YES, YOU CAN MARRY OUR DAUGHTER!

[Back in July, 2004, I received a phone call from a young man named Jon Kerstetter.  This is my response to that call.  I share it for the educational value that might be derived from reading it.  I feel VERY STRONGLY that fathers should be proactive in the lives of their children!  If you'd like to know how I feel about Jon today, read a blog entry I wrote about him on June 16, 2019, titled:  "Meet My Son-In-Law"]  And yes, he gave me permission to share this letter several months ago, but for whatever reason, I waited until today to do so.  :-)

This letter was written July 21, 2004

Dear Jon,

I’ve been wanting to write to you ever since you called and asked permission to marry Tracie.  In all of my preparation and planning for parenthood, I had not really ever given thought to the fact that someday a man would ask me if he could marry my daughter.  That’s a little embarrassing for me, since I pride myself on being prepared for most of life’s parenting situations.  I don’t know how this one eluded me?  J  So, I really wasn’t prepared for your call.  It felt awkward.  For one thing, I hate phones and prefer to speak face-to-face – which, of course, wasn’t an option for us that day (since Jon was in the Navy).  But let me cut to the chase – now that I’ve had some time to think and reflect.

You need to know, I’ve never been real keen on the practice of giving our daughters away in marriage.  Why do we give our daughters away, but not our sons?  The whole thing has confused me all along.  I appreciate the tradition of the thing, but am offended by the reality of it.  Tracie is a grown woman.  She is also Debbie’s and my daughter.  We have raised her toward independence, knowing that someday she would take off and find her own way in life.  We welcomed that day when she drove away from our home in Akron to live in Maryland.  She had met our requirements:  to wait until she was eighteen and had graduated from high school.  Although we were proud and pleased to have her leave – it also ripped my heart out to watch her drive away.  Something inside me hurt terribly that day.  Debbie, Troy, and I wept repeatedly over the next several days – and then, life went on. 

We have raised our kids in the best way that we knew.  We are glad and proud to have given them a godly heritage that extends back several generations that we know of.  We gave them lots of freedom and specific boundaries.  We trusted them until they broke the trust – and then we worked with them to rebuild the trust.  

Our parenting role is in its final season.  We are beginning to look at our kids as full, equal adults now.  We can learn from them as much as they can learn from us.  We appreciate that they respect us and still turn to us for counsel and support.  That’s a blessing to us.  We have confidence in our three young adults.  We’ve invested deeply into their lives in ways that you will probably discover as you have opportunity to get to know us.  We love them more than words can express.  We will trust their decisions and pray that God gives them wisdom and discernment.  Of course, we want the best for them. 

So, in regards to you marrying Tracie:  I trust her wisdom and sensitivity.  She would only choose a man who was a good man.  She knows what she wants and you obviously embody that.  Debbie and I will be pleased to welcome you as an extension of our family.  We are anxious to get to know you better and allow our love for you to grow.  We pray for you daily – every time we pray for the three T’s.  I specifically pray for God to help you to be the perfect husband for my daughter and the perfect father for some of my grandchildren.  I hope you will allow Him to shape and influence your life.

I ask you several things:

1. Please love and respect Tracie – till death do you part!
2. Prioritize her always – cherish her!
3. Love, nurture, protect, and teach any children that God gives your home.
4. Be a man of your word – have integrity.
5. Be passionate about living.  God has designed you for a purpose;  pursue that purpose!

We look forward to the wedding and are already assisting with the plans.  We want it to be a day of joyous celebration!  Blessings, Jon.