SELECTING A SPOUSE

In reading through I Samuel, I came across the story of David’s intersection with an odd couple. The man’s name was Nabal [which means ‘fool’] and his wife’s name was Abigail.

Nabal was a very prosperous farmer/rancher with 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats.

The scripture gives a description of this couple:

The woman was intelligent and good-looking, the man brutish and mean.

[I Samuel 25:3  -  All quotes from The Message Bible unless otherwise noted]

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How does this happen? How do beautiful women and mean-spirited men choose one another [or vice versa].

I can’t believe that I’m about to reference a Hallmark movie to illustrate this point!

Last night I watched a Hallmark movie about a woman who had moved to a small town – with her young son – to restart her life after a failed marriage. She eventually reflected on this marriage as having been an impulsive and immature decision. After having the son, they simply drifted apart and then divorced.

Then, of course, enters the man who has returned home for a brief stint of teaching in the local elementary school. He had a deep love in this town many years earlier and since it ended has been unable to establish roots anywhere. He travels the country as a substitute teacher.

Through a number of awkward and humorous vignettes, these two repeatedly run into one another and eventually discover that there is a mutual interest in exploring the possibility of having a relationship. 

They’re each mature enough at this point in their lives to evaluate the complex and sacrificial changes that they would have to make if they choose to develop and mature this relationship!

Surprise! Surprise! The movie has a happy ending! 😊  *

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It rather lamely illustrates my point.

There is no training for selecting a spouse. For the most part, it’s largely dependent on our circle of friends and the ‘magic of love’.

This process lacks the specificity that we might expect it to have. For instance, do you know anyone who asked their intended spouse to have a battery of physical tests to see if they were healthy or what their prognosis is for a long life?  I just saw your jaw drop!  😄  Of course not! Don’t be silly, Hal.

Do we have them take a psychological test to evaluate their mental health?

🙄  C’mon, Hal!

Do we consult with family and friends to get their opinion about the potential for our compatibility before we ‘Pop the Question’?  How many women – when the man drops down on his knee to offer her a ring – push the ‘Pause’ button and say something totally reasonable like: “I hope you’re not offended, but this is a big step and I’m going to need some time to think it through.”? 😳

I retired from my role as a pastor in 2017. Throughout my years, I mandated ten hours of counseling for every couple that I married. I also asked them to attend worship together while we were doing the counseling. I became trained in the Taylor/Johnson Temperament Analysis instrument so that I could have some relatively objective ways of considering their compatibility potential. This was a costly investment on my part since these counseling sessions usually involved evenings or weekends. But, it was important to me to help launch them with the information and tools that could help them to have a great marriage! Also, once they got to know me – it gave them a viable place to return to – if they ran into trouble down-the-road. The topics we discussed together were:

·        Finances – lawyers report that finances are a key cause of most divorces.

·        Sex – I focused on the differences between the male and female approaches to relationships. Most couples became quite animated with these discussions.!

·        How-to-fight-fair – This was a fun topic where we discussed many helpful techniques for fighting that could lead them to more productive results!

·        Children/Parenting – It always surprised me how many couples had never discussed vital questions like:

Ø Are we going to have children?

Ø When will we start this process?

Ø How many children do you think we will have?

Massive disappointment and contention can result from a failure to discuss these issues!

·        We usually ended by talking about Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. This always led to valuable learning sessions that were very personal to the couple and how they experienced love.

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Without direction and seasoned input, Abigails keep marrying Nabals, and the pain destroys people’s lives for long periods.

NOTICE:

Although I’m a pastor, I’m only now bringing up the idea of consulting with God!

I began every wedding with the same words:

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here today in the presence of God… 

Wise couples will do some spiritual discerning about this most important decision of their lives!

Nabal’s will not likely offer to pray with Abigails. 

HERE’S AN OBSERVATION:

If you don’t pray together during the courting period, why would you think that you’ll pray together after you’re married?

Some will think me strange for saying this, but our sexual relationship isn’t the most intimate thing we will do!

Talking together to God is the most intimate thing you can do!

I snuggle into my warm bed each night and quietly pray until I fall asleep. Yesterday, I said goodbye to Deb for four days. She’s going to stay with my sister-in-law this week to encourage her and help her recuperate from a broken arm. As we said goodbye, I told her: “I was praying for Joyce last night as I went to sleep. Please tell her that I love her and am praying for her.”

Deb responded – as she has on many other occasions: “I heard you praying and was agreeing with you!”

She has repeatedly affirmed me that the closest she feels to me is when we lie in bed together with my arm around her and we pray!

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Here’s a final note:

My blog audience is typically an older group of people. Many reading this are likely to have made marriage choices many years ago.

But guess what?  You can still breathe new life into a relationship by addressing some of the things we’ve discussed here. It’s NEVER too late!

Also, maybe you'd like to refer someone you care about to this blog for their personal benefit?

* For those who are dying to know what movie it was: A Harvest Homecoming.

A PRE-CHRISTMAS DATE: Young Love compared to Seasoned Love

Deb and I are fresh back from doing some Christmas shopping and having a nice lunch together at Longhorn Steakhouse! We dressed up and made it into a special time.

But before I can tell you more, I must provide some background information.

Through the years, I’ve struggled with the purchasing of appropriate Christmas gifts for Debbie. There was a season when I bought her appliances and kitchen gizmos. I’ve been wise enough to almost always include some jewelry among her gifts. Some years they were dangled for weeks ahead on the Christmas tree, only to be discovered on Christmas Day after she opened a special, romantic card.

 

I also shopped for her buying her clothing for a few years. I walked through classy department stores and bought her sweaters or tops that I really liked. I remember one that I purchased at Penney’s in the Northern Lights Shopping Plaza in Baden many years ago! It was pure white, with a fair amount of embroidery, with short sleeves and a slight V-neck. I thought it was glamorous! I spent far more money on it than I should have. - - - - - I never saw it after Christmas Day! 😶

 

Somewhere along the way, I realized that I was severely missing the mark!

 

I’m a reasonably intelligent guy and thought to myself: Harold, think this through! There’s got to be a way for you to buy gifts for Deb that will thrill and please her.

 

That’s when I hatched my plan!

 

In early November [while stores are still well supplied with merchandise and sale prices are beginning to become available] I set a date with Deb during the daytime. I took her to the mall and just sauntered through with her. I made sure that we walked through Penney’s and Macy’s Department Stores as well as pausing at a few jewelry stores. Then, it was essential to walk through Yankee Candle and Bath-and Body! Because Victoria’s Secret was right next to Yankee Candle, I always paused to see if she showed any interest in shopping there [Hey! What can I say? I’m only human! 😏]

 

When she would stop and look at certain items, I made mental notes about where we were and which items she picked up. I was discreet and made no comments. I was only present as an observer!

 

Then, the very next day I retraced our steps and purchased many of the items that she had examined. Later, I – very poorly – wrapped these items and placed them under the tree. In most cases, Christmas was still six weeks away, so I don’t believe she ever put two-and-two together. I had solved the problem! From that point on, she was almost always delighted with the gifts that I presented to her. 🙂

 

For whatever reason, a few years ago she seemed reluctant to go shopping with me so early. As a result, I divulged my secret and told her what I had been doing. She thought it was really great and declared that she had not caught on to my plan.

So – today was the day! After her Physical Therapy session, we dressed nicely, hopped into the car and headed for Boardman. First, we walked through Kohl’s. Then, we migrated to T. J. Maxx. She used her card at Kohl’s to get an extra 30% off [I’ll pay that bill for her – of course]! By the time we’d walked through these two stores she was pretty tired and my leg had gone numb. Being a veteran of shopping with my wife, I took my chair-cane with me. I always get a lot of looks when I set it up and sit down to rest for a few moments! ☺

That’s when we headed for the Steakhouse! It was probably 2:30 PM. We were seated immediately and had a relaxing and thoroughly enjoyable late lunch together. We gave thanks, enjoyed our appetizer, along with our salads, loaded-baked-potato and potato soup! We brought enough home to have for supper later this evening!  👍

We talked and enjoyed the beauty of this day as we drove to and from Boardman. After a fairly long period of several months affected by her hip pain, surgery and recovery  – it was a most enjoyable treat for us! 

I’ve already told her that I think we should do it again – next week! As for now, two bags of gifts are stashed in my study waiting for me – with my ‘all-thumbs approach’ to wrap them for her delight!   

If nothing else, I can testify to the fact that there is some truth to the old phrase: “Older and Wiser!”

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Maybe next week we’ll hit Victoria’s Secret?   -    [Hey! I’m old, but I’m not dead!  😁]

ALL THIS FROM WATCHING A MOVIE?

Okay, I’m about to divulge a few of my secrets. Deb and I enjoy watching TV together almost every evening. We seek out clean, wholesome programming that doesn’t offend us and then tend to binge-watch until we’re caught up to current programming.

We also watch old movies that have proven the test of time.

We watch newer movies also, but select them very carefully. We’re not drawn to the improbable, unrealistic action movies that tend to mark this period.

One technique for finding good movies is to follow the career of an actor or actress that we have enjoyed in a movie. The hope is that if they made one good movie, perhaps they’ve made others.

I used this approach after watching a Christmas movie that we really enjoyed the other night [by the way, it’s early for us to be watching Christmas movies]. The movie that we watched and enjoyed was “A Kindhearted Christmas” [2021] starring Jennie Garth and Cameron Mathison. The plot was very low-key and believable. We were entranced as we watched. Both actors were admirable. It was a genuinely realistic ‘feel-good’ plot.

So – I looked to see other movies that Jennie had made. Lo and behold, there was an earlier movie [2013] that featured both Garth and Mathison: “Holidaze”. With high expectations, we started watching the movie full of hope. Within minutes she was in bed with a man and we faced our disappointment by quickly switching to something else!

But last night, I decided to try again and found another movie featuring Garth that was not a Christmas movie: “A Time To Dance” [2016]. What a powerful movie! I won’t divulge details – in case you want to view it – but it was an effective portrayal of a dynamic love story that had lost its glitter after twenty years. A couple that had made a lifelong commitment to each other finds themselves totally distracted and on the verge of a divorce that will shock everyone who knows them – including their two young adult kids!

Their pathway is painfully detailed as they try to protect their family from the awful reality of their failure in love! An extended period of pretending and the faithfulness of her father and a couple of trusted friends gives them the incentive to explore just what has happened to bring them to this point.

The answers are not easily found or faced! Pain is experienced – gut-wrenching pain! Disappointment and embarrassment are dealt with. Depression and disillusionment are experienced! Memories are explored. Confessions are made.  

This movie is believable! Untold couples have faced what is portrayed in this cinematic story! It is hope-restoring and offers excellent counsel while mapping a pathway to healing. I give this movie five Hal-‘stars’.

I made some personal determinations as a result of watching it that I will apply to my own marriage. Debbie and I have passed through a challenging four or five months due to her hip problems [and surgery]. Caring for her since mid-July has challenged each of us in different ways.

For example: every day I have to get down on my knees in front of her to put her socks on! A simple task that she cannot currently fulfill on her own! God is showing me that after a lifetime of serving me, it’s long overdue for me to serve her!

I’m also learning that I need to weigh my words before speaking them. I have resigned to an inactive period of my life, but she is deeply invested in the life of the church we attend. She is respected and appreciated there for her leadership and courage in a challenging season for the church. I could do more to facilitate her investment there.

All this – from watching a movie? Yep! If you keep your eyes and ears open, God will find a way to speak to you. He’s done it with me; He’ll do it with you, too! 

MINISTRY STORIES: They’re Going to Make It!

They called for an appointment for marriage counseling. They were not part of the church that I was leading. They’d heard that I counseled from a friend.

He was a tall, lean, very muscular guy – at least 6’3”. He was the kind of guy that I would NOT want to be angry with me. 

She was a short, thick but very attractive young woman.

Finances were not a problem.

Their relationship was very broken. 

Sometimes, when counseling, I will let a couple fight. I learn a lot from watching. It always ends the same: both sitting fuming and defeated – usually facing in opposite directions. A picture of hopelessness!

That’s my cue to ask: “How are you feeling right now?”

In their emotional exhaustion, one or the other will usually answer with one word responses.  Hopeless and exhausted are the two most frequent answers.

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So many things need to happen for healing to manifest in a relationship like this and it is greatly helped by an impartial, fair and skilled mediator. 

o   It can help for them to remember what originally brought them together.

o   They need to be taught to fight fairly.

o   They may need emergency intervention.

In cases of extreme brokenness I sometimes make myself available for immediate intervention when a breakdown occurs.  I made this offer to this couple.

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It didn’t take long for them to call. I was free and invited them to come directly to my office.

When they arrived, they sat down with their chairs facing away from each other. They were clearly in a broken-down situation!  I could feel the anger and tension in the room!

I told them that someone would have to break the silence and fill me in on how they had arrived at this lockdown.  Silence and fuming.

If I have to, I will call on the one I deem to be most open to report, but I didn’t have to in this case.

After an uncomfortable period of silence, she got up and turned her chair toward him. This little powerhouse looked him dead-in-the-eye and with fearless passion said something like the following:

“All through our relationship you have NEVER used the ‘F’ word with me. But in the last several months, you’ve used it with me over and over again!”

She spoke these words with her finger in this big guy's face!  She was bold, forthright, angry and hurt!  She was half his size!

I watched him closely! I saw a wave of rage cross his face – but it was short-lived. Something was going on inside his mind – but I couldn’t get a read on it.

After a thirty-second pause, he got up and turned his chair toward hers. Now, it was his turn! He looked her square-in-the-eyes and said:

“You’re right! I’m sorry! [And then with his finger gently pointed toward her, he added in a voice that was shaking with intensity] “And you will NEVER hear that word come from my mouth again!

The rest of the session went quite well and they left holding hands.

I knew in that moment that they were going to be okay! 

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Was it really so simple as leaving a word out of his talks with her?

Absolutely not! 

There were many more issues to be resolved and lessons to be learned! We continued to meet for several months – but they never returned after that. 

When a couple gets to a point similar to theirs, THEY NEED HELP! They need skilled, experienced, bold, instructive, impartial help!

If only one person from the relationship comes to me, I will agree to talk with them only once! If I go beyond that, I will always be perceived by the other partner as biased!

After that initial meeting, I will reach out to the missing partner and make a strong appeal to hear their story. Remarkably, the other spouse will often respond and come in to talk!  If this happens, it is a tremendously hopeful thing.

As a counselor, I’ve developed many ‘tools’ to use in couple’s counseling. But not all make it. Some have let the wall become too high. One may have already moved on into a new relationship. Sometimes they wait too long before reaching out for help.

If you’re reading this today and are in this dilemma, reach out for help today!  Don’t delay. Ask your spouse to accompany you. If you don’t connect with the counselor – try another! We have different training, practices, experiences, approaches and personalities. Ask friends and family for referrals. YOUR MARRIAGE IS WORTH IT!

WILL YOU MARRY ME AND MY FIANCE?

Consider this your coffee-break for this morning.  Get comfortable while I unravel a story that will remind us how creative our God is in making connections.

It was 1985.  I was in my third year of leading the Oakland Free Methodist Church in East Liverpool. 

Early in March, I was in my office working and the phone rang.  On the other end of the line was a woman who described herself as being from Youngstown.  She told me that she’d been calling pastors for several days to see if she could find one that would marry her and her fiancé.  But she had received refusal after refusal.  I could hear the pleading and frustration in her voice as she practically begged me to consider her request.

I told her that I had requirements for couples that I married.  Then I explained that I required ten hours of premarital counseling that would help them think through issues relevant to being married.  It would also be required that they attend morning worship throughout the weeks between now and the wedding.  I also told her that I asked couples to refrain from having a sexual relationship during the period between now and the wedding and assured her that I would explain this more in the first counseling session.

She immediately responded that she’d talk with her fiancé and get back to me.  She called back in less than half-an-hour with an enthusiastic response and an expression of gratitude and excitement!  We scheduled their first appointment.

Upon their arrival, I realized that they were probably in their thirties.  They were an attractive couple who were obviously very much in love and very excited to get this process started.  They were each remarkably open and friendly.  It seemed that they were actually excited to see what this process was going to involve.

We spent that first session just gathering history and getting acquainted.  I reviewed the requirements that I had mentioned on the phone and then explained how much joy God took in marriage.  I talked about the sanctity of marriage and how God had designed this relationship for the deepest expression of intimacy.  This, of course, is why I asked couples to refrain from sexual contact during the pre-marriage period so that they could genuinely – and with anticipation – celebrate their marriage after the ceremony.

They agreed and seemed excited to do so. 

They began attending worship that week and never missed a Sunday. 

Let’s call them Karen and Jeff.  Jeff had been raised in the Catholic Church.

Our congregation had just begun to grow in the area of young couples at this time, so they were warmly welcomed by others from their age group.  Karen immediately began quizzing me on aspects of our worship and the weekly bulletin. 

·        What do all the letters in the “flyer” mean?  Upon examining it I realized that our lingo was confusing to newcomers:  FMY [Free Methodist Youth], CLC [Christian Life Club], WMFI [Women’s Missionary Fellowship International], etc., etc..

·        She was curious about the songs we sang and wanted to know where she could buy copies.  At the time, the 1980’s explosion of ‘Praise & Worship’ music was impacting the Church.  I gave her some radio stations to listen to.

·        She wanted to understand why people went to the altar at the end of the service.  I explained that it was a time and place for people to respond to God.  She was surprised to learn that family and friends often joined them at the altar to pray about issues in their lives.

They came every week.  The counseling time was delightful as they sucked up all the information that I shared with them:

ü We discussed the five ‘Love Languages’.

ü We talked about the importance of clarity about money management in a marriage.

ü We discussed children and how they impacted a marriage.

ü We had a session on “How to Fight Fair” in a marriage.

ü We looked at the sexual relationship as God’s special gift for married couples to fully know and enjoy one another.

ü We talked a lot about the differences between men and women and how challenging it is to fully understand one another.

It was fun to work with this couple!  We became friends.

As the church moved through the Lenten season, I had worked with several area Free Methodist Churches to hold an ‘Interchurch Resurrection Campaign’ at Oakland over Easter weekend.  I arranged for retired bishop, Paul N. Ellis, to be our speaker from Monday through Wednesday.  Several of the area churches contributed music specials and I involved the other pastors in leading the services.  Unfortunately, Bishop Ellis had to miss the first two nights.  He felt terrible!  I managed to have a friend fill in on Monday and Tuesday.

Jeff and Karen came all three nights!  On Wednesday night, Bishop Ellis brought a dynamic message and invited those who wanted to accept Christ as their Lord to come and kneel at the altar.  Jeff immediately responded.  Bishop Ellis personally came to Jeff and he and I prayed with him. 

[As a caveat, I later realized that with Jeff’s Catholic background, it meant a great deal to him that a bishop personally prayed over him!]

A few weeks later, the wedding went beautifully!  The reception was at the Mountaineer Casino and Resort. 

Let’s end this wonderful story with a humorous revelation.  As Jeff and Karen danced, I suddenly realized that they were probably going to invite us to dance with them.  I panicked!  I don’t know how to dance.  To add to it, Karen wore a very low-cut wedding dress and I felt stressed out about dancing with her! 

Sure enough, they motioned for us to join them – with the photographer ready to document the moment.  As we walked onto the dancefloor, Jeff approached me and said, “Pastor, why don’t you just enjoy dancing with your wife while I enjoy dancing with mine!”  Did he sense my discomfort?  I’ll never know, but I certainly did feel instant relief. 

I’ve thought of them many times over the years, but we did not stay in contact.  I hope they’re out there somewhere getting ready to celebrate thirty-nine years of marriage! 

BLESSING YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR CHILDREN!

A summary of Genesis 27:

Isaac is close to dying. 

He instructs his first-born son, Esau, to prepare a wild game meal and be ready to receive his  blessing. 

Rebekah, Isaac's wife, overhears the conversation.

Loving Jacob more, she coaches the younger son to deceive his father by impersonating his brother and stealing Esau's blessing.   

Jacob pulls it off - even though Isaac seems suspicious. 

Esau returns and discovers what has happened.  He is desperately disappointed and furious. 

He vows to kill Jacob after Isaac's death. 

Rebekah schemes to have Jacob sent to live with her brother, Laban, until Esau's temper cools.  She doesn't want him to marry a Hitite woman.

WORDS ABOUT MARRIAGE AND PARENTING

Previous glimpses of this marriage were positive in nature.  Isaac and Rebekah appeared to have a good marriage when they were younger.  But, with the birth of children, they apparently grew distant.  According to Genesis 25:28, Isaac loved Esau while Rebekah loved Jacob.   This is a recipe for disaster.  To be healthy, wealthy and wise, children need the love and attention of both father and mother!  That's why God designed marriage the way He did!  We do not have the luxury of loving one child more than the other!  

The world can be harsh!  Children will need the love and devotion of both parents to be able to make it!  Gary Smalley and John Trent claim that there are five elements to the blessing that we must provide to EACH of our children:  [THE BLESSING, 2004, Thomas Nelson Publishing]

• meaningful touch
• spoken words
• expressing high value
• picturing a special future, and
• active commitment

When they are deprived any of these from either parent, the potential for maladjustment is increased!  

Parents must pull together to raise children in a healthy, fair, balanced environment!  Competition has its place, but siblings need to be taught that they are on the same team!  Playing 'favorites' will inevitably create jealousy, animosity and meanness!  These are destructive forces that can and will destroy relationships and lives!  

Isaac may not have understood this since he was raised as an only child.  He put great stock in the belief that the blessing went to the first-born son.  Rebekan, on the other hand, had been told by God [25:23] while her twins were still in her womb, that the older child would serve the younger.  Perhaps she was simply guilty of trying to facilitate God's revealed will.  

Rebekah's character is exposed, however, in this story.  She is an eavesdropper and a schemer who clearly acts to deceive her husband.  Although her intentions may have been right, her actions were clearly not!  

There's another point that often eludes us in this passage.  According to Isaac's blessing of Jacob, there were other brothers as well!  [27:29]

Be master of your brothers and may your mother's sons bow down to you.

How were these other children affected by this conspiratorial act?  

Isaac and Rebekah failed to cultivate a closeness and shared concern for their children.  They had apparently allowed their relationship to stagnate and develop into petty rivalries.  How sad!  The damage of such a development is always manifested in the lives of the children!  

Don't let this happen in your family!  Stay close and committed in your parenting goals.  Love one another openly and genuinely;  it is the best way to maintain health, comfort and confidence in the lives of your children!  Together, give them the blessing by studying and implementing Smalley and Trent's list [above].  

And PRAY!  Pray for wisdom, guidance, unity and grace!  Pray together!  Pray together for your children!  Pray with your children!  Never stop praying with them - even when they mature and leave home!  Keep passing them the blessing as long as you live!   

THE DEEP END OF THE POOL

In my New International Version Bible, I Corinthians chapter 7 is titled, "Marriage".  The chapter has forty verses and the Apostle Paul sort of rambles his way through some very challenging topics.  To say the least - it's controversial.  

I'm going to try to sort it out for you and give you the high points:

1.  Let's observe first, that the Apostle Paul was a single man commenting on marriage!  On top of this, he was deeply called and committed to the Lord and had a firm belief that Jesus was coming back soon!  These facts impact EVERYTHING he teaches in this chapter!

2.  Paul believes in marriage and has a healthy view of it.  He teaches that:

...each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.  [v.3]

They should enjoy the sexual relationship:  The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.  In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.  [v.4]

He adds:  Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.  Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  [v.5]

Paul has a covenantal view of marriage and expresses himself without apology:  I give this command (not I, but the Lord):  A wife must not separate from her husband.  But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.  And a husband must not divorce his wife.  [vs.10-11]  [It's interesting that Jesus did allow divorce when marital unfaithfulness was involved.  Matthew 19:9  -  I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.]  It's common today for counselors to condone divorce for three reasons:  marital unfaithfulness, abandonment, and physical abuse.  

3.  Paul directly speaks to the unmarried and widows.  It is good for them to stay unmarried , as I am.  But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.  [vs.8-9]  

4.  Next, he addresses those who live with unsaved spouses.  He does NOT see this as a reason for divorce!  Paul fervently believes that the faith of the believing spouse - be it husband or wife - will have a sanctifying impact on the unsaved spouse!  If the unbelieving husband or wife leaves, then the remaining, believing husband or wife should continue to live with faith in Christ - hoping and praying for salvation for their spouse and reconciliation.  

5.  Then, Paul turns his attention to virgins.  He stresses that this is his opinion and not a command from the Lord  [v.25].  Because of the present crisis [severe persecution under the Roman Empire], I think that it is good for you to remain as you are [single].  [v.26]

6.  Paul saw the day in which he lived as being crucial. He was the definition of the word 'radical'.  He wanted every believer to be fully devoted to the Lord and the Lord's work!  Therefore, 

...the time is short.  From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none;  those who mourn, as if they did not;  those who are happy, as if they were not;  those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep;  those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them.  For this world in its present form is passing away.  [vs.29-31]

7.  As he draws to an end, Paul gives the rationale for his teaching:

I would like you to be free from concern.  An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs - how he can please the Lord.  But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world - how he can please his wife - and his interests are divided.  An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs:  Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.  But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world - how she can please her husband.  [vs.32-34]

Paul's advice was that they should remain in their present condition.  This was not because he saw marriage as a flawed state, but because of the "present crisis" the church faced at this time.   

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One has to admire Paul's tenacity in propagating a life that was deeply committed to the work of the Lord and kept free from the stresses and strains of married life.  However, it was God's plan from the beginning for husbands and wives to come together in marriage and raise godly families.  We must also remember that Jesus called some married men to be among His followers!  

One last point:  Paul leaks out a message in verse 7:

I wish that all men were as I am [single].  But each man has his own gift from God;  one has this gift, another has that. 

Paul clearly views celibacy as a gift - not a law!  He announces here that he has the gift of celibacy and wishes that many more had it so that the Kingdom of God could advance more significantly.  However, gifts vary according to the Spirit of God:  We have different gifts according to the grace given us.  [Romans 12:6 - written by the Apostle Paul].   

Lord of the Church,

Thank You for those who have dedicated their lives so fully to You.  We have deep admiration for those - like Paul - who have forgone earthly pleasures to be devoted to Your work!

Thank You, too, Lord for those who fully enjoy the manifold blessings of marriage and family and STILL manage to make valuable and significant contributions to the work of Your Kingdom!  Their examples inspire us and challenge us!

May we all continue to live in peace with one another, working together to expand Your Kingdom and Your love!  

Bless today, those widows and widowers who are staying faithful to you even after losing the loves of their lives!

Bless those who have had divorce forced upon them and who are trying to re-orient their lives in ways that are pleasing to You!

Bless the singles of our world who have committed themselves to You and want their lives to honor You.  Give them wisdom in decision-making and fulfillment in their life choices.  

Help those who are in tough marriages where unity is scarce and where life is hard from day-to-day.  Show them Your face and Your grace and give them all they need to transform their marriage into a more satisfying relationship!  

Nothing is impossible for You!  Amen.

 

SEXUAL IMMORALITY

The Apostle Paul was brazenly courageous in confronting the Corinthian church with the realities of its sexual sin.  He didn't run from the issues - he faced them boldly and fearlessly.  Why?  

• Because Paul loved these people that he had introduced to Christ!
• Because he wanted them to make Heaven!
• Because he wanted the Corinthian church to be a shining light for Christ in a corrupt culture.
• Because he wanted the Corinthians to enjoy the full blessing of the Lord.
• Because he wanted them to stay faithful and earn a great reward - as opposed to losing their faith.

Remember the context.  Corinth was associated with immorality, as korinthiazai had come to mean 'to practice immorality'.  On the flat summit of the Acro-corinth behind the city stood the temple of Aphrodite (or Venus), the goddess of love, and a thousand of her female slaves roamed the city's streets by night as prostitutes.  Paul had spent at least eighteen months there planting and establishing this church.  He knew the realities of this culture!

So, after addressing the issue of taking one another to court (I Corinthians 6:1-11), Paul returns to the topic of sexual immorality.  

The Corinthians (as a whole) embraced a dangerous philosophy called dualism.  Dualism held that what was spiritual was good and what was material was not.  Since the body is material - it didn't matter what you did with it.

Paul countered that God has a plan for the body.  It will be resurrected!

By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also.  [v.14]

He also taught that the bodies we have are members of Christ himself.  [v.15]

Therefore:

Shall I take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute?  Never!  Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her body?  For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."  But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.  [vs.15-17]

Finally, Paul ends his argument with:

All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.   Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own;  you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body.  Flee from sexual immorality.  [vs.18-20]

All sin is destructive, but sexual sin is especially self-destructive.  Those who commit sexual sin come under powerful bondage.  They practice a kind of idolatry, by allowing sexual pleasure to take God's rightful place in their lives.  

 O Lord,

You are full of patience, kindness and forgiveness!

We are so grateful for that!  When we sin, we can come to You for restoration.

You have made us with the capacity for sexual pleasure.

We thank You for that!

In the context of a loving marriage, it brings us enormous satisfaction.

But, it also is an area in which we face tremendous temptation.

Overwhelming, at times.

Our enemy knows our weakness and tempts us to leave the realm of blessedness (marriage) and experiment with other ways of meeting our needs and desires.

At these times, we need Your divine intervention to call out to us and call us to faithfulness.  

Help us to be attentive to Your voice and avoid the pain of sexual immorality!

For the Kingdom's sake and for our eternal rest.  Amen.   

 

MARRIAGE IN THE BIBLE

God started it all in the Garden of Eden

When He opened His plan of life

It’s interesting to me that from the very beginning

The plan called for a husband and wife

 

So Adam and Eve stood before God that day

To be united in holy matrimony

From that day till now this has been the way

To cling to each other, and each other only

 

Their union was rich and full and free

Their relationship marked with love

And to top it all off, they took a walk each day

With their God who came down from above

 

It was truly a marriage that was made in heaven

They were close as close could be

This couple was more than one-plus-one is two

This one was one-plus-one equals three!

 

It’ll be that way today if you’ll only believe

God wants marriage to be more than a token

In Proverbs it says a double cord is strong

But a triple one is not easily broken

 

Then God gave them their job which was really a task

To watch over the birds, earth and sea

It was all made for them to deeply enjoy

With one exception which was a great tree!

 

God fashioned them both with tender, loving care

He provided them food, clothing and a name

Then told them to be fruitful and to multiply

When they were naked, they knew no shame

 

Out of this union came children galore

But only three who are essential to the story

And God’s plan of life was born to this family

And the children were raised to God’s glory

 

Now problems arose, but that’s nothing new

Families have always been tested and tempted

But in spite of it all, God continues to call

And this plan has never been pre-empted.

 

Now we’re told very little of the children of that day

Except that one asked, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

But when Cain killed Abel while working in the field

It broke the heart of the ‘Silent Reaper’

 

Now blood shed to God is always special

It’s the source of life for all man.

But especially when violence entered this way

It disrupted and threatened God’s plan

 

But down through the ages God has kept His hand

Upon the family which He seems to have ordained

Uphill and downhill, long distance and short

Upon us all God’s gift has remained

 

There were many to follow

More than just a few

Their names roll through the ages

Down to me and to you

 

The first major interruption came after Cain

With the advent of a man name Noah

Bod was displeased and greatly disappointed

So He let the floodwaters flowa  J

 

And when it was all over eight people survived

Four families is a better way to speak

God started again with a clean, brand new slate

And a world that was so clean it would squeak

 

Over and over God worked with these people

Patience was the name of the game

Generations came and generation went

But most were as evil as Cain

 

Finally God stumbled on a couple who would listen

Abram and Sarah, his lovely wife

God made promises hardly anyone would believe

And they set out from Ur for a new life

 

As the story turns out, most of these promises were distant

And Abram and Sarah wouldn’t see them

But Isaac was born in their very late years

And survived even though his dad nearly killed him

 

Isaac and Rebecka were the next family on the scene

Their twin boys were a competitive pair

Jacob fought his brother before they were born

And Esau was all covered with hair

 

After seven years of labor, Jacob got Leah

But was deceived in the deal by Laban

So he worked seven more to get Rachel as well

And wound up with two wives and two maidens!

 

Twelve children in all came out of these four

And their stories take many a twist

But Joseph emerged as the ruler of all

And their home down in Egypt was fixed

 

It was many years later that Moses arose

From the bull-rushes to serve as a savior

With Zipporah, his wife, and a vision in his head

He led them from Egypt with God’s favor

 

With a God who was present in pillar and cloud

They started out on their journey for Canaan

It was to be a long trip with problem after problem

But it sure beat in Egypt remainin’

 

To reduce forty years, they made it to Canaan

And established a kingdom around Saul

Then came David, who was known to be after God’s heart

And Solomon, whose kingdom included all

 

In the midst of all this, we find Boaz

Who, in Ruth, found a wife that was good

Twas in Bethlehem that their first child was given

This is where Obed, David’s grandfather stood!

 

Again, years progressed and the Word of the Lord was scarce

And Hannah, wife of Elkanah, was caught in a stare

Eli, the high priest, gave her a promise of a son

Then came Samuel – a prophet quite rare

 

As these ages rolled by, the family survived

In spite of being abused

There was David and Bathsheeba and Solomon’s thousand wives

Now there’s a man who was REALLY confused

 

Before we change testaments there’s a few more we should name

Such as the family of Job and his wife

It’s amazing when you realize how faithful he was

He trusted God through the deepest of strife

 

And what about the prophet whose name was Hosea

Whom God asked to marry a woman of ill repute

So Hosea expressed a love for Gomer that was persistent

To show that God’s love is beyond dispute

 

Now that brings us to a critical point

Down to a woman and wife past family age

But with God there is nothing impossible

So a child was born to this marriage

 

When the promise came, Zacharias was left speechless

But Elizabeth certainly did not fear it

Her conception, late in life, was a blessing

And her child – in her womb – felt the Spirit

 

John the Baptist was a prophet like Elijah

His preaching was a sharp as could be

Our Lord Jesus was later to comment

“Never a greater man ever lived, than he.”

 

But the outstanding family story

Is the one about the young, virgin girl

Who was asked to reveal all God’s glory

Just the thought of it gives us a thrill

 

Mary’s conception was of the Holy Spirit

Joseph faithfully kept her from danger

When the child came at the end of their journey

Mary wrapped Him and laid Him in a manger!

 

That night was a miraculous occasion

We commemorate it down to this day

There were angels, shepherds and wise men

Who were all the first followers of the Way!

 

Now take notice as you listen to this story

God chose a family to reveal His full love

It was Jesus, Immanuel, and God’s full glory

was to shine through His life from above

 

And He preached and touched and He healed

As He walked on the land just like us

One would think He’s be loved and accepted

But actually, He raised quite a fuss

 

This One, whose life was nothing but service

Was finally hung on a tree

It was not until then that they knew it

He was part of a divine Trinity!

 

But His dath had no permanence about it

On the third day, He rose from His tomb

The women believed from the beginning

But the men – not till He entered the room

 

Even today, men are slower to respond

Oh, the church would be richer indeed

If, like women, they would trust in the Beyond

Upon His life and His Word they would feed

 

Other families were to enter this life stream

Many were there on Pentecost Day

When Peter’s words about visions and men’s dreams

Were fulfilled in a memorable way

 

Even some of our Lord’s disciples

Were married and had families to show

Peter was one of these brave ones

His mother-in-law helped him to grow

 

Now Paul had no wife that we know of

Although scholars have wondered and guessed

Where else could those beatings have come from?

And what about this thorn in the flesh? 

 

I’m joking, and certainly you know it

For the love of a husband and wife

is far more than children and possessions

It’s the way to an abundant life

 

I think of Priscilla and Acquilla

Pauls’ friends in the tent-making trade

Who opened their home and gave from their hearts

And oh, what a difference they made!

 

You see, from the very beginning

God ordained it – it’s the way it should be

Without families, the world would stop spinning

We’re essential, oh please – don’t you see?

 

We’re all needed!  The family is God’s plan

For life – abundant and free

Just stop and think for a moment

Without my family – now where would I be?

 

Every couple that unites in marriage

Participates with God in His plan

If they’d only recognize Jesus

As the Lord of every woman and man

 

The problems in our world would quickly fade

And struggles on our families would cease

If only a few people would take notice

That Jesus is the source of real peace

 

If you ask:  “Who can change our world’s pace?”

My answer will come really fast

If we put the family in its right place

It matters not what’s in our past

 

God will use a few families as leaven

This is the way that God meant

They will lead the whole world to Heaven

What we need is real commitment!

 

Biblical families have established God’s pace

Right down to now when we fear the great bomb

But the way He will save our race

Is through a Dad, a bunch of kids, and a Mom

 

So determine today – you’ll be part of God’s way

Don’t turn back, be determined, press on

Talk with your spouse – take time to pray

“O Lord my God, we will follow, just lead on!”

 

Now to close up this time of devotion

And to bring things to a right and proper end

In the name of the Father the Son and the Spirit

May we all together now say “AMEN!”