ESAU'S UNKNOWN HEALING

Esau and Jacob were the twin sons of Isaac and Rebekah.  

Rebekah was unable to have children for twenty years.  Finally, Isaac prayed for her and she conceived.  [Genesis 25:22-27  -  All quotes from The Voice Bible unless otherwise noted.]

But the children she carried struggled and fought with each other until, in great pain, she exclaimed, “What is going on? Why is this happening to me?” In frustration she inquired of the Eternal One why this civil war was occurring inside of her.

Eternal One (to Rebekah): Two nations are growing inside of your womb,
and the two peoples will be divided in the future.
One will be stronger than the other,
and the older will serve the younger.

When it was time for Rebekah to give birth, she saw that she was carrying twins. The first came out red—his entire body like a hairy blanket—so they named him Esau. His brother followed with his hand clutching Esau’s heel, so they named him Jacob. Isaac was 60 years old when Rebekah gave birth to the twins.

When the boys grew up, they could not have been more different.

As the boys grew and developed, Isaac developed a special love for Esau, while Rebekah grew especially close to Jacob.  

Eventually, Jacob baited Esau and got him to trade his birthright for a bowl of stew.  Later, when Isaac was growing old and wanted to pass his blessing on to his firstborn son, Esau, Jacob and Rebekah conspired for him to steal Esau's blessing through deceit.  [See Genesis 27]

Esau hated Jacob with a fury, because his brother now carried the blessing his father meant for him.

Esau (to himself): The days of mourning for my father are approaching. When he has died, I will kill my brother, Jacob.  [v.41]

Rebekah learned of Esau's plans and persuaded Isaac to send Jacob to her homeland to find a wife.

Jacob spent many years in Paddan-aram where he worked for his uncle Laban and married Leah and Rachel.  Through his two wives and their servants - Bilhah and Zilpah - Jacob gained twelve sons [who eventually became the twelve tribes of Israel].  

After many years, God instructed Jacob to return to his homeland.  After an encounter with his uncle Laban, he began the long journey with his family, servants, and large flocks and herds.  As he got close to Canaan he was told that Esau was coming to meet him with 400 men.  Jacob was terrified!  He separated his family in groups along with his flocks and herds.  He sent an abundance of flocks and herds ahead of him as gifts for Esau to appease his anger.

Then, after laying his plans and securing his family as best he could, Jacob wrestled with a messenger from God all night.  The end result of this encounter was that his name was changed to Israel!

Finally, when he encountered his brother, 

 "Esau ran to meet him.  He embraced Jacob, kissed his neck, and they both cried."  [33:4]

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Well, that's a surprise ending!  What happened to the anger that Esau had felt toward his conniving brother?  What happened to his plan to kill Jacob?  

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We don't have an answer to that question!  The Bible gives no explanation for the change that Esau apparently experienced!  Somehow, he had forgiven his brother, Jacob, and was able to genuinely welcome him back to their homeland.  After much persuading from Jacob, Esau did finally accept the VERY GENEROUS gifts that Jacob presented to him:

• 200 female goats
• 20 male goats
• 200 female sheep
• 20 rams
• 30 milk camels and their colts
• 40 cows and 10 bulls
• 20 female donkeys and 10 male donkeys

Although the presentation of these gifts may have impacted Esau, the narrative leaves us with the impression that somehow God had brought peace to Esau's heart long before this moment.

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Does time heal?

There's little doubt that time does allow us to adapt to unwelcome circumstances.  With the passing of time, we gain perspective and realize that we can move forward in spite of our anger, hurt, loss, pain!  

Esau wanted desperately to please his parents!  But when he married two Hittite women, he brought a lot of pain to Isaac and Rebekah [27:46].  This was part of Rebekah's reasoning for sending Jacob away to find a wife!  

Now Esau saw that his father, Isaac, had again blessed Jacob and sent him to Paddan-aram to find a wife there, instructing him not to marry any of the Canaanite women. He learned, too, that Jacob had gone there just as his father and mother both wanted. So, realizing his father did not like his Canaanite wives, Esau went to see Ishmael and took Mahalath, the daughter of Ishmael (Abraham’s other son) and the sister of Nebaioth, to be his wife in addition to the two others.  [28:6-9]

Esau wanted to please his parents, but everything he did seemed to disappoint them.  He surely must have felt like a failure!  Yet somehow, through the many years that Jacob spent in Paddan-aram, Esau came to peace with the situation.  

Instead of holding on to hatred and bitterness, he seems to have found a way to be satisfied with the life that God had given him.  He welcomed his brother back with a hug, a kiss and tears of joy.  

The only other time that Esau shows up in the biblical story is when he and Jacob meet to bury Isaac together [Genesis 35:28-29].  

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Lord of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Esau,

Esau's sub-story reveals that even when we're not the main character in the plot, You still keep Your eye on us and help us to resolve the conflicts and dilemmas of our lives!  You are so awesome, kind and generous!  Thank You for this sub-plot of Esau's.  Thank You that his life didn't end in bitterness and hatred!  Thank You that You found a way to bring peace to his heart and life!

There are many in our world today who are like Esau!  They feel like they're the sub-plot in their family!  They feel neglected.  They realize that they didn't get their parent's blessing.  They're angry and distracted by plans to get even.  They're jealous.  They need You, Gracious God!  They need to hear Esau's story!  They need to realize that Your resources are unlimited and Your grace is readily available!  

Find them, Lord, and heal them.  Remove the bitterness and replace it with satisfaction and peace and joy!  You can do this!  You've done it for many - including Esau!  Praise Your Holy Name.

Amen

DIDN'T GET YOUR PARENTS' BLESSING?

Over my many years of counseling, I've dealt with lots of people who were aware that they didn't receive their parents' blessing.  They grew up knowing that the blessing went to a sibling instead.  The pain that accompanies this realization is difficult to accept and live with.  Most will continue - sometimes throughout their entire life - to try to get this blessing!  In most cases, it will never come.  Sad!

Receiving the blessing of a parent is of major consequence!  We all want to know that we are special to our parents.  

I gave a Lyft to a mother and her young daughter several months ago.  The little girl was dressed so cute and she seemed to have a sweet disposition;  but she had done something that morning that angered her mother.  The whole 8-minute ride, she yelled at this precious little one and demeaned her.  I cringed as this little girl was called horrible names.  Then, she was told, "I may not come after you today.  I'm sick of you!"  I prayed for this little treasure all day long!  

Children want to - need to - be loved!  How many times have you seen a child call - over and over and over - "Mommy, watch me!  or "Daddy, watch me!"  They just want to be recognized.  They're begging!  "Mommy, Daddy, please recognize me and tell me that I'm special!"  So many are forced to live invisible lives.  

Genesis 28 gives a vivid picture of this.  Jacob has stolen Esau's (his older brother's) birthright and blessing!  It was wrong to do so and involved deception that included their mother's scheming!  Esau is hurt and angry - these two always go together!  When their father, Isaac calls Jacob in and sends him away to find a wife who is not a Hittite, Esau learns of this.  He has already taken two wives from among the Hittites and is over forty years old!  

But that desire to be accepted and loved runs deep and long!  As a result, Esau takes a third wife - this time from among the family connection of his uncle Ishmael.  His reasoning is clear!  "If I marry a woman from the family - who is not a Hittite - perhaps I will finally get the blessing of my father and mother?"  But these hopeful responses rarely work.  

Fortunately, as the chapters unfold, we eventually see an Esau who seems to have accepted his plight in life.  He seems to have found a way to be satisfied without having received the blessing of his parents.

But most will continue to strive and try to get that blessing.  Ultimately, they will give up using good behavior and turn to bad behavior in an effort to get their parents' attention!  Lives are destroyed in the process!

Parents!  Listen to your children!  Give them your attention!  Praise them!  Help them to know how special they are.  Help them discover their areas of giftedness.  Picture a bright future for them!  Hold them tenderly.  

A word of advice from an old guy:  Bedtime is a great time to do this!  Children are often reflective at this time.  Ask them about their day.  

• What was the best thing that happened today?
• Did anything funny happen today?
• Were you sad at all today?
• How can Mommy (or Daddy) pray for you as you go to sleep?

I know!  You're tired at this point of the day!  You just want to get them to bed so you can have some time to yourself.  I understand.  That's why - in our family - I often was the one to put our kids to bed.  It was my gift to Debbie!  I had more energy than she did.  I hadn't been with them all day long.  We would tickle and wrestle and talk and then pray!  I had a special prayer that I used with each of them.

One more word of counsel:  don't stop doing this when they grow older!  As long as they'll let you, put them to bed.  We tend to think that teens don't need us as much as they did when they were younger.  WRONG!  They need us more!  Be available!  Let them talk!  Listen to them!  Make gentle inquiries.  Never let an opportunity to pray with them pass!  

Make time for each of your kids!  Single them out for special time toegether!  Make sure they ALL get your blessing!  

DESPERATE FOR APPROVAL

Children of all ages yearn for the approval of their parents.  Young children will even act badly in an attempt to get attention from a parent.  It is a cosmic need to know that you are loved and accepted by your parents.  Those of us who had good parents who loved us, supported us, provided for us, encouraged us and blessed us have little idea how fortunate we were!  So many in our world yearn for these things and never receive them.  They act out in ways that shock and offend us - and all they really want is to know that someone cares enough to confront them and express love and concern for them.  

We have a vivid picture of this in Genesis 28.  Jacob has traded Esau a bowl of stew for his birthrite.  Now, years later, he deceives their father, Isaac, and steals Esau's blessing.  Esau is enraged over these injustices and plans to kill his brother after Isaac dies.  

Esau is a grown man at this point and has taken several wives from among the local Hittite women.  

When Esau was forty years old, he married Judith daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and also Basemath daughter of Elon the Hittite. They were a source of grief to Isaac and Rebekah.  [26:34-35]

Now Esau learned that Isaac had blessed Jacob and had sent him to Paddan Aram to take a wife from there, and that when he blessed him he commanded him, “Do not marry a Canaanite woman,” and that Jacob had obeyed his father and mother and had gone to Paddan Aram. Esau then realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father Isaac; so he went to Ishmael and married Mahalath, the sister of Nebaioth and daughter of Ishmael son of Abraham, in addition to the wives he already had.  [28:6-9]

Notice how desperate Esau was for some sense of approval by his parents.  He goes to great ends to adjust his life in a way that he feels might please them.  When he fully realizes how offensive his previous marriages (to Hittite women) were, he quickly marries one of Ishmael's daughters in hopes that it will be pleasing to his parents.  It was a desperate attempt to gain their blessing by marrying a wife from within the family system.  

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We've all seen it!  A young child who repeats scores of times, "Mom."  "Mom."  Mom."  "MOM."  "Mom."  'MOM."  "MOM!"  The same thing happens with "Dad!"

They want to be watched.  They need to be affirmed.  Their spirit needs validation from the one person who really matters.  

And quite often - they just can't get it.  

Gradually, eventually, they realize that if they act out - they get noticed.  Even negative recognition is better than no recognition.  

It happens every day!  

Parenting is a MASSIVE RESPONSIBILITY!  It can be draining.  But, it can also be very rewarding!   

If you're a Christian - and I hope you are - pray and ask God to help you every day to be a great parent!  Don't settle for average!  Your children deserve the best!  God gave them to you.  He entrusted them to your care.  He will help you raise them to be healthy, well-adjusted, and God-respecting.  You're not in this alone.  Pray with your spouse (if they will) and seek God's wisdom and patience in this ginormous task before you!  

Heavenly Father,

Give us all we need to raise our children in healthy, happy environments to be balanced, wholesome and winsome adults who honor You!  Give us wisdom, patience and devotion to this lifelong task!  And may our children rise up and call us blessed for our hard work and dedication to their growth and development!  

For the Kingdom's sake.  Amen.