DEPRESSION

I’m just emerging from a fairly extended time of suffering from depression.  

I’m writing about it in hopes that my musings might be helpful to someone else whose experiences parallel mine. 

For the record, I have not always dealt with this problem.  It began when I succumbed to a major episode of burn-out much earlier in my ministry.  I stepped out of my role for several months.  It’s a story of its own, but God played a major part in my recovery and re-entry to ministry.  Alma Kelly, a lay leader at the church I served also played a significant role in salvaging me for future ministry! 

My next interruptive experience was when I was about forty.  There is little doubt in my mind that it was a direct result of stress.  At the time, I was pastoring a church that had doubled in size.  In addition, I was attending seminary in Pittsburgh four days-a-week.  Then, of course, I was trying to fulfill my goal of being a great husband and dad.  During this period, we owned our own home for seven years;  it entailed a fairly large amount of time for maintenance and upkeep!  Poor money management combined with high educational expenses along with a chronically low salary created financial distress that became a frequent trigger for my depression.  These factors eventually brought me to a place of emotional and social shut-down.

I didn’t see it coming.  It scared me.  I was emotionally frozen.  I desperately wanted to withdraw.  I knew I needed help, but didn’t know where to turn. 

Describing the experience of depression would likely be different for each individual who deals with it.  For me, it commonly manifests with the following symptoms:

• Verbal shut-down
• Inability to think positive thoughts
• A sense of lostness – not knowing where to turn
• A general sense of anger
• Social withdrawal

I have functioned in this state for extended periods of time, but doing so takes exceptional energy and exhausts me.  I can only say that it is an awful experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone!  I eventually realized that my cycle was about three weeks in duration.  Gradually, I would emerge from the darkness.  Incrementally, I would regain my balance and begin to find joy in life again.

You can imagine the impact this had on Debbie and my family. 

I turned to counselors and other pastors during these times.  I believe these interventions were helpful.  As a counselor, I know the value of talking about our problems in a trusting environment.  Although I never really experienced a catharsis, I am certain that these caring interventions cleansed me somewhat and directed me as well. 

I am happy to say that in time, my condition improved and these episodes became less frequent.  I seemed to find a balance.  I learned to manage my stress levels better.  After eleven years of focus and commitment, we became debt-free!  This removed one of my enemy's most used triggers against me!  The woods became my cathedral.  I used my day off (Mondays) to get into nature to hike and talk with God!  A week or more of backpacking every year had a retreat-like effect.  Actually, the one miracle that I've experienced took place on an extended backpacking trip!  Incredible story!  

As I grew older, I came to a point when I thought that depression was a thing of the past.  I was wrong.  Depression is not a common companion anymore;  for that I am grateful.  However, it does visit me from time-to-time, and I seem unable to predict when those times may occur. 

I have not yet fully unpacked the causes of my latest episode.  I am just now beginning to be able to think clearly and objectively.  I know that Debbie prays for me!  That’s huge!  I suspect, at times, that she may mention my need to others among our family and friends.  Recently, I’ve noticed an unusual number of people asking me – very deliberately – “How are you doing, Hal?”  I highly value the prayers of those who love me – although I rarely seek the prayer support of those same people.  I can’t explain that…

So, throughout this learning experience, I have discovered value in:

• diet
• exercise
• journaling
• counseling
• reflection
• proper sleep routines

But the thing that is most helpful is connecting with God!  I am not always willing or able to do this right away.  I can’t explain this fully.  I can tell you this:  one of my last resources is a book.  I bought it years ago and found that it helped me during times of depression.  No surprise that it is a book of sermons:  SPIRITUAL DEPRESSION – Its Causes and Its Cure, by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones. 

I’m not sure that I’ve ever read the whole book.  By the time I get several chapters into it, I find myself thinking more clearly – more biblically.  When I get my thinking straight – my emotions tend to follow!  ;-)

Two weeks ago, I mentioned to my pastor that I was experiencing a period of rather extreme depression.  He assured me that he would be praying for me.  He also mentioned the above book.  I told him what a life-saver it had been to me through the years.  Then, he suggested two other books and offered to buy them for me.  Last night he presented me with them.  I have already consumed one about the great preacher, Charles Haddon Spurgeon  [SPURGEON’S SORROWS – Realistic Hope for those who Suffer from Depression].  It has been an enormous help and blessing to me!  I will read the other today [CHRISTIANS GET DEPRESSED TOO, by David Murray]! 

If you struggle with depression, take hope in the fact that you are not alone.  The scriptures address this issue with abundance [for instance:  Psalm 42:5,11].  Read a good book!  Recruit prayer from your pastor, family and closest friends!  Talk to someone who will be patient with you and will listen and respond gracefully.  Make an appointment with a counselor. 

And, if you’d like to talk with me – I am available.  I have a counseling degree, but that’s not as valuable as the fact that I’ve been in a similar place as you!  [To call/text:  (724) 944-3881]  If nothing else, I would be happy to add you to my prayer list! 

May God break through and shine His light on you TODAY! 

PS - review the above words in bold print - they're EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!