YES, YOU CAN MARRY OUR DAUGHTER!

[Back in July, 2004, I received a phone call from a young man named Jon Kerstetter.  This is my response to that call.  I share it for the educational value that might be derived from reading it.  I feel VERY STRONGLY that fathers should be proactive in the lives of their children!  If you'd like to know how I feel about Jon today, read a blog entry I wrote about him on June 16, 2019, titled:  "Meet My Son-In-Law"]  And yes, he gave me permission to share this letter several months ago, but for whatever reason, I waited until today to do so.  :-)

This letter was written July 21, 2004

Dear Jon,

I’ve been wanting to write to you ever since you called and asked permission to marry Tracie.  In all of my preparation and planning for parenthood, I had not really ever given thought to the fact that someday a man would ask me if he could marry my daughter.  That’s a little embarrassing for me, since I pride myself on being prepared for most of life’s parenting situations.  I don’t know how this one eluded me?  J  So, I really wasn’t prepared for your call.  It felt awkward.  For one thing, I hate phones and prefer to speak face-to-face – which, of course, wasn’t an option for us that day (since Jon was in the Navy).  But let me cut to the chase – now that I’ve had some time to think and reflect.

You need to know, I’ve never been real keen on the practice of giving our daughters away in marriage.  Why do we give our daughters away, but not our sons?  The whole thing has confused me all along.  I appreciate the tradition of the thing, but am offended by the reality of it.  Tracie is a grown woman.  She is also Debbie’s and my daughter.  We have raised her toward independence, knowing that someday she would take off and find her own way in life.  We welcomed that day when she drove away from our home in Akron to live in Maryland.  She had met our requirements:  to wait until she was eighteen and had graduated from high school.  Although we were proud and pleased to have her leave – it also ripped my heart out to watch her drive away.  Something inside me hurt terribly that day.  Debbie, Troy, and I wept repeatedly over the next several days – and then, life went on. 

We have raised our kids in the best way that we knew.  We are glad and proud to have given them a godly heritage that extends back several generations that we know of.  We gave them lots of freedom and specific boundaries.  We trusted them until they broke the trust – and then we worked with them to rebuild the trust.  

Our parenting role is in its final season.  We are beginning to look at our kids as full, equal adults now.  We can learn from them as much as they can learn from us.  We appreciate that they respect us and still turn to us for counsel and support.  That’s a blessing to us.  We have confidence in our three young adults.  We’ve invested deeply into their lives in ways that you will probably discover as you have opportunity to get to know us.  We love them more than words can express.  We will trust their decisions and pray that God gives them wisdom and discernment.  Of course, we want the best for them. 

So, in regards to you marrying Tracie:  I trust her wisdom and sensitivity.  She would only choose a man who was a good man.  She knows what she wants and you obviously embody that.  Debbie and I will be pleased to welcome you as an extension of our family.  We are anxious to get to know you better and allow our love for you to grow.  We pray for you daily – every time we pray for the three T’s.  I specifically pray for God to help you to be the perfect husband for my daughter and the perfect father for some of my grandchildren.  I hope you will allow Him to shape and influence your life.

I ask you several things:

1. Please love and respect Tracie – till death do you part!
2. Prioritize her always – cherish her!
3. Love, nurture, protect, and teach any children that God gives your home.
4. Be a man of your word – have integrity.
5. Be passionate about living.  God has designed you for a purpose;  pursue that purpose!

We look forward to the wedding and are already assisting with the plans.  We want it to be a day of joyous celebration!  Blessings, Jon.

LEANINGS TOWARD ACTIVISM

I've been a letter-writer most of my adult life!  Literally hundreds of letters have gone out under my name over the years.  I've written presidents, senators, congressmen, governors, companies, and even foreign governments.  Fox News, ABC News and CBS News each probably have files with my name on them!  When I view unacceptable programming on TV, I grab my iPhone and send an email!

I remember the day that Travis called and told us that his chief (in the Navy) had recommended that he apply to the Naval Academy.  He did so and was happily invited for an interview.  It went well and weeks later he received his acceptance letter!  Woo Hoo!  He called to report that all he needed now was a letter of recommendation from one of his state senators.

My heart sank!  We lived in Ohio at the time and I had repeatedly written critical letters to Senators Metzenbaum and Glenn.  I gave Trav the bad news:  "Son, there's no way you'll get a recommendation from either of these senators.  They're the two most liberal senators and I've written to them many times - they'll quickly connect you to me!"  Ever the optimist, he responded:  "Oh no, Dad, I'll get a letter from one of them!"

Three weeks later he called and told me that they wouldn't even talk with him about a recommendation.  :-(    I was crushed!

But, he persevered!  "Dad, I can still hope for a recommendation from the president or the vice president!"

"Travis, I hate to tell you this, but I've also written numberless letters to President Clinton and Vice President Gore!  You're going to run into the same wall!"

"Oh no, Dad, they won't connect me to you..."

Weeks later:  "Dad, you were right.  They won't even respond to my requests."

"Trav, is there any other way that you can get a recommendation?"

"Yeah, there's one more route - the Secretary of the Navy.  Have you ever written to him, Dad?"  "No, son, I've never written to him."  [And that's where Travis got his recommendation!  😊]

But even this negative experience didn't stop me.  I've picketed porn shops and marched outside Planned Parenthood Clinics.  I've repeatedly attended the annual March for Life in Washington, D.C. and carried signs on the sidewalk in front of the White House and the Supreme Court [for nearly three years we lived just outside the D.C. Beltway].  I've joined others in prayer in these places as well!  I've attended Senate hearings (when allowed) and participated in National Day of Prayer events in D.C. as well as in every locality in which I've lived.

Obviously, I lean toward making my voice be heard!  Debbie and I have had a conflict over and over throughout the years.  She's a Fox news junkie and makes frequent complaints about things going on politically in our nation.  I always come back with the challenge to write an email [which is SO EASY to do] and let her voice be heard!  That usually ends our discussion...

Today, however, after Senator Minority Leader, Schumer's public threats against Supreme Court Justices Gorsuch and Kavanaugh - I finally got her to write an email !  I had already written him two  this morning and told her how easy it was.  "Just type "Write Schumer" into your browser and follow the link and instructions;  it will take you all of five minutes to send him an email!"

She did it!  Woo Hoo!  Take my word for it - if Debbie can do it - SO CAN YOU!  

WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BE COOL?

I picked up a forty-something truck driver in Ravenna this week and gave him a Lyft to Austintown.  That gave us a good opportunity to talk.  I ended up telling him a few stories along the way.

He was pretty amazed that I'd hitch-hiked 10,000 miles between 1969 and 1973.  I talk a little about this in my blogger banner.  Most of these miles were between Rochester, New York (where I went to college) and New Brighton, Pennsylvania (my hometown).  My last two years found me making frequent trips home for weekends to be with Debbie.  I also hitch-hiked between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh several times during summers while I was working on a roofing crew and living with my brother.  My new friend was particularly impressed when I talked about sleeping on the side of the road from time-to-time [in that time period, traffic significantly dropped off after dark].

Then I told him about Deb and me moving to Kentucky in 1973.  I drove the U-Haul truck and she followed in our big, old Buick.  I had discovered that I could save money by returning the truck to Cincinnati, so, I loaded my Honda 90 in the back of the truck and headed back to Ohio.  It was my reasoning that I should return the truck with a near empty tank.  Consequently, I ran out of gas four miles from the dealership!  I had to unload the bike and go for gas to finish the trip to the dealership.  Upon arriving, they promptly filled the gas tank and charged me a premium price for the tank of gas!  😯  Then I still had a 100-mile trip back to our new apartment on a Honda 90.

The last story I shared with him was about leaving Roberts Wesleyan College in June, 1971, and driving that same Honda 90 to Willow Grove, Pennsylvania [nearly 350 miles at a top speed of 50 mph].  It took me several days!  I spent my nights in old YMCA's along the route where I was able to get a room for $5-7/night.  The doors had no locks and I shared the bathroom with older men who also roomed there.  I put a chair up against my door each night!  It was creepy!  But I made it - with a very tired and sore behind!

Anyway, when we arrive at his health club and he was getting out of my car, he stuck his head back inside and said, "Harold, you're a cool guy!  You ought to write a book!"  For the record:  I don't get told that I'm cool very often!  😊