If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.
But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.
If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. [vs.15-17]
Over the years, I have brought opposing parties together many times in an attempt to create an opportunity for reconciliation. There were a few times that the process was successful. But, by-and-large, we ignore this biblical process and let divisions agitate and continue. Many churches include people who carefully avoid one another Sunday after Sunday. Sad!
We serve a God who wants His people to live in unity. He sets procedures for confronting other believers about sin [see I Corinthians 5] and promised to be present in even the smallest gatherings of His followers: For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them. [Matthew 18:20]
The Apostle Paul also bore this concern for unity:
...avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless. Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned. [Titus 3:9-11]
Here's an important thought:
When Jesus tells us to treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector, this does not mean to shun them or treat them badly. Rather, "...if he refuses to hear the church, let him be to you as a heathen, to whom you still owe earnest, tender, good will, but not familiarity." [John Wesley, Renew My Heart, 10/15] Meanness is not a part of our faith response! If we alienate them, how can we win them?
Remarkably, this passage in Matthew 18 is immediately followed by Peter's question: Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Then, Peter stretches his faith and adds, Up to seven times? [v.21]
Then Jesus startles Peter and the others listening: I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. [v.22] And then Jesus unfolds the story of the ungrateful servant who was forgiven a great debt and then refused to forgive a small debt. The story ends with the ungrateful servant being turned over to the jailers to be tortured until he should pay back all he owed. Jesus ends this story with a warning: This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. [Matthew 18:23-35]
We serve a God who mercifully forgives and requires us to do the same. Peter's answer went beyond the rabbinic teaching of forgiving three times - but Jesus said (basically) not to keep track at all. Then He told a story to show that whatever "debt" someone owes us is nothing compared to the "debt" we owe God. In the story, the servant requested more time to pay the debt, but the king went beyond that request to give the gift of total forgiveness!
Be careful not to think of debts purely in monetary form! As the Facebook introduction to this blog reminds us, debts can take many relational forms.
Loving and forgiving Lord,
Oh, we need lots of help to be more like You! Being forgiven is the easy part. Forgiving others is the hard part! Yet You require it of us! Help us to realize how small the debts of others are compared to our debt to You! If You've forgiven us SO MUCH, we should surely be able to forgive others for much smaller violations.
None of us wants to be thrown into the pit and tortured. We want to gain heaven in all its glory! Don't let us miss it because of a stubborn heart! Soften our hearts by the power of Your Holy Spirit and help us to be forgiving people! For Jesus' sake. Amen.
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