JACOB'S OTHER ELEVEN!

This is a follow-up to a previous blog titled: PARENTING – JACOB’S FAILURES WITH JOSEPH.  Reading this blog will have added meaning after reading the first article. 

To be one of twelve kids might have some challenges! 

My wife, Debbie, is the ‘first-born’ [her choice of words] of nine kids.  I’m confident that they would all admit to a certain amount of chaos, conflict and competition while growing up.  Yet, I have two observations I will make about them without hesitation:

First, they are VERY CLOSELY connected!  They have a family thread that is active and alive every day.  Intercommunication is a key to close relationships!  They clearly love and respect each other.  They vacation together, pray for one another, and socialize frequently.

Second, they have been a remarkable support system to Debbie and me throughout our many years of ministry!  They created a safe place for us where we could relax and be ourselves.  They’ve loved and supported us unconditionally through some pretty strenuous crises in our family and churches. 

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In our story from yesterday, Jacob clearly favored Joseph above his other eleven sons: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Dan, Naphtali, Gad, Asher, Issachar, Zebulun, and Benjamin.  These boys were born to Leah, Rachel’s handmaid – Bilhah, Leah’s handmaid – Zilpah, and Rachel. 

Joseph was clearly the first-born of Jacob’s true love – Rachel.  This was apparently the reason that Jacob loved him so much!

But what must it have been like for the other eleven?  It had to have had an impact for one of the youngest to be so revered and honored.  How must Reuben have felt?  After all, he was the true ‘first-born son’ that was deemed so important in this period. 

The biblical record doesn’t hide the tension between these men.  That’s a lot of testosterone to be driving rivalries, positioning and differing opinions.  In Genesis 37 – the chapter under consideration – we notice that Reuben and Simeon are key players.  They happen to be the two oldest.  There clearly was a rank that was observed in this family in spite of the favoritism toward Joseph.  Reuben apparently felt the pressure of being held to account if anything should happen to his younger brother. 

First-born children often grow up with an increased sense of responsibility.  They are commonly viewed as mini-parents as they exercise authority over younger siblings. 

The study of birth order is a fascinating exploration that can shed vital light on the development of personalities within a family system!  [BOOK RECOMMENDATION:  The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are, by Dr. Kevin Leman]

In 1986, John Trent and Gary Smalley presented a book titled, THE BLESSING.  [I just checked: this book – and its updated versions – is still available today!] 

The book studies the Old Testament concept of passing on a blessing to one’s children and then extrapolates from these observations to suggest five vital factors involved in giving the blessing to your children.  They are:

·         Meaningful and appropriate touch,

·         A spoken message,

·         Attaching high value to the one being blessed,

·         Picturing a special future for him or her, and

·         An active commitment to succeed by fulfilling the blessing you have bestowed upon them.

[This book also includes a wonderful chapter on "How To Give the Blessing To Your Spouse!"]

In my experience as a pastor over four decades and holding an M.A. in counseling, I would make the following statement without hesitation:

If you’re only going to read one book on parenting,

make it THE BLESSING, by John Trent and Gary Smalley!

Every child needs to be thought of as special and a unique gift from God!  They must know that they hold a place of high value to their parents.  Open expressions of favoritism is damaging to siblings!  It creates problems that will travel with these children throughout their lifetimes! 

Children need to be celebrated!  Their achievements must be recognized and applauded – especially by parents!  They must know that they hold a treasured spot in your hearts! 

Speaking as a counselor, many of the adjustment issues of adults track back to feelings of inadequacy that were implanted during childhood!  A parent’s words weigh HEAVY!  As parents, we must be especially careful with the use of our words.  Shunning a child because of anger or disappointment leaves a mark that can change their entire course of direction! 

During our child-rearing years, I tried to listen to two radio programs every day:

Ø  Focus On The Family – then featuring the teaching/ministry of Dr. James Dobson

Ø  Family Life Today – then featuring the teaching/ministry of Dennis Rainey

These programs and their many guests provided daily inspiration and instruction on raising a family and keeping a marriage healthy and growing!  I bought and read their books as well as listening to their programs.  One of the largest sections of my personal library was the 'Parenting' section!  Later, Debbie and I had numerous opportunities to pass on what we had learned to other couples. 

Left to our own devices, we will inevitably fall back on the way we were raised in working with our own children.  Most of us would readily admit that the patterns and techniques of our parents were at least partially flawed.  We must be caring enough to make the effort to be well-informed parents.

Let’s not make the mistakes that Jacob made.  Regardless if you had great parents or disconnected parents, or absentee parents [for a host of possible reasons], or distracted parents, or overly strict parents – DO YOUR BEST TO BE THE BEST PARENT YOU CAN BE!   Your kids’ future health depends on it!