SHAKING HANDS

I'm not a politician, but as a pastor I've shaken hands with lots of people over forty+ years in the ministry!  It's an automatic response in our American culture upon meeting or greeting people.  We begin this ritual when we're young and then continue it throughout our lives.  

Other customs exist in different cultures.  The French exchange a light kiss on each cheek.  Some Africans say: "I see you." with the response, "I see you, too!"  That may be the wisest since no bacteria is exchanged! 

Being a guy, I tend to prefer a masculine handshake: firm grip and a prolonged grasp that almost seems to say, "Who can squeeze the hardest."  It's kind of a 'thump your chest' exercise that we both walk away from feeling good.

I always made it a point to visit my siblings at least once a year.  For many years, my brother, Ira, lived in northcentral Pennsylvania.  It was farm country and particularly dairy farms.  When I would attend church with him, I met men who had been dairy farmers all their lives.  As much as I loved a firm handshake, some of these guys about brought me to my knees just by the power of their grip!  😆

Of course the hand shake is usually accompanied with words and eye contact.  If the words and/or eye contact are missing, what is the purpose of this activity.  Typically the words are:

• "Good morning"
• "Hello"
• "Long time - no see!"
• "How are you?"  [We don't really want to know, it's just a greeting.]
• For a while there younger people said:  "What's up?" or Wazzup?"

My late friend, Pastor Charlie Young, always gave the same greeting: "Nice to see ya!".  It never changed.  But when he said it, he sold it with this full-face smile and a noticeable twinkle in his eyes!  Something in me always wanted him to do it again!  When I run into him in Heaven I’ll look forward to getting that smile and greeting again!  😊

But there are some handshakes that are weak and annoying.  I've had people who just seem to give you their hand.  They don't grab yours in the way we might expect; they just give you their hand.  It sort of just hangs in your grip.  There's no squeeze, usually no eye contact and it ends when you get tired of holding their limp hand.   I suppose a counselor could make some guesses about this behavior.  Oh! I'm a counselor!  I think we'll save that discussion for a day when I'm feeling a bit more serious...

I got a reprieve from handshaking from 2012-2015.  We moved to northeast China to teach English for three years.  Handshaking in China is reserved for business meetings and those in the upper levels of the corporate and government worlds.  Instead, I learned to simply say 'ni hao' in exchanging greetings with the Chinese.  According the the Chinese/English Pinyin Dictionary, it means: "Hi", "Hello" or "How are you?"  

On one occasion - while in China - I was shopping with my friend Randy [who had lived in China many years and spoke Chinese quite well].  With my VERY LIMITED Chinese, I negotiated a purchase while he was accompanying me.  As the money was exchanged, I noticed that Randy spoke to the gentlemen.  Suddenly, they all began to laugh.  As we walked away, I asked Randy why the men were laughing.  He explained that he had told them that xia xia [Thank you!] was the only Chinese word I knew.  They seemed to get a kick out of that!  

After a lifetime of shaking hands, however, I may sadly have to begin refusing this cultural tradition.  I remember my father having arthritis in his hands during his later years.  He began his day dipping his hands in hot wax as a treatment.  I escaped the pain of this dreaded affliction for sixty-nine years, however, it has finally arrived and it seems to have packed its bags to stay!  

Like my father, it has settled in my hands - particularly my right hand.  I can no longer make a fist and my writing is almost illegible.  My grip is much weaker than it used to be.  The joints ache pretty much all the time.  

Now, Sunday is a dreaded day for me.  Those firm, 'tight-squeeze' handshakes now cause me excruciating pain.  It's difficult not to wince while this ritual takes place.  That testosterone-laced, extended tight-squeeze handshake that I used to enjoy so much?  Now, it humbles me!  

I'm thinking about getting a 'Sunday-go-to-meeting' shirt that says:  CAN WE SKIP THE HANDSHAKE AND JUST DO A SHOULDER BUMP?

So, if you see me heading for the door rather quickly, don't be offended.  It's a self-protection, pain-prevention escape!  

NO FAVORITES

Let's follow an Old Testament parenting thread.

Abraham had Ishmael as a result of his own scheme aimed at fulfilling God's promise of a son.  That didn't go well.  Eventually, he enriched Ismael and sent him away to begin his own mirror progeny.

Then, as an old couple well beyond child-bearing - let alone child-rearing age - Isaac was born to Abraham and Sarah.  An only child.  A miraculous child.  Elderly parents.  Surely he must have grown up as the center of favor from these two doting parents.

Eventually, Isaac married Rebekah.  They had two sons - Esau and Jacob - who were apparently competitors even while in the womb. These two sons were very different from one another.  Rebekah developed a special relationship with Jacob [the second-born], while Isaac took Esau - the firstborn and an outdoorsman - as his favorite!  

As these boys matured, Jacob ended up with the birth rite and blessing of his older brother through shrewdness and deceit.  Consequently, he had to flee the land for his own safety!  Only much later in life were they able to reconcile.

Jacob's story is long and complicated.  He married two sisters: Leah - who was given to him deceitfully - and Rachel, who was his true love.  The two sisters had a bitter and competitive relationship that eventually caused them to also give their servant girls to Jacob as a means of having more children.  Altogether, Jacob had twelve sons to these four women.  But he gave special love and attention to the eleventh-born, Joseph!  Joseph was Rachel's firstborn son!  Eventually, Rachel birthed another son, Benjamin, but then died as a result of a difficult birth.  

Jacob loved Joseph dearly - even making for him a special robe that was very colorful!  While his brothers worked with the flocks, Jacob gave Joseph the easy job of visiting them and carrying messages.  The ten older brothers grew to hate Joseph and eventually conspired to sell him into slavery.  

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There is much we can learn about parenting from these early, foundational stories.  Of course, the main thing we see clearly is that having a favorite child is a gross injustice to the other children.  It can foster all kinds of responses in our children.  

• children of favor may lord it over the other children
• those without the blessing are likely to develop jealousy and rivalry
• the embedded anger of not having received the blessing may initiate rebellion
• sibling relationships are fractured by bitterness and neglect
• children who don't gain favor are clearly aware of it and will try desperately to gain it
• sibling rivalries can be damaged for life because of the inequity of parents

It is natural for a parent to recognize that one of their children may be similar in nature to themselves.  However, acting on that observation by heaping special favors on that child is crossing a line that will inevitably damage the other child(ren).  

We must strive to maintain an effort of equity and genuine love with each of our children!  They are precious gifts from God and initially value our opinion and attention more than anyone else.  Our kids thrive on any attention we give them.  If they feel unjustly treated, they may even act out their anger.  In doing so, they will likely get negative attention from us - but in their immature way of thinking, at least negative attention IS ATTENTION!  

As parents, we must strive to keep the Golden Rule before us as we raise our children: "In everything [even parenting], in every circumstance, do to others as you would have them do to you."  [The Voice Bible - Matthew 7:12].  

We must love all of our children and seek to distribute that love AND ATTENTION to all of them equally!  They must never have a sense that we favor one over another!  To do so can cause irreparable damage!  

Parenting is a massive responsibility!  We are shaping lives and overseeing their development in hopes of forming in them loving, compassionate, creative and capable adults who can and will make meaningful contributions through their gifts, talents, passions and skills!  Something that we will eventually be so proud of!  

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Kind, loving and gracious God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

Bless and help those who are still actively involved in the parenting role.  With multiple children, it can be exhausting and exasperating.  

But this role is so worth it!  You have enabled us to birth children as a result of our love for one another as husband and wife! It is miraculous!  It brings us so much joy and pride!  We are so grateful to You for allowing us this wonderful privilege of raIsing our children!

But, we're not always well-equipped for this role.  Some may not have been raised by loving parents.  Some may not have had both parents available to them while growing up.  Some will have matured in unhealthy environments where they were frequently left to make their own way.  Our culture has deteriorated and, unfortunately, the family system has suffered greatly.  

But You are a ready resource and You are ever available to teach us, comfort and equip us for this blessed responsibility.   Your Word has tons of instruction and models for us to examine and learn from!  Your Spirit lives within us and is an ever-present source of peace and inspiration!  We need it regularly and depend on You to be our divine Helper!  

Help us today and every day to raise our children to love You, serve You and please You!  

For the Kingdom's sake.  Amen.