Disappointed Expectations

We recently hosted two of my former students from China for a two-week stay.  They arrived just a few days after we had begun sleeping at our new home.  We worked furiously to get as much in place by the time of their arrival as possible.  Then, we simply halted the moving process.  They arrived on a Saturday morning after a 'red-eye' flight from Seattle.  We understood when they went to their rooms and slept most of that day (we did that same flight once and remember how gruesome it was).

I had expectations of animated conversations and being quizzed about family, politics, our area of the country, and other American cultural concerns.  Those conversations never materialized.  Our guests stayed in their individual rooms most of the time with the doors closed.  I didn't know what to make of it?  I was grossly disappointed. 

Our one-day trip to Niagara Falls was pleasant, but again, our guests spent the whole travel-time doing things on their phones.  I would have thought we would walk along talking and laughing;   instead they walked behind me speaking in Chinese.  This pattern was replicated when we visited Washington, D.C. 

We prepared meals for them on several occasions.  They made it clear that they do not like American food;  some things they didn't even appear to try.  During much of the stay they prepared their own meals;  this was about the only time they emerged from their rooms. 

On one occasion we took them out for breakfast, but when one couldn't get any vegetables, she sat and ate two slices of wheat bread.  Anytime that we ate together they were consumed with their phones. 

The one truly pleasant time we had was last Sunday when we spent the day being lazy in Pittsburgh.  We laid around the fountain at Point Park and then played cards under a tree.  Then we went to Mt. Washington and rode the inclines and walked through Station Square.  Although there was not an abundance of conversation, we did enjoy the time together. 

On our drive to Washington, D.C., I intentionally took the southern route through the beautiful mountains of West Virginia.  Debbie and I were enthralled with the beauty, but we weren't able to distract our young guests from their phone activity.  They seemed entirely unimpressed with the sights in D.C.  Although they had it on their list of places to see, I think you have to be an American citizen to fully appreciate this real estate. 

In the evenings - around dusk - they would go out for walks and be gone well past our bedtime.  Today, I ran across two of my neighbors who complimented me on the fine young people who were visiting us.  Apparently, our guests visited their homes and had engaging conversations with them, spending hours exchanging information.  One neighbor even said:  "I got to know [the girl] pretty well!"  Hmmmm...

What happened here?  Am I dealing with some Chinese, cultural thing?  Or, was it just plain and simple, a generation gap.  [I find this hard to accept since our neighbors are the same age or older than we are.]  Was our situation jinxed because I had previously been their teacher?    Did we offend them in some way?

Their choice of departure seemed somewhat abrupt.  I had planned to drive them back to Michigan to save them money.  However, they decided to stay in D.C. two days longer and then fly back to the school. 

I've wondered if our insistence on paying for everything may have offended them or made them feel dishonored.  Noting the traveling they've done previous to arriving at our home hints that their families are fairly wealthy.  While visiting in D.C., we had arranged rooms in a somewhat second-rate hotel;  standard behavior for us when we travel.  However, when they asked me to drop them off at their hotel, I was somewhat surprised that they were staying two nights at the Hyatt Regency.  Needless to say, we've never stayed there. 

I feel so disappointed;  this was something that I had truly looked forward to.  I had hoped that their stay would be a highlight of their time in America.  I had hoped it would be a time for them to get answers to all of their cultural questions.  Instead, it feels like it was a bust. 

I imagine that the opportunity will arise again since I extended the invitation to visit us to just about everyone I met in China!  Ha ha ha ha...  However, I'll be taking some time to think about it before I throw open the door again.  And to be honest, I feel bad that I feel that way.