I can only write from one perspective: mine. These thoughts may apply to others who are grieving - I'll let you decide.
When you ask me, "How are you doing?", you inadvertently put pressure on me to lie. It would take me an hour to honestly answer that question. To keep from burdening you and to protect you from my pain, I will usually answer: "I'm ok." - but actually I'm not.
So, what are you to do?
I have been very comforted a few times by someone who took my hand and looked me in the eye. In some cases not a word was said, but our hearts communicated. It was a genuine expression of sympathy.
Christians tend to rely on the always acceptable, "I'm praying for you." This is good and I do appreciate the intent - especially if I perceive it is heart-felt and real. But, may I suggest instead that you actually take one-minute and pray with me? With just a few quick sentences, lift me to God in a personal way. For instance: "Father, I believe my friend, Hal, is hurting from losing Travis. I can't comfort him as much as I want to so I lift him to You, Father. Comfort him from the inside through the mighty power of Your Holy Spirit. In Jesus' Name, Amen." [Use your judgment with this practice. I would appreciate it, however, some might be embarrassed by it. In that case maybe you could offer to pray with them in a more private place or over lunch.]
There's another great idea! Just do lunch with me and give me a chance to talk. I need to talk! It facilitates my healing. Gently, ask me about my son and what made him so special to me. Listen as I speak and respond empathically.
I'm a pretty honest guy. If you ask me how I'm doing today on a scale of 1-10, I'll tell you. If I respond with a really low number, maybe you could follow with:
"Where are your thoughts today?"
[If you have the time] " "Can you help me understand why you're feeling so low today?"
"I'm sorry you're feeling low today, could I just say a quick prayer with you?"
Feel free to share a special memory you may have of my son. I love hearing stories of how he blessed, helped or impacted others. Don't be afraid to use his name with me. I love his name and enjoy hearing it. And, by the way, if you have time I'd love to tell you more about my son!
I've received lots of very short email messages and, of course, Facebook posts reporting that people are thinking of us and praying for us. I appreciate every one of these. We've also received a stack of cards about six inches thick! When someone chooses a card, writes a note in it, puts a stamp on it and carries it to the post office - it weighs really heavy in my book! Plus, we can read these repeatedly during our grieving process!
Just don't be afraid of me! I'm distressed but not destroyed! Don't avoid me. Simply your smile communicates volumes to me. Words aren't always the best vehicle to express sympathy. Yes, I'm hurting, but I'm also determined to go forward.
Way back in 1976, when I was student-pastoring my first church - the Tunnel Hill FMC in English, Indiana - I was called on to do my first funeral. I overheard a remark as someone greeted the widow. "Legaitha, our arms are too short and our words are too long!" Well said!
Friday, October 30, 2015
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
A Tribute to My Son: Troy
Over the past several weeks there has been a ton of neat stuff said about our oldest son, Travis. He was a wonderful man and he had a lot of great qualities that were enjoyed by many people.
However, we have another son. His name is Troy and he is thirty-five and married to a beautiful, young woman named Melissa (Missy). They now live in New Middletown, Ohio - Missy's hometown.
Troy had to grow up in his brother's shadow. Travis cast a BIG shadow! How do you compete with a brother who graduated from the United States Naval Academy?
Troy's answer was: What competition? I don't believe Troy ever saw it as a competition. Troy - like all children - was unique from the beginning. His big, brown eyes sucked the attention out of us. And he always loved his siblings!
He was timid and shy from the beginning - a deep thinker and feeler. His little sister, Tracie, came along eleven months later: Irish Twins! Needless to say, they were close! What Troy lacked in chutzpa - Tracie made up for! We often said: "Troy never had a friend that Tracie didn't bring to him!"
Troy and Tracie became words that just naturally went together! After all, Travis was four-and-a-half years older than Troy which makes a world of difference when you're young. They did occasionally play together though. I remember a time when we lived on Hill Boulevard in East Liverpool. It was probably 1985; Travis would have been 9, while Troy and Tracie would have been 5 and 4. I looked out the kitchen window one day and caught them! Travis was operating the garage-door opener. As the door went up, either Troy or Tracie would grab the handle for a ride to the top. Travis would giggle and hold them there till they screamed in panic - then he would lower them back to the ground! Hilarious!
Troy grew up to be interested in sports, bikes, trampolines, fishing and exploring the hillside behind our house on Thompson Avenue with his best friend, Morgan. School was tough! Homework was hard. He would spend hours working at the table trying to get it all done! Over and over, I felt sorry for him. What had come easy for Travis, came hard for Troy! The interesting thing is - and most people are surprised to hear this - Troy graduated with a higher GPA than Travis!
He went through some hard times and got pretty distracted for a few years, but he eventually - by God's grace - got himself established.
He left home at 19, and bought his own house. Then, for a brief period of time, even co-owned a couple more houses. He became skilled as an upholsterer and still does this work as a side job. He held several other jobs as well, even cooking in a chain restaurant for a while.
When we left Akron, Troy became very involved in the Cornerstone Free Methodist Church and even participated in a leadership role. He grew into his own man during this time.
A desire for change and adventure led him to visit his brother in Savannah, Georgia for a summer; that turned into his new home! He found work as an upholsterer with a small company that did work for Gulf Stream. He fell in love with Savannah and made his home there until April of this year.
While there, he volunteered as a fire-fighter and eventually was hired by the South Side Fire Department - fulfilling a long-held dream! He continues to do that work today although now he serves with the Boardman, Ohio Fire Department.
Troy makes a great fireman! He has no fear! He loves adventure! He feeds on risk and will tackle any job. He stretches me every time I'm around him.
Troy is tall and strong and friendly. To meet him is to love him. He treats everyone the same. He doesn't see people as big/small or important/insignificant; he sees people as......people! As a result almost everyone enjoys being around him.
He loves dogs. Sippy and Annsley have been this man's best friends! They both have adored him!
While we were in the throes of despair in Hawaii a few weeks ago, I saw Troy in a new light. When Josh, Debbie and I were paralyzed with pain and sadness, Troy stayed sharp! When the doctors spoke to us, I couldn't think straight; but Troy could! He maintained his poise. He stood for his brother and his family and asked the doctors critical questions. As his father, I repeatedly found myself thinking: "Why didn't I think to ask that?" When critical decisions had to be made - Troy led us through those decisions!
I was so glad he was there! I was so proud of him! Still am!
However, we have another son. His name is Troy and he is thirty-five and married to a beautiful, young woman named Melissa (Missy). They now live in New Middletown, Ohio - Missy's hometown.
Troy had to grow up in his brother's shadow. Travis cast a BIG shadow! How do you compete with a brother who graduated from the United States Naval Academy?
Troy's answer was: What competition? I don't believe Troy ever saw it as a competition. Troy - like all children - was unique from the beginning. His big, brown eyes sucked the attention out of us. And he always loved his siblings!
He was timid and shy from the beginning - a deep thinker and feeler. His little sister, Tracie, came along eleven months later: Irish Twins! Needless to say, they were close! What Troy lacked in chutzpa - Tracie made up for! We often said: "Troy never had a friend that Tracie didn't bring to him!"
Troy and Tracie became words that just naturally went together! After all, Travis was four-and-a-half years older than Troy which makes a world of difference when you're young. They did occasionally play together though. I remember a time when we lived on Hill Boulevard in East Liverpool. It was probably 1985; Travis would have been 9, while Troy and Tracie would have been 5 and 4. I looked out the kitchen window one day and caught them! Travis was operating the garage-door opener. As the door went up, either Troy or Tracie would grab the handle for a ride to the top. Travis would giggle and hold them there till they screamed in panic - then he would lower them back to the ground! Hilarious!
Troy grew up to be interested in sports, bikes, trampolines, fishing and exploring the hillside behind our house on Thompson Avenue with his best friend, Morgan. School was tough! Homework was hard. He would spend hours working at the table trying to get it all done! Over and over, I felt sorry for him. What had come easy for Travis, came hard for Troy! The interesting thing is - and most people are surprised to hear this - Troy graduated with a higher GPA than Travis!
He went through some hard times and got pretty distracted for a few years, but he eventually - by God's grace - got himself established.
He left home at 19, and bought his own house. Then, for a brief period of time, even co-owned a couple more houses. He became skilled as an upholsterer and still does this work as a side job. He held several other jobs as well, even cooking in a chain restaurant for a while.
When we left Akron, Troy became very involved in the Cornerstone Free Methodist Church and even participated in a leadership role. He grew into his own man during this time.
A desire for change and adventure led him to visit his brother in Savannah, Georgia for a summer; that turned into his new home! He found work as an upholsterer with a small company that did work for Gulf Stream. He fell in love with Savannah and made his home there until April of this year.
While there, he volunteered as a fire-fighter and eventually was hired by the South Side Fire Department - fulfilling a long-held dream! He continues to do that work today although now he serves with the Boardman, Ohio Fire Department.
Troy makes a great fireman! He has no fear! He loves adventure! He feeds on risk and will tackle any job. He stretches me every time I'm around him.
Troy is tall and strong and friendly. To meet him is to love him. He treats everyone the same. He doesn't see people as big/small or important/insignificant; he sees people as......people! As a result almost everyone enjoys being around him.
He loves dogs. Sippy and Annsley have been this man's best friends! They both have adored him!
While we were in the throes of despair in Hawaii a few weeks ago, I saw Troy in a new light. When Josh, Debbie and I were paralyzed with pain and sadness, Troy stayed sharp! When the doctors spoke to us, I couldn't think straight; but Troy could! He maintained his poise. He stood for his brother and his family and asked the doctors critical questions. As his father, I repeatedly found myself thinking: "Why didn't I think to ask that?" When critical decisions had to be made - Troy led us through those decisions!
I was so glad he was there! I was so proud of him! Still am!
Sunday, October 25, 2015
How Do You Get Through This?
Three times today, Debbie burst into tears and sobbed. Although I'm not weeping as much as she is, I feel a deep sorrow that feels overwhelming. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to.
Some of you have been there. Some of you are there now, too. Others of you may face this kind of pain at some time in the future.
We know we'll heal. We also know that it will take time. I once read that it takes one-hundred hours of talking about your loss to recover from deep grief. Although the specific number sounds a little corny to me, I think the practice of talking (or writing) does help advance the process.
Meanwhile, every day is a challenge. Anniversary dates are noticed (it was three weeks ago - tomorrow - that our tragic call came). Holidays are marred. Visiting certain places catapult you back into pain.
Even though I'm a pastor and a counselor, I don't have any solid answers or remedies.
But just for the record, here's what I'm doing. It's helping me - maybe it can help you, too. I pray this verse from an old hymn:
While life's dark maze I tread,
and griefs around me spread,
be Thou my guide;
bid darkness turn to day,
wipe sorrow's tears away,
nor let me ever stray
from Thee aside.
Saturday, October 24, 2015
An Old Black-American Spiritual
The funeral was held in the United States Naval Academy Chapel. It is a VERY inspiring place! The center aisle felt like it was one-hundred yards long! This is one of those rare places where you can still hear a massive pipe organ! It's music fills the space in such a way that you not only hear it - you literally feel it!
We sat together in the second row with Josh and our granddaughter Rylie. Rylie held Josh's hand throughout the service; it was precious! The organist began to play quietly - reverently. I immediately recognized the old hymn.
Because I was raised in a church that loved singing and valued the theology of the hymns, I knew all its words and quietly sang along.
I'll end this blog with those priceless words, but first, a brief explanation from Wikipedia:
In the Old Testament, the balm of Gilead is taken most directly from Jeremiah chapter 8 v. 22: "Is there no balm (healing ointment) in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then is there no healing for the wounds of my [God's] people?" The Balm of Gilead is interpreted as a spiritual medicine that is able to heal Israel (and sinners in general).
I was deeply comforted by God as I sang:
Chorus (in bold):
- There is a balm in Gilead, To make the wounded whole;
- There is a balm in Gilead, To heal the sin-sick soul.
- Some times I feel discouraged,
- And think my work’s in vain,
- But then the Holy Spirit
- Revives my hope again.
(Chorus)
- If you cannot preach like Peter,
- If you cannot pray like Paul,
- Just tell the love of Jesus,
- And say He died for all.
(Chorus)
- Don't ever feel discouraged,
- 'Cause Jesus is your friend,
- And if you lack for knowledge,
- He'll never fail to lend.
Friday, October 23, 2015
He Was My Friend!
Josh, Debbie and I hosted a reception at the Naval Academy Officer's Club following today's funeral.
One table included some of the flowers and a large picture of Travis. There was also a screen with a repeating slide show of pictures of Trav with different people.
We were among the last to leave.
For over two years, Travis served as Flag Secretary to the Superintendent of the Academy. The Superintendent is the Admiral who acts much as a president would. The Flag Secretary has a privileged and very public role and he is easily recognized because of a gold, braided cord that hangs from the shoulder (worn by all members of the Admiral's staff).
There was an elderly man who had been busily bussing the tables throughout the reception. He is a civilian who is apparently hired to help with the clean-up at these affairs.
He apparently had realized that Debbie was Travis' Mom. He came up to her and said, "I knew your son. He was my friend."
Enough said.
One table included some of the flowers and a large picture of Travis. There was also a screen with a repeating slide show of pictures of Trav with different people.
We were among the last to leave.
For over two years, Travis served as Flag Secretary to the Superintendent of the Academy. The Superintendent is the Admiral who acts much as a president would. The Flag Secretary has a privileged and very public role and he is easily recognized because of a gold, braided cord that hangs from the shoulder (worn by all members of the Admiral's staff).
There was an elderly man who had been busily bussing the tables throughout the reception. He is a civilian who is apparently hired to help with the clean-up at these affairs.
He apparently had realized that Debbie was Travis' Mom. He came up to her and said, "I knew your son. He was my friend."
Enough said.
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Grief Exposed
It happened Monday morning. Debbie came into my tiny home-office, sat down and began sobbing: "I want my Travis back! I want him back!" For thirty minutes we held each other and wept.
Yesterday, I just couldn't stay focused. I tried to work, but my mind felt dull. I had low motivation and felt like I just wanted to zone out. I called Debbie late in the day and she reported similar feelings.
Last night we were forwarded pictures of Travis' casket receiving an honors escort to the plane that will carry him to Annapolis. Meltdown time for all of us!
These episodes do not reflect a lack of faith. Rather, they reflect a deep love.
We all trust God. We love and serve Him daily. Being a follower of Christ doesn't remove grief from your life. We've lost someone who was precious to us, and we miss him! Tears come - and will continue to come!
I think the worst part of grief is the regrets. All of us wish we would have called him more. We wish we'd have told him that we loved him more. Debbie and I wish we had stopped to see him on our way home from China.
We wonder: Did he know how much we loved him? Did he know how proud we were of him? Did he know how special he was to so many people? Did he realize how many lives he'd touched?
As we all know, we can't change any of these things now; our window of opportunity is closed now. But perhaps you can.
Is there someone who needs to hear you say:
"I love you!"
"You're the best Mom (or Dad)!"
"I'm so proud of you!"
"I forgive you"
"Please forgive me?"
"You're such a good son (or daughter)."
"You've brought so much joy to my life!"
"You are really special!"
"I miss you!"
"You've helped me so much!"
"You've made a difference in my life!"
Grab a phone and make the call! Do it before the call comes that closes your window of opportunity...
Yesterday, I just couldn't stay focused. I tried to work, but my mind felt dull. I had low motivation and felt like I just wanted to zone out. I called Debbie late in the day and she reported similar feelings.
Last night we were forwarded pictures of Travis' casket receiving an honors escort to the plane that will carry him to Annapolis. Meltdown time for all of us!
These episodes do not reflect a lack of faith. Rather, they reflect a deep love.
We all trust God. We love and serve Him daily. Being a follower of Christ doesn't remove grief from your life. We've lost someone who was precious to us, and we miss him! Tears come - and will continue to come!
I think the worst part of grief is the regrets. All of us wish we would have called him more. We wish we'd have told him that we loved him more. Debbie and I wish we had stopped to see him on our way home from China.
We wonder: Did he know how much we loved him? Did he know how proud we were of him? Did he know how special he was to so many people? Did he realize how many lives he'd touched?
As we all know, we can't change any of these things now; our window of opportunity is closed now. But perhaps you can.
Is there someone who needs to hear you say:
"I love you!"
"You're the best Mom (or Dad)!"
"I'm so proud of you!"
"I forgive you"
"Please forgive me?"
"You're such a good son (or daughter)."
"You've brought so much joy to my life!"
"You are really special!"
"I miss you!"
"You've helped me so much!"
"You've made a difference in my life!"
Grab a phone and make the call! Do it before the call comes that closes your window of opportunity...
Monday, October 19, 2015
Future Expectations
It was probably 1987. Travis would have been 11, Troy 7, and Tracibeth 6.
It was warm weather - probably summer. I was running somewhere on an errand and the kids decided - as always - that it would be more fun running with Dad than staying at home.
Tracie - always the quickest - hollered out "Shotgun!" So, she got to ride up front with me with Travis and Troy in the back seat.
By the way, Troy never got to sit up front. Travis and Tracie were always quicker on the draw. Occasionally, I would tip Troy off ahead of time to give him an advantage. Some of those times, he managed to get the front seat.
We were living on Thompson Avenue in East Liverpool, Ohio. My friend, Ron Kelly, once told me that East Liverpool isn't the armpit of Ohio, but you can see it from there. Our house was on the edge of a cliff overlooking Chester, West Virginia and the Ohio River. We used to keep track of coal barges going up-and-down the river from the cozy 'river room' on the back of our house.
That day, as I drove up Thompson Avenue, I engaged the kids in conversation - as I always tried to do. I started with Tracie and asked her what she thought she wanted to be when she grew up.
I hold the opinion that an important role of fathers is to help their children believe that they can be anything they want to be!
This was clearly a new thought to her (little wonder at age 6) and she had no idea. I suggested that she would make a great lawyer when she grew up; she didn't seem fond of that idea. Hmmm...I still think she would make a great lawyer: quick-thinking, intelligent and aggressive!
Then I turned to Travis with the same question. No hesitation on his part: "I wanna be a vet."
Before I could even ask Troy - always the admirer of his brother - he spouted off: "I want to be a convertible!"
It was warm weather - probably summer. I was running somewhere on an errand and the kids decided - as always - that it would be more fun running with Dad than staying at home.
Tracie - always the quickest - hollered out "Shotgun!" So, she got to ride up front with me with Travis and Troy in the back seat.
By the way, Troy never got to sit up front. Travis and Tracie were always quicker on the draw. Occasionally, I would tip Troy off ahead of time to give him an advantage. Some of those times, he managed to get the front seat.
We were living on Thompson Avenue in East Liverpool, Ohio. My friend, Ron Kelly, once told me that East Liverpool isn't the armpit of Ohio, but you can see it from there. Our house was on the edge of a cliff overlooking Chester, West Virginia and the Ohio River. We used to keep track of coal barges going up-and-down the river from the cozy 'river room' on the back of our house.
That day, as I drove up Thompson Avenue, I engaged the kids in conversation - as I always tried to do. I started with Tracie and asked her what she thought she wanted to be when she grew up.
I hold the opinion that an important role of fathers is to help their children believe that they can be anything they want to be!
This was clearly a new thought to her (little wonder at age 6) and she had no idea. I suggested that she would make a great lawyer when she grew up; she didn't seem fond of that idea. Hmmm...I still think she would make a great lawyer: quick-thinking, intelligent and aggressive!
Then I turned to Travis with the same question. No hesitation on his part: "I wanna be a vet."
Before I could even ask Troy - always the admirer of his brother - he spouted off: "I want to be a convertible!"
A Chinese Letter
Dear Debbie and Hal,
When I opened your reply of my E-mail with a little excitement this morning, I didn't expect this horrible fact that your beloved son, Travis, had passed away. It felt like an abrupt shock at first and exceedingly grieved for us to accept.
For Travis had been such a wonderful person, an outstanding nuclear engineer, a devoted and patriot soldier, and most importantly a loving son, we would like to express our condolences for your great loss. Knowing that he had served his country, dedicated to be a qualified soldier to protect his homeland, and contributed to this world with his best effort and kindness, we are all so sad to hear that he died at his prime so suddenly.
We know you are very proud of your son and his ultimate service to his country. When I read Hal's words about how you and Debbie have been weeping and broken-hearted, my heart broke too. Please know that the prayers of us and many others are all with you and your wonderful family. I hope that you and your family, especially Debbie, can find some solace in knowing that your loss is shared so deeply.
After I told the guys about this tragic news, they expressed their condolences each and Cindy and Jason in the group sent theirs via email earlier. All of them are very sorry to hear it and we all stopped our things at hand at the moment and still haven't or couldn't accept and believe that Travis had left you, his beloved ones, and this world.
Alisa sent this:
Dear Hal & Debbie
Sorry to hear that! I feel very sad now. I believe that Travis will go to heaven. Wish you can go through this hard time. We are here to support you. Please take care of yourselves!
Ailsa.
Travis was an angle that God sent to you with a beautiful mind and a pair of broken wings. The Bible says "Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted." I believe that God will shed his blessings on you at this time. These are times when our faith is tested the most, and yet it is faith that will see us through the sorrow and agony of this tragedy.
After the most devastated news, you guys' exceedingly grief worries us, about your senior age, mind and health condition.Please know that we are all here to support you guys. I pray that God gives you the grace to carry on. We Chinese have a saying we share with each other when we encounter this kind of tragic moments, "When the deceased had passed away, the people who are still living must stay strong." I believe Travis would've liked to know that you will get through the hard times and accompany each other to have a serene and peaceful later life together.
He will be sorely missed. Stay strong and God Bless.
In grief and sympathy
All members of The Monday Group
2015-10-12
Friday, October 16, 2015
Beaches...
It's 6:00 AM here in Kenohe, Hawaii, and I've been out walking for an hour already. Slowly, I'm being joined by others - mostly cyclists. The morning beach walkers will start arriving now it's almost light enough to read a book.
I've enjoyed the alone time.
What is it about a beach that opens your mind and heart for reflection? A good campfire has the same effect.
For me, times like this always lead me to prayers of thanksgiving and praise.
You wouldn't be surprised that I was thanking God for Travis. From the day when we counted his toes and kissed his little nose, we've loved him.
It's been a hoot to hear his work associates talk about (and mimic) the faces Travis made if you tried to make him think before 9:00AM. One of his seal-friends had his look down pat, and had even nick-named him 'grumpy butt'.
Travis gave us amazing opportunities for travel and took us to such interesting places! Debbie and I (like so many others) dreamed of taking our kids to Disney World; but it never happened. Finances were always too tight. However, Travis did get to go with my sister, Beverly (and Dick and Heather and Aunt Peggy).
Then came irony. Five years ago, Travis and Troy took me and Debbie to Disney World for one of the most enjoyable days of our lives! :-)
I was also thanking God for Debbie - a virtuous wife! Our journey hasn't been without bumps. But she's been very steady. She has been so good at creating comfort zones for me! For instance, our home; it has always been my refuge.
She's given me freedom to get away to think and pray. (Sometimes, she's even pushed me out the door saying, "You need to go for a hike!" Ha ha ha...)
And she's bold in her faith. Over and over again - while in China - she turned the conversation into a testimony. As a result, she's personally responsible for several students giving their lives to Christ!
Just last week, she testified to her hope of Heaven to a room full of Travis' friends as they wheeled him past us to the operating room. And as she did so, these friends gathered around her in a semicircle to listen.
Just last week, she testified to her hope of Heaven to a room full of Travis' friends as they wheeled him past us to the operating room. And as she did so, these friends gathered around her in a semicircle to listen.
Let there be no mistake about it - I married up!
All this from an early morning walk on the beach.
Let it be known to all that I am a grateful man! My life has been littered with friends who have given me far more than I've given them. Just yesterday, two men went to our trailer and installed four new windows that will make us much warmer this winter. What did I do to deserve this sort of kindness? Nothing! It's all grace!
Thank You, Lord, for Your great grace - which is new every morning! Where would I be if it wasn't for You? How can I say thanks...?
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Tip for Raising a Lefty
I don't know how it happened, but we had two left-handed sons. This created some awkward teaching moments when they were growing up.
One of those came while trying to teach Travis to tie a tie. I had him stand beside me to mimic every action I took. But it was so hard for him. I couldn't understand why he was struggling so much.
Then it hit me that he was left-handed and I am right-handed. No wonder he struggled.
Amazingly, an idea hit me. I had him stand facing me. Then, I said, "Do what I do!" For him, it was like looking in a mirror. He mastered the art of tying a tie in a matter of minutes.
One of those came while trying to teach Travis to tie a tie. I had him stand beside me to mimic every action I took. But it was so hard for him. I couldn't understand why he was struggling so much.
Then it hit me that he was left-handed and I am right-handed. No wonder he struggled.
Amazingly, an idea hit me. I had him stand facing me. Then, I said, "Do what I do!" For him, it was like looking in a mirror. He mastered the art of tying a tie in a matter of minutes.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Moon-Bather
We've been provided a wonderful place to stay this week several miles from Travis and Josh's home. We're a short walk from a lovely beach on a large leeward bay. Our first evening in this place, we all went for an evening swim.
This morning - thanks to jet-lag - I was awake quite early again, so I decided to go to the beach to do some walking and thinking. It was 5:30 AM, and I figured I would be the first one there. I was wrong!
When I arrived, it was still dark with only a hint of the coming sunrise. I walked along carefully when I noticed what looked like a beach towel in my path. As I drew closer, I strained my eyes to make out details.
Suddenly, I was shocked to realize that it was a naked woman sleeping on the beach!!!
I quickly moved on hoping that I hadn't awakened her or scared her. As I walked on, I remember thinking that she must be chilly from the breeze blowing in off the water.
Two hours later I was returning to walk back to our place. Imagine my surprise to find the beach towel in exactly the same spot...with a woman's body sculpted perfectly from sand! Somebody had gotten me!
This morning - thanks to jet-lag - I was awake quite early again, so I decided to go to the beach to do some walking and thinking. It was 5:30 AM, and I figured I would be the first one there. I was wrong!
When I arrived, it was still dark with only a hint of the coming sunrise. I walked along carefully when I noticed what looked like a beach towel in my path. As I drew closer, I strained my eyes to make out details.
Suddenly, I was shocked to realize that it was a naked woman sleeping on the beach!!!
I quickly moved on hoping that I hadn't awakened her or scared her. As I walked on, I remember thinking that she must be chilly from the breeze blowing in off the water.
Two hours later I was returning to walk back to our place. Imagine my surprise to find the beach towel in exactly the same spot...with a woman's body sculpted perfectly from sand! Somebody had gotten me!
Friday, October 9, 2015
The blog I never wanted to write
Did you know that Travis was a preemy? Yep! Five pounds at birth and seven weeks early. He immediately lost weight and we had to leave him in the hospital for two weeks. That was tough!
It was love at first sight. He changed our lives forever. That was thirty-nine and a half years ago.
In between, he has provided us with some of the proudest moments of our lives!
Raising him was actually pretty easy. He was always respectful! He never broke the trust.
People like Travis! He was fortunate to get his mother's personality! He makes friends easily everywhere he goes.
And, he is generous - especially with those he loves. In 2005, Tracie had saved $600 to buy her wedding dress. But she fell in love with one that cost more than twice that. She borrowed the excess from Travis; he never let her pay him back.
He was Troy's best man in 2012. He came home for a whole week and went to extremes to see that everything was perfect. He prepared their honeymoon suite with extravagant treats and adornments.
We were also recipients of his generosity. He often bought us expensive things that he knew we would never purchase on our own.
A couple of years ago, Travis and Josh decided to stop showering Rylie and Coltin (Tracie's children) with gifts. Instead, they opened a college fund for them (as well as a niece of Josh's) and began making monthly contributions toward their future education.
When Debbie and I were young, we saw siblings that seemed to hate one another. Before we were even married, we determined that we would strive to raise our children to genuinely love each other. And they have! They've shared vacations and still have animated and humorous text-conversations on a regular basis.
In recent years, Travis made major life decisions that we did not agree with. However, our love for him remained constant and grew to include Josh. He also made career decisions that changed his future work focus. We supported him in these.
Then, of course, we went to China for three years. The last time we saw him was at Family Camp during July, 2014. It was wonderful to have our whole family together for an entire week! A rare treat for the Haire family.
On Monday, Josh called to tell us that Travis had experienced a cardiac arrest. We immediately flew to his side - where we have stayed. Initially, we had a hope that he would be restored to us; however, in time it was clear that we would not tbe hearing his voice again.
In the meantime, we have taken turns standing at his side. We have talked to him, held his hands, rubbed his shoulders and loving stroked his face. It's ironic that I recently wrote a blog about weeping. This week we have each sobbed with sorrow! Wednesday night, Debbie wailed throughout the night! The next morning, I watched her caress his face with her fingers and her lips as she sang to him and expressed her love to him!
I look at this man who is so intelligent. I remember how he used to love to lay on top of me when he was young. I think about his knowledge of nuclear reactors. I think about the places he's been and the experiences he's had. When he came home from one of his deployments on the Parche, I smilingly asked him where all he'd been? He said, "Well, Dad, I could tell you - but then I'd have to kill you". And then he laughed that goofy laugh of his!
An hour ago, Travis passed away. He is now giving life to others through the donation of his kidneys. In time, he will be buried according to his wishes at the United States Military Academy in Annapolis, Maryland.
Our grief is without description! We are seized with pain. We are, however, a family of faith. Our trust is always in the Lord. If need be, we will stand with Job and say: "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."
We believe with all of our hearts in the pursuing love of God. We know that God pursues all people up until the last milli-second of life! We have continually called on God's mercy and grace for ourselves and for Travis.
We stand with broken hearts that need mended and we look to the Lord for that healing.
It was love at first sight. He changed our lives forever. That was thirty-nine and a half years ago.
In between, he has provided us with some of the proudest moments of our lives!
Raising him was actually pretty easy. He was always respectful! He never broke the trust.
People like Travis! He was fortunate to get his mother's personality! He makes friends easily everywhere he goes.
And, he is generous - especially with those he loves. In 2005, Tracie had saved $600 to buy her wedding dress. But she fell in love with one that cost more than twice that. She borrowed the excess from Travis; he never let her pay him back.
He was Troy's best man in 2012. He came home for a whole week and went to extremes to see that everything was perfect. He prepared their honeymoon suite with extravagant treats and adornments.
We were also recipients of his generosity. He often bought us expensive things that he knew we would never purchase on our own.
A couple of years ago, Travis and Josh decided to stop showering Rylie and Coltin (Tracie's children) with gifts. Instead, they opened a college fund for them (as well as a niece of Josh's) and began making monthly contributions toward their future education.
When Debbie and I were young, we saw siblings that seemed to hate one another. Before we were even married, we determined that we would strive to raise our children to genuinely love each other. And they have! They've shared vacations and still have animated and humorous text-conversations on a regular basis.
In recent years, Travis made major life decisions that we did not agree with. However, our love for him remained constant and grew to include Josh. He also made career decisions that changed his future work focus. We supported him in these.
Then, of course, we went to China for three years. The last time we saw him was at Family Camp during July, 2014. It was wonderful to have our whole family together for an entire week! A rare treat for the Haire family.
On Monday, Josh called to tell us that Travis had experienced a cardiac arrest. We immediately flew to his side - where we have stayed. Initially, we had a hope that he would be restored to us; however, in time it was clear that we would not tbe hearing his voice again.
In the meantime, we have taken turns standing at his side. We have talked to him, held his hands, rubbed his shoulders and loving stroked his face. It's ironic that I recently wrote a blog about weeping. This week we have each sobbed with sorrow! Wednesday night, Debbie wailed throughout the night! The next morning, I watched her caress his face with her fingers and her lips as she sang to him and expressed her love to him!
I look at this man who is so intelligent. I remember how he used to love to lay on top of me when he was young. I think about his knowledge of nuclear reactors. I think about the places he's been and the experiences he's had. When he came home from one of his deployments on the Parche, I smilingly asked him where all he'd been? He said, "Well, Dad, I could tell you - but then I'd have to kill you". And then he laughed that goofy laugh of his!
An hour ago, Travis passed away. He is now giving life to others through the donation of his kidneys. In time, he will be buried according to his wishes at the United States Military Academy in Annapolis, Maryland.
Our grief is without description! We are seized with pain. We are, however, a family of faith. Our trust is always in the Lord. If need be, we will stand with Job and say: "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."
We believe with all of our hearts in the pursuing love of God. We know that God pursues all people up until the last milli-second of life! We have continually called on God's mercy and grace for ourselves and for Travis.
We stand with broken hearts that need mended and we look to the Lord for that healing.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
There's Been A Change In Plans
This has happened to so many of you, I'm sure you'll identify.
It was Monday afternoon. Troy and I had spent the day together. At 3:00, I jumped into the shower to get ready to leave for Kittanning. I had thrown my things together and was grabbing them to head out the door. Troy had been on the phone since before I got in the shower.
He walked in the door and told me that I was probably going to be late. I didn't understand? I asked: "Do I have a flat tire?" He said "No." "Did the kitten get out?" "No." I could see fear in his eyes. "Did you break something?" "No. Stop, Dad!"
He took a deep breath and then said, "Travis is in the hospital. He had a cardiac arrest last night."
I was frozen. I could not believe what I was hearing! My son, Travis, is 39. How could this be?
It was 3:30 PM. Time for me to head to the church in Kittanning. Debbie would be just finishing work at school. I called the school and told them it was an emergency and to send her home immediately.
She arrived home shortly after and I had Troy tell her what we knew. I felt the sadness as I saw the shock take over her face.
Then followed a flurry of phone calls and exchanges of information. By 5:00, I was online buying tickets for the three of us to fly to Honolulu. By 6:00, we had thrown things in a bag and were driving fast to the Pittsburgh airport.
We've just had a difficult night of sleep at LAX. Tracie is now also in the air.
Sometime this morning, the doctors will warm Travis and remove the sedation. We should arrive shortly after that time.
In the meantime, we've had text-prayers sent and numerous offers of financial assistance. Family members have been called and are praying. Slowly, but surely, our full circle of family and friends will know about Travis. And as this happens, thousands of prayers will rise to God on his behalf.
This is one of the greatest benefits of being part of God's family! Thank you for praying for our son!
It was Monday afternoon. Troy and I had spent the day together. At 3:00, I jumped into the shower to get ready to leave for Kittanning. I had thrown my things together and was grabbing them to head out the door. Troy had been on the phone since before I got in the shower.
He walked in the door and told me that I was probably going to be late. I didn't understand? I asked: "Do I have a flat tire?" He said "No." "Did the kitten get out?" "No." I could see fear in his eyes. "Did you break something?" "No. Stop, Dad!"
He took a deep breath and then said, "Travis is in the hospital. He had a cardiac arrest last night."
I was frozen. I could not believe what I was hearing! My son, Travis, is 39. How could this be?
It was 3:30 PM. Time for me to head to the church in Kittanning. Debbie would be just finishing work at school. I called the school and told them it was an emergency and to send her home immediately.
She arrived home shortly after and I had Troy tell her what we knew. I felt the sadness as I saw the shock take over her face.
Then followed a flurry of phone calls and exchanges of information. By 5:00, I was online buying tickets for the three of us to fly to Honolulu. By 6:00, we had thrown things in a bag and were driving fast to the Pittsburgh airport.
We've just had a difficult night of sleep at LAX. Tracie is now also in the air.
Sometime this morning, the doctors will warm Travis and remove the sedation. We should arrive shortly after that time.
In the meantime, we've had text-prayers sent and numerous offers of financial assistance. Family members have been called and are praying. Slowly, but surely, our full circle of family and friends will know about Travis. And as this happens, thousands of prayers will rise to God on his behalf.
This is one of the greatest benefits of being part of God's family! Thank you for praying for our son!
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