When Debbie and I decided to try to go to China, I began a search for an agency to help us in that process. I wrote to a dozen agencies with a good reputation for assisting people attain that goal. To my surprise, all I received were a few 'canned' letters. I think I received one phone call that was never followed up on.
I was truly shocked! Didn't they realize that we were a hot prospect? We had already decided that we wanted to go; we didn't need any persuading! I had already turned my five-month notice in for my job! We were ready to be led through the process of getting a work visa and lining up a job!
Still, I couldn't get anyone to talk with me seriously.
Then, it occurred to me to contact the Free Methodist Church's VISA (Volunteers In Service Abroad) Department. I don't know why I didn't do that first. Somehow, I guess I thought that other agencies would be more helpful.
Upon our initial contact with VISA, we were treated seriously and with great care! Deb Miller and her team assisted us with every detail - and there were many! They walked us through the process of filing for a visa. They counseled and trained us to prepare us for the Chinese culture. They connected us to an in-country representative - Lena - who helped me prepare my resume and then submit it to several universities.
As most of you know, we went to China that summer to begin the most exciting three years of our lives. VISA provided an annual retreat for all its China teachers. Lena visited our Changchun Team twice a year to interview us and assist with any problems we might be having.
If I was to go back to China - and I hope we can - there would be NO HESITATION to use the services of our own VISA Department!
Job Search Tip #3
Don't despise agencies or workplaces that you are familiar with! They may actually provide your best opportunities for finding the placement you desire!
Saturday, November 28, 2015
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Job Searching #2
While in Akron, we essentially held down two full-time jobs: Shelter Care and Cornerstone FMC. When we moved to New Middletown, we dropped nearly $1,500 of income per month! Again, it was essential that Debbie find a job to supplement the family income! I moved to New Middletown first alone; the family followed about six weeks later.
Upon her arrival, Deb immediately went to the Springfield Local Administration building to apply for work as a teacher's aid. That day, it just so happened that the elementary school secretary was filling in at the high school for the day. Her name is Diane, and Debbie and I have known her casually through the years since she used to attend the New Middletown Free Methodist Church. As they chatted, Debbie told her that she was there to apply for a teacher's aid position. It was late July.
No positions became available and we were disheartened.
Then, the first day of school arrived. The Learning Disability Class teacher - Cindy - came to the elementary school office to report that her aid had not reported for work. Upon contacting her they found that she had no plans to return for the new school year. The elementary school principle and the learning disability class teacher were in an immediate dilemma!
At that moment, Diane remembered seeing Debbie at the Administration Offices back in late July. She told the principle about Debbie, giving her a very high recommendation! He suggested that Diane call Debbie immediately to see if she was still looking for work.
When Diane's call came, she told Debbie about the situation at the school. She asked if Debbie would like the position and if she could begin the next day. With great joy and excitement, Debbie accepted the position and reported for work the next morning. She was Cindy's aid for nine years until we left for China. Her friendship with Cindy (and the other teachers) have become so meaningful to Debbie (and me). She literally loved the job and the children that she worked with over the years.
JOB SEARCH TIP #2
When you put your application in, be friendly and speak to as many people in that workplace as you can - especially people you know!
Upon her arrival, Deb immediately went to the Springfield Local Administration building to apply for work as a teacher's aid. That day, it just so happened that the elementary school secretary was filling in at the high school for the day. Her name is Diane, and Debbie and I have known her casually through the years since she used to attend the New Middletown Free Methodist Church. As they chatted, Debbie told her that she was there to apply for a teacher's aid position. It was late July.
No positions became available and we were disheartened.
Then, the first day of school arrived. The Learning Disability Class teacher - Cindy - came to the elementary school office to report that her aid had not reported for work. Upon contacting her they found that she had no plans to return for the new school year. The elementary school principle and the learning disability class teacher were in an immediate dilemma!
At that moment, Diane remembered seeing Debbie at the Administration Offices back in late July. She told the principle about Debbie, giving her a very high recommendation! He suggested that Diane call Debbie immediately to see if she was still looking for work.
When Diane's call came, she told Debbie about the situation at the school. She asked if Debbie would like the position and if she could begin the next day. With great joy and excitement, Debbie accepted the position and reported for work the next morning. She was Cindy's aid for nine years until we left for China. Her friendship with Cindy (and the other teachers) have become so meaningful to Debbie (and me). She literally loved the job and the children that she worked with over the years.
JOB SEARCH TIP #2
When you put your application in, be friendly and speak to as many people in that workplace as you can - especially people you know!
Monday, November 23, 2015
Job Searching #1
When we moved from East Liverpool, Ohio, to Spencerville, Maryland, we were quickly overwhelmed with financial stress. When I considered the move, the pay packages seemed quite similar despite differences in the way the package was arranged. However, I had not accounted for the fact that we were moving from a county in Appalachia to one of the wealthiest counties in America!
Pretty quickly we realized that Debbie would need to get a job to supplement our income. Each week we were falling further and further behind.
One hot August afternoon, we were talking about it as we prepared our lunch. I decided that we should pray specifically about the situation. We went to the living room and knelt side-by-side at the couch.* There, we poured out our hearts to the Lord and laid out our financial situation before Him. We acknowledged our love for Him and cast our dependence on Him.
When we finished our prayer, we sat down at the table to eat our lunch.
No more than ten minutes later, as we ate our lunch, there was someone knocking on our front door.
He was a friendly looking man and very cheerful. He acted like he knew us. He introduced himself as Forest Grauel - a son of my oldest member at the time: Evelyn Grauel. He said that he lived just a mile down the road and ran a small air-conditioning business.
He reported that he needed an office manager to help him get his office, billing and paperwork organized. As he rolled past the Free Methodist Church on Spencerville Road, the thought occurred to him that Free Methodist pastor's wives were good workers. Consequently, here he was at our door offering the new position to Debbie - fifteen minutes after we got up from prayer!!!!!!
Debbie took the position and worked for Forest until we left the area. She thoroughly enjoyed the position and we developed a wonderful relationship with Forest and his wife, Eileen. He even hired Troy part-time and gave him some important on-the-job-training. He was very generous with Debbie and we have always appreciated his sensitivity to the leadership of the Holy Spirit.
JOB SEARCH TIP #1 - Pray and believe!
* This is called 'agreement prayer' and it is nowhere more powerful than between a husband and wife/a father and a mother!!!!!!
Pretty quickly we realized that Debbie would need to get a job to supplement our income. Each week we were falling further and further behind.
One hot August afternoon, we were talking about it as we prepared our lunch. I decided that we should pray specifically about the situation. We went to the living room and knelt side-by-side at the couch.* There, we poured out our hearts to the Lord and laid out our financial situation before Him. We acknowledged our love for Him and cast our dependence on Him.
When we finished our prayer, we sat down at the table to eat our lunch.
No more than ten minutes later, as we ate our lunch, there was someone knocking on our front door.
He was a friendly looking man and very cheerful. He acted like he knew us. He introduced himself as Forest Grauel - a son of my oldest member at the time: Evelyn Grauel. He said that he lived just a mile down the road and ran a small air-conditioning business.
He reported that he needed an office manager to help him get his office, billing and paperwork organized. As he rolled past the Free Methodist Church on Spencerville Road, the thought occurred to him that Free Methodist pastor's wives were good workers. Consequently, here he was at our door offering the new position to Debbie - fifteen minutes after we got up from prayer!!!!!!
Debbie took the position and worked for Forest until we left the area. She thoroughly enjoyed the position and we developed a wonderful relationship with Forest and his wife, Eileen. He even hired Troy part-time and gave him some important on-the-job-training. He was very generous with Debbie and we have always appreciated his sensitivity to the leadership of the Holy Spirit.
JOB SEARCH TIP #1 - Pray and believe!
* This is called 'agreement prayer' and it is nowhere more powerful than between a husband and wife/a father and a mother!!!!!!
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Retirement?
Well, the day is almost here! After many years of working and many different jobs, she's decided it's time!
I probably won't get all the details right, but I'll give it my best shot.
Right out of high school, her Aunt Dorothy (Whippo) brought her into the credit department of the Kaufmann's Department Store in Rochester, Pennsylvania. She worked with a group of beautiful, young women who all became friends. Her Grandma Whippo lived within walking distance of this store and Debbie often spent the night with her! During a year when her parents forbid me to see Debbie, her Grandma allowed us to meet occasionally at her apartment! He he he he... She loved this job!
Then - after two years at Roberts Wesleyan College - she returned home to work as a receptionist for a country doctor; everyone called him 'Doc Kennedy'. He invited her into his office one day to watch him deliver a baby. In the process, he looked over and saw her going pale. He quickly instructed her to put her head between her knees. She loved this job!
Before we were married, we made a trip to Lexington, Kentucky. Debbie acquired a position in the loan department of the largest bank in the city: First Security National Bank. As newlyweds, we became close friends with several of the young women she worked with. We had an opportunity to let our light shine on those double-dates! Debbie loved this job!
After almost two years, Debbie got an opportunity to be hired in the Development Office of Asbury Theological Seminary. Here she worked with some wonderful people such as Bill Brunk and Kathleen Demeray. She was able to walk to work instead of driving to center-city Lexington. Debbie loved this job!
Then, Travis was born! We moved to Jeannette, Pennsylvania, where I started to lead my first church. Then, we moved to McClellandtown where Troy and Tracie were born. Did Debbie continue to work? Oh yes! We kept her quite busy! She loved being a mother and homemaker!
Upon arriving in East Liverpool, Debbie decided to take in several other children to supplement our income. Our kids grew up playing with Franky and Angela and Abby and Michael and Louis. I was often met by five or six children when I would walk in the door at the end of the day! Although it was a noisy and sometimes messy job - she loved it!
When the kids started to school, Deb was hired to be a teller at the Tri-State Federal Credit Union in East Liverpool. She made some great friends there and came to know many of the local residents through her work. Their flexibility with her hours was generous and Debbie loved this job! However, when the summer-off flexibility ended, she had to quit to be with the kids.
For one year after that she worked for her brother, Wally, at the farm. She left East Liverpool at 5:00 AM, so she could deliver pigs to Pittsburgh - I'm not kidding! Then, upon her return, she power-washed pig pens. The upside: she got to see her folks every day! I don't really think she liked this job very much!
Then, we moved to Spencerville, Maryland, where Debbie fairly quickly was hired by a nice man to be office-manager of his small, air-conditioning shop. It was a mile from home and he was very generous with Debbie regarding pay and necessary time off. She loved this job!
Several years later, we landed in Akron, Ohio, where Debbie and I became 'respite' and 'shelter' parents to a long line of behaviorally challenged children. We ran a licensed home for the Shelter Care Agency for nearly six years. Eventually, I was hired at Cornerstone Church, which left Deb carrying the bulk of responsibility with our kids. I doubt that she'd say she loved that job; but it was very fulfilling for us!
After Akron, we landed in New Middletown, Ohio. Debbie was quickly hired to work as a teacher's aid for the learning disabilities class. Debbie became really close friends with her teacher, Cindy; they were an incredible team. Debbie loved the children and seeing improvements in their learning skills! She worked in this position for nine years and loved every minute of it!
Then...then I dragged her off to Changchun, China, where I was contracted to teach English to university students. The first semester, Debbie was asked to teach a freshman pronunciation class. Although overwhelmed, her students quickly fell in love with her and she enjoyed the experience.
The next semester, the school did not ask her to teach. So, Debbie became active as a private tutor and developed some very special relationships as a result.
At the beginning of our second year in China, the school asked her to teach full time - which she did until we left Changchun! She taught science majors, freshmen, graduate students, and even a class of the brightest students in the university! She made a deep impression on her students and enjoyed every part of the experience!
Upon our return to the United States, Debbie reacquired a position as an aid at Springfield Elementary School. However, the trauma of adjustment, Travis' death and a very different class culture has caused her to struggle; as a result, she has decided to retire!
Yep, you heard me right! At the young age of sixty-five she's calling it quits. She already talks about volunteering at a church's coffee shop. She's also mentioned the possibility of a part-time job. So, we'll see. But, officially, the word's out. Forty-seven years after starting at Kaufmann's - she's finished!
And I say a hearty congratulations to her! She's done it all with such grace and class! She's truly an amazing woman. Why?
Because along with all the jobs described above, she's
My biggest wish for her? I hope she writes her book! She has so many stories treasured up in her heart! I truly hope she gets them out on paper for the world to enjoy!
Anyway, this Tuesday, November 24, 2015, is her last day! Yay!
I probably won't get all the details right, but I'll give it my best shot.
Right out of high school, her Aunt Dorothy (Whippo) brought her into the credit department of the Kaufmann's Department Store in Rochester, Pennsylvania. She worked with a group of beautiful, young women who all became friends. Her Grandma Whippo lived within walking distance of this store and Debbie often spent the night with her! During a year when her parents forbid me to see Debbie, her Grandma allowed us to meet occasionally at her apartment! He he he he... She loved this job!
Then - after two years at Roberts Wesleyan College - she returned home to work as a receptionist for a country doctor; everyone called him 'Doc Kennedy'. He invited her into his office one day to watch him deliver a baby. In the process, he looked over and saw her going pale. He quickly instructed her to put her head between her knees. She loved this job!
Before we were married, we made a trip to Lexington, Kentucky. Debbie acquired a position in the loan department of the largest bank in the city: First Security National Bank. As newlyweds, we became close friends with several of the young women she worked with. We had an opportunity to let our light shine on those double-dates! Debbie loved this job!
After almost two years, Debbie got an opportunity to be hired in the Development Office of Asbury Theological Seminary. Here she worked with some wonderful people such as Bill Brunk and Kathleen Demeray. She was able to walk to work instead of driving to center-city Lexington. Debbie loved this job!
Then, Travis was born! We moved to Jeannette, Pennsylvania, where I started to lead my first church. Then, we moved to McClellandtown where Troy and Tracie were born. Did Debbie continue to work? Oh yes! We kept her quite busy! She loved being a mother and homemaker!
Upon arriving in East Liverpool, Debbie decided to take in several other children to supplement our income. Our kids grew up playing with Franky and Angela and Abby and Michael and Louis. I was often met by five or six children when I would walk in the door at the end of the day! Although it was a noisy and sometimes messy job - she loved it!
When the kids started to school, Deb was hired to be a teller at the Tri-State Federal Credit Union in East Liverpool. She made some great friends there and came to know many of the local residents through her work. Their flexibility with her hours was generous and Debbie loved this job! However, when the summer-off flexibility ended, she had to quit to be with the kids.
For one year after that she worked for her brother, Wally, at the farm. She left East Liverpool at 5:00 AM, so she could deliver pigs to Pittsburgh - I'm not kidding! Then, upon her return, she power-washed pig pens. The upside: she got to see her folks every day! I don't really think she liked this job very much!
Then, we moved to Spencerville, Maryland, where Debbie fairly quickly was hired by a nice man to be office-manager of his small, air-conditioning shop. It was a mile from home and he was very generous with Debbie regarding pay and necessary time off. She loved this job!
Several years later, we landed in Akron, Ohio, where Debbie and I became 'respite' and 'shelter' parents to a long line of behaviorally challenged children. We ran a licensed home for the Shelter Care Agency for nearly six years. Eventually, I was hired at Cornerstone Church, which left Deb carrying the bulk of responsibility with our kids. I doubt that she'd say she loved that job; but it was very fulfilling for us!
After Akron, we landed in New Middletown, Ohio. Debbie was quickly hired to work as a teacher's aid for the learning disabilities class. Debbie became really close friends with her teacher, Cindy; they were an incredible team. Debbie loved the children and seeing improvements in their learning skills! She worked in this position for nine years and loved every minute of it!
Then...then I dragged her off to Changchun, China, where I was contracted to teach English to university students. The first semester, Debbie was asked to teach a freshman pronunciation class. Although overwhelmed, her students quickly fell in love with her and she enjoyed the experience.
The next semester, the school did not ask her to teach. So, Debbie became active as a private tutor and developed some very special relationships as a result.
At the beginning of our second year in China, the school asked her to teach full time - which she did until we left Changchun! She taught science majors, freshmen, graduate students, and even a class of the brightest students in the university! She made a deep impression on her students and enjoyed every part of the experience!
Upon our return to the United States, Debbie reacquired a position as an aid at Springfield Elementary School. However, the trauma of adjustment, Travis' death and a very different class culture has caused her to struggle; as a result, she has decided to retire!
Yep, you heard me right! At the young age of sixty-five she's calling it quits. She already talks about volunteering at a church's coffee shop. She's also mentioned the possibility of a part-time job. So, we'll see. But, officially, the word's out. Forty-seven years after starting at Kaufmann's - she's finished!
And I say a hearty congratulations to her! She's done it all with such grace and class! She's truly an amazing woman. Why?
Because along with all the jobs described above, she's
- kept me comfortable and happy,
- raised three kids,
- stayed actively involved in all our churches,
- taught classes,
- maintained friendships,
- kept our home organized,
- used her gift of hospitality throughout, and
- generally improved every life she's touched.
My biggest wish for her? I hope she writes her book! She has so many stories treasured up in her heart! I truly hope she gets them out on paper for the world to enjoy!
Anyway, this Tuesday, November 24, 2015, is her last day! Yay!
Friday, November 6, 2015
I've Got Five Years Left
I remember when I was young, my mother claimed to have lost her sense of smell. I didn't think much of it at the time.
Later in life, my oldest sister made the same claim. Jeannette talked about how it affected her life and how much she missed the ability to smell.
I recently discovered that my other sister, Beverly, lost her sense of smell when she was in her forties.
You guessed it! Sometime during the last year, my sense of smell dried up.
It's strange. It certainly affects your enjoyment of food! I used to love the smell of the house when Debbie was frying ground beef and onions. It was so wonderful when I would walk in to the smell of home-made chocolate-chip cookies or sweet rolls! Those simple pleasures are gone.
However, there is an upside! We recently rode through an area that was pungent with the smell of a skunk; while Debbie held her hands over her face, I was undisturbed.
Anyway, I recently decided to do some research about this condition (called Anosmia = no nose :-)) to see if there was anything I could do to reverse its effects.
Imagine my surprise when the first article I read was titled: "Is loss of smell a 'harbinger of death'?" The lead-line for this article on http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/283297.php states: "A new study has suggested that, for older adults, being unable to identify smells could indicate mortality within five years."
The relatively brief article exposes two human research projects done in 2005-2006, and 2010-2011. In these projects, the adults (age 57-85) were tested for their capacity to smell. Before five years were up, 39% of those with significant smelling impairment had died as opposed to only 19% of those who could smell.
Hmmm...
So, I may have less than four years to live. Sorry to have to share this news with you, Jeannette and Beverly! [By the way, they've both lived way beyond the five year projection.]
Anyway, in case I knock off in the next several years, I just wanted to address a few things here for my friends and family.
I've lived a good life and have been blessed far more than I deserve.
Besides, I'm really relying on a promise that Jesus made when He was speaking to His disciples in John 8:51-52. Here, Jesus made a special point of saying that those who rely on him and have received the kind of life that flows in him and in God will never experience death. Later, in John 11:26, He simply says: "...everyone living and believing in me shall never die".
How have we missed this?
At some point in the future (perhaps within four years) you will hear that I've died.
WRONG!
Jesus says, "Very truly I tell you, whoever obeys my word will never see death.” Don't believe it for a minute! I may no longer be visible to you, but I will NOT BE DEAD! Jesus said so! I believe Him!
I will be very much alive! More alive than I ever was on this earth! I will be enjoying the indescribable joys of Heaven! Don't wish me back - I wouldn't come if I could!
Do I want to die? No! I'm enjoying this life and hope I live for many years to come (like my sisters). There are still many unfulfilled dreams. There's the day-to-day joy of living life with Debbie! There are trails to hike and countries to visit. I want to play - a lot - with my grandchildren and be there for their special moments. I want to support my kids. I want to work for my Lord!
Am I afraid to leave this world? Absolutely not!
So, with my smeller intact or not, I'm moving forward with confidence. I just wanted to set the record straight: Thanks to the blessed assurance of my Lord, I WILL NEVER DIE!!!!! Woo Hoo!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!
Later in life, my oldest sister made the same claim. Jeannette talked about how it affected her life and how much she missed the ability to smell.
I recently discovered that my other sister, Beverly, lost her sense of smell when she was in her forties.
You guessed it! Sometime during the last year, my sense of smell dried up.
It's strange. It certainly affects your enjoyment of food! I used to love the smell of the house when Debbie was frying ground beef and onions. It was so wonderful when I would walk in to the smell of home-made chocolate-chip cookies or sweet rolls! Those simple pleasures are gone.
However, there is an upside! We recently rode through an area that was pungent with the smell of a skunk; while Debbie held her hands over her face, I was undisturbed.
Anyway, I recently decided to do some research about this condition (called Anosmia = no nose :-)) to see if there was anything I could do to reverse its effects.
Imagine my surprise when the first article I read was titled: "Is loss of smell a 'harbinger of death'?" The lead-line for this article on http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/283297.php states: "A new study has suggested that, for older adults, being unable to identify smells could indicate mortality within five years."
The relatively brief article exposes two human research projects done in 2005-2006, and 2010-2011. In these projects, the adults (age 57-85) were tested for their capacity to smell. Before five years were up, 39% of those with significant smelling impairment had died as opposed to only 19% of those who could smell.
Hmmm...
So, I may have less than four years to live. Sorry to have to share this news with you, Jeannette and Beverly! [By the way, they've both lived way beyond the five year projection.]
Anyway, in case I knock off in the next several years, I just wanted to address a few things here for my friends and family.
I've lived a good life and have been blessed far more than I deserve.
- By God's grace, I was raised by great parents who launched me into life with great expectations.
- I received an excellent education at New Brighton High School, Roberts Wesleyan College, Asbury Theological Seminary, Pittsburgh Theological Seminary, and Franciscan University of Steubenville!
- I married up!
- Debbie and I had three awesome kids (Travis, Troy and Tracie) who have brought us untold joy!
- We enjoy our occasional contact with our precious grandchildren: Rylie and Coltin.
- We've lived in many interesting places - having moved somewhere near twenty times (poor Debbie).
- We've made countless friends from the many places we've lived.
- I've enjoyed the respect of parishoners and peers after forty years in the ministry.
- We've lived and taught in China for three years!
- We've eaten at great restaurants and seen amazing things far and wide.
- I've been for a ride in some fancy, fast cars.
- I've climbed some tall mountains and hiked in majestic woods.
Besides, I'm really relying on a promise that Jesus made when He was speaking to His disciples in John 8:51-52. Here, Jesus made a special point of saying that those who rely on him and have received the kind of life that flows in him and in God will never experience death. Later, in John 11:26, He simply says: "...everyone living and believing in me shall never die".
How have we missed this?
At some point in the future (perhaps within four years) you will hear that I've died.
WRONG!
Jesus says, "Very truly I tell you, whoever obeys my word will never see death.” Don't believe it for a minute! I may no longer be visible to you, but I will NOT BE DEAD! Jesus said so! I believe Him!
I will be very much alive! More alive than I ever was on this earth! I will be enjoying the indescribable joys of Heaven! Don't wish me back - I wouldn't come if I could!
Do I want to die? No! I'm enjoying this life and hope I live for many years to come (like my sisters). There are still many unfulfilled dreams. There's the day-to-day joy of living life with Debbie! There are trails to hike and countries to visit. I want to play - a lot - with my grandchildren and be there for their special moments. I want to support my kids. I want to work for my Lord!
Am I afraid to leave this world? Absolutely not!
So, with my smeller intact or not, I'm moving forward with confidence. I just wanted to set the record straight: Thanks to the blessed assurance of my Lord, I WILL NEVER DIE!!!!! Woo Hoo!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Mr. Rogers
I just watched a great video of Mr. Rogers on my friend, Tracy Massey's Facebook page. It reminded me of a story. :-)
When Travis was young, he LOVED Mr. Roger's Neighborhood and watched it every day.
My mother was still living then and she dearly loved Travis - even though she struggled to pronounce his name properly. She so wanted to connect with him that she started watching Mr. Rogers every day too, so that she could talk with Travis about things on the show when he came to visit.
In time, she developed heart problems and had to have open-heart surgery for a valve replacement. In 1980, this was a critical, new procedure that required a long, step-down process of recovery in the hospital.
One day while she was in a regular, two-patient room, my Dad was there to spend the day with her. As they sat talking, she could see into the hall and noticed Mr. Rogers walking by her room.
For those who don't know, Fred Rogers was an ordained Presbyterian minister who often visited in the Pittsburgh hospitals.
Mom quickly told my dad to run him down and ask him if he would visit her! My dad obediently ran down the hall in pursuit of this famous man. He readily returned to mom's room and spent twenty minutes with her - even praying with her!
Before he left, she told him, "Mr. Rogers, I watch your show every day! Would you give me an autograph for my grandson, Travis?" He signed her lunch menu before he left. I wonder what ever happened to that?
When Travis was young, he LOVED Mr. Roger's Neighborhood and watched it every day.
My mother was still living then and she dearly loved Travis - even though she struggled to pronounce his name properly. She so wanted to connect with him that she started watching Mr. Rogers every day too, so that she could talk with Travis about things on the show when he came to visit.
In time, she developed heart problems and had to have open-heart surgery for a valve replacement. In 1980, this was a critical, new procedure that required a long, step-down process of recovery in the hospital.
One day while she was in a regular, two-patient room, my Dad was there to spend the day with her. As they sat talking, she could see into the hall and noticed Mr. Rogers walking by her room.
For those who don't know, Fred Rogers was an ordained Presbyterian minister who often visited in the Pittsburgh hospitals.
Mom quickly told my dad to run him down and ask him if he would visit her! My dad obediently ran down the hall in pursuit of this famous man. He readily returned to mom's room and spent twenty minutes with her - even praying with her!
Before he left, she told him, "Mr. Rogers, I watch your show every day! Would you give me an autograph for my grandson, Travis?" He signed her lunch menu before he left. I wonder what ever happened to that?
Broken Smile
I have friends who lost both of their birth-children; they also have three adopted children. Their daughter died when she was young; their son died as a teenager.
My friends, Charlie and Brenda Young, bought a couple of books for me written by a man who lost his mother, wife and daughter in a terrible car accident.
Like so many of you have said to us, I can't even imagine the pain these people must experience.
The hard thing about death is that the person is gone. Sounds silly - doesn't it? We can't access them anymore. No more phone calls. No visits. No more "Hi Maw!" or "Hi Pops!" . No more visits to their house. No more shared holidays.
The other hard thing is its permanence. They're gone - and they're not coming back. The situation is not going to change. You have a new normal that you didn't ask for and don't want.
I'm also noticing the uniqueness of each person's grief process. Debbie and I are experiencing the loss of Travis in very different ways. We decided Sunday that we each need someone else to talk with about our feelings. My thoughts are often painful for Debbie to hear. We're processing our loss in very different ways.
I feel a sadness that began before Travis' death. My mourning over leaving China is mingled with my grieving over losing Travis. I can't sort it out. My daily motivation is significantly damaged. I have a hard time facing my daily obligations.
Debbie feels "broken". It shows. We took a selfie at Ohiopyle on our way home from Annapolis. Her smile is not normal - it's...broken! You can see the sadness in her eyes. My heart aches for her; I want to fix her so badly - but I can't!
All through the years I have stood with grieving families. I lost my Mom when I was 29 and my Dad when I was 40. I grieved their deaths deeply, but it's nothing like what I feel now.
When Debbie pre-reads these articles [which isn't very often], she always asks me what my purpose is. I'm deliberating that now...
I think it's to remind all of us to be patient with someone who is in this grieving process. Don't think you understand and don't tell them that you understand. Just be a friend and give them time and space; support them and pray for them - a lot!
Tonight, Deb told me that she didn't want to be with anyone. She said she just wanted to go to bed and sleep. I called a family member - since I'm in Kittanning - and asked her to go over and sit with Deb. She was out-the-door almost before hanging up.
Monday morning Deb was all ready to go to school. I couldn't figure out why she was just standing at the door. I walked up to her to say good-bye; she was sobbing quietly. When I took her into my arms it turned to deeps wails and streams of tears! I called her off and we went to walk at Pymatuning State Park where our family had camped many times over the years. In the desolation of that campground we cried out our pain to a God who loves us and who understands what it is to lose a son.
My friends, Charlie and Brenda Young, bought a couple of books for me written by a man who lost his mother, wife and daughter in a terrible car accident.
Like so many of you have said to us, I can't even imagine the pain these people must experience.
The hard thing about death is that the person is gone. Sounds silly - doesn't it? We can't access them anymore. No more phone calls. No visits. No more "Hi Maw!" or "Hi Pops!" . No more visits to their house. No more shared holidays.
The other hard thing is its permanence. They're gone - and they're not coming back. The situation is not going to change. You have a new normal that you didn't ask for and don't want.
I'm also noticing the uniqueness of each person's grief process. Debbie and I are experiencing the loss of Travis in very different ways. We decided Sunday that we each need someone else to talk with about our feelings. My thoughts are often painful for Debbie to hear. We're processing our loss in very different ways.
I feel a sadness that began before Travis' death. My mourning over leaving China is mingled with my grieving over losing Travis. I can't sort it out. My daily motivation is significantly damaged. I have a hard time facing my daily obligations.
Debbie feels "broken". It shows. We took a selfie at Ohiopyle on our way home from Annapolis. Her smile is not normal - it's...broken! You can see the sadness in her eyes. My heart aches for her; I want to fix her so badly - but I can't!
All through the years I have stood with grieving families. I lost my Mom when I was 29 and my Dad when I was 40. I grieved their deaths deeply, but it's nothing like what I feel now.
When Debbie pre-reads these articles [which isn't very often], she always asks me what my purpose is. I'm deliberating that now...
I think it's to remind all of us to be patient with someone who is in this grieving process. Don't think you understand and don't tell them that you understand. Just be a friend and give them time and space; support them and pray for them - a lot!
Tonight, Deb told me that she didn't want to be with anyone. She said she just wanted to go to bed and sleep. I called a family member - since I'm in Kittanning - and asked her to go over and sit with Deb. She was out-the-door almost before hanging up.
Monday morning Deb was all ready to go to school. I couldn't figure out why she was just standing at the door. I walked up to her to say good-bye; she was sobbing quietly. When I took her into my arms it turned to deeps wails and streams of tears! I called her off and we went to walk at Pymatuning State Park where our family had camped many times over the years. In the desolation of that campground we cried out our pain to a God who loves us and who understands what it is to lose a son.
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