HOME LEADERSHIP III

A cheat-sheet for husbands who want to lead their home well:

1. Lead spiritually:

§         Lead your family to worship.  Get up and go, even if your wife doesn’t!

§         Buy a devotional guide for couples and read it with your wife several times each week.  When you add children, buy a devotional guide for young families and continue this practice.

§         Be courageous!  Pray with your wife (and children – individually) no less than once-a-week!  Add prayer at bed-time and meals!

§         Develop a life of prayer!  Find a place and a time that works for you and use the following model:

a.       Confess areas of sin and failure.

b.      Thank God for His help.

c.       Pray for your family and challenges they may be facing.

d.      Pray about larger needs

               The best thing that can happen is for your kids or wife to ‘catch’ you

               praying!

2. Lead relationally:

§         Eat one meal together every day!  Continue this when children come.  No television or cell phones during meals.  Use this time to interview your wife (and children) about their day, their problems, their plans.

§         Date your wife every week!  Ask her out ahead of time – build anticipation!  Plan the evening.  Exercise variety – reveal your creativity.  Occasionally plan something special that requires dressing up.  Especially celebrate birthdays and anniversaries.  Although it is challenging, it is essential to continue this after children are born!

§         Discover your wife’s ‘love language’ and speak her language!!!!  [See Gary Smalley’s book, The Five Love Languages.]

§         Touch your wife (and children) deliberately and affectionately every day:  hugs, kisses, hand-holding, pats, etc.  It is essential that these touches be separated from touches that lead to intimacy!

3. Lead practically:

§         Maintain personal integrity: 

ü      be a man of your word

ü      be honest

ü      be disciplined

ü      be faithful

ü      be courageous

ü      be gentle but strong

ü      be compassionate

§         Protect your family!

§         Provide (along with your wife) for your family.  If your wife works outside the home, share household responsibilities! 

§         Plan family fun times!  Go bowling, sledding, hiking, boating, etc.  My wife and I planned scavenger hunts for our children.  I left clues for Travis to follow.  She drew picture-clues for Troy and Tracie to follow!  At the end they found a simple piece of candy.  They LOVED these evenings.  We also played ‘Hide-n-Seek’.  We also practiced ‘Fire Drills’.  We played board and card games together.  We always watched “The Cosby Show” together!  The key is to have fun together!

4. Take care of yourself!

§         Exercise regularly – stay in shape!

§         Develop a plan to deal with times of discouragement!

a.       Have a friend you can trust.

b.      Read books and be a life-long learner.

c.       Give yourself time to be with other men (outside of work).

d.      Have a hobby, distinct from things you do with your family.

§         Learn to talk through stresses and disagreements.  There is scientific evidence indicating that talking changes the chemical make-up of our brains!  Therefore the old adage, “Talking doesn’t change anything” IS NOT TRUE!  Like the marines, learn to run toward problems, not away from them! 

I know, I know – it’s a long list!  But it’s a big role – being a husband (and a father)!  Sorry to tell you, this list can be added to!  Just start somewhere!  Begin the process.  Earn your wife’s respect and admiration!  Be a model for your children.  Make sure they know you and love you!  Be the most important man in their life!  Show your boys how to be men;  show your girls how to relate to men!  This is your God-given role!  Love your wife right into Heaven!