Children of all ages yearn for the approval of their parents. Young children will even act badly in an attempt to get attention from a parent. It is a cosmic need to know that you are loved and accepted by your parents. Those of us who had good parents who loved us, supported us, provided for us, encouraged us and blessed us have little idea how fortunate we were! So many in our world yearn for these things and never receive them. They act out in ways that shock and offend us - and all they really want is to know that someone cares enough to confront them and express love and concern for them.
We have a vivid picture of this in Genesis 28. Jacob has traded Esau a bowl of stew for his birthrite. Now, years later, he deceives their father, Isaac, and steals Esau's blessing. Esau is enraged over these injustices and plans to kill his brother after Isaac dies.
Esau is a grown man at this point and has taken several wives from among the local Hittite women.
When Esau was forty years old, he married Judith daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and also Basemath daughter of Elon the Hittite. They were a source of grief to Isaac and Rebekah. [26:34-35]
Now Esau learned that Isaac had blessed Jacob and had sent him to Paddan Aram to take a wife from there, and that when he blessed him he commanded him, “Do not marry a Canaanite woman,” and that Jacob had obeyed his father and mother and had gone to Paddan Aram. Esau then realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father Isaac; so he went to Ishmael and married Mahalath, the sister of Nebaioth and daughter of Ishmael son of Abraham, in addition to the wives he already had. [28:6-9]
Notice how desperate Esau was for some sense of approval by his parents. He goes to great ends to adjust his life in a way that he feels might please them. When he fully realizes how offensive his previous marriages (to Hittite women) were, he quickly marries one of Ishmael's daughters in hopes that it will be pleasing to his parents. It was a desperate attempt to gain their blessing by marrying a wife from within the family system.
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We've all seen it! A young child who repeats scores of times, "Mom." "Mom." Mom." "MOM." "Mom." 'MOM." "MOM!" The same thing happens with "Dad!"
They want to be watched. They need to be affirmed. Their spirit needs validation from the one person who really matters.
And quite often - they just can't get it.
Gradually, eventually, they realize that if they act out - they get noticed. Even negative recognition is better than no recognition.
It happens every day!
Parenting is a MASSIVE RESPONSIBILITY! It can be draining. But, it can also be very rewarding!
If you're a Christian - and I hope you are - pray and ask God to help you every day to be a great parent! Don't settle for average! Your children deserve the best! God gave them to you. He entrusted them to your care. He will help you raise them to be healthy, well-adjusted, and God-respecting. You're not in this alone. Pray with your spouse (if they will) and seek God's wisdom and patience in this ginormous task before you!
Heavenly Father,
Give us all we need to raise our children in healthy, happy environments to be balanced, wholesome and winsome adults who honor You! Give us wisdom, patience and devotion to this lifelong task! And may our children rise up and call us blessed for our hard work and dedication to their growth and development!
For the Kingdom's sake. Amen.
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