PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELING

I was twenty-three when I was assigned to my first full-time church.  Even then, I knew that it was important for me to offer pre-marital counseling to couples planning to be married.  Never mind that I had only been married for two years.  

I quickly became trained and certified to use the Taylor/Johnson Temperament Analysis test to assist me in helping these couples.  This was an effective aid in enabling me to open discussion in critical areas that would strengthen the fabric of their relationship.  

Over the years - before I earned my counseling degree - I bought and used many tools and resources to equip me to be more effective in working with pre-marriage couples. 

I met with little resistance to my requirement for ten hours of counseling - usually negotiated in hour-and-a-half segments.  Of course, as a pastor, there was no extra money involved in providing this service.  In most cases it took up evening or weekend time for these appointments.  But it was a service that I felt strongly about and was happy to provide.  

Statistically, counseling before a marriage seems to offer some advantages:  "There is a 30 percent higher marital success rate for couples who received counseling before their wedding than for those who did not."  [pairedlife.com/relationships/A-Guide-to-Premarital-Counseling]


Most pre-marital counseling is done by pastors.  Understandably, they provide this service because they genuinely care about the success and enrichment of the marriage!  As hinted earlier, they are certainly not doing it for financial gain.

I believe most pastors are eager to educate and create dialogue in vital areas that may or may not have been engaged in before.

Topics that I consistently tried to include were:

• communications
• conflict
• finances
• family
• sexual relations
• marital roles

As my knowledge and experience grew, I feel confident that I was better able to create dialogue in the sessions that genuinely allowed couples to grow and develop deeper understanding.  In my last session with couples I always pointed out that since we had already established a relationship, it would be easy for them to call and make an appointment if they ever faced a crisis or need in their marriage.  

I was often surprised to find that couples had not discussed critical issues like: 

• how many children they wanted to have (and when), 
• individual financial debt and major expenditure plans, 
• how they would divide time between their families of origin...etc.

Of course, I'm retired now and removed from this process.  However, I sense that the level of appreciation for pre-marital counseling has diminished.  I grieve that thought and hope my perception is wrong.  

I strongly believe that it is time well spent by couples who want the most from their marriage and want to have all of the advantages as they embrace this God-blessed way of living!  

PS  -  If there are any couples out there who would be interested in having pre-marital counseling, get in touch with me and let's get some dates set!  :-)