GETTING ALONG

In Matthew 18, Jesus gives us teaching on how to get along.  It's clear, logical and beneficial.

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.  If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.

But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.

If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church;  and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.  [vs.15-17]

Over the years, I have brought opposing parties together many times in an attempt to create an opportunity for reconciliation.  There were a few times that the process was successful.  But, by-and-large, we ignore this biblical process and let divisions agitate and continue.  Many churches include people who carefully avoid one another Sunday after Sunday.  Sad!  

We serve a God who wants His people to live in unity.  He sets procedures for confronting other believers about sin [see I Corinthians 5] and promised to be present in even the smallest gatherings of His followers:  For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them.  [Matthew 18:20]

The Apostle Paul also bore this concern for unity:

...avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless.  Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time.  After that, have nothing to do with him.  You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful;  he is self-condemned.  [Titus 3:9-11]

Here's an important thought:

When Jesus tells us to treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector, this does not mean to shun them or treat them badly.  Rather, "...if he refuses to hear the church, let him be to you as a heathen, to whom you still owe earnest, tender, good will, but not familiarity."   [John Wesley, Renew My Heart, 10/15]   Meanness is not a part of our faith response!  If we alienate them, how can we win them?  

Remarkably, this passage in Matthew 18 is immediately followed by Peter's question:  Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?  Then, Peter stretches his faith and adds, Up to seven times?   [v.21] 

Then Jesus startles Peter and the others listening:  I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. [v.22]  And then Jesus unfolds the story of the ungrateful servant who was forgiven a great debt and then refused to forgive a small debt.  The story ends with the ungrateful servant being turned over to the jailers to be tortured until he should pay back all he owed.   Jesus ends this story with a warning:  This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.   [Matthew 18:23-35] 

We serve a God who mercifully forgives and requires us to do the same.  Peter's answer went beyond the rabbinic teaching of forgiving three times - but Jesus said (basically) not to keep track at all.  Then He told a story to show that whatever "debt" someone owes us is nothing compared to the "debt" we owe God.  In the story, the servant requested more time to pay the debt, but the king went beyond that request to give the gift of total forgiveness!  

Be careful not to think of debts purely in monetary form!  As the Facebook introduction to this blog reminds us, debts can take many relational forms.  

Loving and forgiving Lord,

Oh, we need lots of help to be more like You!   Being forgiven is the easy part.  Forgiving others is the hard part!  Yet You require it of us!  Help us to realize how small the debts of others are compared to our debt to You!  If You've forgiven us SO MUCH, we should surely be able to forgive others for much smaller violations.  

None of us wants to be thrown into the pit and tortured.  We want to gain heaven in all its glory!  Don't let us miss it because of a stubborn heart!  Soften our hearts by the power of Your Holy Spirit and help us to be forgiving people!  For Jesus' sake.  Amen.

 

 

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: SKY LANTERN

I just finished reading, SKY LANTERN:  The Story of a Father's Love for His Children and the Healing Power of the Smallest Act of Kindness by Matt Mikalatos.

I will share with you the essence of the story without divulging details that would spoil the joy you would get from reading the book yourself.  The book is not presented as a Christian book so that it can reach a broader audience - and rightly so.

Matt was a new author to me;  I admit that I purchased the book at Ollie's because it was greatly reduced from $25 to $5.  Having read the book, I would say it was worth the original price!  The flyleaf states:

"Mike Mikalatos works for a nonprofit dedicated to 

helping people live better, fuller lives.  He has worked

all over the world, and he and his family lived in Asia

for several years.  He currently lives in the Portland, 

Oregon, area with his wife and three daughters."

From the back cover:

"Sky Lantern tells the miraculous events that followed Matt

finding the sky lantern in his yard - of meeting Steph 

(the one who launched the sky lantern) 

and forming a friendship that impacted him and his family..."

I read the book in one day.  It gave me a new funny line:  "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!"  [p.167]

Matt is an excellent story teller.  He tells other people's stories as well as he tells his own.  One morning, he finds the remains of a sky lantern in his driveway.  It includes a brief message to a father and is signed "Steph".  The incident captivates his thoughts for the next day or so until he finally decides to post an open letter to Steph via his social media.

Overnight, the letter goes viral, even eliciting a response from the Today Show!  Over the course of weeks, Matt hears from hundreds of women claiming to have benefited from  reading his letter!  Some even claim to be the real Steph.

But the real value of the book is the dual emphasis that Matt presents persuasively and persistently.

FIRST, fathers have an opportunity to make a dynamic and formative influence on their children and others who may need what they have to offer.

"...there has to be some sort of fraternity of fathers, doesn't there?  

Some agreement that if one of us is unable to care for our kids, 

then the rest will pitch in?"  [p.22]

He provides wonderful word pictures of what this influence might look like from his own practices with his daughters.

Chapter 17 is priceless parenting counsel;  I wish I could quote several pages.  The following will have to suffice:

"I tell new dads who are worried about their impending newborns 

to think about it like a video game:  the skill set builds on itself.  

When your kid is born, you don't know how to do anything.  

Change a diaper.  Feed the baby.  Give them a bath.  Nothing.  

About the time you start to figure it all out, the kid starts to crawl.  

Then to walk.  It's all new levels, just like a video game.  

You figure out one level and then the next, more challenging level comes along.  

I remember spending a whole day trying to childproof our house.  

I could barely use an electric drill and screwdriver.  

By the time I was done, even adults couldn't access the kitchen chemicals.  

If human children were like deer, we would be in trouble.  

Fawns are able to stand, walk, and run within hours of birth.  

It would be pure chaos for the human parents:  we'd never survive.  

But levels - we can do that."  [p.141]

SECOND, he suggests that small acts of kindness can transform our lives and the lives of others.

"I was surprised this small act of kindness (writing the letter to Steph)

had brought healing to other people and to myself -

how it had changed the world around me.  So, I began an experiment.

A minor, tiny, inconsequential experiment.  

What if I tried to do some small act of kindness like that once a week?

Something small that wouldn't take me more than an hour or so.

Something I could fit into my life without much trouble."  [p.178]

"Finding a new friend increases the room in our hearts for love.

It's a lesson we've all learned at some point.

When my children were born, my heart grew larger.  

Love is like a fire:  it spreads.  

The tiniest spark of love can grow into a massive fire.  [p.197]

The world is full of these miracles.  

There is beauty on every corner, near us at every moment.  [p.198]

Matt's writing is considerably different than that of John Eldredge (Wild at Heart).  Men will not as naturally connect with this book, yet they desperately need its message.  Matt speaks primarily to men (although women would certainly benefit from it as well).  One of his most practical suggestions is for men to write letters to their children.  He actually provides an appendix:  "How to Write a Letter to Your Children" [pp.223-231].  

In a world where masculinity is in flux while also being mocked and ridiculed, Sky Lantern has a message that could help restore us to our God-given role!  This is a book that would lend itself to a group of men who could have some lively discussions catalyzed by its content.  

I give it five stars!  

Open and Honest

I've received lots of feedback from a recent blog-post:  "Would You Still Love Me?".  Many people have simply indicated that they do still love me in spite of the struggle I'm having with re-entering American culture.  I must confess that I never expected such a response to my scribblings.

Quite a few have affirmed me for my honesty about passing through a tough time and dealing with chronic sadness.  One dear friend captured it best with her words:  "If people don't still love you because you bare your soul, did they really love you in the first place? I am not shocked or dismayed because you are having a hard time. I am glad that you openly shared what you are going through. How can people honestly lift you up in prayer, asking the Father for what you really need if you don't reveal what you really need?"

My greatest help has come from others who have also lived in another culture for an extended period of time.  Their words and assurances have helped me to see that what I'm going through is not unique.  One even reported that after two years of working here, she still wants to be back where she was serving. 

The article I wrote was my first venture into transparency.  I had spent a month in quiet misery.  Since the article I've been pretty candid in conversations and on-line dialogues - even with my students in China. 

Just tonight, I began a more open and honest sharing with Debbie about my feelings.  Although my words are hard to hear, I know she is glad that I've begun to express my feelings. 

It's clear that these ventures into transparency have begun a process of healing.  I'm certainly not there yet, but I have at least made a slight turn in the right direction.  I appreciate the prayers that some have lifted on my behalf.  I also appreciate your kind words.  A few even brought a smile to my face - something rare recently.

We really are in this together.  Remember all the "one another" passages in the New Testament?  We serve a vital role in helping one another stay healthy.  When we struggle alone and suffer quietly, we not only deepen our own pain but we also deprive others who love us of the opportunity to help us.  What a shame! 

In reality, we're all on one side or the other on occasions.  Much of the time I am capable of being a blessing and source of joy and encouragement to others.  However, sometimes I stumble into a pit that paralyzes me and causes me to think only negative thoughts.  [Yes, it's true - hard to believe, huh?]  At these times, I'm not much good to others!

Pride is our big enemy in those troubled times.  I don't want to admit that I'm struggling.  I want you to think that I'm always strong and capable.  But we all know what pride precedes - right?  After writing that first article, my finger hovered over the "Publish" button for several minutes before courage or foolishness got me to push it!

Hey, I'm not where I want to be yet and I'm certainly not where I need to be  -  but I'm also not where I was two weeks ago.  That's hopeful.

So, what's your take-away from this latest purging of my soul?  Drop me a note and let me know...