A Mother's Grief

I grieve the loss of our son, Travis, but my grief is significantly different than Debbie's.

This morning, I gained some insight into that difference while reading in Isaiah (in The Voice Bible).

[49:14-16]

Zion:  The Eternal One has abandoned me.  God has walked out the door; my Lord left me alone. He has forgotten all about me.   

Eternal One:  Is it possible for a mother, however disappointed, however hurt, to forget her nursing child?  Can she feel nothing for the baby she carried and birthed?  

Even if she could, I God, will never forget you.  

Look here.  I have made you a part of Me,written you on the palms of My hands.

The Voice Bible added some helpful commentary:

"There are many kinds of love - and not enough words to tell the differences. Hebrew has a word for 'love' that is related to it's word for a woman's womb. English has no such word.  It is too bad, for it is difficult to describe womb-love, the bearing-and-birthing love of a mother, the kind of love that the Lord has for the people of God's promise...God loves them in the same way a mother loves the child growing in her womb.  It can't be said so neatly and completely with one 'love' word, but that is the idea that threads its way through this text."

I walked into the living room yesterday afternoon and noticed that Debbie was curled up in her chair with a look of deep anguish and loneliness.  I immediately knew what the problem was.  In my maleness, I am often befuddled in this situation and unsure of what I should do.  However, experience has taught me to hold her, so I knelt beside her chair and wrapped my arms around her.  She caved into my arms and wailed and sobbed for long moments.  No words...

Earlier than usual (8:30 PM), she excused herself and went to bed.  I followed an hour later and again held her for a long time as she wept.  

It's been a year-and-a-half since Travis passed.  These melt-downs are less frequent now, but still occur.  I don't expect them to ever end completely.

I learned this morning that Debbie's grief is different than mine because she birthed that baby boy back in February of 1976.  She knew him intimately for seven-and-a-half-months before I did!  God used her body to form his body. Travis could have made it into this world without me being present, but he was utterly dependent on her to get him here!  

By the very nature of the process, she was more connected to him than I ever was.  Oh, I loved him and love him still.  I long to talk with him.  He was the pride of my life!  But my grief will NEVER compare to Debbie's!  

Interestingly, Troy and Missy had shared hours and a meal with us during the afternoon.  Just a week ago we spent time with Tracie and Jon, Rylie and Coltin.  We're deeply grateful for the love of our family!  Yet, as much as we love, enjoy and are proud of Troy and Tracie, they can never replace Travis!  

We will miss him for as long as we live!  I will walk into a room of tears again and again...  I will hold my wife and comfort her.  I will never stop talking with my son - as I do now so frequently.  

And you should also know that we are each comforted by the One who loves us in the same way that a mother loves her child!  There is no comfort like His comfort!