Imagine not being able to remember who you are! Or how to pack for a trip. Or to be super-focused on what the plan for the day is. To be unable to remember how to do the laundry or cook. Imagine crying out in the pain of this reality many times every day! Imagine longing every day to go back and live in the place of your childhood – even though it’s not possible to do so. Imagine becoming so disconnected that you no longer care about your closest family and friends. Imagine the mental chaos of not being able to remember key events and people of your life!
This is the reality for many people today who are struggling
with various forms of dementia.
Now imagine being the sole care-giver for this person. Day in and day out, you have to deal with
their confusion, impatience and anger.
They are totally dependent on you for everything. You have to do all the cooking, cleaning, outdoor
maintenance, shopping and laundry. You
can’t leave them alone, so they have to accompany you everywhere you go! You may have to help them dress or with personal hygiene. You get no respite from this scenario! Imagine the exhaustion and discouragement
that accompanies you in this seemingly never-ending scenario. Yet this is the person you stood and exchanged
vows with many years earlier! You’ve
raised a family together, travelled together, worked together, and vacationed
together for many years! In the midst of
your weariness, you’re determined to stay faithful and take care of them – even
though, at times, they cuss you and may even try to strike out at you. Your love carries you from one weary day to
the next!
This also is the reality for many people today who are
living with a spouse (or relative) who is dealing with the ravages of dementia!
From my limited understanding, family history makes certain
of us more vulnerable to this fate than others.
Imagine growing older with the fear that someday you may be a burden to
those you love the most! Imagine the
fear that you face when you can’t remember a name or fumble to recall a
password. Is this the beginning? What safeguards can you take to protect your
loved ones and provide for your future care?
It’s a frightening proposition!
No one wants to be a burden to their spouse and family!
There are some ways that we can support and help in situations like these:
1) We can pray for them! Put them on our daily prayer list because their struggles are daily! Call on God to renew the mind of the one struggling with dementia! Call on God to give energy and patience to the caregiver(s). Pray for those doing research in the areas of Alzheimer’s and dementia! Pray for a breakthrough!
2) Carry in a meal once-a-week! Stay for a few minutes to set it up and encourage them. Even sit and eat WITH them and pray over the meal asking God to bless them and help them in their daily struggle!
3) Respite for the care-giver is SO ESSENTIAL! They never get a break! It doesn’t have to be a whole day! Could you just sit with the patient for two hours? Long enough to go and get a haircut? Long enough to play a round of golf? Two or three hours to allow them to go and do whatever they want without guilt or worry! Can you rally a few other family members, church friends, or others to make this happen several times a week?
4) Stay in contact with the couple (family). “I’m going to Aldi’s today, can I pick up anything for you?” “Joe and I are making a Walmart run; we’ll be going right by your house – what can we get for you?” “Our kids are off school for the summer and would like to cut your grass for you!” You could add so much value to these lives by just caring enough to call several times a week!
5) "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” Luke 6:31
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