THE PERFECT PASTOR [doesn’t exist]

A phrase was shared a lot several decades ago: "I'm not perfect; just forgiven!" It made a great bumper sticker!

Most of us would be fairly quick to confess a lack of perfection. One of the pressures of being a pastor is that people expect Christian perfection from you. You're a role model or 'poster-person' for the Christian life.

Yet pastors are people and people have flaws. ALL people!

In my years of serving as a pastor, one of my pitfalls was trying to be good at every aspect of my life and ministry. I wanted to be a great husband, dad, teacher, leader, preacher, brother, uncle, neighbor, writer, etc., etc. ad infinitum...

This is a path to burnout, and I've experienced that trauma! As a result, I've learned a few things over the years; there's always someone smarter, quicker, funnier, more effective, more creative [this list could go on-and-on].

I initially left seminary without graduating primarily because I didn’t like the competitive environment on campus [I later graduated from a different seminary.].  

I never excelled in sports partly because I didn’t have that ‘killer instinct’. If I got a lead, I would lay back – and occasionally lose the game as a result. 

For years, ministry was hard for me because I was not the ‘High Dominant’ type of leader.  Going to conferences where they asked us to fill out personality profiles made me groan.  Those with scores in ‘High D’ were praised and encouraged. Most of the content of those seminars seemed targeted toward them. I was a ‘High C’ = Cooperative Leader.  I’m the guy that wanted us all to cross the finish line together!  I was the traditional misfit! 

I remember a night when I was leading a council meeting at one of my latter churches.  We had about twelve at the table.  I had given a presentation about significant change for the church that I believed would facilitate growth.  I considered it a ‘seed-planting’ presentation, however, the council members seemed to readily embrace the ideas.  In a short time, it was vigorously discussed with many favorable thoughts shared.  As the end of our meeting time approached, people knew that I would end the meeting at 9:00 PM promptly.  In those final moments, a new leader made a motion to accept my proposal in its entirety.  We voted – and it passed - with three members abstaining.  I chose to end the meeting encouraging the council to pray about this matter and that we would vote again at the next month’s session.  As I prepared to adjourn the meeting, one of those who had a lot of questions about the changes, interrupted me.  He said, “Pastor, why don’t you pray about it right now and then take another vote.  So, I prayed for God’s direction and for clarity regarding the future of our church.  Then I reluctantly called for a revote by paper ballot.  The decision to move forward was unanimous – with no abstentions!  

Within the next three years our congregation exploded with growth!  PTL!  We all crossed the finish line together! 

‘High C’ leaders can be effective!  Their process however, typically takes more time – but the results are sometimes more permanent. 

But, I digress.

A primary problem for male pastors [I’ll leave the issue for female pastors to someone of that gender] is that out of our great desire to be the ideal leader, there is a temptation to conceal imperfections and failure rather than confessing them. This leads to living behind a façade.  While ministry activity is carried on satisfactorily – even exceptionally – the pastor is hiding horrendous practices and behavior!  There are far too many headline stories that illustrate this point. And the Church is severely damaged in the process. Faith in pastors is undermined.

We’re left wondering how this pastor could have acted so corruptly?

The answer is, of course, quite simple.

A lack of accountability. The podium role is largely unquestioned. This is exacerbated by a growing church! Who can question success? Consequently, a pastor who starts out working hard, being diligent and with exceptional goals and effort can gradually come to think that s/he deserves certain benefits. Fill in the blank here. They create a caveat that allows them to do things that they would have never considered earlier in their ministry. 

And once begun, the escape route of confession and reparation becomes too difficult to face!  Until finally the marriage crumbles or the sin is exposed. From that point, the damage has to be assessed and dealt with. Many congregants will walk away disillusioned. The next waves of leadership will live under suspicion. Everyone loses!

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It’s personal for me! I have felt all of the above mentioned stresses and temptations. Although my official record is clean and clear, I know of the dalliances with sin that have dotted my life – as does God!. Thanks to the prayers and support of fellow pastors, parishioners, family and friends, I was able to repeatedly come to the throne of grace and find mercy and grace to help in my times of need! 

I made a decision fairly early in my life to lean toward transparency. I’ve talked openly throughout my ministry about difficult seasons and times of distress. I’ve repeatedly aired my struggles and talked about challenging seasons. I’ve paid to see counselors at least four times over the years!

I discovered something remarkable and unexpected from the practice of sharing openly about my tough times. It didn’t make people move away from me. Rather, it seemed to draw people toward me. The confession that I thought might damage my ministry often became something that caused my ministry to prosper! I still marvel at this.

What does this say?

It seems to say that we all struggle in many ways. We can identify with pain, discouragement, setbacks, opposition, meanness, unfairness, bad luck, disappointments, stress, being overwhelmed, even bad decisions or sinful behavior etc., etc. 

In spite of high expectations for our leaders, we also recognize that they – like us – are human. Even pastors.

Gracious God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

Help our pastors to learn to practice humility and transparency so that even in their weak times – which we all have – they can be enabled by grace to continue to lead with strength and humility!

For the Kingdom’s sake. Amen.

A WAKE-UP CALL FOR YOUNG PEOPLE!

There’s a personal story that I have shared on occasion with younger people who are still in their formative years.

While studying for my Masters of Divinity degree at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary [a three-year course that I managed to complete in eleven years as a part-time commuter], I heard about a dual degree option with the University of Pittsburgh that would merge coursework and allow me to also attain a Master of Social Work degree [which would have been a door-opener for me into the world of counseling]. 

I applied and was not accepted.  I appealed the decision and was told that they had MANY applications that particular year and they had to go back to high school records to make final decisions.  They then reported that although all of my graduate and post-graduate work was excellent, I had received twenty-eight C’s during my high school career!  That eliminated me from consideration. 

I had not been highly motivated in high school.  My parents didn’t place high demands on me; they were happy with C’s.  Obviously, I was capable of much better grades, but I had no sense of purpose in making the investment to receive higher evaluations.

Very few high school students are aware of the impact their high school performance might have on their future. 

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For several hours yesterday, I sat and watched the broadcast of a Senate subcommittee in the process of questioning [and lecturing] Pete Hegseth – President-elect Trump’s candidate for the Secretary of Defense.

It was difficult to listen to.  For the most part, the Republican Senators complimented him on his qualifications and passion, while their Democratic counterparts literally took Hegseth apart in many areas.  It should be noted that this is standard procedure for Senators in this process. 

At one point or another during this process, Mr. Hegseth was accused openly of the following:

·         repeated public incidents of being extremely drunk

·         being in his third marriage

·         admitting to having immoral sexual relationships while in his first marriage

·         having an immoral sexual relationship outside of his second marriage that ended in a pregnancy [and his third marriage]

·         making public comments about women not having a place in the military

·         drinking on the job while a host on the Fox News Channel

·         inappropriate behavior with female employees

·         poor management of several organizations that he previously led that reportedly saw a significant drop in contributions during his leadership

He was repeatedly accused of having a lack of integrity and being extremely unqualified for the level of leadership that he was nominated for. 

He consistently defended his record and withstood the onslaught of accusations and allegations.  He frequently referred to “having been cleared of all wrongdoing” or by openly denying the reality of the Senator’s reports.

Although I am a Trump supporter, I have no vested interest in the outcome of this process.  I am not particularly a fan of Pete Hegseth.  I don’t have sufficient background information to be capable of deciding whether or not he should serve in this role at such a high level of our government.  I will leave the outcome of this process to those who do have the information and the power.

My interest in this painful and embarrassing saga is the education of our youth!

Here’s a man who clearly has struggled with alcohol abuse.  His insistence that he will NOT drink if appointed as the Secretary of Defense is hard to believe. 

Here’s a man who has had repeated marriages and has a record of infidelity.

Here’s a man who has failed to garner respect from his fellow employees.

Here’s a man who is reported to have treated women in a demeaning manner.

Here’s a man whose past statements have the potential to prevent him from holding a highly privileged and extremely powerful position.

Here also is a man who claims to have had a spiritual awakening within the last thirty days – since he was nominated by President-elect Trump for the position of Secretary of Defense! 

THESE ARE HEAVY CONSDERATIONS THAT OUR SENATORS ARE CONSIDERING!

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Suddenly – in a totally unforeseen manner – Pete Hegseth discovered that he had been noticed by the President-elect! 

In a turn of events that most would never have imagined, Pete Hegseth is seriously being considered for an extremely important leadership role in the future development of our country!

Here’s the question for young people to consider:  If Pete had seen this coming, might he have changed his behavior in the past?  Having lived in an apparently reckless manner, does he now look back with regrets?  Does he wish he would have worked harder on his marriages?  Do the fleeting rewards of sexual irresponsibility now seem foolish?  If he could, wouldn’t he like to purge numerous areas of his life from public knowledge? 

Our youth are not known for great wisdom.  They are inexperienced and curious.  They want to experiment and discover things for themselves. 

They need guidance and parameters!  That’s why God gave them a parent from each gender to advise and protect them throughout their development. 

Wise parents might take the ‘Pete Hegseth’ episode and talk about it with their youth.  Some starting points might be:

·         Do you think Pete has regrets about his past behavior?

·         You need to be careful about your daily activity.  It may affect your future! Life is a progression. The things you say and do today may have an impact on your future.

·         What are your goals for the future?  What are some behaviors and decisions that could totally destroy your hopes?

·         In light of your hopes and dreams, what kind of behavior today will develop character and integrity in you that will facilitate your dreams coming to reality?

Parents have the potential and opportunity to have these kind of vital conversations with their young people.  Wise parents will take full advantage of modern-day examples to help their children develop with wisdom and integrity!

And while you’re talking with them, why not also pray with them about their future!  Let them hear you voice your concerns to God on their behalf! 

INTEGRITY: GOING, GOING, - GONE!

Years ago, my good friend - Chip Poole - shared a resource with me that he had worked up.  It was two pages that included his research into the word 'integrity'.  

Some of his observations:

"Integrity is NOT a title we can give ourselves, it is something that others must see in us."  

He started with Webster's definition of the word:  

• the quality or state of being complete;  unbroken condition; wholeness; entirety.
• the quality or state of being unimpaired; perfect condition; soundness.
• the quality or state of being of sound moral principle, uprightness, honesty and sincerity. 

He noted that the Latin root meant: untouched, whole and entire.  "It is where we get the word 'integer', which is a whole number with no fraction or decimal."

The crux of Chip's resolution was that:

"Integrity comes from God. To have integrity, we must be in a proper relationship with God.  Apart from God, wholeness, completeness and integrity are impossible."

"Nehemiah described Hananiah (his brother) as a man of integrity for one reason and one reason alone, because he 'feared God more than most men do.'"  [Nehemiah 7:2]

He also observed that after Job lost everything, he "did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing"  [Job 1:22].  His wife asked him, "How long will you hold on to your integrity, curse God and die."  Later in the book when Bildad verbally attacks him, Job responded: "I will never admit you are right.  Till I die, I will not deny my integrity" [Job 27:5].

Additionally, Chip recognized that Jesus was the perfect example of integrity.  "Teacher...we know You are a man of integrity and that You teach the way of God in accordance with the truth.  You aren't swayed by men because You pay no attention to who they are" [Matthew 22:16 and Mark 12:14].  

To conclude his argument, Chip cited Titus 2:7-8 where we are instructed to live lives of integrity:

"In everything set them an example by doing what is good.  In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us."

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I wholeheartedly agree with my friend's observations about integrity!  At the same time, I am greatly concerned that many followers of Christ are thoughtlessly compromising when it comes to integrity.  

I'll make myself subject to ridicule here by stating that the way we drive often calls our integrity into question [notice the collective 'we' in this observation]. Think:

• speed limits
• stop, then turn right at a red light
• actually stopping at stop signs

Then, of course, there are the taxes that we just filed in April...

Lots of us stretch the truth when we're telling stories.  We don't call it lying, we call it embellishing!

Naturally, all of us fill out job or loan applications with integrity!

I know!  Nitpicking!  C'mon, Hal, some of these things are just the normal practice for all people.  

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A few weeks ago, we received a letter regarding a class-action lawsuit being filed regarding the impact of the train derailment in East Palestine, Ohio.  Our landlord has told us that we live within three miles of the incident 'as the crow flies'.  

We each read the letter and considered whether or not we should apply.  Together, we agreed that other than minor inconvenience and a few weeks of concern, we had not been directly impacted and discarded the letter.  

We watched in terror as the plume of smoke rose over East Palestine and blew to the northeast and east.  It did not come anywhere near our direction.  It was remarkable to me that within days someone from North Lima claimed that this smoke had killed some of her goats.  North Lima is 6-7 miles northwest of East Palestine - a direction that the wind rarely blows in our area!  

Recently, we were in a group where this was being discussed and relatively large/generous amounts were being mentioned as potential rewards for participating in this lawsuit.  Some expressed an eagerness to file a claim.

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How does integrity factor into your life?  

Do you choose the high road in the decisions that you make?

Is financial gain something that negates your integrity?

How about the private sins that we indulge in?  

Would you be comfortable with someone else seeing your 'search history'?

Fortunately, I'm not the judge of any of these issues.

I have my own life to look after.  I must do my best to maintain a walk with God that thoroughly impacts my life in all areas!  I am challenged by scripture to bring my decisions and actions into accord with the commands of God's Word and the guidance of His Holy Spirit!  

As one who has tried to maintain this walk for many decades, I can tell you that it is a challenge to do so!  

• we have to live counter-culturally [we turn a lot of TV shows off after fifteen minutes]
• we have to constantly monitor what we take in
• we must also monitor what we give out (even our choice of words)
• we must be vigilant about our behavior - no matter where we are
• with the tens of thousands of decisions we make every day, we must try to be consistently wise
• we must operate in awareness that others are watching and our influence has impact

But Hal, this sounds so all-consuming!  How can any person measure up?  

Believe me, I understand!  

But God never intended this process of living the Christian life [a life of integrity] to be exasperating!  He does not want us to be viewed as neurotic, hyper-focused, super-sensitive, living-statues of perfection.

God wants us to live a monumental life of freedom in Christ that daily remembers - and counts on - the fact that our daily discretions, misjudgments, distractions, rebellions can be forgiven if we just ask!  

In II Corinthians 3:3, the Apostle Paul refers to us as 'living letters' for others to read!  

Our mistakes, failures, rebellions, accomplishments, habits, conversation, example [plus so much more] is out there for others to see!  We are not perfect and will be the first to acknowledge that;  however, we strive to live our lives with an integrity that shines in the darkness of a distracted culture!  

To maintain consistency, we must walk with God and support one another!  The darker our culture gets, the brighter our lights will shine!    

PARISHONER AND FRIEND

I probably met Jim Heldreth on the grounds of the Tri-State Campground [a lot of people knew him as Jack].  He was a strong supporter of the camp through the years.  He was about ten years younger than my parents, but thirty years older than me.  He and my father served on many Rochester District and Pittsburgh Conference committees together.

Jim was a trustee at Roberts Wesleyan College for many years and was highly regarded for his service there.  While I was a student in the early 1970's, he looked me up on a couple of occasions for a brief visit - always ending with the question:  "Harold, how are you doing spiritually?"  

Not many people asked that question and I appreciated his concern for my spiritual well-being.  

Little did either of us know that in a little more than ten years, I would be appointed to be his pastor at the Oakland Free Methodist Church in East Liverpool, Ohio (1982).  

Jim had some characteristics that I'll now try to describe:

• He was a deeper thinker than most.
• He often saw things from a perspective that was unique to him.
• He 'noodled' on things for long periods before establishing an opinion.
• When he established an opinion, he held to it tenaciously.
• He was not an emotional man but held to his beliefs as precious!
• He was a very handsome man and could be very charming (which I'm sure contributed to his success as a salesman).  
• He lived according to principles that he had discerned and never broke them.

I recall a story he told me of finding a quarter along the road in front of his 'growing-up' home.  He ran with it to his father holding it out with excitement.  His father asked Jim if the quarter was his.  He explained that he had found it.  But his father asked again if it was his quarter.  Jim answered, "No."  His father responded, "Then put it back where you found it."  

Jim's past was important to him.  He continued to own the original homestead property for many years.  He took me along on trips to West Virginia several times to visit that old home and property.  It was well-hidden in the cracks and valleys on back roads that could hardly be called roads.  Yet Jim still knew and talked with all his 'neighbors'.  I enjoyed those road-trips together.  He was a different man there.

He challenged me frequently and was not timid to let me know when I had disappointed him or when he disagreed with me.  Most of the time, he seemed to think I was a pretty solid preacher.  😊  But there were other times that he held my feet to the fire.  

During the thirteen years I served as his pastor, the American church was going through a rapid series of changes.  These were replicated in the Oakland Church.  I found myself in the tenuous position of trying to maintain a balance between a fairly established group of older believers (who had built the current building and were strong supporters of the church financially and with their attendance) and a group of younger, more charismatic believers who had a bigger, more aggressive vision.

As the church grew and changed - ultimately becoming a church of well over two hundred, my relationship with Jim seemed to stumble.  He never withdrew from me, but our closeness diminished.  I always regretted that. 

When I was part of the Promise Keeper's movement in the 1990's, I received a teaching from Howard Hendricks that I agreed with:

“Every disciple needs three types of relationships in his life. He needs a 'Paul' who can mentor him and challenge him. He needs a 'Barnabas' who can come along side and encourage him. And he needs a 'Timothy,' someone that he can pour his life into.”

Jim Heldreth was my Paul for a season and I appreciate the investment he made in me! 


OBITUARY

May 30, 2020

James Jackson Heldreth, 98, of Chester, WV, formally of East Liverpool, OH passed away peacefully on Thursday, May 28, 2020 at East Liverpool City Hospital.

James was born on December 24, 1921 in Smithfield, WV the son of the late Wilbert C and Ethel (Dye) Heldreth.  James joined the US Marine Corps during World War II and served in the South Pacific.    He graduated from Chesbrough Seminary, which is now Roberts Wesleyan College in Rochester, New York.  Later he served for 18 years on Roberts Board of Trustees and upon resigning was elected into the Alumni Hall of Fame.  James was employed by Chrysler Corporation, Ferro Corporation and Endicott Church Furniture Inc. of Winona Lake, Indiana, where he worked  as a Sales Counselor  until he retired in 1983.   James was a member of the Free Methodist Church since 1933 and at Oakland Free Methodist Church in East Liverpool since 1941.  The college and church were his main interest in life.

James was preceded in death on March 2, 2006 by his wife, Anna, whom he married on March 14, 1941.

James is survived by one brother, Charles Heldreth of Columbiana, OH and many nieces, nephews, and cousins

Turning Things Around

I recently placed a joke on my Face Book page:

When I asked my friend if she was planning to attend church, she just shook her head. "I haven't gone in a long time," she said.

"Besides, it's too late for me. I've probably already broken all seven commandments."

It's really not funny.  It pokes fun at a culture that has forgotten the important guidelines that God wrote with His own hand for Moses!

Why not test yourself right now?  How many of the Ten Commandments can you name?  Do you know where to find them (other than Google)?  After you've jotted them down on paper or in your mind, check yourself by grabbing a Bible and looking in Exodus 20 or Deuteronomy 5.  How'd you do?

This morning I read Jeremiah 9 and was struck with God's strong remarks about lying!  Apparently Judah was consumed with patterns of lying that were destroying trust among the people and breaking the heart of God!

[God speaking]   With tongues bent like bows they shoot their lies at one another.  Truth does not win out in this land;  deceit always seems to triumph.  One evil leads to another because they don't know who I am...every brother is ready to cheat and deceive;  every neighbor is prepared to lie when it suits him.  In this land of liars, friends have no misgivings about deceiving one another;  no one even thinks to tell the truth. They've trained their tongues to utter lies;  they wear themselves out with all their sinning.  Jeremiah, you live in a place where deception is assumed;  as their lies pile up, they refuse to acknowledge Me.

It occurred to me that this could very well be a description of our American culture.  We are reaping the benefits of Seinfeld and Friends from previous decades.  We've scrubbed the Ten Commandments from our school walls and public forums.  A mere 20% of our population attend worship on any given Sunday. Honesty and integrity are exceptional descriptors today and we marvel when we see their examples.  

Businesses pass on their losses from shop-lifting and we all pay the price of a culture that is losing its underpinnings.  I could go on, but do I really need to?

The end result of Jeremiah's message was to see the people hauled away into exile in Babylon!  No one knows yet what the end result will be for America.

But for those of us who care, what can we do?

The answer is obvious.

Exhibit honesty and integrity in all our dealings!  Practice, model and exhort conformity to God's 'Big Ten'.  Talk about these things to our children, grandchildren, friends and neighbors.  Do it while you're playing, or during a meal, or when you take a walk together (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)!  

Begin again to weave a cultural fabric that's founded on the principles taught in God's Word!  Believe with all our hearts that God will honor such behavior (because He does!).  

Resist conformity to cultural modes.  Set high, godly standards for all who are watching you live your life.  

There was a day in our history when deals were made and sealed with a handshake.  A man's word was a thing of value.  Let's forge a future that has the same power!  I'll work hard at it - how about you?  

For a related post, check out "I Lied" (written November 15, 2011).