I'm captivated by the story of Jacob wrestling with God in Genesis 32. It's a critical juncture of Jacob's life. He now has wives and twelve sons and is setting out for his homeland to test his metal. Up till this point, God has been the God of his father and grandfather. But this day, God becomes real to Jacob in a very personal way.
I've said before that we don't know for sure if this was a personal representation of God in a real physical wrestling match with Jacob or a spiritual wrestling that had a life-changing impact on Jacob's life. But either way, Jacob walks away with a permanent limp. His life will never be the same.
Now, let's deal with this reality in Jacob's life. Was he perfect after this encounter?
No. He still seeks to placate his brother before encountering Esau face-to-face. He's still a conniver and a strategist.
We do wrong to expect perfection quickly from new believers. During my Cornerstone years, because of the population we worked with, we had to repeatedly remind our congregation that drug abusers relapse. We should anticipate that they will struggle to maintain sobriety. We need to be a forgiving environment that continually loves and pursues them with the patience of God!
Those of us who have walked with God for a lifetime expect too much growth and maturity too fast from people who have just made a commitment to Christ. It took us a while to figure this new lifestyle out; it will take others a while too.
We shouldn't expect them to turn out like us! The goal is not to reproduce us in them - the goal is to reproduce Christ in them! Our God will work uniquely in every person's life to bring about a maturity that honors Him! God's creativity is boundless.
Here's the joke of it all: We who consider ourselves mature still walk with a limp! No one has it all mastered! No one has all the answers. No one is living the perfect Christian life. That's why the Holy Spirit inspired John to write: If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness [I John 1:8-9].
When I was leading the church at Jeannette, PA, I led a young woman to faith in Christ. I knew it was unwise for me to try to disciple her, so I recruited Goldie to do so. I had them meet me at the church where I introduced them. Goldie was 78 and saintly. Shirley immediately took to her with great admiration.
During the meeting, Shirley praised Goldie by saying, "Goldie, I don't think I could ever live the kind of life you live." Goldie stopped her and gently explained that they were in very different places. Goldie then explained that at her stage of the game, the sins change. She said, "I don't wrestle with lying, stealing, using drugs, or drinking alcohol. But I do struggle with pride and evil thoughts toward others."
I never forgot that! The sins change, but the sin remains. The limp is real and persistent.
Listen to how Anne Lamott describes her pilgrimage:
"My coming to faith did not start with a leap but rather a series of staggers from what seemed like one safe place to another. Like lily pads, round and green, these places summoned and then held me up while I grew. . . .Yet each step brought me closer to the verdant pad of faith on which I somehow stay afloat today." [Travelling Mercies, 3]
What I love most about this quote are the last seven words, "on which I somehow stay afloat today".
I'm not saying that we don't develop greater confidence over time. I think we do. But perfection comes with glorification; and glorification comes after death!
I know people who exude deep confidence and near perfection. They are admired by hoards of people! I even admire them! But somehow, I expect that there's a façade present that I know little of. They may have mastered the disciplines of the Christian life, but mastering the wanderings of the mind and the lust for influence and power are a bigger force to reckon with.
Some may disagree. Perhaps they'll respond to this blog and enlighten us.
I have lived with a fair degree of transparency. I've messed up - A LOT! I've had to apologize a lot! I've found the way to be rocky and steep. My walk is a daily walk in which I somehow - by God's grace - stay afloat.
I'll close with a biblical picture of the Apostle Paul that is near and dear to my heart:
In the beginning of his ministry, this great man fought hard for recognition as an apostle. He can be found repeatedly describing himself as "Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ."
Later in his ministry, he had mellowed. Now, he describes himself as "...the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God." [I Corinthians 15:9]
Then, finally, in his old age he provides an even newer description of himself: "the worst of sinners". [I Timothy 1:15-16]
This model of downward mobility is a precious reminder of how we ought to view ourselves and how we need to give grace to those around us who are struggling to maintain sobriety and faith.
I had a seminary professor, Dr. Donald Joy, who gave a significant message while I was attending. It was titled, "Confessions of a Hypocrite" and shook the foundations of the seminary and students when he presented it.
In true Covid form, perhaps we need to drop our masks and lead by confession rather than trying to lead by instruction and perfection?
As for me, I'm limping my way toward Heaven. Care to join me?
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