[This letter was written October 19, 2007. Since then, Coltin Eugene Kerstetter has happily become part of the family. He is now 10.]
I offer the following letter as instruction for those beginning families, as encouragement for those in the midst of 'family life' and as comfort for those who have gotten off the ride and are reflecting. For everyone else - just enjoy it! 🤣
_______________________________
It occurred to me early this morning that life is like a ride on a roller coaster! J
The day you guys met, your dating life, your engagement period, and these early years of marriage can be likened to:
- selecting the right roller coaster,
- waiting in line,
- choosing your seat,
- getting strapped in,
- coasting down the ramp and around the first bend,
- and then climbing that first, long hill.
Have you ever been in the front seat of a coaster? You actually crest the top of the hill and hang on the down-side for a few moments before the final car lets go! That’s where you guys are right now – with the birth of your first child being just three short weeks away.
On that day, your car will let loose and the real ride begins!
There will be thrills! Probably an equal number of highs and lows! Fortunately, God has wired us to remember the highs and forget the lows!
Imagine the pride you’ll each feel the first time you hold this little girl in your arms! She will be a unique blend of the two of you. Interestingly, she’ll include good points from each of you (and bad points from each of you). You’ll have so much fun determining the similarities.
One of the things your mom and I have noticed is that God has an unusual sense of humor. He tends to mix the genes in such a way that our children quite frequently come out looking nearly identical to one of our siblings. [For his first ten years, Troy could have passed for Uncle Tommy’s son; some even say so now.]
This little girl will be TOTALLY dependent on you two for her life! Your work load will double! You’ll continue doing everything you do now, but somehow, you’ll find the time to do everything for her as well! You’ll comfort her, feed her, change her, play with her, talk to her, and watch her sleep. You’ll marvel over the perfection of her features – right down to the toes!
And she’ll grow. Faster than you think! Have you noticed how long it seems to take to get to the top of that first hill? Then, wow! Before you even know it, you’re pulling into the station again!
From someone who got on the ride ahead of you: "Enjoy the trip!" Savor every moment and deliberately tuck them away in your mental files! Mark the moments! Treasure the time with your tots! Take pictures, of course; but take them with your mental camera – that way you’ll have them with you no matter where or when!
- You’ll be delighted when she can hold her own bottle.
- You’ll giggle with delight when her babblings produce a tone that sounds remarkably like “Mama” or “Dada”!
- You’ll be happy when she takes her first step!
- You’ll be excited when she can hold a spoon and feed herself (especially if number two has already arrived).
- You’ll be pleased when she can dress herself.
- You’ll be relieved when she can get herself ready for bed.
- You’ll be proud when she celebrates her first day of school.
- You’ll see her school and church programs with one eye – through the lens of your video camera!
- You’ll be proud of her achievements and accomplishments.
- You’ll delight in her slumber parties and other fun times.
- You’ll tremble when she gets her first boyfriend.
- You’ll sit in an auditorium someday and wonder when she turned into such a beautiful young lady!
The stages of her growth and development will be fascinating! More than likely, someday she’ll be a big sister! As a first-born, she’ll likely be a good reader. She’ll be highly motivated and fairly responsible. She’ll likely be an achiever. She’ll be rather independent and will probably value being alone.
Her personality will be fully formed by the age of seven! That makes those years VERY IMPORTANT! Your influence will almost totally form that personality. Calls for some introspection, huh?
Her understanding of God will be largely formed by her relationship with her daddy! Her spiritual sensitivities will be similar to yours.
Inevitably, there will be pain. Every roller coaster ride has its dips! There’ll be:
Ö colds and flues
Ö broken bones (just ask Tracie)
Ö disappointments
Ö lost games
Ö failures
Ö bad grades
Ö betrayals by friends
Ö rude boys
Ö bad attitudes
Ö rebellions
Ö abandonment
Ö loneliness
You’ll be there through all of these! You’ll comfort, encourage, pray with, hug, caress, support, serve, instruct, counsel, distract, and just generally BE THERE! If you haven’t figured that out yet, that’s the main job of a parent. We’re to BE THERE! Always! The chronic, cosmic problem of the children of divorce is that pervasive nagging need for parents who simply aren’t always there!!! Maybe one or the other is always there, but kids need both parents to be there! Always!
She’ll love you! It’ll be one of the most satisfying things you’ll ever experience! The love and trust of a child is one of life’s highest highs! My proudest moments in life were simply walking down the street with
§ laying double-decker on my back
§ playing with me on the trampoline§ swimming with me
§ wrestling
§ selfies
Her hugs will make your day! Her kisses will heal your weariness! Her antics will make life worth living!
You’ll be willing – in an instant – to lay down your life for her! She will quickly become your greatest earthly treasure.
Part of the challenge will be the time and attention that she’ll require (along with any siblings that may follow). Jon, you’ll lose some of Tracie due to this change. She’ll be very focused on this new little girl. Some of the attention that you’ve been used to will be re-directed. If you’re at all like me, you’ll feel that. But, somehow, we adjust to this and make up for it in new ways. But mark this: EVERYTHING’S ABOUT TO CHANGE!
Remarkably, Debbie and I are at the other end of the spectrum. We’ve been de-nested now for several years. It’s been a joyful time. We are now able to pick up where we left off back in 1976 (when Travis was born). Our focus is on one another again! We’re getting reacquainted! It’s fun! Our little girl is now a big girl who’s getting ready to have a little girl of her own! Oh my! But don’t think about this too much – it’s a good 20-30 years away for you. J
You stay focused on enjoying the ride! You’re in for the time of your life! Chuck Swindoll tells a wonderful story of going for a ride in a speed-boat with former Oakland Raiders quarterback, Kenny Stabler. When Chuck settled into his seat he looked up and saw a sign in front of him: “GET IN, SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, HANG ON!” Not bad advice for the ride you guys are on!
One last thought: If you haven’t learned to pray yet – now’s a good time to start!
I love you guys!
Dad
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