Etiquette is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group.
Like it or not, children learn these behaviors primarily from their parents.
When Debbie and I were raising our kids, we were concerned that they have a proper sense of respect for etiquette and proper social behavior.
I remember when Travis brought a prom date to our home for pictures along with two other couples. When they returned to their cars, I was watching from our porch on Bradshaw Avenue. Travis was the only boy who opened the door for his date. I was proud!
We had some help with cultivating culture in our kids. Our good friends, David and Karen Kelly occasionally helped us with this process. I remember a day of touring near Ligonier, Pennsylvania with David and Karen one day many years ago. David taught Travis about sorbet and other delicacies from enjoying a fine meal.
About once a year, we would have a big night out as a family! We would go to a much nicer restaurant than usual where our kids would encounter the complexities of multiple forks and spoons. We'd talk about proper behavior in such a setting. I would pull the chair out for Debbie and have the boys do so for Tracie. We'd unfold our cloth napkins and place them on our laps.
Then, we would leave the restaurant and attend a concert, play or other fine event in one of the downtown Pittsburgh venues. On one of these occasions, David and Karen treated us to the opera, "The Magic Flute". It was a delightful evening of teaching our kids appropriate behavior for such a setting. I remember, during the intermission, David and I caught Travis and Troy gawking at a statue of a naked Cupid who had a water fountain at a conspicuous location! They were pointing and giggling! David and I giggled at that scene for the rest of the evening!
I remember taking the kids to see "The Nutcracker" one Christmas season. After a delicious meal at Dingbats, we went to the Benedum Theater for the show. We were seated just under the edge of the balcony. Tracie was probably six years old. Her mom had permed her hair and she had a very beautiful, full dress on. She was a picture of beauty! We settled into our soft, cushioned seats as the lights went down and the orchestra began playing. A few minutes later, I looked down on Tracie - who was sound asleep! :-)
Parents have an awesome responsibility in raising their children. There's so much to teach. We must not forget some of these basic lessons. I must admit to being appalled recently by the eating behaviors of some children and youth. Things like eating with an open mouth, hovering over one's food, or gulping it down like you're in a race can be offensive. Who better to check these behaviors than a loving parent?
For nearly six years, Debbie and I ran a licensed home for behaviorally-challenged children in Summit County, Ohio. We had hundreds of children in-and-out of our home during those years. Most stayed for three days; some stayed as long as a year. Many of these kids (aged from 5 to 17) came from homes where there was not much structure. Some had never set down at a table to eat a meal. Others had no idea how to use a fork.
Over and again, Debbie and I had to teach basic skills to these children.
Some wanted to eat super fast in order to get back to playing our Nintendo game. When they would hop up to run from the table, I would stop them and have them sit down again. Then I would have Troy or Tracie explain to them about leaving our table. They would explain: "You have to ask our Dad if you can leave the table. You can't leave until he says you can." You should have seen the looks of astonishment!
Yet, most of those children learned to enjoy the conversation around our table! I always managed that conversation by interviewing each kid (including ours). Many of these children had never had an adult listen to them talking about their day at school!
Over the course of repeated visits to our home, we saw remarkable progress in many of these kids' lives.
Maybe we, as parents, need to step up to higher standards for ourselves - for the sake of our kids! We've been there! The parenting role is exhausting; especially for those who are doing it alone! But, it's worth it when you see your grown-up kids handling responsibility in an appropriate way.
I beamed with pride when Travis served as the United States Naval Academy's Superintendent's Flag Secretary. In this role he planned exquisite banquets and receptions for the Admiral. Honored guests often included Congressmen and Senators as well as military dignitaries. Travis moved among these individuals and did so with grace and style. He'd been taught well!
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