You can choose any time to review and evaluate your life. However, for whatever reasons, most of us rarely exercise this practice. The ending of a year seems a natural time for me to take a look over my shoulder.
2017 was a year that frequently popped up on my life-screen over the decades. When I began my work-life, it was predetermined to be the year of my retirement. I often joked about this because all through the years, it was also predicted to be the first year that the Social Security Department would not have appropriate funding to meet the needs of all the retiring baby-boomers. I haven't really heard how that's working out, but so far my checks have been deposited on time...
Actually, retirement was never a goal for me. I know that some look forward to it and plan for it with great enthusiasm; I just wasn't one of those people. But, as 2017 drew near, I had a sense that the time for me to step aside was arriving. I've discussed that process before and won't go into it again here.
Anyway, I stepped out of the flow of active ministry at the end of May. That sets 2017 apart in a significant way. Needless to say, life has changed in many ways as a result.
My life and thoughts are no longer oriented toward the development of church leaders and church life. I have literally spent the summer and fall working around our new home:
- landscaping
- putting a yard in
- finishing a garage
- sorting through boxes that haven't been unpacked since leaving for China in 2012
- and sorting through my personal library
We've had the freedom to make more frequent trips to Connecticut to see our grandchildren. We spent a relaxing week in Banner Elk, North Carolina. But, by-and-large, we've spent the vast majority of our time at home - working. Debbie continues to cooperate with her siblings in the care of her mother; as a result, I'm left to my own devices (for 24-hour periods) with a certain degree of predictability.
Our greatest challenge has been adjusting to and learning to live within the boundaries of our new financial picture!
Some reading this might think: "Wow! Hal's got it made! He must be really happy now!" However, that is not necessarily true. 2017 has not been what I would describe as a banner year. For those who have stayed with me this far, let me try to explain why.
First, (please don't groan when you read this) our loss of Travis (two years ago) effects us globally! Although we don't talk about it every day, the loss of our son is a drag on our emotions and has dulled us in many ways. I won't be-labor this point; I will simply say that any family that has lost a child has had their lives indelibly changed!
Second, I have lost a sense of purpose that kept me focused and hopeful. I am a driven person! I have lived with great expectations. I work hard to achieve goals. I love to motivate people and move them collectively toward a new future! This has captivated me for four decades! Now, it is gone.
I am not surprised by this reality. I had read a number of books to prepare myself for retirement. I did not make this major move with a blindfold on. I knew that working around our new home would become my new focus through the fall. I also knew that preparing to hike the Appalachian Trail (in 2018) would give me a winter focal point. Yet still, something is different - or missing...
Those who are wiser than me may quickly discern what it is. It's taking me some time to decipher. Here's what I'm coming up with:
I have moved from a ministry-centered life to a self-centered life! My contact with people and my investment in others has shriveled over the last seven months! I've moved from impacting people and directing the dreams of a congregation to moving dirt, planting shrubs and tinkering in my garage or barn. And next, I'm about to embark on a self-absorbed backpacking trip that will consume (if I'm able to do it) half of 2018.
The world's thinking is that self-absorption should produce great satisfaction and pleasure - right? Wrong! When we withdraw to "do our own thing", the key word is WITHDRAW! Our lives have the greatest value and satisfaction when we integrate with others and engage with our world! I knew this. I know this.
We stand at the outset of a new year. We are free people and live in a free nation. We can choose how we will deploy ourselves in 2018.
I still plan on fulfilling my dream and putting my feet on the AT in early March! Keep in mind that nearly 4,000 began this attempt in 2017; just over 600 actually completed it. It's a VERY social trail! All parts of the trail are populated with section hikers and day hikers as well as thru hikers! I will not be alone during this trek!
But this still leaves some questions:
Those who are wiser than me may quickly discern what it is. It's taking me some time to decipher. Here's what I'm coming up with:
I have moved from a ministry-centered life to a self-centered life! My contact with people and my investment in others has shriveled over the last seven months! I've moved from impacting people and directing the dreams of a congregation to moving dirt, planting shrubs and tinkering in my garage or barn. And next, I'm about to embark on a self-absorbed backpacking trip that will consume (if I'm able to do it) half of 2018.
The world's thinking is that self-absorption should produce great satisfaction and pleasure - right? Wrong! When we withdraw to "do our own thing", the key word is WITHDRAW! Our lives have the greatest value and satisfaction when we integrate with others and engage with our world! I knew this. I know this.
We stand at the outset of a new year. We are free people and live in a free nation. We can choose how we will deploy ourselves in 2018.
I still plan on fulfilling my dream and putting my feet on the AT in early March! Keep in mind that nearly 4,000 began this attempt in 2017; just over 600 actually completed it. It's a VERY social trail! All parts of the trail are populated with section hikers and day hikers as well as thru hikers! I will not be alone during this trek!
But this still leaves some questions:
- Will I be purposeful in my AT adventure?
- How will I regain a sense of purpose and direction upon my return?
- How can I fulfill my role as a servant of Christ in this new phase of life?
- How will I use my influence to impact the lives of others?
- How will I avoid the perils of self-absorbtion?
When I was a teenager, our youth director suggested that I sing my first solo one Sunday night. Martha Smeltzer worked patiently with me, helping me to prepare my musical gift. I sang these words:
Only one life to offer
Jesus my Lord and King
Only one tongue to praise Thee
And of Thy mercy sing (forever)
Only one heart's devotion
Savior, O may it be consecrated
Alone to Thy matchless glory
Yielded fully to Thee
Only one life to offer
Take it dear Lord I pray
Nothing from Thee withholding
Thy will I now obey (my Jesus)
Thou who hast freely given
Thine all in all for me
Claim this life for Thine own to be used
My Savior ev'ry moment for Thee
Fifty years later, I still want it to be the cry of my heart! How about you?
Wow,,really opened my eyes.
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