CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

I woke up one morning in 1987, and noticed that my hearing was different. Throughout the morning I had a crackling sensation in my left ear, and by noon I couldn't hear at all.  I went to my doctor who sent me to an ear specialist.  I eventually had surgery to see if it was anything that could be repaired.  The doctor explained afterward that I simply had a condition referred to as 'nerve deafness'.  From that time onward, I have had a 100% hearing loss on my left side.

But to be honest with you, it hasn't bothered me that much.  Many people actually have this same handicap.  At that time, the hearing in my right ear was excellent.  So, life became a process of positioning myself (and others) to facilitate my hearing.  Debbie learned to always sit or walk on my right side.  I became adept at keeping people on my right side.

I had a friend while we lived in Maryland.  Al was always difficult for me to talk with.  I would get him where I needed him to be and then he would move. Talking with Al was like dancing...   When I invited him and a group of men to my home one night, I positioned myself so that everyone would be on my right;  Al took my seat!  I confronted him humorously about doing so.  That was the night that I discovered that he was also deaf on his left side!  The only way we could talk was to stand or sit face-to-face!   :-)

In short, things went well for the next two decades.  Many people didn't even know about my disability.

But then, the hearing in my right ear began to decline.  This presented me with problems.  By the time we went to China (2012), it had become rather pronounced.  My students learned to only approach me on my right side.  I struggled in my teaching role to hear my students.  When the need for proper pronunciation is center-ground, not-being-able-to-hear is a major issue!

I even stopped backpacking for a number of years because it was unnerving to be in the deep woods and not be able to tell where sound was coming from. On one week-long trip, I took my dog, Collar, with me;  I could watch him for cues and it gave me a sense of security.

One summer, while we were visiting the U.S., I received a used hearing aid from a friend.  It even had a receiver piece for my left ear that sent a radio signal to my right ear - supposedly giving me hearing ability on both sides. After some adjustments by a hearing specialist, it was a blessing and did help some.  I wore it for over two years until Debbie pursuaded me to go be fitted for my own personal hearing device.

Over $4,000 later, I was wearing an up-to-date, high-tech, very small hearing aid.

I still struggled to hear.  I have been back repeatedly for cleanings and adjustments, but I still struggle in most environments.

This reality has changed me - BIG TIME!

I am becoming increasingly socially adverse.  So many situations place me in an uncomfortable situation.  I find myself frequently in dilemmas where I'm pretending that I can hear.  I hate that!

Just last week, Debbie and I pulled into Freedom Church's lot for the annual car show.  As I parked, I mentioned to Debbie that my anxiety level was skyrocketing.  She tried to convince me that I would be among friends and people who loved me.  However, that is little comfort when you know you're going to repeatedly be in stressful situations because of your hearing deficit!

I find myself withdrawing more-and-more because of my hearing.  I am far less social than I used to be.  I am uncomfortable at church where I struggle to hear and understand what's being said from the platform.  I struggle in social events where many people are gathered and the collateral noise-level is high! I even have difficulty when speaking on the phone with people who talk really fast.

One huge aid is the ability to see a person's lips.  Between my limited hearing and the ability to see the speaker clearly, I can often figure out what's being said.

I don't like the changes this has brought about in my life!  It was certainly a factor in my premature retirement.  I miss the easy exchange of information that used to take place.  Now, I miss so much that it makes me wonder whether it's worth going places.  I particularly feel sorry for Debbie for having to repeat 80% of what she says to me!

HOWEVER, in the midst of this small difficulty, I am grateful.  I CAN still hear.  I bought a streamer for our television that feeds directly to my hearing aid!  Now I can watch TV without blasting Debbie and our neighbors!  I even brought it on vacation with us!  I still enjoy music.

My disability is minor compared to what so many people deal with!  My heart aches for people with real woes like:

• The people in Houston, Florida, the Virgin Islands, and Puerto Rico who have lost everything!
• Those mourning lost loved ones, jobs and homes in Mexico.
• Veterans who have lost limbs and other functions as a result of their military involvements.
• People who are struggling with cancer and other life-threatening diseases.
• Those with blindness, deafness or other disabilities from birth or early on in life.
• Those in Third World countries who live on less than a dollar a day and wonder where their next meal will come from.
• Those who are unjustly imprisoned with little-or-no hope of relief. 
• Those caught in extreme poverty or abuse with no power or connections of hope.

My challenge is simply that - a challenge.  It makes life a LITTLE harder.  I remain deeply grateful to God for ALL that He has done (and is doing) for me! His kindness is overwhelming! I will continue to praise Him and lean on His daily help to be all that I can be for His glory!