WILL YOU MARRY ME AND MY FIANCE?

Consider this your coffee-break for this morning.  Get comfortable while I unravel a story that will remind us how creative our God is in making connections.

It was 1985.  I was in my third year of leading the Oakland Free Methodist Church in East Liverpool. 

Early in March, I was in my office working and the phone rang.  On the other end of the line was a woman who described herself as being from Youngstown.  She told me that she’d been calling pastors for several days to see if she could find one that would marry her and her fiancé.  But she had received refusal after refusal.  I could hear the pleading and frustration in her voice as she practically begged me to consider her request.

I told her that I had requirements for couples that I married.  Then I explained that I required ten hours of premarital counseling that would help them think through issues relevant to being married.  It would also be required that they attend morning worship throughout the weeks between now and the wedding.  I also told her that I asked couples to refrain from having a sexual relationship during the period between now and the wedding and assured her that I would explain this more in the first counseling session.

She immediately responded that she’d talk with her fiancé and get back to me.  She called back in less than half-an-hour with an enthusiastic response and an expression of gratitude and excitement!  We scheduled their first appointment.

Upon their arrival, I realized that they were probably in their thirties.  They were an attractive couple who were obviously very much in love and very excited to get this process started.  They were each remarkably open and friendly.  It seemed that they were actually excited to see what this process was going to involve.

We spent that first session just gathering history and getting acquainted.  I reviewed the requirements that I had mentioned on the phone and then explained how much joy God took in marriage.  I talked about the sanctity of marriage and how God had designed this relationship for the deepest expression of intimacy.  This, of course, is why I asked couples to refrain from sexual contact during the pre-marriage period so that they could genuinely – and with anticipation – celebrate their marriage after the ceremony.

They agreed and seemed excited to do so. 

They began attending worship that week and never missed a Sunday. 

Let’s call them Karen and Jeff.  Jeff had been raised in the Catholic Church.

Our congregation had just begun to grow in the area of young couples at this time, so they were warmly welcomed by others from their age group.  Karen immediately began quizzing me on aspects of our worship and the weekly bulletin. 

·        What do all the letters in the “flyer” mean?  Upon examining it I realized that our lingo was confusing to newcomers:  FMY [Free Methodist Youth], CLC [Christian Life Club], WMFI [Women’s Missionary Fellowship International], etc., etc..

·        She was curious about the songs we sang and wanted to know where she could buy copies.  At the time, the 1980’s explosion of ‘Praise & Worship’ music was impacting the Church.  I gave her some radio stations to listen to.

·        She wanted to understand why people went to the altar at the end of the service.  I explained that it was a time and place for people to respond to God.  She was surprised to learn that family and friends often joined them at the altar to pray about issues in their lives.

They came every week.  The counseling time was delightful as they sucked up all the information that I shared with them:

ü We discussed the five ‘Love Languages’.

ü We talked about the importance of clarity about money management in a marriage.

ü We discussed children and how they impacted a marriage.

ü We had a session on “How to Fight Fair” in a marriage.

ü We looked at the sexual relationship as God’s special gift for married couples to fully know and enjoy one another.

ü We talked a lot about the differences between men and women and how challenging it is to fully understand one another.

It was fun to work with this couple!  We became friends.

As the church moved through the Lenten season, I had worked with several area Free Methodist Churches to hold an ‘Interchurch Resurrection Campaign’ at Oakland over Easter weekend.  I arranged for retired bishop, Paul N. Ellis, to be our speaker from Monday through Wednesday.  Several of the area churches contributed music specials and I involved the other pastors in leading the services.  Unfortunately, Bishop Ellis had to miss the first two nights.  He felt terrible!  I managed to have a friend fill in on Monday and Tuesday.

Jeff and Karen came all three nights!  On Wednesday night, Bishop Ellis brought a dynamic message and invited those who wanted to accept Christ as their Lord to come and kneel at the altar.  Jeff immediately responded.  Bishop Ellis personally came to Jeff and he and I prayed with him. 

[As a caveat, I later realized that with Jeff’s Catholic background, it meant a great deal to him that a bishop personally prayed over him!]

A few weeks later, the wedding went beautifully!  The reception was at the Mountaineer Casino and Resort. 

Let’s end this wonderful story with a humorous revelation.  As Jeff and Karen danced, I suddenly realized that they were probably going to invite us to dance with them.  I panicked!  I don’t know how to dance.  To add to it, Karen wore a very low-cut wedding dress and I felt stressed out about dancing with her! 

Sure enough, they motioned for us to join them – with the photographer ready to document the moment.  As we walked onto the dancefloor, Jeff approached me and said, “Pastor, why don’t you just enjoy dancing with your wife while I enjoy dancing with mine!”  Did he sense my discomfort?  I’ll never know, but I certainly did feel instant relief. 

I’ve thought of them many times over the years, but we did not stay in contact.  I hope they’re out there somewhere getting ready to celebrate thirty-nine years of marriage!