I
ALMOST LEFT THE MINISTRY!!!!
The Oakland church had begun to respond to my
leadership in spite of severe opposition from the older contingent of the
congregation. I was traveling to
Pittsburgh three or four times a week to attend seminary. I had set high standards for myself for being
a great husband and a great dad. The
pressures of all these responsibilities brought me to a point of burn-out in
October of 1984. I was severely
depressed. I called an emergency
Pastor’s Cabinet meeting for a Wednesday evening and resigned! I simply walked in and told them I was done.
Our church was growing and good things were
happening, but I was totally burned out!
Between the negativity and opposition I was facing, plus going to
Pittsburgh three/four times a week for classes, massive reading assignments,
research papers, all-night typing, trying to be a great husband and father – it
just all came crashing down around me.
With no plan in mind – I quit my job!
As I headed for the door after my
announcement, Alma Kelly loudly called my name, “Harold!” I stopped and turned toward her. She said, “We don’t accept your resignation. We’re placing you on an indeterminate ‘Leave
of Absence’ with full pay.”
Mind you
now, she did this without a vote and without conference approval! She simply took authority. Then, she went on to say, “Evil things have
taken place in this church – in this room, in your office! You’ve faced these evils alone and we’re not
letting go of you. You go home and rest
and we’ll take care of the church until you’ve recovered.” And with that, I left.
Every Sunday after that, Pete (our treasurer)
knocked on our door on Sunday after church and delivered my paycheck!
I was simply depleted! The Cabinet was obviously shocked by my
resignation! Some in the room that night
were: Paul, Pete, Alma, Russ, Martha and
perhaps one or two others.
April 1, 2020 - Alma Kelly called me today! She found an old cassette tape of a ‘Rally
Day’ service at Oakland from thirty years ago and was playing it. She was so blessed by the music and hearing
my prayer and message that she felt compelled to call me and thank me for my
ministry. She is a wonderful woman and
acknowledges God’s blessings openly in her life! She stepped up to a major leadership role
when I faced my burn-out crisis! I thank
God for her!
I had no plan.
Debbie hardly knew what I was doing.
For the next couple of months, I sought the counsel of several older
pastors and also saw a professional counselor.
We visited our home churches – New Brighton and Rochester. Although I was not active in pursuing prayer,
I’m confident that scores of people lifted our family to God during the ensuing
weeks and months. Of course, I continued
my seminary studies, but did not engage in ministry – with one exception.
During this time I received a phone call from
Rick (a friend from our church); it went
something like this:
RICK: “Harold,
I know you’re not really our pastor right now and that you’re going through a
hard time, but I just wanted you to know that my Dad had a heart attack and is
in the ICU at City Hospital.”
HAROLD:
“Are you there with him right now?”
RICK:
“Yes.”
HAROLD:
“I’ll be right there.”
This burn-out experience centered around a
major doubting of my ‘call’ to ministry.
The New Brighton church had sent many young men into the ministry and
was quite proud of this fact. Had I
simply succumbed to the pressure of a church that exerted a lot of its
influence toward promising young men?
Another major factor was the heavy influence
of my own mother. She had held such an influential role in my life – had she unduly pressured me into sensing a ‘call’ to
ministry. She had died in October,
1981. Since her death, October had
become a difficult month for me to get through.
Was my burn-out a manifestation of my grief?
During this time, two pivotal events took
place that led to my return to ministry.
EVENT #1
I received a phone call from Glenn Hughes. He had heard of my struggle and felt led to
call me and share a memory with me. He
proceeded to tell me the following story:
[A rough
remembrance of his words] “Harold, when
I preached the revival at New Brighton in 1969, I had high expectations for a fruitful week of
ministry. However, the altar was barren
that whole week. People were kind and
responsive in many ways, but there were no seekers – except you. When the revival ended on Sunday night I had
decided to drive back to Rochester, NY, to sleep in my own bed. As I drove along in the darkness, I poured my
heart out to God about the fruitless week of preaching. In the midst of my tears and disappointment,
God clearly spoke to me. This is what He
said: “Glenn, I want you to trust
Me. You accomplished what I sent you
there to do. Rest in that.”
From that point on, I felt a spiritual relief
and placed my trust in God. Glenn had
said, “Harold, you were the only fruit from that week! I thought in the midst of your struggles that
you needed to hear that.”
EVENT #2
The week of Thanksgiving drew near and I was
not feeling any major sense of relief or resolution. I announced to Deb that I was going
backpacking on the Laurel Highlands Hiking Trail [a 70-mile trail I had hiked
before from Johnstown, PA to Ohiopyle, PA].
She was trying to give me as much space as necessary and freely let me
go. I packed and left to hit the trail a
week before Thanksgiving.
I spent my whole time talking to God – a
common practice for me when I’m in the woods.
It was a comprehensive dialogue about my life and my call. I labored with the Lord over the purpose of
my life.
One day as I walked along a section of trail
that utilized a logging road for over a mile, I had a conversation in my mind
that probably only took a moment to occur.
I mused about whether or not I should put out a fleece like Gideon did
[Judges 6-8]. That quickly made me
wonder what kind of fleece I would use.
I remember laughing to myself as I processed these very quick
thoughts. I wondered who was preaching
at Oakland during my absence. I
suggested that if I went to worship and the preacher used a very common text
for his message – then that would be a good ‘fleece’. So, what would the text be? With a smile, I thought of John 3:16. If s/he would preach solely on John 3:16, I
would know that God had answered my ‘fleece’.
J
And in a matter of mere seconds, this
succession of thoughts was over…and I continued hiking.
During the course of days in the woods and
long nights (because of the late fall orientation), I slowly came to a sense of
peace about my future. It’s difficult to
explain, but I came to a fragile conclusion that I would gradually resume my
ministry. As I reached this delicate
conclusion, I felt a subtle, growing renewal in my spirit. This manifested itself most in a growing
desire to be with my family for Thanksgiving.
However, I still had twenty-six miles to go to reach my car!
I decided to push hard and try to finish the
hike in two days! I had numerous
mountains to overcome to make this happen, and short days to limit my hiking
time. However, I was driven and still
only thirty-two years old! I finally
reached my car long after dark a day or two before Thanksgiving. I was
exhausted – hiking the last three hours using a flashlight! I drove to a phone and called Deb to tell her
that I would be arriving home very late.
As we celebrated our family Thanksgiving, I
announced to Deb that we would be attending worship at Oakland on Sunday. I know she was very surprised. I told her that we would skip Sunday School
and arrive just in time for worship.
As we entered that Sunday, you could almost
hear the collective gasp as we walked down the center aisle and took our seats
on the left side toward the front. It
was a delight for me to have my children sit with me – something that we rarely
experienced. [Travis was 8, Troy was 4,
and Tracie was 3].
Alma Kelly led the service and announced that
Elwood Daugherty was the preacher for the morning [he was the assistant to the
conference superintendent at the time].
After some singing, she announced that he would come and read his
scripture lesson. I reached for my
Bible. He had us turn to John, chapter
three. I did so. He began to read at verse one.
As he read, the brief progression of thoughts I had while hiking came to my mind. I immediately became curious to see how far into the chapter he would read! He read through verse seventeen! I COULDN’T WAIT TO HEAR HIS MESSAGE!
However, we had to do some more singing and
then have prayer. I was on the edge of
my seat! Debbie knew something was up –
but she didn’t fully understand until later.
Finally, it was time for the message. Pastor Daugherty got up and said: “This is very unusual for me this morning,
but God has spoken clearly to me this week and seems to want me to bring an
Advent message based solely on verse 16.”
And then he proceeded to do just that!
It was a final, deep, assuring confirmation of
my ‘call to ministry’ that I never doubted again! I returned to ministry at Oakland within
several weeks. I eventually completed
thirteen years at the church with scores coming to faith in Christ and the
congregation growing to well over two hundred! PTL!
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