Open and Honest

I've received lots of feedback from a recent blog-post:  "Would You Still Love Me?".  Many people have simply indicated that they do still love me in spite of the struggle I'm having with re-entering American culture.  I must confess that I never expected such a response to my scribblings.

Quite a few have affirmed me for my honesty about passing through a tough time and dealing with chronic sadness.  One dear friend captured it best with her words:  "If people don't still love you because you bare your soul, did they really love you in the first place? I am not shocked or dismayed because you are having a hard time. I am glad that you openly shared what you are going through. How can people honestly lift you up in prayer, asking the Father for what you really need if you don't reveal what you really need?"

My greatest help has come from others who have also lived in another culture for an extended period of time.  Their words and assurances have helped me to see that what I'm going through is not unique.  One even reported that after two years of working here, she still wants to be back where she was serving. 

The article I wrote was my first venture into transparency.  I had spent a month in quiet misery.  Since the article I've been pretty candid in conversations and on-line dialogues - even with my students in China. 

Just tonight, I began a more open and honest sharing with Debbie about my feelings.  Although my words are hard to hear, I know she is glad that I've begun to express my feelings. 

It's clear that these ventures into transparency have begun a process of healing.  I'm certainly not there yet, but I have at least made a slight turn in the right direction.  I appreciate the prayers that some have lifted on my behalf.  I also appreciate your kind words.  A few even brought a smile to my face - something rare recently.

We really are in this together.  Remember all the "one another" passages in the New Testament?  We serve a vital role in helping one another stay healthy.  When we struggle alone and suffer quietly, we not only deepen our own pain but we also deprive others who love us of the opportunity to help us.  What a shame! 

In reality, we're all on one side or the other on occasions.  Much of the time I am capable of being a blessing and source of joy and encouragement to others.  However, sometimes I stumble into a pit that paralyzes me and causes me to think only negative thoughts.  [Yes, it's true - hard to believe, huh?]  At these times, I'm not much good to others!

Pride is our big enemy in those troubled times.  I don't want to admit that I'm struggling.  I want you to think that I'm always strong and capable.  But we all know what pride precedes - right?  After writing that first article, my finger hovered over the "Publish" button for several minutes before courage or foolishness got me to push it!

Hey, I'm not where I want to be yet and I'm certainly not where I need to be  -  but I'm also not where I was two weeks ago.  That's hopeful.

So, what's your take-away from this latest purging of my soul?  Drop me a note and let me know...