His name was Jim Heldreth [or Jack - he went by both]. He was a little younger than my parents. He was - from time to time - a leader in the Pittsburgh Conference [FMC]. He was also a trustee at Roberts Wesleyan College for a number of years. He was a long-term member of the Oakland Free Methodist Church. He was a man of strong opinions, and he didn't mind sharing them with you. He was a big man; handsome, married with no children. He hailed from West Virginia and was proud of it. I believe he made his living as a church furniture salesman.
Why am I telling you about this man?
Because when I was a freshman at Roberts, he showed up in my doorway on the fourth floor of Carpenter Hall. Imagine my surprise! He sat on my bunkbed, and we talked for half-an-hour. During that conversation, he asked me how I was handling my new freedom. He also asked me how I was doing spiritually. I've often wondered, "Did he just do this with me? Or did he visit other Pittsburgh Conference students as well?"
This was not shocking. Although this practice has fallen into disuse, it was fairly common back in the 1960's to ask one another how your spiritual life was going. It was also common - at least in Free Methodist Churches - to have weekly 'testimony meetings', where we gave public updates on our faith! I was glad that I was able to give him a good report. According to my recollection, he did this at least one, maybe two other times. Although he was a friend of my parents, I really didn't know him personally. However, when I turned thirty, I was appointed as his pastor, where I served for thirteen years! 😊 We had many deep theological discussions during those years. When he disagreed with something I was doing or proposing, he had no difficulty in addressing me about it!
Why is this important enough to be writing about?
Because it doesn't happen anymore! I'm having difficulty remembering the last time anyone asked me how my spiritual life was going.
I just read the first paragraph of Galatians 6 - here it is from The Message Bible:
1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.
These verses clearly imply connection, caring and communication!
Let's look at these individually:
CONNECTION
You don't speak these kinds of words to just anyone! This kind of inquiry require connection! There must be a level of sharing that has been established. Intimacies have been exchanged. There's familiarity and some knowledge of one another's pilgrimage. We KNOW one another! We have spent time together individually or in a group. I have a clear sense that you're not trying to gather gossip; I have no fear that you will use my confession against me. We TRUST one another! I am confident - without verbally noting it - that you will keep my confidences. I know this because you have done it before! I believe that you have a genuine concern for me and my spiritual well-being!
CARING
We have an innate sense about people that has developed from years of inter-relationships. We can usually tell if someone truly cares about us. People who simply want to use or manipulate us can be quickly discerned and carefully handled. They don't have to be removed from our fellowship; just contained from intimacies until they have proven themselves trustworthy. Jesus said this in Matthew 7:6 [NASB], "Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." Solomon also had some wisdom on this topic: "A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." [Proverbs 18:24 NASB] Do the careful, hard work of discernment and then build relationships that add value to your life!
COMMUNICATION
As a counselor, I was excited years ago when the research was published that 'talking' changes the chemical makeup of the brain! I've heard the line over and over again - usually from men: "What good does talking about it do?" Well, the proof is in! It actually DOES create real change!
This is a big part of the value of sincere friends who talk to us and listen to us! They care! They want to help! They want us to be the best we can be! If you have these kinds of connections - THANK GOD FOR THEM! They are far more valuable than you probably realize. Pity the man or woman who has no friends! They cannot possible be at their best without this essential interaction!
I recently wrote about the failure of most churches to give us small-setting opportunities that allow these kinds of relationships to flourish! Environments where we can openly confess that we're not doing well. Places where I don't have to fear to report that I've fallen off the track and need help realigning my life! Fellowship circles where the word 'relapse' is not a dirty word! Encouragement enclaves where people who love me will gather around me and pray with me!
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I've had this at times in the past - and it was a precious thing! But, it takes time and effort to develop. It is the business of the church - even though many churches seem to have relinquished their responsibility in this area.
For we who have 'Methodist' as a descriptor - it's in our genetic make-up, thanks to John Wesley! This seventeenth century revivalist put his people in groups that met at least weekly where they all answered questions such as:
- Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
- Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?
- Do I confidentially pass onto another what was told me in confidence?
- Am I a slave to dress, friends, work, or habits?
- Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?
- Did the Bible live in me today?
- Do I give it time to speak to me every day?
- Am I enjoying prayer?
- When did I last speak to someone about my faith?
- Do I pray about the money I spend?
- Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?
- Do I disobey God in anything?
- Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?
- Am I defeated in any part of my life?
- Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful?
- How do I spend my spare time?
- Am I proud?
- Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisee who despised the publican?
- Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I going to do about it?
- Do I grumble and complain constantly?
- Is Christ real to me?
I know: By now you're either incredulous or laughing.
But think for a minute honestly: If you WERE a part of a group that regularly addressed issues like this - might you be a better person and Christian?
O Holy Spirit,
Help us to find friends that will stick closer than a brother or sister!
Friends who will listen carefully, counsel plainly and model openly.
Friends who will keep our confidence yet hold us accountable!
Friends who will pray for us and with us!
Who will not condemn us or judge us when we fail.
Who will turn to us when they fail or need help!
Friends who will faithfully help us to make it to Heaven!
For the Kingdom's sake. Amen
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