THE PENDULUM THEORY REGARDING PARENTING

Most are aware of the pendulum theory.

In 1656 the Dutch scientist Christiaan Huygens built the first pendulum clock. This was a great improvement over existing mechanical clocks; their best accuracy was improved from around 15 minutes deviation a day to around 15 seconds a day. Pendulums spread over Europe as existing clocks were retrofitted with them.  [Wikipedia]

The pendulum is most commonly seen in old ‘Grandfather Clocks’.  The pendulum swings consistently back-and-forth, counting off the seconds.

This image has been borrowed to visualize the extreme swing of change that often occurs in other observable areas.  Today, we’ll apply it to parenting.

Most of these observations within parenting styles are actually quite obvious. 

·         If a person is raised in a very strict environment, then they may have a tendency to raise their own children in a more libertarian one. 

·         If a child is raised in an extreme religious environment, they may deliberately raise their own kids in a freer, less religious one. 

·         If a child is brought up in the midst of poverty, they may become a workaholic devoted to establishing a home that is more capable of providing for any children that might come along. 

We could add to this list ad infinitum.

It must be noted – in addition – that these tendencies are almost always absent of conscious intent or planning.  A person is not aware of this radical change that they’ve adopted in their parenting style.  They are simply responding to the impact their own upbringing had on them and subconsciously trying to create change for their own children. 

It is at least possible that these unconscious yet intended improvements may actually also have a negative impact on their children. 

________________________________

If you think about it, there is no attempt in our culture [or likely others] to train couples for the parenting task.  We step into this role with nothing but our own experience and observations – added, of course to the resident wisdom of our spouse.  Plus, it’s a rare couple that sits down to talk or plan how they intend to raise their family. 

As a pastor, I required couples to sit down with me for ten hours to discuss areas that I knew were vital to the health and survival of their marriage.  Most cooperated willingly and found it to be a rewarding experience.  Some just put in the time to meet my requirement.  Some of the areas we discussed were:

o   Do you intend to have children?

o   If so, when do you plan to start this process?

o   How many children do you hope to have?

o   How will you share responsibility when children come along?

o   If you find – down the road – that for some reason you can’t have children, would you consider adoption?

After that we might explore how each was raised and how they can incorporate those different family styles into their own unique plan.  Remember: A marriage is a merging of two distinct family systems!  

__________________________________

Swinging the pendulum is not necessarily wrong; however, it is best to do it with some knowledge and understanding. 

Wise parents [and parents to be] will:

Ø  Have a discussion about how they were raised and how it might impact their children.

Ø  Talk [hopefully ahead of time] about how roles will be changed and how responsibilities will need to be adapted.

Ø  Set goals for their parenting.

When Debbie and I were dating [back in the 1960’s], we made two primary observations:

1.    We noticed a lot of siblings who seemed to hate each other.  This was characterized by fighting, hateful words and vindictive behavior.

We talked and prayed about it together.  We decided that we wanted any children we had to love each other and treat each other respectfully.  Creating that kind of an environment became primary for us. 

     2.    We noticed that a lot of ‘preacher’s kids’ (PK's) [from our age-group] turned away from Christ after leaving their home!

This became an alarming concern to us since we knew that I was heading into pastoral ministry.  We spent a lot of time talking about how we could raise our kids without having them become bitter against the church.

 We set some guidelines in place that included not talking about church problems in front of the kids.  We also made sure that our comments - made in front of our kids - about church people were positive and affirming. 

 We determined to protect our kids from the effects that evil words and actions had on us. 

     Ø  Pray together about their parenting and pray over and with their kids regularly until they leave home!  This is vitally important for both husband and wife!

Ø  Be involved in a church with an effective children’s and youth ministry. 

There were times that I – unfortunately – had to advise parents to find another church that was doing a better job with youth.  A youth director/pastor can be a dynamic influencer on our adolescents! 

Also, keep in mind that as young teens, our children will be on the look-out for role models!  We prefer that they choose godly examples.  That is more likely to happen if we are actively involved in the life of a vibrant church. 

[AGAIN – If this means changing churches for a season, don’t hesitate to do so.  The life and spiritual health of your children calls for it.  Keep in mind that most American churches are plateaued or in decline.  Find a growing church and become part of it for your children’s sake!]

____________________________________

KING OF THE UNIVERSE: Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

Rush to the sides of those who are still actively parenting young, developing children!

Grant them wisdom as they fulfill the challenging responsibility of raising kids in the 21^st century!

Glue husbands and wives of these precious children together with Your Holy Spirit!

Help fathers to raise godly sons of courage and balance to eventually assume a responsible role in adulthood!

Help these same fathers to be an example of godly manhood to their daughters.  Remind them that they are the ‘guide-from-the-other-side’ to help their daughters better understand the male gender!

 

Help mothers as they enfold and comfort their children through the various stages of growth!  May their arms always be open and their words always lovingly instructive! 

Bless these moms as they raise godly sons!  Even when they don’t always understand what their boys are doing and why, enable them to be persistent and persuasive in guiding them.

Also, help these moms as they influence their daughters!  Give them the courage to gradually release these precious lives to experiment and grow.

 

Be the LORD of these couples and the honored Guest in each of their homes!

Love them – ALL OF THEM – into Your eternal Kingdom!

AMEN!  AMEN!

A WAKE-UP CALL FOR YOUNG PEOPLE!

There’s a personal story that I have shared on occasion with younger people who are still in their formative years.

While studying for my Masters of Divinity degree at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary [a three-year course that I managed to complete in eleven years as a part-time commuter], I heard about a dual degree option with the University of Pittsburgh that would merge coursework and allow me to also attain a Master of Social Work degree [which would have been a door-opener for me into the world of counseling]. 

I applied and was not accepted.  I appealed the decision and was told that they had MANY applications that particular year and they had to go back to high school records to make final decisions.  They then reported that although all of my graduate and post-graduate work was excellent, I had received twenty-eight C’s during my high school career!  That eliminated me from consideration. 

I had not been highly motivated in high school.  My parents didn’t place high demands on me; they were happy with C’s.  Obviously, I was capable of much better grades, but I had no sense of purpose in making the investment to receive higher evaluations.

Very few high school students are aware of the impact their high school performance might have on their future. 

________________________________________

For several hours yesterday, I sat and watched the broadcast of a Senate subcommittee in the process of questioning [and lecturing] Pete Hegseth – President-elect Trump’s candidate for the Secretary of Defense.

It was difficult to listen to.  For the most part, the Republican Senators complimented him on his qualifications and passion, while their Democratic counterparts literally took Hegseth apart in many areas.  It should be noted that this is standard procedure for Senators in this process. 

At one point or another during this process, Mr. Hegseth was accused openly of the following:

·         repeated public incidents of being extremely drunk

·         being in his third marriage

·         admitting to having immoral sexual relationships while in his first marriage

·         having an immoral sexual relationship outside of his second marriage that ended in a pregnancy [and his third marriage]

·         making public comments about women not having a place in the military

·         drinking on the job while a host on the Fox News Channel

·         inappropriate behavior with female employees

·         poor management of several organizations that he previously led that reportedly saw a significant drop in contributions during his leadership

He was repeatedly accused of having a lack of integrity and being extremely unqualified for the level of leadership that he was nominated for. 

He consistently defended his record and withstood the onslaught of accusations and allegations.  He frequently referred to “having been cleared of all wrongdoing” or by openly denying the reality of the Senator’s reports.

Although I am a Trump supporter, I have no vested interest in the outcome of this process.  I am not particularly a fan of Pete Hegseth.  I don’t have sufficient background information to be capable of deciding whether or not he should serve in this role at such a high level of our government.  I will leave the outcome of this process to those who do have the information and the power.

My interest in this painful and embarrassing saga is the education of our youth!

Here’s a man who clearly has struggled with alcohol abuse.  His insistence that he will NOT drink if appointed as the Secretary of Defense is hard to believe. 

Here’s a man who has had repeated marriages and has a record of infidelity.

Here’s a man who has failed to garner respect from his fellow employees.

Here’s a man who is reported to have treated women in a demeaning manner.

Here’s a man whose past statements have the potential to prevent him from holding a highly privileged and extremely powerful position.

Here also is a man who claims to have had a spiritual awakening within the last thirty days – since he was nominated by President-elect Trump for the position of Secretary of Defense! 

THESE ARE HEAVY CONSDERATIONS THAT OUR SENATORS ARE CONSIDERING!

________________________________

Suddenly – in a totally unforeseen manner – Pete Hegseth discovered that he had been noticed by the President-elect! 

In a turn of events that most would never have imagined, Pete Hegseth is seriously being considered for an extremely important leadership role in the future development of our country!

Here’s the question for young people to consider:  If Pete had seen this coming, might he have changed his behavior in the past?  Having lived in an apparently reckless manner, does he now look back with regrets?  Does he wish he would have worked harder on his marriages?  Do the fleeting rewards of sexual irresponsibility now seem foolish?  If he could, wouldn’t he like to purge numerous areas of his life from public knowledge? 

Our youth are not known for great wisdom.  They are inexperienced and curious.  They want to experiment and discover things for themselves. 

They need guidance and parameters!  That’s why God gave them a parent from each gender to advise and protect them throughout their development. 

Wise parents might take the ‘Pete Hegseth’ episode and talk about it with their youth.  Some starting points might be:

·         Do you think Pete has regrets about his past behavior?

·         You need to be careful about your daily activity.  It may affect your future! Life is a progression. The things you say and do today may have an impact on your future.

·         What are your goals for the future?  What are some behaviors and decisions that could totally destroy your hopes?

·         In light of your hopes and dreams, what kind of behavior today will develop character and integrity in you that will facilitate your dreams coming to reality?

Parents have the potential and opportunity to have these kind of vital conversations with their young people.  Wise parents will take full advantage of modern-day examples to help their children develop with wisdom and integrity!

And while you’re talking with them, why not also pray with them about their future!  Let them hear you voice your concerns to God on their behalf! 

TRAVIS, YOU'RE GOING A LITTLE TOO FAST!

 

Dr. Paul Tournier wrote in A DOCTOR’S CASEBOOK IN THE LIGHT OF THE BIBLE:

“I once had a patient who was the youngest daughter in a large family which the father found it difficult to support.  One day she heard him mutter despairingly, referring to her: ‘We could well have done without that one!’

You can guess the effect that remark had on the young daughter – not wanted by her parents, not wanted in life.”

_________________________________

Parents need to be constantly reminded of Proverbs 18:21, “The tongue has the power of life and death…”

Phrases like:

•          I wish you’d never been born!
•          Why can’t you be good like your brother (or sister)?
•          You’ll never amount to anything!
•          I’m sorry we ever had you!

These phrases – and many others like them – should never be uttered!  Period!  We must not allow misbehavior, disrespect or failures of any kind to trigger these kinds of words that devalue our children!  Never!  We must not allow ourselves to think these words – let alone say them out loud. 

I remember teaching our son, Travis, to drive many years ago.  I had him drive down to the next town and then turn around to head home.  Along the way, I instructed him to turn onto a road that would wind us up a steep hill.  I cautioned him to think ahead and go slowly, for I knew that a sharp ‘S’ curve lay ahead. 

Although he slowed some, I realized that he would soon be in trouble.  He lost control as we came out of the curve and landed against the guard-rail with me looking down a forty-foot-embankment

 

He sat dazed with his hands still on the steering wheel.

 

These are pregnant moments and we don’t usually have much time to think about our reaction.  We must always be prepared to respond in ways that will NOT mar our child for life!

 

I turned and looked at Travis and said, “Well, what did we learn from that experience?”  Travis looked at me and said with humility: “I was going too fast!” 

 

Neighbors were coming out to gawk at us, so I quickly instructed him to get us moving.  We drove to a shopping center to examine the car.  No serious damage. 

I had other options:

·         “Didn’t you hear me tell you to slow down?”

·         “You’ve been up this road before, Travis!  What were you thinking?”

·         “Well, you’ve wrecked our family car!  How are you going to pay for that?”

I could have belittled him, but what good would that have done?  This was a wonderful son who had never broken our trust!  He made good grades in school and had lots of friends.  In his own way, he was brilliant, but often hid his talents in order to be accepted by others.  He had a wide spectrum of friends and treated them all with respect!

How might it have impacted him if I had told him that he was a loser and couldn’t do anything right?

_________________________________

We must watch our words!  We are shaping a life (or lives).  Our words weigh heavy in their minds!  Our predictions may carry with them for decades and impact their decisions about career choices and so many other areas of their lives. 

Life and death are in the power of our tongues!  We must keep that in mind with everyone we deal with – but especially with our kids! 

NO FAVORITES

Let's follow an Old Testament parenting thread.

Abraham had Ishmael as a result of his own scheme aimed at fulfilling God's promise of a son.  That didn't go well.  Eventually, he enriched Ismael and sent him away to begin his own mirror progeny.

Then, as an old couple well beyond child-bearing - let alone child-rearing age - Isaac was born to Abraham and Sarah.  An only child.  A miraculous child.  Elderly parents.  Surely he must have grown up as the center of favor from these two doting parents.

Eventually, Isaac married Rebekah.  They had two sons - Esau and Jacob - who were apparently competitors even while in the womb. These two sons were very different from one another.  Rebekah developed a special relationship with Jacob [the second-born], while Isaac took Esau - the firstborn and an outdoorsman - as his favorite!  

As these boys matured, Jacob ended up with the birth rite and blessing of his older brother through shrewdness and deceit.  Consequently, he had to flee the land for his own safety!  Only much later in life were they able to reconcile.

Jacob's story is long and complicated.  He married two sisters: Leah - who was given to him deceitfully - and Rachel, who was his true love.  The two sisters had a bitter and competitive relationship that eventually caused them to also give their servant girls to Jacob as a means of having more children.  Altogether, Jacob had twelve sons to these four women.  But he gave special love and attention to the eleventh-born, Joseph!  Joseph was Rachel's firstborn son!  Eventually, Rachel birthed another son, Benjamin, but then died as a result of a difficult birth.  

Jacob loved Joseph dearly - even making for him a special robe that was very colorful!  While his brothers worked with the flocks, Jacob gave Joseph the easy job of visiting them and carrying messages.  The ten older brothers grew to hate Joseph and eventually conspired to sell him into slavery.  

______________________________________

There is much we can learn about parenting from these early, foundational stories.  Of course, the main thing we see clearly is that having a favorite child is a gross injustice to the other children.  It can foster all kinds of responses in our children.  

• children of favor may lord it over the other children
• those without the blessing are likely to develop jealousy and rivalry
• the embedded anger of not having received the blessing may initiate rebellion
• sibling relationships are fractured by bitterness and neglect
• children who don't gain favor are clearly aware of it and will try desperately to gain it
• sibling rivalries can be damaged for life because of the inequity of parents

It is natural for a parent to recognize that one of their children may be similar in nature to themselves.  However, acting on that observation by heaping special favors on that child is crossing a line that will inevitably damage the other child(ren).  

We must strive to maintain an effort of equity and genuine love with each of our children!  They are precious gifts from God and initially value our opinion and attention more than anyone else.  Our kids thrive on any attention we give them.  If they feel unjustly treated, they may even act out their anger.  In doing so, they will likely get negative attention from us - but in their immature way of thinking, at least negative attention IS ATTENTION!  

As parents, we must strive to keep the Golden Rule before us as we raise our children: "In everything [even parenting], in every circumstance, do to others as you would have them do to you."  [The Voice Bible - Matthew 7:12].  

We must love all of our children and seek to distribute that love AND ATTENTION to all of them equally!  They must never have a sense that we favor one over another!  To do so can cause irreparable damage!  

Parenting is a massive responsibility!  We are shaping lives and overseeing their development in hopes of forming in them loving, compassionate, creative and capable adults who can and will make meaningful contributions through their gifts, talents, passions and skills!  Something that we will eventually be so proud of!  

________________________________

Kind, loving and gracious God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

Bless and help those who are still actively involved in the parenting role.  With multiple children, it can be exhausting and exasperating.  

But this role is so worth it!  You have enabled us to birth children as a result of our love for one another as husband and wife! It is miraculous!  It brings us so much joy and pride!  We are so grateful to You for allowing us this wonderful privilege of raIsing our children!

But, we're not always well-equipped for this role.  Some may not have been raised by loving parents.  Some may not have had both parents available to them while growing up.  Some will have matured in unhealthy environments where they were frequently left to make their own way.  Our culture has deteriorated and, unfortunately, the family system has suffered greatly.  

But You are a ready resource and You are ever available to teach us, comfort and equip us for this blessed responsibility.   Your Word has tons of instruction and models for us to examine and learn from!  Your Spirit lives within us and is an ever-present source of peace and inspiration!  We need it regularly and depend on You to be our divine Helper!  

Help us today and every day to raise our children to love You, serve You and please You!  

For the Kingdom's sake.  Amen.

JACOB'S OTHER ELEVEN!

This is a follow-up to a previous blog titled: PARENTING – JACOB’S FAILURES WITH JOSEPH.  Reading this blog will have added meaning after reading the first article. 

To be one of twelve kids might have some challenges! 

My wife, Debbie, is the ‘first-born’ [her choice of words] of nine kids.  I’m confident that they would all admit to a certain amount of chaos, conflict and competition while growing up.  Yet, I have two observations I will make about them without hesitation:

First, they are VERY CLOSELY connected!  They have a family thread that is active and alive every day.  Intercommunication is a key to close relationships!  They clearly love and respect each other.  They vacation together, pray for one another, and socialize frequently.

Second, they have been a remarkable support system to Debbie and me throughout our many years of ministry!  They created a safe place for us where we could relax and be ourselves.  They’ve loved and supported us unconditionally through some pretty strenuous crises in our family and churches. 

______________________________________

In our story from yesterday, Jacob clearly favored Joseph above his other eleven sons: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Dan, Naphtali, Gad, Asher, Issachar, Zebulun, and Benjamin.  These boys were born to Leah, Rachel’s handmaid – Bilhah, Leah’s handmaid – Zilpah, and Rachel. 

Joseph was clearly the first-born of Jacob’s true love – Rachel.  This was apparently the reason that Jacob loved him so much!

But what must it have been like for the other eleven?  It had to have had an impact for one of the youngest to be so revered and honored.  How must Reuben have felt?  After all, he was the true ‘first-born son’ that was deemed so important in this period. 

The biblical record doesn’t hide the tension between these men.  That’s a lot of testosterone to be driving rivalries, positioning and differing opinions.  In Genesis 37 – the chapter under consideration – we notice that Reuben and Simeon are key players.  They happen to be the two oldest.  There clearly was a rank that was observed in this family in spite of the favoritism toward Joseph.  Reuben apparently felt the pressure of being held to account if anything should happen to his younger brother. 

First-born children often grow up with an increased sense of responsibility.  They are commonly viewed as mini-parents as they exercise authority over younger siblings. 

The study of birth order is a fascinating exploration that can shed vital light on the development of personalities within a family system!  [BOOK RECOMMENDATION:  The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are, by Dr. Kevin Leman]

In 1986, John Trent and Gary Smalley presented a book titled, THE BLESSING.  [I just checked: this book – and its updated versions – is still available today!] 

The book studies the Old Testament concept of passing on a blessing to one’s children and then extrapolates from these observations to suggest five vital factors involved in giving the blessing to your children.  They are:

·         Meaningful and appropriate touch,

·         A spoken message,

·         Attaching high value to the one being blessed,

·         Picturing a special future for him or her, and

·         An active commitment to succeed by fulfilling the blessing you have bestowed upon them.

[This book also includes a wonderful chapter on "How To Give the Blessing To Your Spouse!"]

In my experience as a pastor over four decades and holding an M.A. in counseling, I would make the following statement without hesitation:

If you’re only going to read one book on parenting,

make it THE BLESSING, by John Trent and Gary Smalley!

Every child needs to be thought of as special and a unique gift from God!  They must know that they hold a place of high value to their parents.  Open expressions of favoritism is damaging to siblings!  It creates problems that will travel with these children throughout their lifetimes! 

Children need to be celebrated!  Their achievements must be recognized and applauded – especially by parents!  They must know that they hold a treasured spot in your hearts! 

Speaking as a counselor, many of the adjustment issues of adults track back to feelings of inadequacy that were implanted during childhood!  A parent’s words weigh HEAVY!  As parents, we must be especially careful with the use of our words.  Shunning a child because of anger or disappointment leaves a mark that can change their entire course of direction! 

During our child-rearing years, I tried to listen to two radio programs every day:

Ø  Focus On The Family – then featuring the teaching/ministry of Dr. James Dobson

Ø  Family Life Today – then featuring the teaching/ministry of Dennis Rainey

These programs and their many guests provided daily inspiration and instruction on raising a family and keeping a marriage healthy and growing!  I bought and read their books as well as listening to their programs.  One of the largest sections of my personal library was the 'Parenting' section!  Later, Debbie and I had numerous opportunities to pass on what we had learned to other couples. 

Left to our own devices, we will inevitably fall back on the way we were raised in working with our own children.  Most of us would readily admit that the patterns and techniques of our parents were at least partially flawed.  We must be caring enough to make the effort to be well-informed parents.

Let’s not make the mistakes that Jacob made.  Regardless if you had great parents or disconnected parents, or absentee parents [for a host of possible reasons], or distracted parents, or overly strict parents – DO YOUR BEST TO BE THE BEST PARENT YOU CAN BE!   Your kids’ future health depends on it!

TUCKED AWAY ON THE FLY-LEAF OF MY MIND

I picked this phrase up from a camp evangelist who used it many years ago; I think his name was David Clardie.

I do not use the phrase, but it occurred to me as I was reading in Genesis 37 this morning.  

The storyline in this chapter takes place after Jacob [son of Isaac, grandson of Abraham] settled in the land of Canaan.  This is the point when Joseph's story takes off.  He is seventeen as this chapter begins and helps his brothers watch the flocks of his father.  Joseph is spoiled!  He is the son of Rachel, Jacob's true love; even though he also had children by Leah [Rachel's older sister] and each of their maidservants: Bilhah and Zilpah.  

Joseph has dreams of grandeur that he unwisely shared with his family.  These dreams portrayed him as someone that his brothers - and even his parents - would someday admire and even honor.  

Obviously, they were all offended by these dreams!  Even Jacob [now known as Israel] seems to scold Joseph:

"What kind of dream is this? Do you actually think that your mother and I and your brothers are going to bow down before you?"  [Genesis 37:10  -  All quotes from The Voice Bible unless otherwise noted.  Remember that this paraphrase prints all words that are not in the original text in italics.]

The very next verse tells us something interesting that is often true for parents:

"Joseph's brothers had become extremely jealous of him.  But his father - though he scolded Joseph - kept this dream in the back of his mind."

It's just something that we do as parents.  We watch our kids grow up and we hold onto thoughts as a result of observations we make.  Sometimes we share these thoughts with our spouses, sometimes we don't.  

Mary did this with Jesus!  

After the shepherds visited the manger scene, we find these words:

"Mary, too, pondered all of these events, treasuring each memory in her heart."  [Luke 2:19]

Later, after Jesus - at the age of twelve - stays behind in Jerusalem and Joseph and Mary have to return to find Him, we find this recorded:

"His mother continued to store these memories like treasures in her heart."  [Luke 2:51]

______________________________________

Surely - if you're a parent - you can identify with this practice.  Perhaps some of us are more prone to this activity due to natural introspective tendencies, but notice that our two illustrations include a man [Israel] and a woman [Mary]!  

I recall sharing one of these observations with Debbie as we sat in our living room in East Liverpool [where our kids grew up].  Travis was four-and-a-half-years older than Troy - to the day!  All three kids were playing on the floor when it hit me.  I simply said [pointing to Travis], "This one is going to make a living with his brain..."  Then I followed [pointing to Troy] "...and this one is going to make a living with his hands."

Travis graduated from the United States Naval Academy and went on to be fully trained in their nuclear program where he ran the reactor on the various subs that he was assigned to.  He attained these things without being an egghead!  He had a wonderful sense of humor and was greatly loved by family and many friends!  He attained the rank of Lieutenant Commander in the U.S. Navy and ended his career planning strategic assignments for the Navy Seal Team based in Honolulu, HI.  *

Troy went a different route.  He initially learned a trade as an upholsterer [as a teenager].  He still uses this skill today as a sidebar.  In Savannah, he worked for Gulfstream Aerospace Corporation [the largest manufacturer of private aircraft] as an upholsterer.  While living with his brother, Travis, for a couple of years he began volunteering as a firefighter.  After years of investment, he transferred to Boardman, OH where he just completed an intensive year of training as a Fire Medic!  

Troy visited one day last week.  We knocked down a tree that had died a few years ago.  I couldn't get my chain saw to run.  Troy quickly took it apart, repaired it and had it running in moments.  I was mesmerized!  He has a skill package that I admire so much!  It's intuitive to him.  I - on the other hand -  am a butcher when it comes to mechanics!  By the way, Troy graduated from high school with a higher GPA than Travis!  :-)

I love both of these sons!  I am proud of each of their accomplishments!  I marvel at the things they've done!  

_______________________________________

These observations don't need to be written down.  Somehow, they imprint themselves on our brains and in our memories!  

This is what parents do!  They observe, support, encourage, prod, rescue, correct, guide, suggest, cheer, affirm, finance, and stand behind their kids ALL THE WAY!  

They make observations without showing preference!  They love their kids and stand behind them to help them make 'their' dreams become a reality!  We do NOT live out our dreams through their lives!  We facilitate their dreams to the best of our ability without showing bias or favor!  Many lives have been deeply damaged by parents who favored one while neglecting others - a pitfall we must be diligent to avoid!  

In Psalm 127:3-5, Solomon speaks of his sons [pardon the male language - daughters are certainly included]!

Know this: children are a gift from the Eternal; the fruit of the womb is His reward.  Your sons born in your youth are a protection, like arrows in the hand of a warrior.  Happy is the man whose quiver is full, for they will help and protect him when he is old.  He will not be humiliated when he is accused at the gate, for his sons will stand with him against his enemies.

The parenting role never ends!  It changes significantly, but never ends!  We maintain contact with our children and continue to support and help them without being intrusive!  

And just so you know that I also treasure our daughter, I watched her back in March while we visited.  She amazes me over and over again by her deep commitment to her marriage and family!  

It was the celebration of our grandson Coltin's, fifteenth birthday.  She made a massive display of a bread charcuterie with a wide array of treats and succulent surprises!  Both sets of grandparents were at the table for the first time!  Tracie carefully seated us and then took her place right between Rylie and Coltin!   :-)   She - and, of course, Jon as well - are clearly the center of their lives at this stage!  I marvel at the depth of commitment to these two maturing adolescents!  

Debbie and I pray for them from a distance [they live in Florida].  We text with them weekly to try to remain a part of their lives.  They are our only grandchildren!  We treasure them!  We make as many memories with them as our exposure allows! 

Tracie was a little 'Tom-boy'.  She was an adventurer and a rescuer.  She is deeply committed to her friends and I have many memories of her tucked away in my heart and mind!  

It's what parents do!  

*  Travis died in October, 2015.

TELEVISION: VALUES SHAPER

 Monday of this week I arrived home around 3:30 PM and wasn't feeling well.  I laid down on the bed, where Deb covered me with an afghan and I napped for nearly two hours.  Upon getting up, I went to my chair and just sat watching television for the rest of the evening.  I even had my supper on a snack tray.  

I went to Frndly and watched an episode of Gunsmoke.  

Doc welcomed a new, young doctor to Dodge and was delighted to talk 'shop' with this man.  The man's wife talked him into staying in Dodge and setting up his business.  Doc visited and wished them well.  But, of course, they got no business because of the deep trust everyone had in Doc.  

Eventually the young doctor's wife began spreading lies about Doc's drinking habits.  She coaxed people to turn to her husband.  Festus overheard her and told Doc about it.  Matt and Kitty also picked up on it and expressed concern to Doc.  But Doc was unmoved by the accusations and reports.  

Eventually, he confronted her about her lying and she denied it.  He insisted on taking her to see a couple of his patients so that she could see the poverty and conditions that most people lived in around Dodge.  He explained that his pay was often in eggs or occasionally a chicken.  Often, all he got was a promise that they'd pay him when they could.  

While out, they were called to a home where a farmer had injured his leg several days ago but had not sought treatment.  Gangrene had set in and Doc told him that he would have to amputate the leg.  Reluctantly, he agreed.  While Doc stepped away, she convinced the man that her husband could help him and save his leg.  

Doc saw what had happened and returned to town.  Meanwhile, she and her husband went to the farm again.  He also saw that the leg had to be amputated, but now it was even worse.  The farmer died.  

When it was over, I turned to Deb and commented on the positive values communicated in this episode!  Doc refused to respond in kind!  He confronted the woman over her lies and slander.  He yielded when she persuaded the farmer to let her husband operate on him instead.  The values he exhibited were wonderful and appropriate.

Later in the evening, after watching our favorite show, we flipped to a new show that we've been wanting to watch.  It's about a tracker that hunts for people that might be lost or disoriented.  The advertisements made it look good, and with my backpacking background - I thought we might enjoy it.  But, unfortunately, by the time the show was half over, we turned it off and I went to bed.  The values were discouraging and not something that we wanted to be influencing us.

I know!  These are the laments of an older man!  Shows from decades ago tended to teach wholesome - even Christian - values.  Shows like 'The Waltons', 'Little House on the Prairie', 'Bonanza', 'The Rifleman', 'Sue Thomas - FBEye', 'Doc', 'Touched by an Angel', 'Highway to Heaven' and so many more consistently reinforced values that strengthened the fabric of American culture!  We learned how to live right - just by watching TV.  

But these values are in a slim minority today!  Thank God for 'The Chosen', 'The Baxters', 'The Great American Family Channel' and you may think of a few more...

And the end result is that our culture - sadly - mirrors what we're viewing to a large extent!  

There's OBVIOUSLY a market for these old shows because they are available on many venues at almost all times of the day.  It seems to me that wise parents would sit and watch some of these old shows together and find creative ways to discuss them afterward.

A phrase that my kids should remember is: "LEARN TO DISCERN!"  

I said it to them over and over again during their growing-up years!  That was part of my role as their father!  Often, when we'd watch a movie together [or even an episode of 'The Cosby Show'], I would ask them questions about what we'd viewed.  Oh yes, this was always greeted with a groan!  But I wanted to know how they were processing what they viewed.  I didn't want them to just accept everything that they saw on TV!  I wanted them to learn to discern!  

I wanted them to form their values from a source far more significant than TELEVISION!!!!!!!

This is a parent's role!  They monitor and evaluate what their kids watch!  They question them about how they would react in similar situations.  They teach appropriate responses!  They also model appropriate values [this is far more important than our words]!  

Living in the 21st century has taught us that we can't trust the schools - AND CERTAINLY NOT OUR UNIVERSITIES - to inculcate Christian values in our young people and children!  And remember: church membership is now less than half of our population, so Sunday School [which is disappearing] isn't shaping our kids anymore!  

IT'S UP TO US, as parents and grandparents to form our kids and shape their consciences!  No one cares more about them than we do!  Be bold!  Be aggressive!  Take on the challenge!  Talk with your kids!  Learn how they're processing information.  Help them to embrace values that will allow them to contribute to the shaping of a better culture!

Last tip:  Take them to church and pray with them!