THE PERFECT PASTOR [doesn’t exist]

A phrase was shared a lot several decades ago: "I'm not perfect; just forgiven!" It made a great bumper sticker!

Most of us would be fairly quick to confess a lack of perfection. One of the pressures of being a pastor is that people expect Christian perfection from you. You're a role model or 'poster-person' for the Christian life.

Yet pastors are people and people have flaws. ALL people!

In my years of serving as a pastor, one of my pitfalls was trying to be good at every aspect of my life and ministry. I wanted to be a great husband, dad, teacher, leader, preacher, brother, uncle, neighbor, writer, etc., etc. ad infinitum...

This is a path to burnout, and I've experienced that trauma! As a result, I've learned a few things over the years; there's always someone smarter, quicker, funnier, more effective, more creative [this list could go on-and-on].

I initially left seminary without graduating primarily because I didn’t like the competitive environment on campus [I later graduated from a different seminary.].  

I never excelled in sports partly because I didn’t have that ‘killer instinct’. If I got a lead, I would lay back – and occasionally lose the game as a result. 

For years, ministry was hard for me because I was not the ‘High Dominant’ type of leader.  Going to conferences where they asked us to fill out personality profiles made me groan.  Those with scores in ‘High D’ were praised and encouraged. Most of the content of those seminars seemed targeted toward them. I was a ‘High C’ = Cooperative Leader.  I’m the guy that wanted us all to cross the finish line together!  I was the traditional misfit! 

I remember a night when I was leading a council meeting at one of my latter churches.  We had about twelve at the table.  I had given a presentation about significant change for the church that I believed would facilitate growth.  I considered it a ‘seed-planting’ presentation, however, the council members seemed to readily embrace the ideas.  In a short time, it was vigorously discussed with many favorable thoughts shared.  As the end of our meeting time approached, people knew that I would end the meeting at 9:00 PM promptly.  In those final moments, a new leader made a motion to accept my proposal in its entirety.  We voted – and it passed - with three members abstaining.  I chose to end the meeting encouraging the council to pray about this matter and that we would vote again at the next month’s session.  As I prepared to adjourn the meeting, one of those who had a lot of questions about the changes, interrupted me.  He said, “Pastor, why don’t you pray about it right now and then take another vote.  So, I prayed for God’s direction and for clarity regarding the future of our church.  Then I reluctantly called for a revote by paper ballot.  The decision to move forward was unanimous – with no abstentions!  

Within the next three years our congregation exploded with growth!  PTL!  We all crossed the finish line together! 

‘High C’ leaders can be effective!  Their process however, typically takes more time – but the results are sometimes more permanent. 

But, I digress.

A primary problem for male pastors [I’ll leave the issue for female pastors to someone of that gender] is that out of our great desire to be the ideal leader, there is a temptation to conceal imperfections and failure rather than confessing them. This leads to living behind a façade.  While ministry activity is carried on satisfactorily – even exceptionally – the pastor is hiding horrendous practices and behavior!  There are far too many headline stories that illustrate this point. And the Church is severely damaged in the process. Faith in pastors is undermined.

We’re left wondering how this pastor could have acted so corruptly?

The answer is, of course, quite simple.

A lack of accountability. The podium role is largely unquestioned. This is exacerbated by a growing church! Who can question success? Consequently, a pastor who starts out working hard, being diligent and with exceptional goals and effort can gradually come to think that s/he deserves certain benefits. Fill in the blank here. They create a caveat that allows them to do things that they would have never considered earlier in their ministry. 

And once begun, the escape route of confession and reparation becomes too difficult to face!  Until finally the marriage crumbles or the sin is exposed. From that point, the damage has to be assessed and dealt with. Many congregants will walk away disillusioned. The next waves of leadership will live under suspicion. Everyone loses!

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It’s personal for me! I have felt all of the above mentioned stresses and temptations. Although my official record is clean and clear, I know of the dalliances with sin that have dotted my life – as does God!. Thanks to the prayers and support of fellow pastors, parishioners, family and friends, I was able to repeatedly come to the throne of grace and find mercy and grace to help in my times of need! 

I made a decision fairly early in my life to lean toward transparency. I’ve talked openly throughout my ministry about difficult seasons and times of distress. I’ve repeatedly aired my struggles and talked about challenging seasons. I’ve paid to see counselors at least four times over the years!

I discovered something remarkable and unexpected from the practice of sharing openly about my tough times. It didn’t make people move away from me. Rather, it seemed to draw people toward me. The confession that I thought might damage my ministry often became something that caused my ministry to prosper! I still marvel at this.

What does this say?

It seems to say that we all struggle in many ways. We can identify with pain, discouragement, setbacks, opposition, meanness, unfairness, bad luck, disappointments, stress, being overwhelmed, even bad decisions or sinful behavior etc., etc. 

In spite of high expectations for our leaders, we also recognize that they – like us – are human. Even pastors.

Gracious God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

Help our pastors to learn to practice humility and transparency so that even in their weak times – which we all have – they can be enabled by grace to continue to lead with strength and humility!

For the Kingdom’s sake. Amen.

A COMMON TEMPTATION!

In Genesis 39, we read the story of how Joseph was brought as a slave to Egypt.  There, he was sold to Potiphar "an officer of Pharaoh himself and captain of the guard, himself an Egyptian..." [v1 All quotes from The Voice Bible unless otherwise noted.  The Voice Bible prints words that are not in the original text in italics/]

God favors Joseph in his new role and causes the household of Potiphar to prosper remarkably.  So much so, that Potiphar puts Joseph in charge of his entire household!  

Now Joseph was a well-built, good-looking young man.  After a while, his master's wife began watching him, and she tried to seduce him.  

[She said:] "Come. Sleep with me."

But Joseph refused.

When she kept pursuing and pressuring him, David responded very directly:

Look, please don't take offense, but with me in charge, my master has no concern for anything that goes on in his house.  He has trusted me with everything he has.  He hasn't treated me like I am anything less than he is, and he hasn't kept anything from me - except, of course, for  you because you are his wife.  Why would I do something so clearly wrong and sin so blatantly against God?

 Although she pursued him day after day, Joseph would not consent to sleep with her and refused to be alone with her.

One day, however, when he went into the house to do his work while no one else was in the house, she grabbed him by his clothes and tried again to seduce him.

[vs.8-12]

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THE DILEMMA

• Joseph is a slave who has gained the trust of his master.
• Joseph is a handsome man.
• He is also a godly man who recognizes that he has received God's favor.
• Potiphar's wife desires to have a sexual relationship with Joseph.
• He rebukes her invitations and attempts to help her to understand that he can't break his trust with Potiphar and he refuses to sin against God!
• She sets a trap for him and then accuses him of attempting to rape her when he avoids her trap!
• Potiphar believes the report of his wife and places Joseph into jail.

SEX IS A POWERFUL TEMPTATION

As a male writer, I can speak best to the masculine experience.  Sex is an unrelenting and persistent source of temptation.

While serving as the lead associate pastor at a fast-growing, highly effective church, my ministry was largely focused on men.  We were running three packed-out services every Sunday morning.  There were a lot of beautiful women who attended the church!  I knew that the men were struggling with this reality because some of them began asking me how to handle the sexual temptation and thoughts that were aroused in them - JUST BY ATTENDING CHURCH!  

I came up with an idea and began suggesting to the men that they sit in the front row of the church.  By doing so, they would protect themselves against trying to peer at beautiful women while they were in worship.  A few of the men gently persuaded their wives to join them in the front row.  Then, the word caught on!  More and more men began escorting their wives to sit at the front of the church!  Before long, the first three or four rows were packed - from side-to-side - with these men and their wives!

That's when the lead pastor - who happened to be a woman - walked into my office and asked what was going on!  😂

IS THERE ANY HELP? 

Many men struggle with the desire to remain faithful to God but are subjected to billboards, television, attractive women they encounter or see during their day, and the fact that they likely carry a porn shop in their pocket!  

For many Christian men, it is simply an exhausting enterprise.  

Unfortunately, their churches offer little or no help with this struggle!  The subject of sex is rarely addressed and when it is, the subject is often handled poorly with little practical advice.  

Like so many other addictions, accountability is what is needed.  Men need to be part of a band of brothers with common goals and an opportunity to talk openly and confidentially.  They need to be able to identify with other men who are also struggling to maintain sexual integrity.  They need an environment that is forgiving, encouraging, persistent, faithful and tough!  

They need to be able to say, "I blew it this week and binged."  They need a group who will help them dissect the experience and figure out what the triggers were that caused the lapse.  They need to be helped to grow from the experience and put protocol in place to prevent it from happening again!  They need a core group who will hold their feet to the fire and contact them between meetings with prayers, advice, check-ins, and even shared lunches to keep one another on track!  

Imagine what a great resource a group of men like this could be to a youth pastor who is trying to train youthful boys to walk in integrity in their sexual lives?  

Imagine the marriages that could be strengthened and preserved by a ministry that offered this kind of support to men who are struggling to be faithful - like Joseph - in the 21st century.

Imagine the support that could be available to men who have just lost their wives and are adjusting to life as a widower.

Older men should not be excluded from these support systems.  The difference between sexual drives of men and women are significant.  Older men still deal with the same temptations and often feel frustrated and guilty because of these unwanted desires.  

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WHAT ABOUT WOMEN?

I'll leave the addressing of the female needs, responses and temptations to another writer.  

As a long-term pastor, I can say that there needs to be dialogue between women of all ages on the topic of sex and sexual sin.  Younger women need guidance and courageous female leaders who will speak out and give them suggestions for how to navigate the complexities of sex in our age.  

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God made us as sexual beings!  He set limits on the use of this wonderful part of our male/female relationship!  He honors those who revere those guidelines!  God deals graciously with those who violate His purposes - but return through repentance!  God certainly intended this part of our marriage relationship to be fulfilling, enjoyable and an expression of our love for one another throughout our married lives!  

HOW IS IT WITH YOUR SOUL?

His name was Jim Heldreth [or Jack - he went by both].  He was a little younger than my parents.  He was - from time to time - a leader in the Pittsburgh Conference [FMC].  He was also a trustee at Roberts Wesleyan College for a number of years.  He was a long-term member of the Oakland Free Methodist Church.  He was a man of strong opinions, and he didn't mind sharing them with you.  He was a big man; handsome, married with no children.  He hailed from West Virginia and was proud of it.  I believe he made his living as a church furniture salesman.

Why am I telling you about this man?

Because when I was a freshman at Roberts, he showed up in my doorway on the fourth floor of Carpenter Hall.  Imagine my surprise!  He sat on my bunkbed, and we talked for half-an-hour.  During that conversation, he asked me how I was handling my new freedom.  He also asked me how I was doing spiritually.  I've often wondered, "Did he just do this with me?  Or did he visit other Pittsburgh Conference students as well?"

This was not shocking.  Although this practice has fallen into disuse, it was fairly common back in the 1960's to ask one another how your spiritual life was going.  It was also common - at least in Free Methodist Churches - to have weekly 'testimony meetings', where we gave public updates on our faith!  I was glad that I was able to give him a good report.  According to my recollection, he did this at least one, maybe two other times.  Although he was a friend of my parents, I really didn't know him personally.  However, when I turned thirty, I was appointed as his pastor, where I served for thirteen years!  😊  We had many deep theological discussions during those years.  When he disagreed with something I was doing or proposing, he had no difficulty in addressing me about it!  

Why is this important enough to be writing about?

Because it doesn't happen anymore!  I'm having difficulty remembering the last time anyone asked me how my spiritual life was going.  

I just read the first paragraph of Galatians 6 - here it is from The Message Bible:

1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.

These verses clearly imply connection, caring and communication!  

Let's look at these individually:

CONNECTION

You don't speak these kinds of words to just anyone!  This kind of inquiry require connection!  There must be a level of sharing that has been established.  Intimacies have been exchanged.  There's familiarity and some knowledge of one another's pilgrimage.  We KNOW one another!  We have spent time together individually or in a group.  I have a clear sense that you're not trying to gather gossip; I have no fear that you will use my confession against me.  We TRUST one another!  I am confident - without verbally noting it - that you will keep my confidences.  I know this because you have done it before!  I believe that you have a genuine concern for me and my spiritual well-being!

CARING

We have an innate sense about people that has developed from years of inter-relationships.  We can usually tell if someone truly cares about us.  People who simply want to use or manipulate us can be quickly discerned and carefully handled.  They don't have to be removed from our fellowship; just contained from intimacies until they have proven themselves trustworthy.  Jesus said this in Matthew 7:6 [NASB], "Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."  Solomon also had some wisdom on this topic:  "A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."  [Proverbs 18:24 NASB]  Do the careful, hard work of discernment and then build relationships that add value to your life!

COMMUNICATION

As a counselor, I was excited years ago when the research was published that 'talking' changes the chemical makeup of the brain!  I've heard the line over and over again - usually from men:  "What good does talking about it do?"  Well, the proof is in!  It actually DOES create real change!  

This is a big part of the value of sincere friends who talk to us and listen to us!  They care!  They want to help!  They want us to be the best we can be!  If you have these kinds of connections - THANK GOD FOR THEM!  They are far more valuable than you probably realize.  Pity the man or woman who has no friends!  They cannot possible be at their best without this essential interaction!  

I recently wrote about the failure of most churches to give us small-setting opportunities that allow these kinds of relationships to flourish!  Environments where we can openly confess that we're not doing well.  Places where I don't have to fear to report that I've fallen off the track and need help realigning my life!  Fellowship circles where the word 'relapse' is not a dirty word!  Encouragement enclaves where people who love me will gather around me and pray with me!  

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I've had this at times in the past - and it was a precious thing!  But, it takes time and effort to develop.  It is the business of the church - even though many churches seem to have relinquished their responsibility in this area.  

For we who have 'Methodist' as a descriptor - it's in our genetic make-up, thanks to John Wesley!  This seventeenth century revivalist put his people in groups that met at least weekly where they all answered questions such as:

• Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I am? In other words, am I a hypocrite? 
• Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?
• Do I confidentially pass onto another what was told me in confidence? 
• Am I a slave to dress, friends, work, or habits? 
• Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying? 
• Did the Bible live in me today? 
• Do I give it time to speak to me every day? 
• Am I enjoying prayer? 
• When did I last speak to someone about my faith? 
• Do I pray about the money I spend? 
• Do I get to bed on time and get up on time? 
• Do I disobey God in anything? 
• Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy? 
• Am I defeated in any part of my life? 
• Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful? 
• How do I spend my spare time? 
• Am I proud? 
• Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisee who despised the publican? 
• Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I going to do about it? 
• Do I grumble and complain constantly? 
• Is Christ real to me?

I know:  By now you're either incredulous or laughing.  

But think for a minute honestly:  If you WERE a part of a group that regularly addressed issues like this - might you be a better person and Christian?  

O Holy Spirit,

Help us to find friends that will stick closer than a brother or sister!

Friends who will listen carefully, counsel plainly and model openly.

Friends who will keep our confidence yet hold us accountable!

Friends who will pray for us and with us!

Who will not condemn us or judge us when we fail.

Who will turn to us when they fail or need help!

Friends who will faithfully help us to make it to Heaven!

For the Kingdom's sake.  Amen

SEXUAL IMMORALITY IN THE CHURCH

I Corinthians 5 shows us the Apostle Paul at his toughest.  

He has received credible information about a man in the Corinthian church who is in an immoral relationship with his father's wife.  Paul is - to say the least - shocked!  His immediate response to the church is:  And you are proud!  Shouldn't you rather have been filled with grief and have put out of your fellowship the man who did this?  [v.2]

Paul then gives clear instructions:

• Even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit.  [v.3]
• His response is what we might expect from a bishop:  I have already passed judgment on the one who did this, just as if I were present.  [v.3]
• When you are assembled in the name of our Lord Jesus and I am with you in spirit, and the power of the Lord Jesus is present, hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.  [vs.4-5]
• Then Paul scolds the church for boasting about tolerating this evil action.  He reminds them that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough  [v.6].  

Paul then ends this painful chapter with an exposition about the church's responsibility for judging within the body of believers.  His counsel is quite clear:

I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people - not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters.  In that case you would have to leave this world.  But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler.  With such a man do not even eat.

Clearly, we are only responsible for judging those who claim to live for Christ!  Paul would not have us separate ourselves from unbelievers!  How can we win unbelievers if we have separated ourselves from them?  

Paul's counsel:

1. ...judge those inside  [v.12]
2. God will judge those outside.  [v.13]

Paul's last words in this chapter:  Expel the wicked man from among you.  [v.13]

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As a church leader, I've repeatedly had to confront (care-front) parishioners who were living outside the bounds of Christian behavior.  It has never been easy to do so and I have always prepared myself through prayer (and often fasting).   Many times - almost always - the person becomes angry.  Often I have received a lashback from the church body as well.  But God's grace is a powerful thing.  Given time for the Holy Spirit to work, there has often been reconciliation and healing.  

Paul is trying to teach us that we bear reponsibility for one another!  In some sense, we are our brother's keeper!  I need you to help me stay clean and pure!  We need each other's accountability to remain holy!  

One final comment:  this really can't (won't) happen in a large group context;  in that setting, such activity is brutal and belittling.  It happens naturally, however, in smaller group settings or in friendship circles.  We must remember that speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.  [Ephesians 4:15]

Our intervention with those we love, care for and call brother or sister may preserve them for an eternity of joy and everlasting peace!  It's worth the risk!  

If I fall into immorality, greed, lying, drunkenness or swindling others - I hope you care enough to come after me!   God has given us to one another for this high and holy purpose!  

TRANSFORMATION #2 - CALLED TO BE HOLY!

 I love Paul's tact and strategy.  He begins his letter to the Corinthians by affirming and reminding them of some very important things:

To the church of God in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be holy, together with all those everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ - their Lord and ours...[v.2]

Just a few verses later, he reminds them again that they are called:

 God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.  [v.9]

Eugene Peterson - in THE MESSAGE - paraphrases verse two:

I send this letter to you in God's church at Corinth, Christians cleaned up by Jesus and set apart for a God-filled life.  [v.2]

Sanctified = cleaned up

Called = set apart for a God-filled life!

The Corinthians needed to be reminded of these facts.  So do we!

In his introduction to this letter, Peterson writes:

When people become Christians, they don't at the same moment become nice.  This always comes as something of a surprise.

Conversion to Christ and his ways doesn't automatically furnish a person with impeccable manners and suitable morals.

The people of Corinth had a reputation in the ancient world as an unruly, hard-drinking, sexually promiscuous bunch of people.  When Paul arrived with the Message and many of them became believers in Jesus, they brought their reputations with them right into the church.

Paul spent a year and a half with them as their pastor, going over the Message of the "good news" in detail, showing them how to live out this life of salvation and holiness as a community of believers.  Then he went on his way to other towns and churches.

Sometime later Paul received a report from one of the Corinthian families that in his absence things had more or less fallen apart.  He also received a letter from Corinth asking for help.  Factions had developed , morals were in disrepair, worship had degenerated into a selfish grabbing for the supernatural.  It was the kind of thing that might have been expected from Corinthians!

So, Paul writes them a letter - reminding them first of all that they were cleaned up by God and set apart to live God-filled lives!  

That's always the starting point!  I need to be reminded of these two things frequently.  Don't you?

Left to my own devices, atrophy sets in.  My nature - like a rubber band - tends to return to its natural position.  I need constant input to keep me growing and becoming.   The inputs that are most helpful to me include:

• reading the Word
• talking with God
• worship
• sacraments
• fellowship
• study
• acting out my faith
• meditation
• accountability

When I ignore these practices - I cease moving forward.  I become luke-warm.  I back-slide.  I need an intervention!

Paul's letters were interventions.  Fortunately for us, they've been preserved for two thousand years!  

Need an intervention in your life right now?  Open to I Corinthians and let the Apostle Paul speak into your heart!   

 

 

 

 

 

BROTHERS

I drove to Canton yesterday to meet with my pastor's group.  We meet once-a-month.  One leads a church of 3000 (multi-site), one a church of 700, and the rest of us churches of 150-300.  We range in age from 40 to 60.  Our pastoral experience ranges from 12 years to 35 years. 

We spend the morning sharing about our personal lives and our churches.  We pray for one another.  We worship together.

Then, we share lunch together.

In the afternoon, we study leadership topics and enjoy animated discussion.  It's a rich pool of experience and wisdom.  We often have different points of view. 

I always come away refreshed and challenged!  I am held accountable.  I am cared for.  I have a new list of books to read.  My hope is renewed!

In the weeks between, I pray for my brothers.  I believe they pray for me.  I celebrate their victories and support them in their struggles.  I know their kids and spouse's names and pray for them too.

Do you have an accountability group?  If not, why not start one?  It would help you be more faithful to God.  It would provide a source of help for the others you invite also! 

Don't Blame God!

I came across an amazing verse in The Message this morning.  Proverbs 19:2  People ruin their lives by their own stupidity, so why does GOD always get blamed?"

Yikes!  That's blunt!  But true!  Why is it that we get ourselves into horrible fixes - and then blame God?  It's an insane thing to do;  completely illogical.  Yet all of us do it.

We choose our addictions - and then get mad at God for allowing us to do so.  We make choices all along throughout our lives - and then get upset with God because our lives didn't turn out the way we hoped.

It's so easy to blame God for stuff.  It shuffles the responsibility away from ourselves.  Instead of being angry with myself, I can be angry with God!  Everything is His fault!  I get off scott-free. 

The essence of this is:

• God has given us free will.
• God has also given us guidelines and parameters to live by.
• God holds us accountable through His Holy Spirit.
• God forgives us when we screw up.
• God reinstates us after our rebellions

With all that freedom and grace, how must I hurt Him when I blame Him for the results of my own choices?