ZACHARIAH AND ELIZABETH

An elderly woman - with a loving husband [he happens to be a priest] - who has never been able to become pregnant, suddenly, at an advanced age becomes pregnant and delivers a son!  Try to imagine the joy that Zachariah and Elizabeth experienced.  After all these years of being ‘the barren one’, she births a son in her old age! 

How many times did they cradle him between them in their bed and just marvel at his perfection?  Surely they must have giggled themselves to sleep on more than one occasion. 

Zachariah had prayed and prayed that this would happen.  Remarkably, he continued to pray about it even when Elizabeth was well past the years of bearing a child.  How’s that for faith? 

Then, one day when he was fulfilling his priestly responsibilities, an angel appeared to him in the sanctuary with a message:  “Don’t fear, Zachariah.  Your prayer has been heard.  Elizabeth, your wife, will bear a son by you.  You are to name him John.  You’re going to leap like a gazelle for joy, and not only you – many will delight in his birth.  He’ll achieve great stature with God.”   [Luke 1:13-15a TM]

The angel continued:  “He’ll drink neither wine nor beer.  He’ll be filled with the Holy Spirit from the moment he leaves his mother’s womb.  He will turn many sons and daughters of Israel back to their God.  He will herald God’s arrival in the style and strength of Elijah, soften the hearts of parents to children, and kindle devout understanding among hardened skeptics – he’ll get the people ready for God.”   [Luke 1:15-17 TM]

If you read this whole story, you’ll find that Zachariah – this priest, this man of prayer – doubted the report of the angel! 

Why pray if we don’t BELIEVE God can answer our prayer?  There are consequences that come as a result of doubting God!

Zachariah was unable to speak from that moment until after the baby was born and he – by writing – confirmed that the baby should be named ‘John’. 

In that moment, the Holy Spirit entered Zachariah and he prophesied and gave glory to God. 

“A deep, reverential fear settled over the neighborhood, and in all that Judean hill country people talked about nothing else.  Everyone who heard about it took it to heart, wondering, ‘What will become of this child?  Clearly, God has his hand in this.’”  [Luke 1:65-66  TM]

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Wouldn’t you love to live your life in such a way that your faith-filled actions stirred the whole community?  Imagine everyone in your community talking about you and your family and your faith-stand before the Lord!  Everyone around you marveling at the goodness of God in your life! 

Oh, c’mon, Hal, how is that going to happen?

“O ye of little faith.”  [Luke 12:28]

POSSIBLE SCENARIOS:

·         Cancer visits your home, but you persevere and continue to give glory to God instead of blaming Him!

·         You’re unable to get pregnant.  After tests and other attempts, you adopt children and raise a family to God’s glory!

·         You lose your spouse too early in life, but determine to go forward with joy rather than live in grief!

·         Your child wanders off the path and into a lifestyle that causes you pain.  But you persevere in prayer and keep loving that child! 

·         Downsizing causes you to lose your job!  You struggle, but call on God’s people to pray and you hold on with determination to see how God is going to resolve this crisis. 

·         Poor financial management finally becomes a crisis.  You call out to God, learn biblical principles and begin to practice generosity and discipline.

·         Depression keeps knocking at your door, but you develop a network of friends to pray for and with you as you place your trust in God! 

·         Loneliness nearly overwhelms you!  You begin to volunteer at the church and the local rescue mission and discover that there are people who are far lonelier than you!

You can write your own scenario!  It’s not the depth of the crisis you face, but the way you face the crisis that matters!   Zachariah screwed up at first, but then got back on track.  You can too!  Put your trust in God!  Look around!  Listen carefully!  Pray and then act!  God has a way for you.  AND PEOPLE WILL MARVEL WHEN THEY SEE HOW HE WORKS IN YOUR LIFE!

STRUGGLING TO FIT IN

I have often said, “I’ve been attending Free Methodist churches since before I was born!”  I graduated from a Free Methodist college. 

Then, things changed a bit.  I attended a United Methodist seminary for three years.  Next, after having begun my pastoral ministry in the Free Methodist Church, I earned a Master of Divinity degree from a liberal, Presbyterian seminary!  It was a challenging eight years of study as a commuter.  Although the foundations of my faith were repeatedly challenged, I came out strong. 

During these educational years – that didn’t end until my fortieth year – I also acquired a basic unit of Clinical Pastoral Education at the Pittsburgh Highland Drive Veteran’s Administration Psychiatric Hospital [that’s a mouthful!].  900 hours of supervised chaplain work, verbatims, and small group process!   [And to think:  I paid for this privilege!]

I also participated in a Domus Deo program through the Roman Catholic Church in Pittsburgh.  It was a very beneficial, self-reflection, meditation program that also included a fair amount of small group engagement!

During these early ministry years, I SERIOUSLY considered joining the military chaplaincy!  On three occasions, I inquired and prepared to make the leap into that form of ministry!  I still think it would have been a good fit for me and a place for effective ministry.

Then – having been in ministry for fourteen years, I sensed some gifting in the area of counseling and decided to get a counseling degree.  I acquired that degree after two years of full-time study - while continuing to pastor a growing church - at the Franciscan University of Steubenville, which is a charismatic Catholic community!  I worshipped in that community for two years and made many close and valuable friendships.  Some of the most powerful worship experiences of my life took place on that campus. 

One last reflection:  Over all my years in ministry I participated in the local ministerial associations.  Their corporate services usually focused on Good Friday and Thanksgiving.  I enjoyed working with pastors from many diverse denominations during those years.

WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS?

Because, if you’ve followed me, I’m a bit of a mongrel.  J  I’ve deliberately exposed myself to a diverse field of experiences, leaders and environments. 

And today, I find myself in our fourth year of attending an evangelical Presbyterian church.  Debbie has joined and will soon be ordained as an elder in that church!  Notice:  She’s more deeply involved in leadership here than she ever was in the churches I served  [Of course, she also worked and primarily raised our three kids.]  ;-)

Sorry, if you were looking for something short, you can feel free to bail out now….

Having led Free Methodist churches for nearly forty-three years, I find myself missing certain aspects of ministry that had become very much a part of who I am. 

WHAT ARE THEY, HAL?

1.    I miss altar calls.

I wouldn’t expect everyone to understand this, but I miss what might officially be referred to as a ‘Call to Discipleship’. 

Typically, at the end of the message, a pastor would ‘open the altar for prayer’ and invite people to come in response to the challenge they’ve just received. 

Some Sundays, no one would respond [or the ‘call’ might not even be given].  Other Sundays, a few might respond;  and then a few others might come forward to pray with those who had responded.  Many times, services ended quietly with people still praying around the altar. 

Praying for and with one another was a warm expression of caring and engagement. 

2.   I miss altar prayer

I know, this sounds repetitive, but the altar was a special place for prayer as I was growing up and leading churches. 

Sometimes people would pray at the altar before worship even began.  I’ve seen people come to the altar while we were singing hymns or during pastoral prayer times. 

It was a place to seek God, unburden oneself, and openly indicate a desire to be closer to the Lord – a place to deal with the problems and stresses of life! 

As indicated earlier, others would often move forward to pray with those who responded in such a way!  It was a beautiful thing!  I miss it!

3.    I miss lay involvement

Being part of the Wesleyan movement, there has always been an emphasis on lay involvement. 

During my leadership years, I tried to limit my leadership to the time when I was giving the message.  As many other parts of the service as possible were turned over to trustworthy, gifted and trained individuals.  Many voices were heard during the flow of worship! 

4.    I miss a free-style of worship

Much could be said here – I’ll TRY to be brief!

One of the characteristics of my ministry was a desire to keep people engaged and interested in what was happening in worship.  Over the years, I found this was best accomplished by diversity, creativity and [to a certain extent] unpredictability. 

I know – that sounds strange.

Methods I utilized included:

·         Frequently changing the order of worship

·         Using many people in various ways during worship

·         Writing engaging dramas that brought the message to life [this, of course, gave certain people an opportunity to be involved who were drawn to this kind of ministry!] 

·         Incorporating humor into worship.  This was occasionally done via the dramas, video clips, stories, testimonies, and PowerPoint pictures.

·         Creating engaging congregational readings – often based on modern versions of the Bible!  [These go best when led by competent, trained lay leaders.]

In essence, variety!  Keeping people engaged, focused and interested!

5.    I miss going to the altar to receive Holy Communion.

In theme with what’s already been said, I have always preferred providing Holy Communion in such a way that people had the opportunity to come forward, kneel and pray at the altar – if they so desired.

Because of the sacred nature of this experience, we always provided two or three people [male and female] in our foyer for anyone who desired special prayer during the Communion time. [With people moving to and from the altar, it was easy for someone to discreetly slip out for prayer.  Occasionally, decisions for Christ were made as a result!  

The focus of the whole day was confession and restoration by the power of the risen Christ!

6.    I miss the anointing with oil for healing!

Providing for the open exercise of the exhortations given by the brother of our Lord in his New Testament letter:  James 5:14-18. 

Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer of faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. A prayer of a righteous person, when it is brought about, can accomplish much. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. Then he prayed again, and the sky poured rain and the earth produced its fruit.

The practice of this grace can be time-consuming and awkward in public worship.  However, it can also be enormously caring, emotionally and physically healing, and a physical expression of love! 

In a world filled with such addiction, brokenness and pain – how can we ignore such clear instructions? 

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Every tradition has its own ways of doing things.  I’m trying to adjust to a new tradition after a lifetime of experience in a somewhat different one.  I’m less elastic than I may have been when I was younger.  I openly confess to missing these aspects of worship that I had become comfortable and familiar with. 

At the same time, I am embracing new people and growing through my engagement with them.  I hope they’ll be patient with me as I try to find my way in a new system that challenges me every Sunday yet also frequently leaves me with lingering longings for the worship experiences I’ve just described! 

Blessings on the Church! 

TEACH ME TO PRAY, LORD!

I learned my first lessons in prayer from my mother.  She would kneel with me at my bedside every night and help me recite my bedtime prayer:

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

God, bless Mommy and Daddy,

Grandma, Jeannette and Lib,

Tommy and Bobby,

Beverly and Ira,

and everybody in the world.

Keep Harold be a good boy.

Amen. 

Mealtimes were always prayer times as well.

God is good.  God is great!

And we thank Him for this food.

For love and friends,

And all things good.  Amen.

For many years, my mother kept a small plastic loaf of bread in the center of our table that was filled with small cards that included verses of scripture.  She would have Beverly or me pull out a card and read it.  Maybe we would even try to memorize it.

She was a good teacher and a good example!  I still have two of her Bibles.  She created duct-tape envelopes in the front and back to hold her many prayer lists. 

When I went to college, I immediately began getting up around 5:30 AM to read my Bible and pray.  When my roommate protested, I quietly slipped out and went to a rather cold kitchen area to have my devotions.  Eventually, I was joined by a number of other fellows who had a common desire to start the day with God! 

In reflection, I believe my most effective praying has taken place while walking.  I’ve walked miles and miles around the various sanctuaries where I’ve pastored.  In Harrison City, I walked the fields behind the brand new church I was appointed to serve.  In McClellandtown, I walked a lot in the fields behind the church property.  In East Liverpool, I walked in Thompson Park.  In Spencerville, MD, the church had twelve acres with a very private little cove on the back corner.  In Akron, I prayer-walked in Goodyear Park almost every day.  In New Middletown, I walked in Poland Forest.  In China, I walked nearly every day at the Yitong River Park which was two light rail stations away.  Here in Enon Valley I walk our little village.  As a hiker/backpacker, it’s been a most natural way for me to pray.  

[Caveat:  For the last several years I have been suffering from a sciatic nerve problem that severely limits my ability to walk.  This has clearly affected my prayer life as well.]

Yet, I’ve rarely been satisfied with my prayer life.  Too often it has been too self-centered.  Thankfully though, there have been seasons in which I have been outreaching in prayer.  For several years I set my phone alarm for 10:02 AM.  When it went off, I would take several moments to pray Luke 10:2, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore, beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.” 

My three-year China journal [which I’ve been reviewing this morning] is full of scriptures and quotes from books I was reading during that time.  Living in a spiritually lost and confused culture heightened my awareness of sharing my faith and praying for God’s direction in my life.  I needed Him more as a result! 

But, I must confess that many days my prayer life is anemic.  It feels rote and repetitive.  It seems unproductive and ineffective.  I want it to be different, but don’t always know how to get there.  I’m impatient and not always willing to invest the time and focus that is sometimes required to make prayer effective. I get distracted.  I'm too conscious of the time.

I’m so grateful for God’s patience with me!  He doesn’t write me off.  And I’m especially grateful for those rare times when His presence invades my space and my heart.  Old-timers used to refer to those times as ‘praying through’.  I need to explore that concept.  I need to be more persistent in prayer. 

I recently did a seven-day fast.  My prayer life spiked during those days.  Fasting and prayer have always been great partners in drawing near to God! 

I spend a lot of time discouraged because of the deteriorating conditions in our country.  I’ve recently begun limiting my exposure to the news because of the depressing effect it has on me.  I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to watch less news and spend more time interceding for our nation.  I have no doubt that we could turn our nation around if we would invest more in prayer!  The phrase has been around for ages:  PRAYER CHANGES THINGS!  It also changes people! 

Lord,

My mom helped me get started right!  Thank You for her influence.

Throughout my life I’ve had a desire to serve and please You.

At times I’ve felt in stride with You;

other times, I’ve failed You miserably by my inconsistency and rebellion.

I’m getting down to the last years of my life and I want them to count for You and Your Kingdom!

Help me to be willing to make the necessary sacrifices to be a truly godly man.

Teach me to pray, Lord!

For Your Kingdom’s sake.  Amen.

NEW BRIGHTON THANKSGIVINGS

 As I lay in the dark this morning, I found myself remembering Thanksgivings from my early years in New Brighton, PA.  [Feel free to add your thoughts, memories or corrections in the 'comments' section.]

I was born in 1952, so my recollections are primarily from the mid-1950's and through the 1960's.  My home church was the New Brighton Free Methodist Church, which - at that time - was a large church that ran three buses that brought mostly children to Sunday School.  

My primary memory of Thanksgiving revolves around the Thanksgiving Community Worship that took place in the morning around 10:00 AM.  This was surely an awkward time for women who were preparing large meals for their families.  There may have been some years that my mom didn't go.  But my dad and I would still go (it was one of the rare things that the two of us did together).  

The service was moved to various churches that participated in the protestant ministerial group.  That was part of the fun and excitement:  seeing the insides of some of the other churches!  When the service was held at various Presbyterian or Lutheran churches, we would be exposed to remarkable pipe organ music!  Singing the great Thanksgiving hymns like

• "Come, Ye Thankful People, Come"
• "We Plow the Fields and Scatter"
• "For the Beauty of the Earth"
• "Now Thank We All Our God"

took on a whole new dynamic when sung to the accompaniment of these grand instruments and a full sanctuary of worshippers!  

We saw many of our neighbors at this community service.  We would always greet Dr. and Mrs. Phillips and others from our William Penn Way neighborhood.  All men wore suits and women were dressed in their Sunday best clothing.  Appropriate scriptures would be read by various community pastors.  A Thanksgiving message would be delivered by the host pastor.  

During this time period, the local ministerial group had considerable influence!  When they spoke out on issues relevant to the community, their words had significant impact.  Certain clergy members who had stayed in the community and gained considerable trust over the years were especially authoritative.  I only remember one name:  Rev. Matchett.  The Ministerial Association had clout in those days!  

There were other times that we gathered to worship, such as Good Friday, but none seemed to garner the community's support like Thanksgiving Day!  It was a celebrative time;  a joyful time;  a reflective time.  

We gather together to ask the Lord's blessing;

He chastens and hastens His will to make known;

The wicked oppressing now cease from distressing,

Sing praises to His name:  He forgets not His own.

Beside us to guide us, our God with us joining,

Ordaining, maintaining His kingdom divine.

So from the beginning the fight we were winning:

Thou, Lord, wast at our side, all glory be Thine!

[And now, with all the organ stops open:]

We all do extoll Thee, thou Leader triumphant,

And pray that Thou still our Defender wilt be.

Let Thy congregation escape tribulation:

Thy name be ever praised!  O Lord, make us free!

And ALL God's people said:  AMEN! 

MAYBE WE SHOULD CELEBRATE MORE?

I recently wrote a blog about Israel’s deliverance through the Red Sea and how God closed the water over the Egyptian army so that not one of them escaped!  If you haven’t read it – you should check it out!

The very next chapter [Exodus 15] is the response of the Israelites.  It begins:

Then Moses and the Israelites sang this song to GOD, giving voice together…  [v.1]

I have immediate questions about this.  How did they all sing together?  I mean, they didn’t have a copier there and distribute song-sheets! 

This was a large, multi-generational crowd of inter-related people!  They had just witnessed a phenomenal miracle that was clearly a God-intervention.  On the other side of the Red Sea – before this intervention – they had feared for their lives!  At the worst, they thought the Egyptian army would kill them all.  At the best, they would be returned to slavery in Egypt! 

But now they were free!  AND GOD DID IT!  And they were grateful! 

It was their natural response to sing and dance!  But how could they all sing together without knowing the words to the song? 

Perhaps it was done in an antiphonal fashion where Moses or Aaron [or some other gifted leader] sang out a line – and then everyone repeated it?  Perhaps this line was repeated over and over until even the people in the back of the crowd got it?  Just a thought. 

However it happened, it was a joyful celebration of God’s deliverance!  You’re welcome to read it, but here are the first few lines:

I’m singing my heart out to God—what a victory!
    He pitched horse and rider into the sea.
God is my strength, God is my song,
    and, yes! God is my salvation.
This is the kind of God I have
    and I’m telling the world!  [vs.1-2]

Then, Miriam the prophetess, Aaron’s sister, took a tambourine, and all the women followed her with tambourines, dancing.  Miriam led them in singing,

Sing to God – what a victory!

He pitched horse and rider into the sea!   [vs.20-21]

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I’ve been a part of joyous celebrations plenty of times, although nothing that would compare to what I’ve just described!  I wish we had audio/video of that! 

Recently, our Bethel congregation celebrated their first worship experience in the brand new sanctuary.  It took MUCH longer to build than was originally anticipated, so it was a greatly anticipated event.  The sanctuary was full!  The worship experience was jubilant.  And as a result the church is growing…

I guess the greater the sense of God-intervention, the greater the celebration! 

How do we get God-interventions? 

PRAYER! 

SEEKING HIS PRESENCE!

SEARCHING HIS WORD!

God acts in response to our appeals! 

In our land [the United States of America], if we want restored security, unity, bounty, spiritual renewal, then we should do more than vote.  We should call on God for His divine intervention and do so fervently! 

Maybe then, we’d have cause to sing and dance in the streets as well as our sanctuaries. 

GOD ALWAYS HAS A PLAN!

Exodus 14 is an amazing chapter!  It is clear from the beginning that God has a plan!  God always has a plan! 

As they escape Egypt, God – through Moses – tells the Israelites exactly where to camp next to the sea.  This is apparently a very vulnerable spot that will entice Pharaoh to attack to try to recover his slave nation.  God’s intent is to – one last time – show Pharaoh who is really God!  And that’s what happened.

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Eventually Pharaoh and his people realized what they had done.  They had – in one night – lost their entire force of slave labor!  He ordered up all of his chariots and quickly pursued the Israelites.  God was again working in Pharaoh’s heart, making him stubborn! 

The Egyptians caught up to Israel by the sea.  As the Israelites saw them coming, fear gripped many.  There were two responses to this immediate threat:

Some cried out in terror to God.  Others ran to Moses and complained in bitter sarcasm:  “Weren’t the cemeteries large enough in Egypt so that you had to take us out here in the wilderness to die?  What have you done to us, taking us out of Egypt?  Back in Egypt didn’t we tell you this would happen?  Didn’t we tell you, ‘Leave us alone here in Egypt – we’re better off as slaves in Egypt than as corpses in the wilderness?’”  [vs.10-12]

TWO RESPONSES:

1.      Call out to God!

2.      Complain and blame!

There’s value in spending some time trying to determine which group you would have been in.  When the sky grows dark or the devastating news comes, do you call out to God or grumble and sulk?  This is a vital distinction.  The ones who are truly committed to God will know deep in their hearts that GOD ALWAYS HAS A PLAN!  And, they will trust in that plan! 

But notice the grace and mercy of God!  Even in this story, the grumblers are spared!  God is patient and kind and works diligently with His people to get them to believe and trust in Him.  He’s doing that with you – right now! 

Through all this threat, Moses believed!  He told the people, “'Don’t be afraid.  Stand firm and watch GOD do his work of salvation for you today.  Take a good look at the Egyptians today for you’re never going to see them again.  GOD will fight this battle for you.'  And then with a glance at the nay-sayers, he added, 'And you?  You keep your mouths shut!'”  [vs.13-14]

This is a vital lesson for leaders and pastors to learn.  Those who espouse negativity have to be silenced!  Negativity spreads like wildfire – it must be halted!  Negativity is NOT a faith environment!  Confrontation is awkward and hard!  Most pastors run from it instead of dealing with it!  As a result, the damage grows and the problems increase.  Being close to God and having had a glimpse of His plan allows us to stand strong and face the opposition with righteous zeal.  I learned - over time - that in most cases, the opposition folds in situations like this. 

What happens next is REMARKABLE!  The angel of God that has been leading them moves from in front of the Israelites to their back – along with the pillar of cloud that has been leading them.  Together, they take up this position of protection between the two camps – throwing light on the Israelites and darkness on the Egyptians!  God is unfolding His plan! 

Then, God tells Moses to hold his staff over the sea.  During the course of the night, an east wind dries up the sea and creates a walled walkway through the sea.  This wind is so persistent, that the people are able to cross the sea ON DRY LAND ALONG WITH ALL THEIR FLOCKS!  Once they’re all through, the angel and cloud move and the Egyptians hurry into the pathway through the sea.  But there are two problems:  The dung from all the flocks begins to clog their chariot wheels.  Also, God seems to allow some of the seawater to seep into the pathway.  The Egyptian forces bog down and get stuck!

TERROR STRIKES THEM!  They cry out: “Run from Israel!  GOD is fighting on their side and against Egypt!”  They begin to retreat.

At this moment, GOD instructs Moses to hold his staff over the sea again.  As he does so, the waters immediately break loose and flood the pathway.  Not one Egyptian survived! 

And all Israel stood in utter amazement as they watched the dead bodies of the Egyptians wash up on the shoreline.  They immediately realized the tremendous power that GOD brought against the Egyptians.  They were in reverent awe before GOD and trusted in GOD and his servant Moses. 

Notice that Moses’ stock has increased as a result of this supernatural intervention by GOD!  He had – under GOD’s direction – initiated this escape!  He had confronted Pharaoh repeatedly.  He had led them out of Egypt.  He had obeyed GOD throughout the process.  He had confronted the naysayers.  He had been faithful! 

AN OLDER PERSEPCTIVE FOR YOUNGER COUPLES

Debbie and I were married in 1973.  We made a conscious decision to not have kids for two years so that we would have some time to just enjoy one another.  We've never regretted that decision.  In February 1976, Travis was born and our family life began.  We offically denested around 2000, when Tracie (our youngest) returned to Maryland to live and work [at the age of nineteen].  

When I was actively doing pre-marital counseling with couples, I made sure that we talked about certain specifics during the process.  It's likely that some couples may have already discussed some of these issues, but many do not.  I have no feel for things today.  I don't know if pastors are still requiring couseling or not?  I feel it is an essential responsibility for someone who is bringing couples together in a lifelong relationship.  

Everyone realizes that young couples are in an infatuated state during courtship and premarriage days.  

Merriam;Webster defines infatuation:  

"filled with or marked by a foolish or extravagant love or admiration"

I always made sure we discussed topics like:

• FINANCES:  Are you bringing debt into this relationship?  Will you merge incomes or continue separate finances?  Do you plan to tithe?  Who will pay the bills?
• FAMILY PLANNING:  Do you want to have kids?  When do you plan to start?  How many might you like to have?  What will you do if you are unable to have children?  How do you plan to parent your children?  [I provide recommended resources for all of these areas]
• FIGHTING FAIRLY:  This is vital information for young married couples.  There are rules that should be followed.  Without following these rules, you will end up suffering extreme frustration and emotional distance!  

I know you'll want these, so here they are:

1. Stay on topic!
2. "Don't let the sun go down on your anger"  [Ephesians 4:26]
3. Look for 'release valves'.
4. Recognize that "The tongue has the power of life and death"  [Proverbs 18:21]
5. Never use 'the silent treatment'!
6. Keep your relationship close by sharing openly with one another on a regular basis.  Maintain regular devotional time together, then it will naturally happen when children come along!
7. If tension periods persist and you can't seem to resolve the issues, ASK FOR HELP!

• FAMILY TRADITIONS:  More than two people are being married here.  How will you merge these two family traditions?  How will you balance your time between these two families - especially holidays?
• HIS NEEDS/HER NEEDS:  We discuss this book by Dr. Willard Harley.
• THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES:  We discuss this book by Gary Chapman.

Typically, I asked for ten hours - as long BEFORE the wedding as possible - to comfortably discuss these issues!

With that platform laid, I'd like to get more specific.  

In my latter years in ministry, I noticed that couples were fairly consistently telling me that they wanted to wait to have "all their ducks in a row" before starting a family.  There's some logic in this, of course.  When Debbie and I were young the adage was "If you wait for the right time to have kids, you'll never have kids!"  There's some truth to that as well.  

As an older person - with no desire to offend anyone - I'd simply like to offer two points for consideration that may not be immediately obvious to younger people in this stage of life.  Here they are - I hope they're helpful!

FIRST

By delaying the birth of your children, you're cutting down the years that they will be exposed to your own parents!  Grandparents can be a great blessing in presenting the children a picture of a completely different generation.  They typically support the goals and aspirations of the parents and provide resources, services and exposure that has the potential to enrich the lives of children.  Do you really want to cut that time significantly shorter?

SECOND

This is what I like to call the 'hidden repercussion'.  By delaying the birth of your children, you're also cutting down the number of years that you will be exposed to your own grandchildren!  Think it through:  If you wait till you're forty to have kids, and they wait till they're forty to have kids - you'll be eighty when your grandchildren are born!  If you understand this point, you might want to speed up your timetable for having a family, so that you can enjoy multiple generations before you leave this earth!

Psalm 127:3-5 [TM]

Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?

    the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?

Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows

    are the children of a vigorous youth.

Oh, how blessed are you parents,

    with your quivers full of children!

Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you;

    you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.

BURNED OUT - THEN REDEEMED

I arrived as pastor of the Oakland Church in June,1982.  I was thirty.  Most of those leading the church at the time were from my parent’s generation.  My Pastor’s Cabinet had people on it like Paul Ward, Alma Kelly, Pete Muschweck, Jim Heldreth, Russ Dray, Martha Anderson, and perhaps one or two others [they were all contemporaries with my parents and thought of me as the ornery kid from Family Camp].

In spite of significant opposition, the church began to grow.  I was leading a growing church, travelling to Pittsburgh three or four times a week to attend classes toward my Master of Divinity degree, helping to launch a pregnancy Center, and all-the-while, trying to be a great husband and father.  By October,1984, I was exhausted and overwhelmed.

One Wednesday, I called an emergency Pastor’s Cabinet meeting and resigned.  I had no plan, no job lined up, no resources stashed away – I was simply and severely ‘burned out’! 

Needless to say, the Cabinet members were shocked by my announcement.  After delivering my message to them, I simply got up and moved toward the door.  As I did so, Alma Kelly called my name in her principal’s voice:  “Harold!”

I did what any respectful person would do – I turned to face her.  She had tears in her eyes.  She trembled as she spoke.  She reviewed the fact that I had been working in an environment that was immersed in evil forces.  That struck me;  I had never seriously considered that circumstance.  Less than ten years earlier this church had been rocked with a moral scandal that had damaged lives as well as the church’s reputation.  She pointed out that the very study where I worked daily had been the place of horrible violations. 

Then – and I’ll never forget it – she said, “We don’t accept your resignation!  We’re placing you on an indeterminate leave of absence with full pay.”  And then she assured me that they would be praying for me to get rested and return to my ministry. 

And with that, I opened the door and left.

Now, let me state for the facts that Alma didn’t have the authority to make that decision!  However, no one – to my knowledge – ever questioned her decision. 

I don’t know all of the details that followed for the obvious reasons, but I know that Alma largely led the church for the next several months.  She arranged ‘fill-in’ preachers and may have even preached herself.  She took authority and to the best of my knowledge, no one questioned her during that period. 

Every Sunday after that, Peter Muschweck – the Oakland treasurer – stopped by our home on Sunday afternoons and dropped off my paycheck.  We received cards and bouquets of flowers from people in the congregation. 

During the ensuing weeks, I sought the counsel of several older pastors.  I also saw a professional counselor.  I did NOT leave God!  I still read the scriptures and still prayed.  I rested – as Alma had instructed. 

Toward the end of November, I announced to Debbie that I was going to go on a backpacking trip in the Laurel mountains.  After several days on this seventy-mile trail, I was walking a logging road and had a series of thoughts that passed through my mind in a matter of minutes.  I considered asking God for a ‘fleece’ [sign] to assure me that He did indeed want me in the ministry. 

My first question to myself was, “What would be a good fleece?”  My imagination took off.  I thought, “What if – when I return home – I was to go to the Oakland Church and whoever was the preacher would preach a message on the most common scripture in the Bible?”  Then, I thought, “What would that scripture be?”  The answer was obvious, it would be John 3:16.  And with that, this little mental excursion – that had lasted mere seconds – ended and was forgotten. 

During the next several days, however, I resolved through prayer and physical exertion that God did want me in the ministry – that He had indeed called me.  I longed to be with my family for Thanksgiving.  But I had miles to go with mountains in between to get to my car.  I hiked hard and into the night to make it.  Stopped on the way home to call Debbie and tell her that I would be getting home very late.  Then, I added, “On Sunday, we’re going to church at Oakland.”  That surely surprised her!

We had a simple Thanksgiving and on Sunday we arrived intentionally a little late for church. You could hear gasps as we walked down the aisle and took a seat down front. 

Alma was leading the service.  Elwood Daugherty was the guest preacher;  he was the assistant to the superintendent of the Pittsburgh Conference.  It was the first Sunday of Advent.  After some singing, Alma invited him to read his scripture lesson.  He invited us to turn to John 3.  I grabbed my Bible and opened to his lesson. 

As he began to read, the memory of my mental excursion became vivid to me.  I wondered how far he would read;  he finished at John 3:17. 

I was on pins and needles and couldn’t wait to hear him preach!  But there was an offering and more singing.  Every nerve in my body was alert and on edge!  I had the highest level of anticipation! 

Finally, he stepped up and said, “God has spoken to me very clearly this week.  He wants me to bring a message this morning that is based solely on one verse:  John 3:16.” 

I hope you know that I can’t help you understand what I experienced.  The love of God for me was made so clear that morning by Elwood’s words. 

Before the end of that year, I returned to my role as pastor and – in spite of chronic opposition – Oakland became a church of over two hundred with scores of people coming to faith in Christ! 

HOW IS IT WITH YOUR SOUL?

His name was Jim Heldreth [or Jack - he went by both].  He was a little younger than my parents.  He was - from time to time - a leader in the Pittsburgh Conference [FMC].  He was also a trustee at Roberts Wesleyan College for a number of years.  He was a long-term member of the Oakland Free Methodist Church.  He was a man of strong opinions, and he didn't mind sharing them with you.  He was a big man; handsome, married with no children.  He hailed from West Virginia and was proud of it.  I believe he made his living as a church furniture salesman.

Why am I telling you about this man?

Because when I was a freshman at Roberts, he showed up in my doorway on the fourth floor of Carpenter Hall.  Imagine my surprise!  He sat on my bunkbed, and we talked for half-an-hour.  During that conversation, he asked me how I was handling my new freedom.  He also asked me how I was doing spiritually.  I've often wondered, "Did he just do this with me?  Or did he visit other Pittsburgh Conference students as well?"

This was not shocking.  Although this practice has fallen into disuse, it was fairly common back in the 1960's to ask one another how your spiritual life was going.  It was also common - at least in Free Methodist Churches - to have weekly 'testimony meetings', where we gave public updates on our faith!  I was glad that I was able to give him a good report.  According to my recollection, he did this at least one, maybe two other times.  Although he was a friend of my parents, I really didn't know him personally.  However, when I turned thirty, I was appointed as his pastor, where I served for thirteen years!  😊  We had many deep theological discussions during those years.  When he disagreed with something I was doing or proposing, he had no difficulty in addressing me about it!  

Why is this important enough to be writing about?

Because it doesn't happen anymore!  I'm having difficulty remembering the last time anyone asked me how my spiritual life was going.  

I just read the first paragraph of Galatians 6 - here it is from The Message Bible:

1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.

These verses clearly imply connection, caring and communication!  

Let's look at these individually:

CONNECTION

You don't speak these kinds of words to just anyone!  This kind of inquiry require connection!  There must be a level of sharing that has been established.  Intimacies have been exchanged.  There's familiarity and some knowledge of one another's pilgrimage.  We KNOW one another!  We have spent time together individually or in a group.  I have a clear sense that you're not trying to gather gossip; I have no fear that you will use my confession against me.  We TRUST one another!  I am confident - without verbally noting it - that you will keep my confidences.  I know this because you have done it before!  I believe that you have a genuine concern for me and my spiritual well-being!

CARING

We have an innate sense about people that has developed from years of inter-relationships.  We can usually tell if someone truly cares about us.  People who simply want to use or manipulate us can be quickly discerned and carefully handled.  They don't have to be removed from our fellowship; just contained from intimacies until they have proven themselves trustworthy.  Jesus said this in Matthew 7:6 [NASB], "Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."  Solomon also had some wisdom on this topic:  "A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."  [Proverbs 18:24 NASB]  Do the careful, hard work of discernment and then build relationships that add value to your life!

COMMUNICATION

As a counselor, I was excited years ago when the research was published that 'talking' changes the chemical makeup of the brain!  I've heard the line over and over again - usually from men:  "What good does talking about it do?"  Well, the proof is in!  It actually DOES create real change!  

This is a big part of the value of sincere friends who talk to us and listen to us!  They care!  They want to help!  They want us to be the best we can be!  If you have these kinds of connections - THANK GOD FOR THEM!  They are far more valuable than you probably realize.  Pity the man or woman who has no friends!  They cannot possible be at their best without this essential interaction!  

I recently wrote about the failure of most churches to give us small-setting opportunities that allow these kinds of relationships to flourish!  Environments where we can openly confess that we're not doing well.  Places where I don't have to fear to report that I've fallen off the track and need help realigning my life!  Fellowship circles where the word 'relapse' is not a dirty word!  Encouragement enclaves where people who love me will gather around me and pray with me!  

________________________________

I've had this at times in the past - and it was a precious thing!  But, it takes time and effort to develop.  It is the business of the church - even though many churches seem to have relinquished their responsibility in this area.  

For we who have 'Methodist' as a descriptor - it's in our genetic make-up, thanks to John Wesley!  This seventeenth century revivalist put his people in groups that met at least weekly where they all answered questions such as:

• Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I am? In other words, am I a hypocrite? 
• Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?
• Do I confidentially pass onto another what was told me in confidence? 
• Am I a slave to dress, friends, work, or habits? 
• Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying? 
• Did the Bible live in me today? 
• Do I give it time to speak to me every day? 
• Am I enjoying prayer? 
• When did I last speak to someone about my faith? 
• Do I pray about the money I spend? 
• Do I get to bed on time and get up on time? 
• Do I disobey God in anything? 
• Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy? 
• Am I defeated in any part of my life? 
• Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful? 
• How do I spend my spare time? 
• Am I proud? 
• Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisee who despised the publican? 
• Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I going to do about it? 
• Do I grumble and complain constantly? 
• Is Christ real to me?

I know:  By now you're either incredulous or laughing.  

But think for a minute honestly:  If you WERE a part of a group that regularly addressed issues like this - might you be a better person and Christian?  

O Holy Spirit,

Help us to find friends that will stick closer than a brother or sister!

Friends who will listen carefully, counsel plainly and model openly.

Friends who will keep our confidence yet hold us accountable!

Friends who will pray for us and with us!

Who will not condemn us or judge us when we fail.

Who will turn to us when they fail or need help!

Friends who will faithfully help us to make it to Heaven!

For the Kingdom's sake.  Amen