THE STUDY OF GOD

'Theology' [theos = god,  logos = word] means words about God - or the study of God. 

I'm asking your forgiveness ahead of time.  I'm currently reading Romans in The Message.  Romans is the theology book of the New Testament.  It's a slow read.  Paul takes us to the deep end of the pool.  He correlates ancient history with the current events of the early part of the first century.  You have to read slowly - even repeatedly - and let it soak in.  But, oh, is it ever worth it!

My current reading is in chapter eight, which is a glorious chapter.  It starts with the announcement that we are now free from condemnation, and ends by stating that nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.

I'll soon finish seven decades of walking on this planet.  I was raised in a godly home.  I made many young commitments to God and then cemented my relationship by accepting His 'call' to ministry at the age of seventeen.  I studied religion and philosophy for my undergraduate degree.  I completed a master of divinity degree that immersed me in theology, biblical studies, Hebrew and Greek, psychology, Chrisitan education, ethics, church history and more philosophy.  I've led churches for over four decades, preached thousands of sermons and taught classes on many subjects.  

And yet, I still sometimes struggle with my faith.  I was raised during a season when the church was emerging from an emphasis on legalism.  The features that influenced me claimed that If you dressed right, avoided certain behaviors, kept your language holy, attended church regularly and strove in all areas of your life to be holy [as God is holy], then you might make it to heaven.

It was a severely misguided time and did tons of damage to people's spiritual development and maturity.  

But, the pendulum swung and we gradually moved beyond legalism.  I cannot document all the phases that we moved through, but they were diverse and included:

• the charismatic confusion
• the praise and worship movement
• the church growth explosion
• the church health strategies
• the pastor as CEO season
• the mega-church predicament

Since I've been retired for almost six years, someone more in touch will have to inform us as to what the current trends and focuses are.  I do think I observe a leaning toward being more liturgical.  I experimented in these areas while I was attending Pittsburgh Theological Seminary during the 80's.  The Oakland [East Liverpool] people tolerated my experimentation in this and other areas.

But, I've already wandered from my purpose.  

In Romans I've been reading about the preoccupation with our sinfulness.  The sin principle is powerful and pervades all of scripture as well as our lives.  But Christ's coming, redemption and resurrection made a massive difference.  Through His Spirit, He lives in us and empowers us.  

Peterson puts it this way in The Message:   [Romans 8:15]

This resurrection life you received from God is...

adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike 'What's next Papa?'

Now to my purpose for moving from my study carrol to my laptop.  I still wrestle with sin.  One thing I have liked about worshipping in an evangelical presbyterian church for the last nearly three years, is the repetitious acknowledgement of systemic sin.  Every Lord's Day our pastor leads us in a prayer that encourages us to take a few seconds to confess our sins from the previous week.  The monotony and predictability of this practice often frustrates me.  However, I agree with the concept and the need.  My greatest problem is that the few seconds provided are not sufficient for me to review my sinfulness over the past six days!  

However, hearing the words of assurance somehow encourages me.  I've never struggled to leave worship with a renewed determination that I can do better this week.  Yet, sometimes I still feel caught in the sin principle.  I frequnetly feel like a spiritual failure.  

A common problem is that I have friends and associates who seem to do it so much better than me.  They seem holier.  They seem to make better decisions and accomplish more than I do.  Almost everything that flows from their mouths seems wise, admirable, enviable, and holy.  I imagine them having these perfect prayer experiences and a dynamic, day-to-day relationship with God.  I wonder if they struggle - maybe just a little bit, once in a while?  

I live with a fear that I've missed out on understanding something vital.  I feel a little like Mother Teresa [pardon the comparison] who was revered almost universally.  Then, posthumously, her writings were published and we discovered that this dynamic woman was plagued by doubt and uncertainty regarding her standing with God.  To some extent [please forgive me] she deceived us.  How much more help she could have been if she had shared this troubled journey with us.  

I've studied and debated the theology.   I know that we are crucified with Christ and that it is no longer I that live - but Christ lives in me.  I know that there is now, therefore, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  I know that we were buried with Christ in baptism and raised with Christ when we rose from the water.  I know that His Spirit lives in me.  I am committed to His Word as the main resource for my life and I consume it daily.  

But...you saw that coming, didn't you?

But, I have not yet attained consistently to the extent that Peterson paraphrases:

This resurrection life you received from God is...

adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike 'What's next Papa?'

I have had seasons where that was the character of my day-to-day life.  I must confess that this was more true when I was leading the church.  I think the responsibility that I bore in that role helped to keep me out front, leaning daily on God, desperately wanting to see the church be fruitful and effective [those two words guided my leadership].  

Now, I sit in the pew every week.  I no longer counsel, preach, teach, and have regular outlets for influence.  My world has shrunk.  I didn't anticipate this.  

I was passionate when I made my life-changing decision for Christ as a young man.  I was aggressive through my college years.  I led the church with vision and energy from 1975 through 2017.  Living for God is still the main desire of my life.  Gaining heaven is a greater focal point as I approach my 70th birthday.  Leaving a legacy of faith has always been prominent in my thinking and living.  

Episcopal priest, Sam Shoemaker (1898 - 1963) was one of the most influential clergymen of the 20th century.  He assisted in the birth of Alcoholics Anonymous and contributed heavily to the formation of the twelve steps!  He wrote a poem called "I Stand by the Door".  It was a magnificent statement of his evangelistic fervor.  He anticipated that this passion would continue even in heaven since he was so focused on saving lost people.  He envisioned that when he got there, rather than rush into the glory of God and the awesomeness of worship, he would prefer to 'stand by the door' in hopes of catching a few more by the coattails and pulling them into the kingdom of God.  

As a young man, his vision captivated me!  It gave me purpose.

I need that purpose to be reignited.  I need my love for God to be divinely inspired.  I need a daily dose of reassurance.  I want to burn brightly for Him.  I don't want to stumble.  I want pure words, thoughts and actions.  I desperately want to avoid hypocrisy.  I want my life to point to Him.