GRIEF BURROWS DEEPLY - ONLY TO RESURFACE UNEXPECTED

Our son, Travis died in October, 2015 - that's over eight years ago.  

He had lived in many places due to his naval career, but several of our favorites were in the deep south:  Savannah, GA, King's Bay, GA, and Fernandina Beach, FL.  

We travelled through this region a couple of weeks ago on our way to visit Tracie and Jon and to celebrate Jon's retirement from the Navy.  

After a ten-day stay, we began our two-day journey back to Pennsylvania.  Naturally, our trip up Rte 95 took us through that corridor that included these three former places where Travis had lived.  As we passed each place, I mentioned it and reminisced about his homes and some of the fun places he'd taken us to visit or eat.  Deb remained noticeably silent most of our way home.  

Upon arriving home, I felt offended at the way she was dealing with me.  She was short and even critical of me, and I couldn't understand what I had done to upset her.  Several times, I asked her if I had offended her.  Each time, she told me that I had not.  But still, she seemed angry and quiet.

I'm not used to this, so I began to report to her that she was being mean to me.  She would apologize and tell me that she'd try to sweeten up.  But it didn't happen.  This went on for two or three days.

Finally, late one evening - after we had watched several episodes of our favorite show - I mentioned again that something was off.  She admitted that she was feeling angry but insisted that it had nothing to do with me.  We sat and read for an hour or so.  Then, at my usual bedtime, I announced to her and Gabe that I was going to bed.  

She sat on the edge of her chair and asked me to stay a bit longer.  

Then, she began to talk about her feelings.  She admitted that she was angry.  Then the words stopped.

Her shoulders began to shake - and I immediately knew what was wrong!

I got out of my chair as quickly as I could, knelt in front of her as she caved into my arms sobbing and weeping uncontrollably.  

What was this?

This was a mother's grief!  It's considerably different than a father's grief!  I've written about it before.  To my great surprise, my fourth-most-read-blog was titled "A MOTHER"S GRIEF" 

https://hal-lelujah.blogspot.com/2017/03/a-mothers-grief.html

Her downloading of grief seems to have helped.  She's doing better now.  We'll make it.

I write about this in hopes that reading about our grief might help you to deal with yours!  Most days are manageable.  The number of those days grows with the passing of time.  But the reality of our loss WILL revisit us!  And that's OK.  

THINGS THAT MIGHT HELP:

• Vocalize your sadness with a spouse, a friend, extended family, or a counselor.  Deb has several who have stayed sensitive to her throughout these years and I am deeply grateful for them.
• Journal your feelings.  There's something about the process of writing things down that allows the emotional pressure to slowly release!  Obviously, I do this via my Facebook page and my blogs!
• Get alone and pray!  Pour your heart out to God!  Weep!  Express your feelings - whatever they might be.  If we learn anything from the Psalms, it is that God can take our bluntness and our honesty!  He loves you so, and you will be comforted!
• If the weather is suitable - take a walk!  I do some of my best praying while I'm walking, hiking or backpacking.  I'm severely limited in my ability to walk now and I miss it terribly.  If you can't walk far, then find a bench near a pond, lake or ocean and soak in God's love!  

Final thought: If you'd like to talk with someone about your grief, I would be happy to get together with you.  I think Debbie would also be pleased to talk with you.  You can reach us both at halinasia@psmail.net