DIDN'T GET YOUR PARENTS' BLESSING?

Over my many years of counseling, I've dealt with lots of people who were aware that they didn't receive their parents' blessing.  They grew up knowing that the blessing went to a sibling instead.  The pain that accompanies this realization is difficult to accept and live with.  Most will continue - sometimes throughout their entire life - to try to get this blessing!  In most cases, it will never come.  Sad!

Receiving the blessing of a parent is of major consequence!  We all want to know that we are special to our parents.  

I gave a Lyft to a mother and her young daughter several months ago.  The little girl was dressed so cute and she seemed to have a sweet disposition;  but she had done something that morning that angered her mother.  The whole 8-minute ride, she yelled at this precious little one and demeaned her.  I cringed as this little girl was called horrible names.  Then, she was told, "I may not come after you today.  I'm sick of you!"  I prayed for this little treasure all day long!  

Children want to - need to - be loved!  How many times have you seen a child call - over and over and over - "Mommy, watch me!  or "Daddy, watch me!"  They just want to be recognized.  They're begging!  "Mommy, Daddy, please recognize me and tell me that I'm special!"  So many are forced to live invisible lives.  

Genesis 28 gives a vivid picture of this.  Jacob has stolen Esau's (his older brother's) birthright and blessing!  It was wrong to do so and involved deception that included their mother's scheming!  Esau is hurt and angry - these two always go together!  When their father, Isaac calls Jacob in and sends him away to find a wife who is not a Hittite, Esau learns of this.  He has already taken two wives from among the Hittites and is over forty years old!  

But that desire to be accepted and loved runs deep and long!  As a result, Esau takes a third wife - this time from among the family connection of his uncle Ishmael.  His reasoning is clear!  "If I marry a woman from the family - who is not a Hittite - perhaps I will finally get the blessing of my father and mother?"  But these hopeful responses rarely work.  

Fortunately, as the chapters unfold, we eventually see an Esau who seems to have accepted his plight in life.  He seems to have found a way to be satisfied without having received the blessing of his parents.

But most will continue to strive and try to get that blessing.  Ultimately, they will give up using good behavior and turn to bad behavior in an effort to get their parents' attention!  Lives are destroyed in the process!

Parents!  Listen to your children!  Give them your attention!  Praise them!  Help them to know how special they are.  Help them discover their areas of giftedness.  Picture a bright future for them!  Hold them tenderly.  

A word of advice from an old guy:  Bedtime is a great time to do this!  Children are often reflective at this time.  Ask them about their day.  

• What was the best thing that happened today?
• Did anything funny happen today?
• Were you sad at all today?
• How can Mommy (or Daddy) pray for you as you go to sleep?

I know!  You're tired at this point of the day!  You just want to get them to bed so you can have some time to yourself.  I understand.  That's why - in our family - I often was the one to put our kids to bed.  It was my gift to Debbie!  I had more energy than she did.  I hadn't been with them all day long.  We would tickle and wrestle and talk and then pray!  I had a special prayer that I used with each of them.

One more word of counsel:  don't stop doing this when they grow older!  As long as they'll let you, put them to bed.  We tend to think that teens don't need us as much as they did when they were younger.  WRONG!  They need us more!  Be available!  Let them talk!  Listen to them!  Make gentle inquiries.  Never let an opportunity to pray with them pass!  

Make time for each of your kids!  Single them out for special time toegether!  Make sure they ALL get your blessing!