Weeping

I have repeatedly heard pundits make fun of John Boehner because he has wept publicly on a number of occasions.

Really?

Is it now politically incorrect for a man to weep in public?  Is a man less masculine because he shows emotion?

I have to be honest, I weep very rarely.  However, I do weep.  [Oh my!]

There are times when a man is moved deeply and it becomes difficult to speak.

So many men have been taught that real men don't cry, so they fight with all their might to prevent public tears.  Open expression of deep emotion seems to be a cause for public shame.

Anyone who has heard me speak knows that there are occasions when my emotions are so stirred that my voice cracks and I have to fight the tremors in my voice as I proceed.  Am I less of a man because of this?

Shouldn't a man weep when he's deeply grieving?  Aren't tears a natural response to pain?  Is it wrong for a man to be emotionally stirred when he sees the flag being raised and hears the national anthem - especially if that man has left fallen comrades on the battlefield?

I'm not talking about public blubbering or frequent outbursts of uncontrolled hysteria.  I'm talking about the honest expression of tears that belay a deep emotional feeling.

I think most men - if honest - would admit that they are occasionally moved to tears.  Remember the shortest verse in the Bible?  "Jesus wept."  [John 11:35].  One of His best friends had died.  Others were weeping - and Jesus joined them.

I think what we're after here is an honest expression of genuine emotion. When that occurs - in a man or woman - I don't think it should be responded to with mockery.

What do you think?

Poison

In 399 B.C. Socrates drank a bowl of hemlock and self-initiated his own death. He had been found guilty by 280 of 500 of his fellow Athenians.  The poison first numbed his feet, then his legs.  Gradually it affected his ability to speak and then his consciousness.

Bitterness has the same effect as hemlock!  Recently I had a conversation with a couple who were deeply hurt by gossip in the church.  They dropped out of a prayer group because of this gossip.  It had - at some point - focused on their family.  They are still hurt and angry about it.  I wonder how long ago this offense took place.

Their report affected me too.  I also feel the bitterness of betrayal that results from gossip.  Most churches struggle to keep their prayer chain from becoming a gossip chain!  Our craving to know details often supersedes our genuine compassion.  We share intimacies not because we care, but because it gives us a feeling of power to know something that others don't know.  It's evil.

Psalm 141:3-7    The Voice (VOICE)

 Guard my mouth, O Eternal One;
    control what I say.
    Keep a careful watch on every word I speak.

Don’t allow my deepest desires to steer me toward doing what is 
    wrong or associating with wicked people
Or joining in their wicked works or tasting any of their pleasures.

Lord,
We need Your help to keep our words appropriate and just.  

When we have been hurt by gossip, help us to forgive.

When we have hurt others by gossip, help us to seek forgiveness and make amends.

Help us to remember that "...the tongue is a flame of fire.  It is full of wickedness, and poisons every part of the body...Men have trained, or can train, every kind of animal or bird...but no human being can tame the tongue.  It is always ready to pour out its deadly poison."  

Help those whose trust has been destroyed to heal.

Hold those accountable who take delight in hurting others!

Let Your Kingdom come, O Lord, through the power of Your Holy Spirit at work within us!
Amen.


[The scripture quoted in the prayer is from James 3:6-8  (NLT)]

Zero Turn

I had quite a ride yesterday! 

My brother-in-law, Wally, gave me a five-minute lesson on how to drive his zero-turn lawn mower (the one with no steering wheel, but two bars instead).  Then, as he walked away, I took off to mow the little acre around our trailer. 

I hope there's no hidden-camera videos of the next hour!

Everybody says that I'll get the hang of it and will eventually fly across the lawn like a pro.  It didn't happen yesterday! 

The darn levers are so touchy!  One slight move and I was heading off to the right or left!  Going straight was a joke!  It never happened.  There were a few times when I was simply out-of-control! 

Once when I stopped to move some lawn furniture, the thing shut off.  I guess it automatically does that when you leave the seat.  I had a hard time figuring out how to start it again. 

I bumped the trailer several times, knocked my hat off going under a tree, and almost went off into the woods while cutting the perimeter!  It was a zoo!  Anyone watching would've have been bent over in hysterics!

When Deb came home, she commented on how great the place looked!  I didn't bother to tell her about my hair-raising experiences.  I'm just glad I got the job done!

God's Choice

On Monday evening at 5:00 PM, I arrived at Kittanning FMC in time to have the evening meal with the God's Choice ministry.  About a dozen volunteers prepared the meal and served it.  There were about forty present including volunteers and guests.

God's Choice ministry is designed to minister to those with special needs.

Amy Poole and her brother, Pastor Mark Crosby, led the teaching and worship time - respectively.  The singing was fun and there was lots of laughter!  The meal was excellent:  pork, potatoes, peas and carrots, apple sauce, salad, pudding, and donuts.

Special prizes were presented to those who could answer questions about the lesson.

There was a general atmosphere of love and respect that permeated the whole evening.  The volunteers seemed genuinely glad to be there.

The guests were obviously excited and happy to be there!  They exchanged 'high fives' and hugs.  They laughed with each other.  Some colored pictures of  a Bible story scene.  It was a genuinely joyful two hours!
I was proud to be leading a church that cares enough to minister to this special audience!  Somehow, when the program ended and everyone left, I thought to myself:  "Jesus would have loved to have been here!". Then, it occurred to me:  JESUS WAS HERE!!!!  

Sleeping on the Floor

When I was a kid (or as Len Sweet puts it: wiwak), my mother had an amazing skill that she had highly developed by the time her fourth kid came along.  She could convince me to do things and make me feel that it was an honor to do so.

When company would come, she would tell me that the company would be using my bed.  As a result, I would be allowed to sleep on the living room floor.  It would be like camping inside!  I could use my sleeping bag and have a flashlight.  It would be so much fun!

Every time this happened, I eagerly unrolled my sleeping bag and crawled into it feeling that I was the luckiest person in the house!

I miss her!  She died in 1981, two months after Tracibeth was born.  She taught me so much!  Her spiritual influence was massive!  She had a unique sense of humor.  She loved me.

By the way, I slept on the floor of my new office last night.  That's what triggered this post!  I laid in the dark and thought about my Mom.

First Day on the Job

It's kind of nerve-wracking.  Will I like the people I work with?  Will they like me?  Will I be able to do the job?  I hope I don't mess up and make a fool of myself?  Is this job going to be fulfilling?

Debbie started her new job this week at Springfield Elementary School in New Middletown.  She is an assistant in the Cognitive Development class.  They have nine students. 

She was pretty nervous about starting again.  It's a brand new building, so excitement was high!  She likes her teacher, Julie, and they share a like faith!  The job is more demanding than she expected and she comes home tired.  But, as far as first-day-jitters, they only really occur on the first day!  :-)

This'll be her tenth year in this school district.  It might be her last!

I also have a new job.  I went over to Kittanning, Pennsylvania, about two weeks ago to meet with the Board of the Kittanning Free Methodist Church.  I also went over this past week for one day to meet a couple of leaders and scope out my new office.

This morning, Debbie and I left at 7:30 AM;  it takes about seventy-five minutes to drive from the farm to the church.  I was not feeling well this morning, but easily made it through the morning.  We were greeted joyfully by everyone we met. 

The building is quite beautiful and the location is spectacular!  The people were friendly and received us graciously - even having a snack-fellowship after worship to welcome us! 

There was an array of ages from young children to older members.  The sanctuary seats nearly two-hundred in very comfortable seats - although there were probably only one-hundred present.  Plenty of room for growth! 

Being a veteran in this role, I wasn't really nervous about fulfilling my responsibilities, but I was concerned about being accepted.  The church family seemed anxious to receive us;  especially since they have not had a pastor since June.

So, we're both past the first day!  It feels good.  At least the first-day-jitters are behind us. 

We're grateful to God for opening these roles for us - even before we had left China! 

Now, we can get to work!

Open and Honest

I've received lots of feedback from a recent blog-post:  "Would You Still Love Me?".  Many people have simply indicated that they do still love me in spite of the struggle I'm having with re-entering American culture.  I must confess that I never expected such a response to my scribblings.

Quite a few have affirmed me for my honesty about passing through a tough time and dealing with chronic sadness.  One dear friend captured it best with her words:  "If people don't still love you because you bare your soul, did they really love you in the first place? I am not shocked or dismayed because you are having a hard time. I am glad that you openly shared what you are going through. How can people honestly lift you up in prayer, asking the Father for what you really need if you don't reveal what you really need?"

My greatest help has come from others who have also lived in another culture for an extended period of time.  Their words and assurances have helped me to see that what I'm going through is not unique.  One even reported that after two years of working here, she still wants to be back where she was serving. 

The article I wrote was my first venture into transparency.  I had spent a month in quiet misery.  Since the article I've been pretty candid in conversations and on-line dialogues - even with my students in China. 

Just tonight, I began a more open and honest sharing with Debbie about my feelings.  Although my words are hard to hear, I know she is glad that I've begun to express my feelings. 

It's clear that these ventures into transparency have begun a process of healing.  I'm certainly not there yet, but I have at least made a slight turn in the right direction.  I appreciate the prayers that some have lifted on my behalf.  I also appreciate your kind words.  A few even brought a smile to my face - something rare recently.

We really are in this together.  Remember all the "one another" passages in the New Testament?  We serve a vital role in helping one another stay healthy.  When we struggle alone and suffer quietly, we not only deepen our own pain but we also deprive others who love us of the opportunity to help us.  What a shame! 

In reality, we're all on one side or the other on occasions.  Much of the time I am capable of being a blessing and source of joy and encouragement to others.  However, sometimes I stumble into a pit that paralyzes me and causes me to think only negative thoughts.  [Yes, it's true - hard to believe, huh?]  At these times, I'm not much good to others!

Pride is our big enemy in those troubled times.  I don't want to admit that I'm struggling.  I want you to think that I'm always strong and capable.  But we all know what pride precedes - right?  After writing that first article, my finger hovered over the "Publish" button for several minutes before courage or foolishness got me to push it!

Hey, I'm not where I want to be yet and I'm certainly not where I need to be  -  but I'm also not where I was two weeks ago.  That's hopeful.

So, what's your take-away from this latest purging of my soul?  Drop me a note and let me know...