play games and repeat stories.  We'll exchange gifts and love on one another.  It'll be fun and will launch us into the new year with a positive attitude!

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Wherever you are in this matrix of possibilities, make the best of it.  Don't sit at home and let this wonderful season pass you by!  Engage.  Stretch!  Take some risks!  Find a few to share your joy, food and memories with!  It's far too rich a season to simply sit out!  

A REMARKABLY PERSONAL PSALM

Psalm 16 would probably be considered an unremarkable one.  If MANY have memorized Psalm 23, I imagine that very few have made any attempt to memorize Psalm 16.  Yet, as I read it this morning, I experienced God's blessing.  Let me unpack some of it for you.

In verse 1, David acknowledges:

"Protect me, God, for the only safety I know is found in the moments I seek You."

[All quotes from The Voice Bible unless otherwise noted]

I realized that the calmest moments of my day are when I sit in the darkness of my study early in the morning and have a talk with God.  Even then, however, my mind is beginning to churn with thoughts about my day and things on my 'to-do' list.  Repeatedly, I have to return to my conversation with Him apologizing for my wandering mind.  But He's patient with me.  :-)  It's a cuddling time and I highly value it!

In verse 2, David speaks directly to God:

I told You, Eternal One, "You are my Lord, for the only good I know in this world is found in You alone."

I was taught to pray when I was quite young by my mother.  "God is good.  God is great!"  He has never let me down!  In spite of living a blessed life, Debbie and I have faced some pretty serious challenges.  I could start to enumerate them here, but you'd quickly get tired of reading.  Suffice it to say that I used to always open worship with the phrase:

GOD IS GOOD - ALL THE TIME!

 The congregation quickly learned to respond:

AND ALL THE TIME - GOD IS GOOD!  😊

 In verse 3, David expresses gratitude for his fellow believers.

"The beauty of faith-filled people encompasses me.  They are true, and my heart is thrilled beyond measure."

Our Christian family and friends have proven to be faithful to us over the years!  

• They've blessed us with financial help so many times!
• They've comforted us in times of deep sorrow!
• They've shared their resources with us!
• They've inconvenienced themselves so many times to help us!
• They've proven their love for us so many times and in so many ways!

Verse 5 is David's testimony of confidence in God!

"You, Eternal One, are my sustenance and my life-giving cup. In that cup, You hold my future and my eternal riches."

Although I don't know for certain, I suspect that David may be an older man when he writes this.  As I grow older, I find my trust in God growing more and more significant.  I'm more aware now than I've ever been that my days are limited.  Debbie and I have had 'the talk' repeatedly about who will go first, and what life will be like for the one who remains.  

But we mutually agree that God has been so good to us! And we know - with certainty - that according to John 11:36, [Jesus speaking] "...And whosoever liveth and believeth in Me shall never die.”  You see, we believe we have built up treasure in Heaven AND the possibility of rewards as well!  

In verse 6, David speaks of his home.

"My home is surrounded in beauty;  You have gifted me with abundance and a rich legacy."

After living most of our lives in parsonages, we now - in retirement - have our own home!  We can put a nail in the wall anywhere we want!  We're currently remodeling our living room!  Our home is nestled into a hillside of pines and other trees.  We look out over two lovely ponds and fields of grazing sheep!  David would love this place!  

Our kids love and serve the Lord!  We have so much to be thankful for!  

In verse 8, David senses God's presence.

"He is ever present with me; at all times He goes before me.  I will not live in fear or abandon my calling because He stands at my right hand."

Although I am not aware of God's presence in my life every minute - or even close to that.  However, I believe His Word and trust in His protective and guiding hand!

In verse 9, David is satisfied.

"This is a good life - my heart is glad, my soul is full of joy, and my body is at rest.  Who could want for more?  

True contentment is a wonderful thing!  All is well!  This experience is never more complete than when you have experienced peace with God and are walking in His ways!

Well, this has gone on long enough.  Oh, just one more!  😂

In verses 10-11, David's peace is based on the fact that he is eternally secure in the promises of his God!

"You will not abandon me to experience death and the grave or leave me to rot alone.  Instead, You direct me on the path that leads to a beautiful life. As I walk with You, the pleasures are never ending, and I know true joy and contentment."

David's walk with God has brought him to a place of assurance that has taken away any fear of death!  His mind seems to be on Heaven as he writes these words.  Although - at this point in his life - David does not have much to go on regarding Heaven, he seems to intuit that he will somehow not be separated from God.

We - on the other hand - have loads of information about Heaven in our Bibles!  Detailing that information is for another time and place.  However, just a hint from I John 3:2,

"Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is."

DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILES

 I'm sure you've noticed that even the word dysfunctional is spelled dysfunctionally.  :-)

Wikipedia defines a dysfunctional family:

A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continuously and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions.

I think it's safe to say that Isaac and Rebekah had a dysfunctional family.  And they all suffered as a result!  

Isaac seems to have developed a preference for his first-born son, Esau.  Rebekah took a special interest in the second-born, Jacob.  We must keep a door open that her actions could have been motivated by the fact that God had told her:

“Two nations are in your womb,
    and two peoples from within you will be separated;
one people will be stronger than the other,
    and the older will serve the younger.”

 Chuck Swindoll suggests that there were other ways God could have brought this about:  

• Truthfulness with the boys from the beginning - helping them to understand that this was God's will for their lives.
• Equal love for both boys from both parents.  Esau could have graciously released the birth rite to Jacob in humble obedience to God's sovereign will.
•  Jacob could have received the blessing and offered to share his wealth and privilege freely with Esau.   [Fascinating Stories of Forgotten Lives,  pp.51-69]

 Instead, Isaac and Rebekah appear to have lost the closeness of their marriage relationship.  We don't even know if she ever told Isaac about God's message regarding Isaac.  She clearly - like Jacob - practiced deception against Isaac.  While likely loving each of the boys, they played favorites.  

The end is sad!  Isaac feels betrayed.  Esau is enraged and plans to kill his brother after his father dies.  Rebekah is worried over the whole situation.  And Jacob is fearful and forced to leave his homeland.  

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So, what is the biblical formula for a healthy marriage and family?

A Husband is to Love his Wife
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it”   Ephesians 5:25

A Husband is to Cling to His Wife
“Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will cling to his wife: and they will be one flesh.”    Genesis 2:24     [The implication of this (and other passages) is sexual exclusivity and fulfillment.]

A Wife is to Submit to Her Husband
Wives, yield to your husbands, as you do to the Lord,  Ephesians 5:22  (New Century Version)    [Debbie always preferred the TLB version of I Peter 3:1, Wives, fit in with your husband's plans...]

Marriage is a Covenant – so God is Part of Every Marriage
“… the LORD hath been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously: yet is she your companion, and the wife of your covenant.” Malachi 2:14     That sets it apart from other relationships!  Paul declares this unity to be a profound mystery in Ephesians 5:32.

Forgiveness is the Key to Happiness in the Home
“And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32

Train Children Early and Consistently                                                    “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6. The Hebrew means from infancy to adolescence, while training carries the connotation of narrowing or hedging in. Training a child means appropriate instruction according to the age of the child, and it begins in infancy.

Teach Your Children about God                                                               "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.  “ Deuteronomy 6:6–9. 

Hal's Personal Counsel                                                                              PRAY!  Pray alone!  Pray together as a couple!  Pray together as a family!  Pray individually with your kids!  Walk them to their beds - even when they become teens - and sit and talk with them and pray over them!  Prayer has a healing, comforting, assuring effect!  DON'T IGNORE IT!!!!!

HOME

How do you define 'Home'? 

• It's the place where you keep all your stuff.
• It's where you live.
• It's the place from which you orient your life.
• It's where you eat and sleep.
• It's where you rest and relax from your work and other activity.
• It's where your family connects meaningfully and interacts.

In American culture, our homes range from shacks to mansions.  When we lived in Kentucky, I remember seeing homes where the chickens wandered in-and-out of the house the same as the people. 

Sandi Patty used to sing, "Home Is Where The Heart Is."  By this, I think she meant that it is where love is cultivated and exchanged among family members.

Debbie has always been so good at making a house into a home!  We've almost always opened our home for groups and other guests;  they quickly attest to the warmth they sense when they walk into our living room.  What's that about?

Our homes have never been extravagant.  Debbie's decorations, although nice, are not expensive items.  Our furniture has often been worn and uncomfortable from much use.  Our carpets have had unfortunate stains from a wide variety of 'accidents'. 

Yet, our home has always been a respite to me from the stresses and pressures of being a pastor.  She's consistently created a 'safe zone' for us. 

Since our marriage (almost exactly 39 years ago) we have lived in at least twelve different places.  Each one has been a comfortable haven.

Our kids have returned to our various houses to visit us;  they've never complained.  Even though the place may have changed, it's still HOME! 

Right now, 'home' is Travis' cabin on the Tri-State Campground in East Liverpool.  It's a humble place to live.  No AC - but a good supply of fans.  We walk across the drive to use public restrooms;  however, since camp ended we each have large private bathrooms!  :-)  We've been hot.  Most mornings we're cold and damp.  We cook on a grill and in a microwave.   We have a small, flatscreen TV that we watch DVDs on.  My biggest inconvenience has been not having TV reception;  I really do miss watching the Olympics.
We've been here for a month and we probably have another month before we move on. 

Then, Debbie will face the challenge of making a small apartment in Changchun into our new 'home' for the next year.  And I assure you, we'll entertain LOTS of Chinese students while we're there!  And beyond that - who knows?  Maybe more China.  Or a year in Europe?  Or Africa?  Or back to the States? 

But, no matter where we are, my wife will turn it into a HOME!