Happy Old Year?

What are the lessons learned during 2016?

I mean, really, shouldn't we take at least a few minutes to reflect on a whole year of life  before we embark on another?

365 days is a long time!  A person has a plethora of experiences over a period of twelve months.

To be honest, I'm not even sure I can remember what happened back in January!  About the only part of me that seems to be getting better these days is my 'forgetter'.  This is often embarrassing to me.  For instance, just the other day, I forgot to shut the car off; it ran all night long!  Lucky for me no one came along and drove it away!

But still, faulty though I am, I want to try to distill the things I've learned during this year.

I think my greatest self-revelation is that I have no close friends. Now, of course, there's Deb; she's always been my best friend (and always will be). And, of course, many who read this blog are friends, too. In that sense, Debbie and I literally have friends from all around the world!  I'm humbled and amazed to realize that my blog is read by people from many different countries.

And yet, I have no close friends. Close friendships have stabilized me through the years! They've added color to my life!  They've helped me to fill the spaces. We've worked together and played together.  I've shared my fears, dreams and secrets with them. They've done the same with me.

But today, there's a poverty in this area, and in many ways I suffer as a result. To a large extent, I believe going to China helped create this dearth.  The end result is a unique and lonely sense of isolation. It's sort of like a solitary confinement of the soul.

I cry out to my God as the new year dawns:  "Oh God, help me to find a man (or a few men) with whom I can share life!"

Another significant observation is that I have begun to lose my sense of purpose. (Like you, I can see the connection between this and my first observation.)

I have been strongly driven by my passion for God throughout my life!  But changes have evolved.  Being a pastor has challenged me for four decades.  In spite of the lethargy and carnality I've faced, God has helped me to keep my face forward and my faith strong.

But, I find I'm growing weary.  Not weary of walking with God, but weary of leading the church. I know there's a toll we pay in this role. Pastors tend to isolate themselves. I've been fortunate (partly by intention) to have maintained meaningful relationships within the churches I've served and among fellow pastors.  But, again, this has not been so over the past two years (since our return from China).

I'm still working to diagnose this dilemma.  Some would counsel: "It's time to retire, Hal."   But I'm not so sure that's the answer. I've never been a pursuer of retirement. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have dreams and goals!  I could relish awakening every day with a clean slate. But is a free schedule really the answer to a diminishing sense of purpose?  I don't think so...

I'm aware that my purpose derives from my Creator!  I also believe that as long as He leaves me here, He intends to use me. So, as another year ends, I find myself at His feet - listening and waiting.

This fact alone raises my sense of anticipation!  Even though I'm not the man I used to be.  Even though my memory doesn't respond as quickly as it once did. Even though my energy level has abated.  Even though I make more mistakes than before (some of them publicly).   I'm willing to offer Him what I am and what I have!

How about you?

Could you benefit from a ruthless assessment such as you've just read? Are you courageous enough to explore your soul?  Would an honest evaluation launch you into 2017 with a greater sense of direction.

For the record, I recommend it!  😀